2015 Championship: Splashing In

Get ready for a lot of superlatives guys because Sour Snails, the undisputed regular season king of SlamNation, has won their second title of the new cycle, thus becoming our first two time champion. And they did it in dominating fashion.

With a six year regular season record of 65-21-1 for a 75.6% winning percentage, Sour Snails has made it into the playoffs every season save one (and that was the year they made the Toilet Bowl finals), won a title in 2010, captured four Silverhawks division titles, and has led SlamNation in regular season wins three times. And they did all this despite trading away LeBron James in his absolute prime.

That trade netted them Kevin Love at the beginning of his fantasy ascendancy, but it’s safe to say that King James would have been better. In fact, the entire core of 2010 championship team basically switched over, with only Steph Curry, a rookie at the time, being the only holdover. So this isn’t an old team eeking out one last win before riding off into the sunset, instead, GM Trieu has retooled as he’s maintained his dominance.

Let’s look at some of the major trades, and hone in on 2013, aka the season where Snails really rebuilt coming off a 4-8 2012 campaign. First, Trieu drafted Damian Lillard at #2 overall. Then, in January they moved Kevin Love and a 2014 RD1 pick for DeMarcus Cousins, Monta Ellis, Andre Drummond, and a 2014 RD3. Love was an injury prone fantasy star and Cousins was coming on, while Ellis was a mainstay for the Snails. Two months before that regular season ended, Trieu packaged Drummond and Josh Smith together to bring in Russell Westbrook. And while Westbrook went through his injury woes the past few seasons, he’s combined with Curry to become the best fantasy backcourt in the land. With Cousins manning the paint with his 24.1 PTS, 12.7 REB, 1.7 BLK, 1.5 STL, 46.7 FG%, Sour Snails trampled the competition this season.

Then there’s the championship swingmen, Rudy Gay and Jimmy Butler, both acquired via trades in the past year. Oh right, did we mention Klay Thompson? The other Splash Brother was acquired off the free agent lists during his rookie season before emerging as a true force this year. The only curious thing is how, aside from the inaugural 2010 draft, Trieu hasn’t really drafted particularly well, instead relying on trades and free agent pickups to keep his roster stocked with talent. Tidbit: Sour Snails has participated in fifteen total trades, including six during the 2013 season!

And speaking of free agents, no championship team would be complete without its role players. Sour Snails used Robert Covington and Taj Gibson to good effect throughout the season, and also had Jordan Clarkson, Jarret Jack, Ed Davis, and Tyler Zeller fill in for useful stretches. Clarkson was especially incredible during championship week with 23.6 PTS, 8.7 AST, 6.7 REB, 1.0 3PT/STL, and 63.6 FG% over three games. Holy Minnesota Lakers!

It’s been an incredible six year stretch for Sour Snails, and we’re happy to see Trieu win another long deserved title. What we fear is that this could evolve into a repeat or a three-peat, and then what will the rest of us in SlamNation do? Cower now before this super Sour Snails team!

As for the loser of the Brother Bowl, High Riser put up a great fight, and could have literally stolen the title with a few more swipes or blocks. Instead, Thien will leave the 2015 Finals as the runner-up, while celebrating their breakthrough post-season performance after years of playoff disappointment.

Franchise cornerstones John Wall and Damian Lillard got a taste of the championship spotlight and let’s not forget that Brandon Knight and Tyreke Evans combined to average 33.6 PTS, 11.7 AST, 9.2 REB, 2.9 3PT, and 2.6 STL this season, to fully stuff the stat sheet. And then there was old man Dwyane Wade, who showed that he’s far from done. The pre-season trades for Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza worked out fantastic for High Riser, and oh yeah, let’s not forget the discovery of Hassan Whiteside -- who missed Sunday’s game, where his BLK could have made the difference.

And then there’s Riser's 2015 draft pick, rookie Julius Randle, who will return to the court after a season spent in rehab. High Riser’s future is certainly bright and after this invigorating championship run they’ll be poised to contend again.

