Showing posts with label 2023. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2023. Show all posts

2023 Championship: Steph Shimmy

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Is the Sour Snails dynasty back?! After winning four titles in five seasons between 2015-2019, we thought the specter of Steph Curry would be gone from the championship dais for awhile. Instead, much like the real life 2022 Warriors, SOUR entered the season as a semi-dark horse and emerged with another title, their record-setting sixth in SlamNation.

This title run was a real nail-biter, as SOUR eked by SWMP in round one by only one three-pointer (and six points), and then followed that up by sneaking past the higher-seeded SCRM in the semis, winning that matchup by only a handful of points on the last day. Whatever lucky charm SOUR was working with in 2023, it worked out amazingly! And then in the Finals versus FJUB, SOUR unleashed their sharp shooting, dropping forty-one three-pointers to their opponent’s eighteen, as SOUR shot a blistering 51.7 FG% for the week while still winning TOs.

The title team from 2019 has mostly flipped over, with only Steph Curry and Pascal Siakam remaining on-board. That team featured Kevin Durant as the second banana but Curry had playoff superhero Jimmy Butler this time around, plus another backcourt All-Star in De’Aaron Fox. 

On the year, SOUR wasn’t showing many signs of dominance, as their combined ODE was middle of the pack, and their strong categories only consisted of a top ranking in FG% and a top-three in REB. But when the time comes to push for a title, Trieu never disappoints. GM Trieu acquired Butler mid-season for Wendell Carter Jr. and Christian Wood, and had gotten Fox the season prior in exchange for then rookie Scottie Barnes.

Even with Curry, Siakam, Butler, and Fox, SOUR needed all the help it could get from their bench, as Jerami Grant, Josh Hart, Deni Avdija, and Lakers super-hero Austin Reaves proved instrumental in their playoff appearances. All in all, it was an incredible postseason run for SOUR, and congrats to Trieu once again!

SOUR’s accolades:

  • Winningest regular season team ever: 179-76-5, 0.702
  • SlamNation titles: 6
  • Finals appearances: 8
  • Toilet Bowl Finals: 1
  • Most Regular Season Wins: 4
  • Playoff appearances: 11
  • Division titles: 7

FJUB fought their way to the Finals through tough matchups throughout, with a huge win versus regular season juggernauts KSKT in the semi-finals. Their defense-first approach was good enough to get them back into the championship game—for the third time—and despite winning REB, AST, STL, and BLK as designed, they were just short in one other category. (The injury to Terry Rozier might have made a difference, as the late season trade acquisition was a key contributor to FJUB’s offense.)

The point guard duo of Chris Paul and Fred VanVleet did their best though, and while the FJUB roster has some age on it, FJUB has proven once again that concentrating on defense can be a title contending strategy, as evidenced by two Finals appearances in the past three seasons, plus their shiny title from 2021.

Toilet Bowl 2023: Same Simian

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Our Toilet Bowl finals didn’t have any draft implications, as SPDE and SQSQ had already locked in the first and second picks for the 2024 draft—thanks SWMP Rule—but there was history at stake, as CHMK could become the third back-to-back Toilet Bowl winner with a victory here, as well as increasing their total Toilet Bowl wins to three. As for SPDE, they’ve already won the Wembanyama sweepstakes so it was already party time in Spade-land!

CHMK escaped a near upset in round one versus TRUO—winning by a mere two assists— but took care of business against SQSQ with a huge defensive effort. The actual Toilet Bowl matchup was an easy win versus the already celebrating SPDE—who had already locked up the 2024 first pick due to the “SWMP Rule”—and overall it was a hugely successful rebuild season for CHMK.

GM Evan traded away James Harden early on, and then stacked talent, unearthing rookie Jalen Williams, the sudden offensive force that was Brooklyn Mikal Bridges, and adding 2023 first overall pick Jabari Smith Jr. to the roster as well. And then there’s that defensive backbone of Bam Adebayo, Nic Claxton, and Evan Mobley. Offensive powerhouses Desmond Bane and Jordan Poole were in the backcourt, giving CHMK good balance all around.

Moving forward, CHMK will be flush with young talent, and another high pick—2024’s RD1.3—to launch them (hopefully) out of the Toilet Bowl. Congrats to CHMK, our third back-to-back Toilet Bowl champion!

SPDE pulled off two upsets on their way to the TB Finals—versus BUFF and MELO—thus securing their first ever number one overall pick. And at just the right time too, as Victor Wembanyama is a generational prospect and now Randall will have Wemby and last year’s RD1.2 Chet Holmgren to jump start his rebuild. Congrats to SPDE!

(Full stats)

Post-Season RD3: 2023

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Finals 2023

  • 3 SOUR vs 5 FJUB

How did we get here?! I don’t think any prognosticators would have picked this Finals matchup heading into the playoffs but here we are, an epic matchup for the ages. SOUR is the winningest franchise in Slam history while FJUB is the third. SOUR has five titles under their belt--in seven appearances—while FJUB is two for two in their Finals appearances and subsequent wins. This is a true battle for the ages!

FJUB last won the title in 2021, while SOUR’s last ring was in 2019. They’ve never faced off against each other in a Finals before, but SOUR actually has an undefeated record against FJUB in the playoffs, dispatching FJUB in the first round in 2010, 2013, and 2019. As the third seed this season, SOUR may hold the advantage yet again.

If last week’s stats mean anything, SOUR would have won six categories to FJUB’s three—FT%, REB, BLK—so we’ll go ahead and name SOUR the favorites. It’ll be up to FJUB to fend off the quartet of Steph Curry, De’Aaron Fox, Jimmy Butler, and Pascal Siakam. It’ll be a tall task for Fred VanVleet, Chris Paul, Myles Turner, and hopefully new trade acquisition Terry Rozier (currently a tad injured). Good luck gentlemen!

Playoffs Consolation RD3

  • 1 KSKT vs 2 SCRM
  • 4 ILCN vs 7 FUNK
  • 6 SWMP vs 8 SBUK

In the playoff consolation games, FUNK took a clean upset versus SWMP while ILCN took care of business versus SBUK, nudging last year’s champs out with the return of Luka Doncic.

Toilet Bowl Finals

  • 10 CHMK vs 13 SPDE

Our Toilet Bowl finals doesn’t have any draft implications, as SPDE and SQSQ have locked in the first and second picks for the 2023 draft—thanks SWMP Rule—but there is history at stake, as CHMK can become the third back-to-back Toilet Bowl winner with a victory here, as well as increasing their total Toilet Bowl wins to three. As for SPDE, they’ve already won the Wembanyama sweepstakes so it’s already party time in Spade-land!

Toilet Bowl Consolation RD3

  • 9 MELO vs 11 SQSQ
  • 12 BUFF vs 15 TRUO
  • 14 ABCX vs 16 FOBS

As for the consolation games, SQSQ put up a good fight versus CHMK--almost putting them into a battle with SPDE for the top 2023 pick--and should secure a victory versus MELO, who only managed a putrid twelve Games Played last week. Going this far does net SQSQ the 2024 RD1.2 selection, which will be a huge boon to this proud franchise. On the other side, BUFF and FOBS also went under the GP cap last week, at twenty-one and fifteen games respectively, so this week's matchups could be a case of teams simply winning if they can get anywhere near a full lineup. C’mon guys, we can do better!

Post-Season RD2: 2023

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It was a very exciting first week of playoffs as many matchups came right down to the wire!

Playoff Recap & RD2 Matchups

1 KSKT vs 5 FJUB

Both teams here escaped by narrow margins as a Tyrese Haliburton-less KSKT survived a near upset by just one assist. We don’t know who Spurs center Sandro Mamukelashvili is, but he came up with five huge assists to get KSKT past defending champs SBUK.