2015 Toilet Bowl: Losers First

Well, it was only fitting that during a Toilet Bowl season where every matchup was won by the underdog, our 2015 Toilet Bowl champions, Funk Coalition, were the worst team in the regular season, and now they’ll be rewarded with the #1 pick in the next draft. (Last season’s Toilet Bowl finals featured both #1 seeds, while this year’s was both #4 seeds.)

After narrowly squeezing by NJ All-Stars in the semi-finals, Funk took advantage of four extra games -- and some timely STL and a barrage of 3PT from DeMarre Carroll and Andre Iguodala -- to squeak out another close victory. For a team that suffered through a seven and six game losing streak this season, this Toilet Bowl was a bright spot as Funk strung together three straight wins for the first time, in well, possibly forever.

Now they’ll get to add a huge piece next season, as they look hard at the young big men currently embroiled in March Madness. Will DeAndre Jordan and Andre Drummond have a Jahlil Okafor or Karl-Anthony Towns to suit up next to them, or could a swingman such as Justise Winslow or Emmanuel Mudiay join Funk? Who knows! Congrats to Funk for their first Toilet Bowl!

As for Fob Stars, they were the second worst team in SlamNation and they’re in dire need of a talent infusion too. Getting another young big man to pair with the explosive Nerlens Noel could really help their perpetual rebuilding project. And perhaps the high pick will attract new ownership? There have been rumors flying that Jimmy is looking to sell if the price is right, but maybe this Toilet Bowl showing will induce them to stick around instead?

Either way, with so many potential stars in the upcoming 2015 NBA Draft, both Funk Coalition and Fob Stars are in a good position to build upon lost seasons that ended up in some happiness in the form of a Toilet Bowl finals showing.

2015 Finals Previews

FINALS PREVIEW
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #3 High Riser (13-5-1)
Yes! It’s here, the much anticipated Brother Bowl! Who will Momma T support as Trieu and Thien go head-to-head for the title? There’s a lot on the line here, as Sour Snails is threatening to become the first two title winner since the reset — they won in 2008, and 2010, the first year of the new cycle. And for High Riser, it’s little brother versus big brother, and we know how epic those showdowns can be. This could be bragging rights for years if Thien can pull off the huge upset!

High Riser is equipped to take down Sour Snails too, as one of the few teams that can kind of match up with a high powered Snails backcourt that seems to be good at everything. After years of notching plus 0.500 regular season records but not really being a championship threat, Thien’s team broke out this season with thirteen wins and knocked off division foe Morrie’s Pogiboys in the Conference Finals to advance.

In a way, this High Riser team is a Dr. Frankenstein construct of Sour Snails. There was the Damian Lillard for Rudy Gay trade that set up High Riser’s Double Dragons backcourt. And then the pre-draft acquisitions of Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza — both of whom were huge during last week’s game. (Ariza led the team in rebounding and the helped push Riser to the win.) But GM Thien’s filled out the roster admirably around his shifting pieces. John Wall was the reward for that Toilet Bowl win. Hassan Whiteside was the reward for being diligent on the free agent wire. In fact, Thien is usually the league leader in Moves, and this year he had 108 — almost doubling the next closest competitor, Trieu with 64. (They are usually #1 and #2 in Moves.) It’s great to see Thien make the Finals because it proves that the postseason roster lock isn't a disadvantage to teams that have achieved regular season success due to lineup churn.

It’s gonna be an uphill battle for High Riser though, as Sour Snails is coming into the matchup as a juggernaut. Coming off three straight division titles, Snails is fielding arguably their best team in that run. After dipping down to a 4-8 record in 2012 — but making the Toilet Bowl Finals and emerging with Lillard — Trieu’s team has gone 48-8-1. That’s right, a 85.7% winning percentage. The downside is that they’ve been upset in the Western Conference Finals in both 2013 and 2014, so this is their year of redemption. After going to back-to-back Finals in 2010-11, this marks Snails’ (new cycle) record breaking third SlamNation Finals appearance.

Snails have their own Super Duper Double Dragon backcourt in Stephen Curry and Russell Westbrook, and overall Snails led the league in PTS, 3PT, and STL; was second in AST and FT%; and was also top six in REB and BLK. That's monster dominance across all categories. Their big mid-season move was to acquire Jimmy Butler, and even though Butler was hurt last week in the easy Conference Finals win over Fat Jubas, it looks like he’ll be back in time for the Finals.

On paper, Sour Snails should win this thing. Based on last week’s stats, High Riser would take the two percentage categories and assists, and then walk home with a loss. But all the NBA championship experience is on Riser’s side, as Dwyane Wade could elevate himself to go head-to-head with Westbrook for a spell, and maybe Lillard, Wall, Evans can slow down Curry, Butler, and Klay Thompson. Then it’s Hassan Whiteside versus DeMaarcus Cousins in the middle, aka the craziest big men in the league.

So here we go with the Brother Bowl, with the biggest prize in SlamNation on the line! Good luck to both Trieu and Thien, and let's get it on!

TOILET BOWL FINALS PREVIEW
#4 Fob Stars (4-14-1) vs #4 Funk Coalition (3-16)
And on the other side, it’s a bit of a Brother Bowl II because while Jon and Jimmy aren’t brothers by blood, they sure argue like real brothers! In fact, it’s kind of the San Diego finals week as all four participants grew up in San Diego, often facing off on the basketball court. (For official “who is the best actual basketball player in real life," consult our comprehensive rankings.) And just like in real life, Jimmy and Jon represent the worst in the league, while Trieu and Thien are flying high above the pack. Sigh.

The good news for J&J is that one of them will get the #1 overall pick -- and the other one can’t do worse than #2, even if they tried. I don’t think we’ve ever actually had the two worst teams in the league both make it to the Toilet Bowl Finals, so it’s an achievement of sorts for Funk and Fob to both upset their way through two rounds of loserville. Fob Stars neatly dispatched Jedi Knights last week 7-2, while Funk Coalition sat all his players on Sunday to steal TOs and a dirty come from behind 5-4 win over NJ All-Stars.

Fob Stars feature the Special-K backcourt of Kemba Walker, Kevin Martin, and Khris Middleton while Funk has the Can’t Shoot trio of Rajon Rondo, Michael Carter-Williams, and an injured Ricky Rubio. A key player for Jon could actually be J.R. Smith, as his 3PT will come in very handy versus a Fob team that isn’t so great at long distance shooting either. The battle in the middle will be interesting though, as DeAndre Jordan, Andre Drummond, and Josh Smith are a tough matchup for Nerlens Noel, Zach Randolph, and Marcin Gortat.

Either way, let’s watch these two perpetually loser franchises battle it out in the Poor Man's Brother Bowl, exciting!

RD2 Previews: 2015

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #3 Fat Jubas (11-6-2)
Trieu’s been here before. Many times in fact. Post-season favorite and then upsetsville. Last year it was to eventual champion Eron, Joven, and Chandler. And this year, the renamed Silent Crows almost did it again, taking Snails down to the wire in round one before falling under a few handful of 3PT. With the defending champs out of the way and last year’s upset avenged, Trieu’s team, who lost just one game all season, will try to barrel their way toward another Finals behind the awesome might of Russell Westbrook, Stephen Curry, Rudy Gay, and um, rookie Rodney Hood? The Sour Snails are a little sore, with DeMarcus Cousins, Klay Thompson, and Jimmy Butler are all ailing, making them slightly vulnerable. The question is, can Fat Jubas take advantage?