As for FJUB, they had to fend off a Luka Doncic-less ILCN team that still threatened to take the win. It was a matchup frenzy on Sunday as FJUB and ILCN both adjusted their rosters multiple times. In the end, it was Devin Vassell’s five threes—not to mention Fred Van Vleet’s seventeen during the week—that helped secure the upset win for FJUB.

Heading into a big matchup, FJUB is cruising along at full health while Haliburton is out at least until mid-week, giving the edge to FJUB in another possible upset victory.

2 SCRM vs 3 SOUR

After a close back and forth for most of the week, SCRM also avoided an upset by taking AST by two and BLK by one over FUNK. In the end, DeMar DeRozan’s ten assists on Saturday was a difference maker—making SCRM happy to have acquired him (I hope). Don’t look now but the Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, James Harden, and Anthony Davis trio might be in the driver’s seat for the title.

In yet another game that came down to the wire, SOUR outlasted SWMP, winning 3PT by one—while tying in STL and BLK. At one point, SOUR versus SWMP had the incredible late Sunday line of 3-3-3 in categories. Instead, Austin “White Kobe” Reaves dropped in thirty-five points on 9/14 FG shooting, and 16/18 FT, along with six key assists. While Jerami Grant is still ailing for SOUR, it’s looking like Steph Curry and crew have just as good a shot at returning to the Slam Finals as any team. This is definitely gonna be the match of the week!

Playoff Consolation

4 ILCN vs 8 SBUK

With all four teams nicked by close victories, the battle for a few draft positions commences. ILCN is looking a little injury ravaged, but SBUK also could be dealing with a dinged up Kyrie Irving and Rudy Gobert. At stake here is a slightly higher draft pick for next season.

6 SWMP vs 7 FUNK

As for SWMP versus FUNK, it should be another battle of big versus small as FUNK will try to steal this game against Nikola Jokic and crew. The only thing making this exciting might be a side bet between SWMP and FUNK? What say you fans of SWMP?!


Toilet Bowl Recap & RD2 Matchups

9 MELO vs 13 SPDE

The dream of Chet Holmgren and Victor Wembanyama is still alive as Tyler Herro delivered exactly what was needed for SPDE to take a nail-biter against BUFF—winning STL and TO by just one each. Who needs Kawhi?!?

MELO will face a much tougher matchup for them this week, after wiping FOBS with relative ease in round one of the Toilet Bowl. With the career renaissance of James Wiseman in full effect, MELO would love to add a top pick to their rebuilding cache, even as they’ve already secured a top-four pick in next year’s draft.

10 CHMK vs 11 SQSQ

CHMK went through a stress-filled Sunday as well, as they were down pretty big to TRUO, who had maxed out their roster on Saturday. CHMK snuck out the victory by a mere two AST, with Bam Adebayo and Jalen Williams contributing five each. Whew!

Now CHMK will face off against SQSQ, who had an easy win versus ABCX—who maxed out at twenty-one games. As noted before, LeBron James and Began Bogdanovic are both hurt, so for SQSQ to secure a Toilet Bowl finals, they’ll really need Giannis Anteokounmpo and Jrue Holiday to come up big versus CHMK’s deep and healthy roster.

Toilet Bowl Consolation

12 BUFF vs 16 FOBS

After such a narrow loss, BUFF can still aim for the fifth pick in next year’s draft, as they should be the strongest team left in the TB consolation bracket. Damian Lillard might put up a fight but FOBS is looking a little defeated at this point.

14 ABCX vs 15 TRUO

Does ABCX field a full roster here against TRUO? Or do they hand a free win over? TRUO came this close to taking out CHMK so we have to favor them in this matchup, especially as ABCX is down all their major players.

Playoff Teams: 2023

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#1 KSKT (16-4)

Even without the services of Cade Cunningham for most of the year—and Zion Williamson playing half his games at best—KSKT had a tremendous year, taking the regular season wins crown for the first time, finishing above 0.500 for also the first time, and by a landslide!

It seemed like everyone had a banner year on this team, from Tyrese Haliburton leading the way to the Kristaps Porzingis resurgence. KSKT rode a heavy volume of 3PT to the top-ranked offense in SlamNation and had a midseason stretch where they won ten games in a row. Now it’s time to see how far this young team can go. GM Matt has done a tremendous job creating a roster that is not only in win-now position but possibly win-forever?!

#2 SCRM (15-4-1)

After starting off the season with ten wins in a row, SCRM was in the driver’s seat for the regular season crown. However, Jordan decided to take a gamble midseason, trading for Karl-Anthony Towns and hoping for a higher playoff upside. Unfortunately that did cost them a few short term wins—with KAT still slated to be out—and they finished with the second seed instead.

Still, this team is one of the title favorites, as Anthony Davis is back and playing—as is Gordon Hayward—and SCRM looks poised to chase down a title behind Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, DeMar DeRozan, James Harden, and a deep deep roster. It was a great year for third-season franchises and it would be quite something if SCRM and KSKT faced off in the Finals!

#3 SOUR (14-6)

Usually when Trieu is this close to a title, he makes a huge all-in play for a championship. With no mega-trade coming before the deadline this season, SOUR is still well positioned to re-take their position atop the league after going 7-2 over the back half of the season—with six of those wins in a row.

De’Aaron Fox has restored himself as one of the NBA’s bright stars and Pascal Siakam and Jimmy Butler are both healthy and ready to play. There’s some question about Jerami Grant’s immediate availability but he should return soon. And oh yeah, Steph Curry is back to action, and that might spell doom for anyone facing SOUR…

#4 ILCN (13-7)

Continuing his penchant for excellent drafting, Frank unearthed both Paolo Banchero and Walker Kessler as rookies this season, leading to a team that is fully stocked and stacked. And don’t look now, but Zach Collins is actually playing quite well!

After starting the season off 10-3, ILCN has stumbled a bit in recent weeks, and the mysterious injury to Luka Doncic may make it hard for them to truly contend. However, this team has it all on both offense and defense and in their sixth season in SlamNation—with two Toilet Bowl appearances that somehow needed them the best play from each class both times—ILCN will be looking like a playoff powerhouse for years to come.

#5 FJUB (12-7-1)

Don’t look now but FJUB is secretly one of the hottest teams heading into the playoffs, having won five of their last seven games. In that span they’ve taken out SCRM, SOUR, and SBUK, which portends well for their championship hopes.

A pre-deadline trade brought in Terry Rozier and that should juice FJUB’s low-ranked offense. The defense will still be there—albeit minus Myles Turner—as Brook Lopez has been quietly the third best center in the league according to ESPN. Third best!?! FJUB will be looking to beat teams behind their fine defense and efficiency, but they’ll need Chris Paul to stay healthy to challenge for assists. Let’s go Jubas!

#6 SWMP (12-8)

Another constant contender that has been quietly surging along, SWMP started the season off 5-1 and then finished it with five straight wins—in the middle was a 0-5 January swoon. They are clearly peaking at the right time.

We’re all familiar with this roster, with likely three-time NBA MVP Nikola Jokic leading the way and Paul George and Zach LaVine both healthy and blazing away on the court.  SWMP completely dominates in four categories—AST, REB, STL, FG%—and are just a hair below the other top combined ODE teams. While this version of SWMP is a little less fearsome than in past years, counting them out as contenders would be a mistake, as they’ve made two of the last four Finals.

#7 FUNK (12-8)

After squandering a 4-1 start, FUNK was staring at being on the playoff bubble. Then GM Jon made three trades in one day--transforming his team fully toward offense—and finished up the regular season with five wins in seven games. While possibly not top-tier—they did lose to SCRM and SOUR during this span—FUNK has a puncher’s chance of a title run.