With Chris Paul leading the way, Jubas crushed Transformers’ division champ Squirtle Squad by a big margin last week but now face a much tougher challenge. Based on last week’s stats, Jubas would lose to Snails pretty tidily, but that’s why they play the game! Eric’s team is out-talented at nearly position but this former champ won’t be cowed by anyone. Especially with spark plug Isaiah Thomas coming back this week and a rejuvenated Danilo Gallinari. Can CP3 pull his guys through to a major upset? Jubas were on a four game win streak until they ran into Snails in the last week of the regular season. That loss cost them a division title, will they take revenge in the playoffs? We're hoping Steve Nash's retirement announcement will pump up Eric's squad and make this a matchup to remember.

Russell Conference
#1 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (14-5) vs #3 High Riser (13-6-1)
Alvin’s team is having the breakout year he’d long planned for and he even got his first playoff win after five straight years in the losers bracket. Going from the bottom to the top can be a dizzying ride but Pogiboys have the most enviable asset in fantasy, Anthony Davis, plus the core of Mike Conley, Victor Oladipo, rookie triple double man Elfrid Payton, breakout sensation Draymond Green, and shot swatter Gorgui Dieng finally getting real minutes. That’s a lot of great talent. Plus Brook Lopez is averaging 18.4 PTS, 8.6 REB, 2.0 BLK, 53.1 FG% over the past month. Pogiboys is poised for continued success and if they can make the Finals this year, it’ll be a hugely successful accomplishment. (We’ll overlook the terrible fallout from the Wes Matthews and D.J. Augustin trade…)

Of course, standing in Pogiboys' way is Hassan Whiteside and the High Risers. Sure, Whiteside has cooled off significantly since his mid-season out of nowhere explosion, but he’s still been awesome. In last week’s narrow upset of Spade, Whiteside basically almost single-handedly won BLK for High Risers — Whiteside had 14 blocks to 17 total for Spade. With an inside presence, Thien’s guard collection of John Wall, Damian Lillard, a rejuvenated Dwayne Wade, and Tyreke Evans can go to work on the perimeter. It’ll be tough for High Riser to get another upset but if they can come through, a Brother Bowl versus Trieu is in play!


And since I didn't get to do RD1 previews and team recaps, here's a bit about our losers:

Silent Crows (11-8)
After last year’s dream run, 2015 was bound to be a disappointment short of a back-to-back championship. But Lucas’ team had another terrific year despite a bevy of injuries to Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, and semi-newly acquired Derrick Rose. Since taking over as owner, Lucas has put together the best two year stretch in franchise history, plus that gaudy championship run to boot. The Silent Crows are here to stay as true contenders…even though their "crow" logo is an owl. A loss to Sour Snails stung, especially since another big upset was within reach, but Lucas will return next year healthy and ready to pursue that second title.

Squirtle Squad (12-7)
Last week’s joy from another division title quickly turned to dust as Brian’s team got upset by High Riser, despite a few trades at the deadline to prep for a championship run. That’s four straight playoff appearances and three straight first round exits for Squirtles. The only thing for GM Brian to do is keep his promising core moving forward, and getting healthy, and taking solace in the fact that next year should be the long awaited Giannis Antetokounmpo fantasy explosion. It’s hard to argue with Squirtle’s success but the fan base is itching for a deep post-season run.

Spade (12-7)
Two straight twelve win seasons aren’t a bad way to start off an ownership reign. Randall’s team kept this franchise’s run of six consecutive playoff appearances alive but fell a little short of a postseason win. The good news is Spade won a Thundercats division title, the franchise's first since 2011. A healthy season from Eric Bledsoe was offset by injuries to Kawhi Leonard and Kobe Bryant, sapping this team of some depth. Plus, the frontline of Kevin Love and Al Horford saw some regression. We’re looking for a bounceback season from Spade next year, if “bounceback” can be applied to a division champ and top contender.