Due to being severely lacking on defense, FUNK will be looking to shoot their way deeper into the playoffs. The almost all Celtics and Hawks-led roster—this team has Jayson Tatum, Al Horford, Derrick White, Trae Young, Dejounte Murray, and John Collins--is one of the healthier teams heading into the playoffs, which could give them an edge. “Light the dream!”

#8 SBUK (12-8)

Our defending champs just snuck into the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be able to mount a proper title defense. They are tied with KSKST and SCRM for top combined ODE and are actually better balanced than both of those top contenders. Aside from a lack of 3PT shooting, this team exhibits no real weaknesses.

SBUK has been somewhat erratic all season, never pulling off more than three wins in a row—or losing more than once back-to-back. They’ll also unfortunately be missing their backcourt of Jalen Brunson and Kyrie Irving for a few games, which puts a heavy burden on Joel Embiid and Rudy Gobert. There is a world where SBUK can upset KSKT—they did it in WK15—but even a few games from Brunson and Irving are probably needed to pull that off. Best of luck!

Toilet Bowl Teams: 2023

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#9 MELO (10-10)

While they watch their fellow three-year owners ascend to the top of the league, MELO is treading water, 0.500 for the first time in their short history—after a 11-5 debut season and a 3-17 campaign last year. They managed a four game win streak in the middle of this past season but petered out with a 1-5 showing at the end. Finishing just outside the playoffs means MELO will have a shot at a top pick next season—just not one of the top two—although they’ll have their work cut out for them.

It’s likely Kevin Durant and Andrew Wiggins will both be out for the duration of the fantasy playoffs. The good news is that 2021 RD1.2 pick James Wiseman has been unleashed in his new Detroit home, and Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen both ascended to new heights. With likely Sixth Man of the Year Malcolm Brogdon also on-board—along with Nikola Vucevic and Kevin Porter Jr.—MELO should still be able to put up a Toilet Bowl challenge as one of the favorites. All those missed Games Played this season will have to be turned around for that to happen though. Jack, get your team on the court!

#10 CHMK (8-12)

It’s been seven years since CHMK dipped below 0.500 but here we are, a second straight season in the Toilet Bowl for this former champion—they did win the TB last year. With a five game losing streak to start the season, CHMK pretty much played chalk the rest of the way, alternating between wins and losses.

The great news is that CHMK has some real undeniable strengths as a team, ranking first overall in REB and third in BLK and FG%. The big man lineup of Bam Adebayo, second-overall NBA blocks leader Nic Claxton, and early season trade acquisition Evan Mobley—plus Robert Williams III, even if he didn’t make many appearances this year—is unparalleled for youth, production, and talent.

And there’s a lot of pieces elsewhere as well, with Desmond Bane and Jordan Poole providing scoring while rookies Jabari Smith Jr. and Jalen Williams are coming on late. Heck, the real life Kevin Durant trade even made Mikal Bridges a scoring sensation, unleashing him as an offensive powerhouse since his arrival in Brooklyn. That’s an eight deep roster full of goodies, and CHMK can look forward to securing another high draft pick in 2024. Yowza!

#11 SQSQ (7-13)

This was not the season SQSQ was expecting. After two back-to-back regular season wins titles, SQSQ slid down the standings, to their second worst season as a franchise. The bottom dropped out fast after a 3-3 start, as SQSQ went 1-10 after that—including dropping six in a row. So what’s next for SQSQ? With Giannis Antetokounmpo and LeBron James powering them, SQSQ will be looking for a playoff spot next season but the looming Toilet Bowl is going to have to be fought with almost half the roster injured.

Giannis and Jrue Holiday will have to do a lot of work to get SQSQ a high draft pick next year. On the brighter side, sophomore Jonathan Kuminga is still showing good flashes and rookies Jeremy Sochan and Tari Eason have been contributors for their respective NBA teams. SQSQ may face a crossroad this coming off-season—have we seen the last of LeBron on SQSQ?—but having Victor Wembanyama vs Scoot Henderson would be a nice way to salvage a lost year.

#12 BUFF (7-13)

It’s the return of the Klay! Maybe Thompson can’t play defense anymore but he’s all the way back as a scorer. BUFF has always been light on defense anyway, and maybe leaning fully into an offensive mindset will bring them back to the playoffs. This will be the ninth season BUFF has been in the Toilet Bowl and it’s time for them to get out. A decade, Roger, a decade!

The trio of Anthony Edwards, Domantas Sabonis, and Brandon Ingram are a very good core to build around, and despite the injuries to Collin Sexton and Steven Adams—also, RIP Ben Simmons—BUFF might have enough to get into the Toilet Bowl finals. Adding Wembanyama would be a huge boon to the rebuild process as this team is severely lacing a rim protector. Go look at our RD1 previews for why karma is also on BUFF’s side for this Toilet Bowl.

#13 SPDE (7-13)

A lackadaisical first half of the season saw SPDE start off with zero wins in six contests, but since then they’ve been playing more or less 0.500 ball—with an injection of Games Played at midseason. In recent weeks they’ve beaten both MELO and CHMK, who are the top two seeds for the Toilet Bowl.

Having gambled during this year’s draft on RD1.2 Chet Holmgren, SPDE is clearly facing a full rebuild behind Devin Booker and Co. Actually, the rebuild is already well on its way, as Josh Giddey, Tyler Herro, and Tyrese Maxey—dare we point out Markelle Fultz as well?—are getting better each season. A now-healthy Kawhi Leonard could easily power SPDE to a Toilet Bowl title and one of the top picks in the draft. SPDE could be another one of our “how did they get so good so fast” turnaround stories soon.

#14 ABCX (6-14)

With a nine game losing streak to their names—tied for most this year—ABCX was doomed to the Toilet Bowl from the start. To their credit, ABCX did win out their last three matchups, but after snapping a two year playoff drought last season, ABCX will be fighting in the Toilet Bowl once again.

And while Ja Morant’s current status as a troubled superstar may not affect fantasy things next season, it is a blight on ABCX’s fine reputation as an upstanding franchise. The next generation backcourt of Morant and LaMelo Ball—injured plagued all season—is still here, but the rest of the roster is up for debate. Rookie Bennedict Mathurin was a find but everyone else here has likely seen better days, from Russell Westbrook to Harrison Barnes to even Kelly Oubre Jr. on down.

Securing even one win in the Toilet Bowl could be a huge boon to the franchise, but that’ll be a tall order with Morant, Ball, and Mathurin all out.

#15 TRUO (4-15-1)

Another franchise that has seen better days, TRUO is now facing four straight years out of the playoffs and they just racked up their worst winning percentage over a regular season since their debut year in 2021. Also sporting a nine game losing streak this season, TRUO didn’t finish strong either, dropping five straight to end the year.

We’re hoping this is TRUO’s nadir as a franchise and actually there is quite a bit of intriguing talent on this team. Jalen Green has found his footing, RJ Barrett as well (at least statistically), and Wendell Carter Jr. emerged as a steady force in the middle. Sophomore Scottie Barnes started off slow but has turned it up as of late. Add in Cole Anthony, Christian Wood, sweet shooting rookie Keegan Murray, and TRUO might have something.

A resurgent Julius Randle will have to lead the youth into a Toilet Bowl that TRUO should be desperate to win. The roster is fully healthy and playing at its absolute best, so the chance to win a franchise-altering talent like Wembanyama or Scoot is now!

#16 FOBS (3-16-1)

Nine game losing streak? FOBS has one too! All of those losses piled up amidst nine Games Played violations—adding up to more than hundred less games than top GP-ranked ILCN had this season. It’s like FOBS only played a sixteen game season this year, assuming the average GP for a week was 23.75 games.

FOBS was less than competitive this season, and it’s almost a miracle they won three games—against CHMK, BUFF, SPDE. There is some good news however. Franchise cornerstone Damian Lillard returned to action with a vengeance, putting up a career season. Jamal Murray also came back this year, and resumed his high scoring ways. Young pieces like Keldon Johnson, rookie Jaden Ivey, and Jarrett Allen are still here, and FOBS and some useful role players like Kevin Huerter, Saddiq Bey, and sophomore Jalen Suggs floating around.

Despite all that, the end of the line has come for FOBS, as Jimmy is stepping down after this Toilet Bowl. Can FOBS make one last run at a top pick? No team needs it more than this one, otherwise Lillard will have to go it alone for yet anther season. Note: New incoming owner Victor will have his pick of the litter of FOBS’ roster and the non-keepers for 2024.


While we’re here, let’s add on a eulogy for the FOBS franchise. Over fourteen seasons, FOBS accrued a 94-157-9 regular season record, which translates to a 0.375 winning percentage, which was bottom-seven of all time, and definitely the worst out of all the long-termed owners. (If you’re curious, we’ve had twenty-nine owners so far, with the Victor about to become our thirtieth.)

FOBS’ best season was 2020, when they put up a 12-7 record—they had a one-win season in 2012. That twelve-win 2020 season started a spurt of five playoff appearances but FOBS only ever made it out of the first round once—in 2018, an upset win over FJUB. But FOBS did make it to two Toilet Bowl finals--2011 and 2015.

Their initial 2011 keeper roster—not accounting for 2010 when SlamNation reset into its current iteration looked like this: Chris Bosh, Chauncey Billups, Rashard Lewis, Emeka Okafor, Zach Randolph, Lou Williams. Their longest tenured starting five would look like this: Kemba Walker, Zach Randolph, Jamal Murray (6 keeper seasons), Damian Lillard, Ryan Anderson (4).

GM Jimmy made a grand total of eight trades over their almost decade and a half. And through luck or a dash of incompetence, Ernie Grunfeld—sorry, Jimmy—never unearthed a Grade-A superstar in sixteen first round picks—seventeen if you count Chris Bosh. Maybe not even a semi-superstar actually. Here’s the list of all their RD1 draft picks:

  • 2010: Chris Bosh
  • 2011: Evan Turner
  • 2012: Michael Beasley (R), Nick Young
  • 2013: Dion Waiters
  • 2014: Trey Burke (R)
  • 2015: Doug McDermott (R)
  • 2016: D’Angelo Russell (R)
  • 2017: Jamal Murray (R)
  • 2018: Rodney Hood
  • 2019: Jonathan Isaac
  • 2020: Rui Hachimura (R)
  • 2021: Obi Toppin (R)
  • 2022: Jalen Suggs (R), Buddy Hield
  • 2023: Jaden Ivey (R), Jalen Smith

And all their RD2 ones as well…. In sum, are we saying FOBS was the least successful franchise in SlamNation history? Gulp, no no we’re not. Okay maybe. As one of the nine remaining original SlamNation owners however, we bid Jimmy a sad goodbye, and we thank him for his time with us. It’s been a long time my friend, and we hope to see you on the real basketball courts one day.

Post-Season RD1: 2023

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Injuries are going to play a big role in the postseason--seemingly more than any other year. A huge number of superstars are ailing and the field is prety wide open for anyone to take the title--or the Toilet Bowl. Let's take a look at round one!


PLAYOFFS Round 1

#1 KSKT (16-4) vs #8 SBUK (12-8)

Last season saw KSKT go 0.500 in Matt’s second year in SlamNation and then boom, explosion! With the best regular season record in 2023—taking over from Dad’s SQSQ team by the way—KSKT now gets a first round matchup against the defending champs, SBUK!

It should be a battle for the ages as both teams have a league leading combined ODE of seventeen, with KSKT ranked first in offense and eighth in defense and efficiency. On the other side, SBUK sports a 6/6/5 in their ODE so this match should come down to who can play the better defense.

Even without Zion Williamson and Cade Cunningham, KSKT has been rampaging, but with Tyrese Haliburton day to day, the window for an upset could be open. Unfortunately, SBUK is dealing with injuries to Jalen Brunson, Kyrie Irving, and Rudy Gobert as well, so it’s again to take a monster Joel Embiid effort for SBUK to muster up a title defense.

#2 SCRM (15-4-1) vs #7 FUNK (12-8)

After a mega-deal that included nine players back in January, the idea was that SCRM would trade some present day production for a playoff run featuring Anthony Davis and Karl-Anthony Towns. Instead, our second seed will now play FUNK, the team that has half his former players in Dejounte Murray, OG Anunoby, and Derrick White—plus the addition of PJ Washington via Terry Rozier.

Looking to fend off FUNK will be the trio of Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, DeMar DeRozan, and James Harden, along with the now healthy Davis. It’s going to be defense versus offense as SCRM and FUNK have diametrically opposite teams, but all of it could just come down to who can score more. [Editor: Sorry for the KAT dump, I swear it wasn’t by design!]

#3 SOUR (14-6) vs #6 SWMP (12-8)

Quietly lurking in the shadows all season has been SOUR, who finished just outside of taking the Chamberlain Conference away from SCRM. Letting Trieu sneak up on a title is never a good idea and it’ll be up to SWMP to stop this championship threatening menace.

SWMP find themselves in the bottom half of the playoff teams for the first time in five seasons—much of it could be attributed to a January stretch when they racked up three GP violations—but Nikola Jokic is a fearsome competitor. The bad news is that Khris Middleton and Alperen Sengun could possibly miss some games, which could be balanced out by SOUR’s Jerami Grant missing some time as well.

SOUR took care of SWMP pretty handily in a WK14 matchup but with these two heavyweights, anything could happen!

#4 ILCN (13-7) vs #5 FJUB (12-7-1)

Injuries will play a big part for ILCN in this first week of the playoffs as well. This dark horse contender will have to make do with—at least—one missed game apiece from Luka Doncic and Donovan Mitchell. Even a deep roster that includes dueling fantasy Rookie of the Years in Paolo Banchero and Walker Kessler might not make up for ILCN missing out on his offensive engines.

For FJUB, they are dealing with a missing Myles Turner but everyone is relatively healthy, and the pre-trade deadline move for Terry Rozier (at the cost of PJ Washington) should give the backcourt some added oomph.

Both of these teams have terrific numbers but with the top two scorers missing from ILCN’s top-two ranked offense, this could be a pretty even matchup across the board. We’re going to need some brilliant individual performances from either team to tip the scales!



TOILET BOWL Round 1

#9 MELO (10-10) vs #16 FOBS (3-16-1)

With FOBS ownership already slated to transition out next year, this will be a last hurrah for owner Jimmy—after fourteen seasons! As much as we’d like to see a Toilet Bowl win for incoming owner Victor to build on, with eight weeks worth of Games Played violations, the fantasy gods will not be kind to FOBS. Indeed, they are already staring at Damian Lillard, rookie Jaden Ivey, and Jarrett Allen missing at least one game each. Who’s left to power the potential upset? Jamal Murray and um, Rui Hachimura?

MELO hasn’t exactly been a Games Played star either, as they’ve racked up five violations this season—third behind FOBS and SPDE. They are dealing with some major injuries themselves, with Kevin Durant, Andrew Wiggins, and Norman Powell all out. So actually, this matchup could be somewhat even! However, here’s betting that Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen are enough to power MELO one step further in the Toilet Bowl.