Chunky Monkeys (10-8-1)
Monkeys got run over by the Pogiboys juggernaut but I’m sure they weren’t too upset about it. After all, Monkeys were probably just happy to be here. After starting off the season 1-3, Evan’s team righted the ship by going 7-0-1 over the second half the season. All this in a year where they were hit hard by injuries to Jrue Holiday, Jabari Parker, and Terrence Jones. At the end of the day, James Harden solidified himself as a fantasy and NBA MVP candidate, Goran Dragic is in a new and much better situation, and Marc Gasol is still the most well-rounded fantasy center around. Oh yeah, there’s also dueling Rookie of the Year’s in Andrew Wiggins and Nikola Mirotic. Jabari who? So a growing year for Evan turned into a double digit win season and their fourth post-season apperance. Hard to complain!

Toilet Bowl: 2015 RD2

Last year, there wasn’t a single upset in the Toilet Bowl as both #1 seeds got to the Toilet Bowl Finals and then that matchup ended up in a virtual tie as Chunky Monkeys took home both picks. This year, in a case of karma, every top seed lost to a lower seed! That means regardless who gets the top picks this year, they’ll likely go to a team that desperately needs the talent infusion. Let’s take a quick look at the remaining Toilet Bowl matchups as well as the teams that lost last week. [2014 TB Preview: Russell | Chamberlain]

Chamberlain Conference
#3 Jedi Knights (5-14) vs #4 Fob Stars (4-14-1)
These two perennial Silverhawks bottom dwellers meet for the second time in the Toilet Bowl, with their last face off in 2013 resulting in a win for Fob Stars. Of course, neither team has ever won the Toilet Bowl, but this seems like a prime year to do it. Both teams are shockingly devoid of superstar talent although Fob's Nerlens Noel is making a late breaking case for R.O.Y. with his recent insane month of 13.0 PTS, 10.8 REB, 2.4 STL, 2.4 BLK, 49.1 FG%. Noel is basically the closest thing to Anthony Davis right now, minus the scoring. Fob also had Kemba Walker with some great games this year, and Marcin Gortat and Zach Randolph continuing to pound foes, but guys like Trey Burke and Ryan Anderson are bubble keepers at best. A roster makeover would be great for this team.

On the flip side, Jedi Knights have already turned over their roster completely this season, as documented by their many many trades. They were rewarded with tying their franchise record for regular season wins, five, and also getting their first “post-season” victory. We’d love to see Lum manage his way to a Toilet Bowl win to reward himself amply for all the big moves he’s made this season. Adding the top rookie to his lineup would surely take the Jedi another big step toward respectability. Luuuuuummmm for the win!

Russell Conference
#3 NJ All-Stars (6-13) vs #4 Funk Coalition (3-16)
What’s it like to commish a league and be the worst team (again)? Let Jon tell you, he knows! This is Funk’s fourth straight year in the Toilet Bowl and they haven’t won it once. Each major rebuild seems to have set the team further and further back and the new core of Rajon Rondo, Michael Carter-Williams, Ricky Rubio, DeAndre Jordan, and Andre Drummond have yet to take the court together once — Josh Smith was Funk’s leader in Games Played, not to mention their second-leading scorer. The good news is 2014 #3 overall draft pick Dante Exum has been a total rookie bust. Oh wait. Basically, Funk needs this Toilet Bowl win, they deserve this Toilet Bowl win…

Since taking over three years ago, Eddie has never missed the playoffs, made one Finals, and guided NJ All-Stars to a 37-13 regular season record. However, this was the year everything fell apart. Paul George, leg destroyed. Lance Stephenson, everything destroyed. Reggie Jackson, value destroyed until his trade to Detroit. Plus, LeBron James took his sweet time getting into top form. Eddie’s team suffered through a 1-9 end of year swoon so their upset victory over Inept Henchmen was a nice surprise. And All-Stars could have enough to take a Toilet Bowl win. Even if they don’t advance any further, there’s still the emergence of Tobias Harris and Jusuf Nurkic to make next year interesting. (Again, we petition Eddie for a rebrand, as “All-Stars” is just not fun! Maybe adopt the "Nets" moniker, or perhaps the "NJ Derrick Colemans?")