#10 CHMK (8-12) vs #15 TRUO (4-15-1)

With a youth focused roster that is hitting its stride at just the right time—have you seen Evan Mobley and Jabari Smith Jr. lately?—CHMK could be the heavy favorites for a Toilet Bowl win. However, finishing as one of the top-two Toilet Bowl seeds will take them out of Wembayama or Scoot contention. Still, an overall third pick in next year’s draft would be a nice prize for them. Everyone here is healthy—minus Robert Williams III—and rookie sensation Jalen Williams has been an absolute beast recently.

As for TRUO, they are turning toward youth themselves, with Jalen Green, Scottie Barnes, and rookie Keegan Murray all looking good so far this season. The big question here is if the Julius Randle-led TRUO has the firepower to punch through CHMK’s second-ranked defense. If not, TRUO will have to hope that CHMK takes it all, elevating them to a possible higher pick behind the “SWMP Rule.”

#11 SQSQ (7-13) vs #14 ABCX (6-14)

There’s a world where SQSQ threatens to grab the top pick next season, but with LeBron James out of the rotation—along with Bojan Bogdanovic—it’ll be tough avoiding an upset. Then again, ABCX is also down their big star, and not just one but two! LaMelo Ball just had season ending surgery and Ja Morant has been exposed as a less than shining star, and could be out for the duration of the postseason.

If it’s down to Team Giannis versus Team Russell Westbrook, we may have to go with Giannis on this one. Both of these teams ranked very low in combined ODE—fifteenth and sixteenth actually—so this is going to be a slap fight to see who advances. Either way, both of these owners deserve an injection of fresh talent for their rosters, and we hope one of them can go the distance!

#12 BUFF (7-13) vs #13 SPDE (7-13)

Injury plagued and rarely at full strength this season, BUFF made the ultimate positive chemistry move by not pulling their players in WK20 in a tight game against KSKT—with a possible #10 seed, and thus a lost chance at a top-two 2024 pick. That is the kind of competitiveness we love to see and if there is any justice in the world, BUFF will secure the number one overall pick. They’ll have to do it amidst injuries to Kyle Kuzma, Collin Sexton, Steven Adams, and the corpse of Ben Simmons, but karma can go a long way in the Toilet Bowl.

As for SPDE, they tempted those same fantasy gods themselves by racking up six Games Played violations in their first twelve weeks of action. However, after refocusing, they avoided any more GP demerits. That means they should be at least even on the karma ledger—“TJ hates quitters!”—and they’ll be taking a healthy Kawhi Leonard and Devin Booker into the Toilet Bowl, giving them a pretty decent chance to surprise people and take it all. Imagine a Chet Holmgren and Wembayama pairing on SPDE next season!?!

Power Ranking 2023

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Trades 2023: Funkyfied

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It was a slow year for trades, very slow in fact. Aside from the huge James Harden deal back in the beginning of the season and a late November swap between SOUR and TRUO, it’s been mostly quiet aside from a flurry of activity from FUNK to end the season.

In early January, FUNK sent a 2024 RD3 to CHMK for Trey Murphy III and CHMK’s 2024 RD4—essentially a draft position swap—and then followed that up by sending a 2024 RD5 to KSKT for Al Horford. But FUNK wasn’t done that day, as a mega-blockbuster was on the way.

After many offers and almost-dones, FUNK traded away Karl-Anthony Towns, their first overall pick from 2016. The deal with SCRM ended up involving nine players, with Towns, DeMar DeRozan, Mike Conley, Tyus Jones, Tim Hardaway Jr. being exchanged for Dejounte Murray, OG Anunoby, Terry Rozier, and Derrick White.

For FUNK, this will translate to a huge bump in 3PT, and some depth to make a playoff push. For SCRM, it’s championship or bust, and with the likely pairing of Anthony Davis and Towns for the postseason, Jordan will have the best big man duo in the league as he pushes hard for a championship.

Next season: more trades!!!

Midseason 2023: Top Eight

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It’s just a bit past midseason and this blog has been slacking! No preseason team capsules, no article about last year’s champion?! It’s all been rectified and for the next three months we’re gonna be all SlamNation all the time!

For now, let’s take a look at the top eight teams—who are currently slated for the playoffs—featuring some brand new teams at the top! [ 2023 Bottom Eight | ODE Rankings ]

#1: 16 SCRM (10-1)

Heading into their third season in SlamNation, our newest Slam friend and owner Jordan was slowly working his way up to the league hierarchy. After going 7-8-1 in their first season, SCRM danced into the playoffs last year as the eighth seed—with a 11-9 record—and then proceeded to shock the world with an upset win over top-ranked SQSQ, knocking them out of the playoffs.

Little did we know that was the beginning of SCRM’s ascent to the top of SlamNation. From WK13-20 of the 2022 season, SCRM went 7-1, with that upset playoff win being their eighth. And then SCRM started off the 2023 season a hilarious 10-0, knocking off every opponent they came across. In their last nineteen regular season weeks, SCRM has gone 17-2…which is, um, scary! (Their only loss this season was WK11’s matchup versus second place KSKT.)

Tops in ODE, SCRM has the top-ranked defense, the third ranked offense, and an efficiency rank right in the middle. They are top five-ish in every scoring category—save 3PT, where they are a pedestrian thirteenth—and show few weaknesses.

Understanding that his window was open right now, GM Jordan traded his 2022 RD1.3 selection Evan Mobley (and a future RD1) for James Harden back in October. Harden is the perfect complement to Shai-Gilgeous-Alexander and Dejounte Murray, as all three provide a huge amount of offensive and defensive stats.

Add in the (until recently) healthy play of Anthony Davis and it’s no surprise SCRM was cooking. The man in the middle will have to be Jakob Poeltl for now, but he has the awesome defensive duo of O.G. Anunoby and Aaron Gordon in front of him. The rest of the roster is very deep as well—even with injuries all around—as Terry Rozier, Jordan Clarkson, and Cam Johnson are high end rotation pieces. Should Gordon Hayward or Larry Nance Jr. ever get healthy, SCRM would have even more options on the bench.

Not much could stop SCRM’s path to a Finals run, unless Anthony Davis doesn’t return this season. Still, with Gilgeous-Alexander ascending to All Pro level, this team is now being led through its backcourt. Incredible first half of the season for SCRM!

#2: 8 KSKT (9-2)

Also entering their third year with us, our youngest owner Matt, has similarly elevated their team to the top of SlamNation—and arguably could be ranked first here as they soundly trounced SCRM last week. Their only two losses so far are to MELO and SWMP, way back in the first month of the season. This is the hottest team in Slam right now as KSKT is riding a seven game win streak.

After going 16-20 in their first two seasons, KSKT is headed directly toward their first playoff appearance and they’re not going to be happy just to get there. KSKT are looking to take a title in their first go-around! We all thought KSKT was built with an eye towards the future but unfortunately for the rest of Slam, that future is now!

The backcourt of Tyrese Haliburton and Cade Cunningham (currently out of the year) are twenty-three and twenty-one respectively, while Zion Williamson is also just twenty-two. Anfernee Simons and Michael Porter Jr. are high-level offensive threats who are both under twenty-five. Heck, GM Matt had nine picks in this most recent draft and hit on the rookie trio of Jalen Williams, Shaedon Sharpe, and Jeremy Sochan! (Luckily, due to roster constraints they could only keep Sochan, but what a draft!) All those young guys are now supported by the resurgent Kristaps Porzingis, plus useful veterans like D’Angelo Russell, Buddy Hired, and Al Horford.

KSKT isn’t ranked too high in overall ODE—they are first on offense, seventh on defense, and twelfth in efficiency—but their offensive prowess almost guarantees them three free categories a week. If KSKT can pick up their rebounding a little, there’s literally no team that can match up to them when they get hot from the field. An incredible third season from Krispy Kreme Team!

#3: 15 ILCN (8-3)

Another team new to the top of the standings, ILCN started off the season 1-2 but are now 7-1 and counting. Two of their losses are to the two teams ranked above them and the other was from the first week of the season, where schedule shenanigans always happen. Entering their sixth season in Slam, ILCN has drafted incredibly well and had some invaluable luck with franchise altering players dropping right into their lap. One such instance might have been this past 2023 draft, where Paolo Banchero slipped down to RD1.3 for Frank, and now Banchero is doing some historic things from the free throw line.

And speaking of historic, Luka Doncic dropped a 60-21-10 triple-double barely a week ago before being eclipsed in the headlines by ILCN teammate Donovan Mitchell’s 71-points! Doncic, Mitchell, and Banchero would already be an enviable trio to build around but ILCN also has Darius Garland on-board, who has been in and out of the lineup so far this season. Oh yeah, and what about Jaren Jackson Jr., who is leading the league in blocks right now? Aside from Mitchell, those other four players are all twenty-four years old or younger. Yowza!

The talent doesn’t stop there either, as a healthy Bradley Beal is almost an afterthought on this team. Rookie Walker Kessler and sophomore Onyeka Okonogwu are a promising defensive frontcourt—imagine if Jonathan Isaac ever came back. The only thing this roster is missing is maybe a small forward to tie things together, so here’s hoping De’Andre Hunter can return to full health.

On the season, ILCN has a second-ranked offense, a third-ranked defense, and only a subpar twelfth-ranked efficiency to hold them back. They are first in PTS and second in BLK, with weaknesses in REB and FT%. All those things can be tidied up as ILCN heads into he back half of the season. With two playoff appearances, one Chamberlain Conference title, and two Toilet Bowl finals appearances in their franchise accolades, ILCN has had many successes but now may be the time to fully commit to a title chase. Seventy-one points!?! Goodness!

#4: 1 FJUB (7-4)

Our 2021 champions find themselves heading the top of the next grouping of teams—we did the 7-4 group alphabetically—but with recent quality wins over SBUK and SOUR, that ranking could be justified. FJUB hasn’t dipped below eleven wins or missed the playoffs in eight seasons so we can go ahead and book their ticket for the postseason.

As usual, FJUB is a top defensive team, ranking third there in ODE, with a pedestrian tenth offense rating and a slightly above average seventh in efficiency. This is a team designed to take four categories: BLK, STL, 3PT, and TO. The two categories up for grabs each week are AST and FT%, as FJUB punt PTS and FG%. As the only team left in Slam that punts so heavily, FJUB has the capability to upend anyone if they can get their roster right.

This year’s version of FJUB is a little lighter in AST than usual, as thirty-seven year old Chris Paul continues to produce but not at elite assist levels anymore. More importantly, Fred VanVleet seems to have fallen off a cliff with his FG% (0.374) but he can continue to be perfect for this team if he could just up his assists a little. The early season trade for Lonzo Ball—in exchange for Gary Trent Jr.—could address this exact issue, assuming Ball can make a return to the court.

New keeper Devin Vassell has been a good fit, P.J. Washington continues to display his versatility, and Brook Lopez has been invaluable alongside Myles Turner as the major source of BLK for this team. It’s unfortunate keeper Robert Covington hit his sell-by date so fast, but he was replaced by Herb Jones, who is right up FJUB’s alley. There’s a few other mix-and-match pieces here like Immanuel Quickley, Killian Hayes, Kelly Olynyk, and Jalen McDaniels that could maybe be upgraded so we’ll see what GM Eric has up his sleeve. This iteration of FJUB is clearly still capable of winning with their unorthodox gameplan, but we’ll find out just how high they can rise during the next couple of months.

#5: 7 MELO (7-4)

Our third and last new owner Jack is also enjoying quite the third year boost as well! Aside from a close loss to CHMK, all of MELO’s other losses are to likely playoff bound teams. Coming off a roller coaster two years so far in Slam—MELO was 11-5 their first season and a league worst 3-17 last year—it’s encouraging to see them cruising back up the standings.

It all starts with Kevin Durant, who is having another monster year at age thirty-four. Combined with the emergence of Lauri Markkanen as a surefire All-Star, that’s two sweet-shooting bigs who can create matchup problems for anyone. MELO also has Jaylen Brown just entering his prime and the thirty-two year old Nikola Vucevic still serving up efficient offensive numbers. NBA Finals hero Andrew Wiggins is still only twenty-eight as well, and 2023 RD1.7 pick Kevin Porter Jr. is not often talked about as a young (fantasy) star—he’s just twenty-three—but he averages nearly a 20-6-6. Impressive!

There’s a nice mix of youth and vets on this team and GM Jack has continued to put the right offensive pieces around Durant, Brown, and Markkanen. MELO is currently tops in efficiency, third in offense, and an almost league average eleventh on defense. They are very strong In PTS, 3PT, and both percentages, while needing some AST, STL, and REB help.

MELO is ranked third overall in combined ODE, just a smidge below SCRM and SWMP. That could portend a leap up the standings if they get some of their coaching right. Currently, MELO is ranked third-to-last in Games Played, with three violation weeks where they were under the soft cap minimum. If that games management can get cleaned up, MELO could move up another level.

One last thing: 2021 RD1.2 James Wiseman. Will he ever get good? Or even useful? The almost twenty-two year old is still young but constantly injured and bouncing back and forth between the G League. Looking back on that 2021 rookie draft, it was real hit or miss in the first round. LaMelo Ball went number one, Tyrese Haliburton four, and Anthony Edwards six. Everyone else has been a bust or at least a disappointment on some level. Wiseman (2), Killian Hayes (3), and Deni Avdija (5), plus Onyeka Okongwu (8) and Obi Toppin (12). Ooof!

#6: 13 SBUK (7-4)

Our 2022 champs are off to a decent, if not altogether promising, title defense. So far SBUK has taken care of business against all the losing teams they’ve faced but their losses have come courtesy of SOUR, SCRM, ILCN, and FJUB. Last week’s WK11 win against SWMP was encouraging but if those teams represent the challengers to SBUK’s throne, Joel Embiid and Co. will need to step up if they want to repeat. I’m sure SBUK didn’t expect three young-ish teams to leapfrog them so fast, so this will be a true test of their championship mettle.

We sang all of SBUK’s praises over in their championship article and all those pluses remain the same. Embiid and Rudy Gobert are a dominant interior duo—and 2023 RD2.3 Draymond Green is a perfect third big man—Kyrie Irving is back and playing well, while Jalen Brunson and CJ McCollum serve as an ideal complementary backcourt. 2023 RD1.16 pickup Tre Jones has put up nice assist and steals as well. With sophomore Franz Wagner improving as expected, that’s a very solid starting eight for SBUK. The reserves are a little thin compared to the top teams, as Kenyon Martin Jr., Brandon Clarke, Drew Eubanks, and Marvin Bagley are end of the bench options but that should hardly matter.

On the whole, SBUK are looking pretty good, as they are a matching seventh in offensive and defensive rating, with a top-four efficiency. All that combines in ODE to make them a top-five team overall. Aside from some outside shooting woes—Malik Beasley’s 3.2 3PT a game could be useful here—SBUK isn’t far off from a proper title defense. We’ll just have to see how they fare against the other playoff teams as we head into the back half of the season to ascertain their repeat potential.