TOILET BOWL LOSERS:

Buffy (8-10-1)
As a top seed entering the loser’s bracket, Buffy had to be upset by another loss to Fob Stars in the Toilet Bowl — they are 1-2 in that matchup. It was super close, just a few STL, BLK, TO, PTS away from turning the tide, but Buffy couldn’t quite win out. With Chris Bosh out for the season, it was going to be an uphill battle anyway and Roger did well to patch in the likes of Mo Williams, Evan Turner, a healthy George Hill, and Donatas Motiejunas for the stretch run. Winning a shiny young star would have really helped here, as this aging roster continues to petrify. When does iron man Tim Duncan retire? He still led Buffy in PTS, BLK, GP, and was second in STL and third in AST so Roger had better hope not next year. After back-to-back losing seasons, the contender window may have closed for Buffy, and a major rebuild could soon be around the corner.

Half Man Half ImAsian (6-13)
Oliver’s team lost their matchup to Jedi by a single STL or BLK. There’s no question that a healthy Kevin Durant or Greg Monroe would have won the week, but both were out last week. LaMarcus Aldridge gave it his all this year despite an injured hand, but needless to say, this team can’t win consistently without Durant — even with J.J. Redick doing his best to score everything. Moving forward, the bottom end of the keeper roster is questionable at best with Mario Chalmers and Amir Johnson. How can Half Man upgrade their talent base (their 2013 Toilet Bowl win and then failure of Ben McLemore to emerge really hurt)? Then again, Half Man Half ImAsian was a playoff team just a year ago so this could be just a one season dip caused by a lack of Durant since GM Oliver has proven to be a virtual magician and cannot be doubted to keep his winning ways.

So Buckets (8-10-1)
After two straight Voltron division titles, So Buckets were shoved aside this year as MoRRie’s Pogiboys and High Riser suddenly took center stage. Josh’s team certainly didn’t have a bad season, but they weren’t quite good enough to make it three for three in playoff appearances since taking over the franchise. A first round loss to Funk Coalition probably wasn’t the result Josh wanted, but overall So Buckets had a pretty good year despite injuries to much of the roster (DeMar DeRozan, Nikola Pekovic, Jaared Sullinger). For example, Pau Gasol led the team in GP and re-established his fantasy stardom. Kyrie Irving hasn’t lost much next to LeBron James, and most of all, Rudy Gobert! The tall Frenchie is averaging 10.7 PTS, 14.4 REB, 2.5 BLK, 56.5 FG% over the last month and is only getting better. That’s like winning a top pick right there. Plus, 2016 will mark the debut of Joel Embiid, whom GM Josh brilliantly stashed away during last year’s draft. Buckets may have taken a step back from contention this season, but they’ll likely vault right back next year!

Inept Henchmen (8-11)
Discounting a four game swoon in WK6-9, Henchmen played 0.500 ball most of the year and had a strong second season in SlamNation, improving on their six wins last year. For a franchise that has never finished a regular season with a winning record, and with a high wins mark of only nine, new-ish GM Trevor is already energizing his fan base. The big story for Henchmen was Derrick Favors, acquired mid-season last year and now averaging 18.8 PTS, 8.8 REB, 1.9 BLK, 0.9 STL, 54.0 FG% over his last thirty games. And the other guy from that trade, Jeff Green, was having a career year until getting shipped to Memphis mid-season. The Derrick Rose for Dwight Howard trade from last year around this time turned out to be peachy, even with Dwight dinged up this season. In a twist from that deal, Eric Gordon returned to the fold after getting cut by Funk Coalition, and Gordon has been a nice 3PT complement to Kyle Korver. Trevor is building to respectability behind a strong frontline and with a few more savvy moves, could push right into the playoff picture soon.