#7: 12 SOUR (7-4)

It’s been three long seasons since SOUR has been a force in SlamNation and the winningest franchise in our long history is slowly climbing back to relevance again. Last year’s 12-8 campaign was their return to the playoffs after two years away and GM Trieu is already on the title hunt this season, bringing back old stalwart Jimmy Butler to hopefully bring another ring home. Re-pairing Butler with Steph Curry recalls the glory days of SOUR, when they took three straight titles in 2015-17—SOUR did win four out of five titles between 2015-19, let’s not forget.

Butler returns to a whole new team—minus Steph—and now has speedy De’Aaron Fox to help power the backcourt. The double wing combo of Pascal Siakam and Jerami Grant are perhaps a little underrated and SOUR unearthed a whole bunch of young bigs in Isaiah Stewart, rookie Jalen Duren, Bol Bol, and Ivica Zubac—who came along with Butler in the trade that sent Christian Wood and Wendell Carter Jr. away—to complete the new-look Sour Snails.

This current version of SOUR is rated eighth on offense, sixth on defense, and seventh in efficiency. Not bad, but also just slightly above league average. SOUR is ranked tops in REB and FG%, but those numbers may drop with the roster swap, with Butler helping out in SOUR’s areas of weakness, which is currently STL, AST, and FT%. We’re sure more moves are coming from Trieu as he is never one to sit still before a proper championship push.

Similar to SBUK, SOUR is having some trouble facing off against the other playoff contenders, but they are more than capable of munching on the lower tier teams. That should be enough to punch SOUR’s ticket to the playoffs, but how far they can get is going to basically come down to how great Steph and Jimmy can be together. Reunited and it feels so good!

#8: 6 SWMP (7-4)

There’s simply nothing left for SWMP to do but win a title. They’ve won three of the last four Russell Conference titles, they’ve gotten most regular season wins twice in that span, and they’ve been to two Finals. The regular season means nothing to this team so we’ll just put everything aside and just compare SWMP to the title favorites so far.

There’s a WK15 matchup against SCRM coming up, a WK20 showdown with ILCN, and SWMP has already bested KSKT in WK4. Barring a mysterious loss against BUFF in WK8 and a WK1 head-scratcher versus TRUO, SWMP could be higher in the standings, if only by one extra game. That might change the perception of SWMP immensely and in a few months we might be calling SWMP the title favorites yet again.

After all, over the first half of the season, SWMP was still the second highest combined ODE team—fifth on offense, third on defense, and sixth in efficiency—and while that isn’t on par with their usual dominant showing, it’s still pretty damn good!

SWMP is below average in PTS and BLK though. Punting BLK is not a problem, but to really compete for a title, SWMP will need to get more buckets. One would think Nikola Jokic—headed toward a possible third straight NBA MVP—and a healthy Paul George and Zach LaVine would be enough to score with anyone but there are quite a number of low-scoring bench pieces on this year’s version of SWMP. 

Marcus Smart, De’Anthony Melton, Royce O’Neal, and Monte Morris are all known more for their defense. Deandre Ayton and sophomore Alperen Sengun are a nice pair in the middle but also not offensive powerhouses. So please hurry back Khris Middleton, SWMP needs you!

We’ll wait to see how SWMP can shore up their scoring just a little, but it’s never a good idea to count Eddie out…of the regular season anyway. Here’s hoping this is SWMP’s title year!

Midseason 2023: Bottom Eight

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And here we go with the bottom eight teams of 2023 so far! [ 2023 Top Eight | ODE Ratings ]

#9 3 FUNK (6-5)
After starting off the year 4-1 and seemingly well on their way to another playoff appearance—which would be their sixth in a row—FUNK has hit a snag and is currently on a three game losing streak. Some of it has been losses to tough teams like SCRM and SOUR, but mostly it’s been the injuries to Karl-Anthony Towns, and to a lesser extent Clint Capela.

Without the two big men in the middle, FUNK has dipped to just outside the playoff picture and ODE tells an even more worrisome story. FUNK has an excellent second-rated efficiency but only eleventh rated offense and a putrid fourteenth rated defense. Aside from being lacking in REB and BLK, FUNK is also terrible at 3PT and FG%. In short, this team is not doing anything well.

Despite the best efforts of Jayson Tatum, DeMar DeRozan, and Trae Young—who is actually having a horrific shooting season—FUNK does not look like a playoff team, much less a contender without Towns. With no picks earlier than RD3 in the 2023 draft, FUNK at least got a revived Mike Conley, who has helped this team to a good assists rating.

With four matches left to go versus current playoff-bound teams, FUNK will really need to step up to avoid the Toilet Bowl. This, after seemingly turning the corner from consistently losing franchise—FUNK didn’t record a winning record from 2010 until 2018, their ninth SlamNation season—to fringe contender. Big sadge!

#10 11 BUFF (5-6)
There was some hope that BUFF was a franchise trending up after a combined 18-17-1 record the past two seasons, with one playoff appearance in 2021—after seven long years out of the playoffs—but it seems clear now they are stuck in 0.500-land. They started the season off winless in their first four matchups—albeit versus a very tough schedule—before righting the ship of late and winning three of their last four, including a WK8 takedown of SWMP.

On paper this team is looking very promising, as they held over all their keepers from a year ago with Anthony Edwards, Brandon Ingram (still just twenty-five years old somehow), Domantas Sabonis, Ben Simmons, Klay Thompson, and Kyle Kuzma. Aside from 2021 RD1.6 pick Edwards, everyone on that list is back and playing to a high(ish) level—Edwards is great but having less of a third season leap than anticipated. Heck, even Simmons is back and well, at least he’s back!

With his keeper core set, GM Roger wisely drafted for team depth and grabbed Collin Sexton, Tobias Harris, Spencer Dinwiddie, and Steven Adams to bolster the roster. That makes for ten solid and useful players, and seems to be pretty solid all-around.

Even the stats tell us that BUFF is doing pretty swell. On the year they boast the fifth-best offense, the ninth defense, and are twelfth in efficiency. BUFF is very strong in REB and 3PT, although just about average everywhere else, minus FT% and BLK. Not bad, and not great? All of that adds up to an average team…

However, with the young talent on-board, BUFF can hope for a brighter future as management focuses on honing the roster and possibly playing for a top 2024 pick, or maybe BUFF can pull it all together and challenge for another much-desired playoff spot.

#11 9 SQSQ (4-7)
The wheels might have fallen of the team that had the best regular season record in two of the past three years. Last season, SQSQ dominated with a 15-5 regular season record before getting upended in RD1 by SCRM. Is it possible COVID cost SQSQ a title in 2020 and now their window is closed? After coming out of the gates 3-0 this season, SQSQ has skidded to a 1-7 record the rest of the way, with their only win coming against one-win TRUO.

That includes the toughest schedule stretch from any Slam team—four straight weeks against current playoff teams WK4-7 and then again in WK9-10—but not having picked up any wins against winning teams so far this season does not bode well for SQSQ’s title hopes. The schedule lightens up a little but if it’s an automatic loss every time SQSQ faces a 0.500+ team, we can punch this team’s ticket to the Toilet Bowl now.

Unfortunately, this team is in pure win-now mode, with Giannis Antetokounmpo in his absolute prime and LeBron James already past his—but still a fantasy force. The surrounding cast of Jrue Holiday, Jusuf Nurkic, Caris LeVert, and Bogdan Bogdanovich aren’t getting any younger. The next generation of SQSQ consists of new keeper Jonathan Kuminga, 2023 RD2.1 rookie Tari Eason, and just freshly added rookie Jeremy Sochan. Everyone else on this team is old, unless you think Donte DiVincenzo is a spring chicken.

Staring at a future that could be a Toilet Bowl, it might be best for SQSQ to pivot toward a rebuild and try to use Giannis and LeBron to secure a top 2024 pick. It’s sad to see but these Squirtles are juiced out and may need to reload!

#12 2 CHMK (3-8)
Speaking of reloading, it’s something CHMK has been thinking of doing awhile, even as they continued to battle for a second title—after their long-awaited first one in 2018. However, after falling short despite a 40-13-2 (0.746) regular season record from 2019-21, and an even 0.500 last season, CHMK was ready for a full pivot.

In truth, the reload started happening two years ago, when CHMK traded away LeBron James for Bam Adebayo and then focused on upside potential like Collin Sexton, Kevin Porter Jr., Mikal Bridges, and Rob Williams for their 2022 set of keepers. Unearthing Desmond Bane as a free agent last season allowed for the trade-off of James Harden earlier this year—for 2022 RD1.3 Evan Mobley and a future first—and then all the old Chunkys were no more…

The new-look CHMK are all young, all-promising, and are buttressed by the 2023 RD1.1 Jabari Smith Jr.—the reward for winning last year’s Toilet Bowl. (Let’s not talk about if Paolo Banchero or Chet Holmgren was the better pick here, as Smith Jr. has been frightening bad with his 38.5 FG% and has looked less than promising so far.)

The backcourt of 2022 RD2.12 Jordan Poole and Desmond Bane can score with anybody, Mikal Bridges is everyone’s dream 3-and-D wing, and there are at least four centers worthy of keeper consideration here—Adebayo, Mobley, Williams, and 2023 RD3.6 Nic Claxton (second in the league in BLK). That’s a lot of talent moving forward.

Regardless of the 0-5 start to the season and the paltry three total wins, the road ahead for CHMK is clear: keep building for the future and then accelerate that plan by winning a top pick in the Toilet Bowl. Wembanyama anybody?!

#13 14 SPDE (3-8)
Here’s another longtime winning franchise who is looking toward a full rebuild. After six of seven playoff seasons from 2014-20, SPDE could only rack up seven wins total the past two years. That signaled an end of the line for SPDE’s injury-plagued roster, and with that Eric Bledsoe’s eight years of service was over.

Somehow keepers Victor Oladipo—and to a lesser extent Kawhi Leonard—are still here, but those two should be gone relatively soon. The good news is that GM Randall has been quietly stacking young talent and now boast a solid franchise cornerstone in Devin Booker (2017 RD6), and the 2022 duo of Josh Giddey (RD1.8) and Tyrese Maxey (RD4.15). Add in 2020 free agent find Tyler Herro and there’s plenty to build upon here. And let’s not forget, next year welcomes the NBA debut of 2023 RD1.2 Chet Holmgren!

So far this season, SPDE has already exhibited the ability to beat all three teams below them in the standings—they did start off 0-6 this season—and should look to challenge the teams right above them for a high Toilet Bowl finish and a shot at another franchise cornerstone.

However, in order to do that, coach Randall will need to severely step up his game. In only eleven weeks, Randall has racked up five Games Played violations“violation” meaning under the weekly soft cap number—and only gotten in 211 GP, which is 40+ games under the average. We understand you may be tanking Randall, but that’s too many violations! We hope management will step in here and halt SPDE’s fans’ suffering, if only for ticket sales.

#14 10 ABCX (2-9)
After a short jaunt into the playoffs last season, ABCX is likely headed right back to the Toilet Bowl—which would mark their fourth appearance in five years. 2022’s 11-9 record was encouraging but having dropped nine straight games between WK2-10 this season probably means that’s all she wrote for a repeat playoff appearance in 2023.

The foundation for a rebuild is here, with 2020 RD1.2 Ja Morant and 2021 RD1.1 LaMelo Ball--plus the addition of 2023 RD1.13 rookie Benedict Mathurin--but the rest of this roster needs a revamp. Keepers Russell Westbrook, Jonas Valanciunas, and Harrison Barnes are all thirty-plus—Kelly Oubre Jr. is twenty-seven but was a fringe keeper anyway. And the recent draft and free agent pickups of Bobby Portis, Bogdan Bogdanovic, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Marcus Morris, Kevin Love, and Reggie Jackson are all pretty old as well. So yeah, ABCX needs an extreme team makeover to match the limitless upside of Morant and Ball.

Currently ABCX is ranked dead-to-last in combined ODE, but with a curious top-two rating in REB, plus a top-six rating in 3PT. Will this team be good enough to get into the Toilet Bowl finals and secure Wembanyama or Scoot? We can only hope as either would be a great addition to an ABCX rebuild.

#15 4 FOBS (1-9-1)
Here lies the corpse of FOBS, who are ranked dead last in combined ODE and not good at anything. Literally, unless you count a league average rating in 3PT and FT%. Last year was a wash, as Damian Lillard and Jamal Murray were both basically lost for the season. A 3-15-2 record was as expected. But now FOBS is coming off a combined eight wins in two seasons and is skimming along the bottom of the standings this season and currently on a seven game losing streak.

Even with Dame returned to full strength and doing his utter best, FOBS is headed for a total rebuild. The thirty-two year old Lillard is now miscast on this team, and he should be moved to a contender. The good news is that Murray is still only twenty-six, and 2020 RD2.2 Jarrett Allen turned into an All-Star last season and is just twenty-five. The rest of the roster is stocked with youngish talent, full of mid-twenty aged types—Saddiq Bey, Luguentz Dort, Jalen Smith, Rui Hachimura—highlighted by 2022 RD2.13 Keldon Johnson and fire-breathing 2023 RD5.3 Kevin Huerter, who has found a much better home in Sacramento. None of those guys are franchise talents but they could be useful role players moving forward.

As for finding that new franchise cornerstone, we’ve detailed the many first round misses from GM Jimmy in the 2023 keeper article but 2023 RD1.6 Jaden Ivey seems like he’ll be a promising piece at least. That much can’t be said for 2022 RD1.6 Jalen Suggs, who is looking more and more like a bust. If any team needs a top-two pick in next year’s draft, it’s FOBS, but will they have the firepower to make a Toilet Bowl finals?

It would help if coach Jimmy was actually coaching, as they’ve accrued four lineup violations on the season and have only put in 220 Games Played, good for second-worst in Slam. We’d like to see if FOBS could get another win or two with some effort, but most of all we want them to coalesce enough to deserve a top pick. Otherwise, Lillard will be stuck on a team going nowhere. (Trade Lillard now!!!)

#16 5 TRUO (1-9-1)
One owner that is not slacking is Thien, who is putting in his usual league-leading number of moves, engaging in trades, and keeping up with his Games Played. It’s just unfortunate that TRUO is simply not that good right now. And hasn’t been good over the past three seasons, as TRUO has gone a combined 12-42-1 from 2020-22. TRUO’s last playoff appearance was in 2018—granted they had gone to the postseason six of the last seven from 2011-18, while regularly winning Voltron division titles.

Of the four worst teams—SPDE, ABCX, FOBS—TRUO has the best combined ODE and some strengths along the frontline with REB and BLK. That puts them as the frontrunner to win a first round Toilet Bowl matchup, which could insure them a top-four pick at worst. Barring that, if they continue to be last or near last in standings, they’ll likely fall into a top pick as well. But can they win Wembanyama? That we’ll have to see.

At least GM Thien knows his old guys had to be moved, as he traded away thirty-three year old Jimmy Butler—and Ivica Zubac—recently in return for twenty-four year old Wendell Carer Jr. and twenty-seven year old Christian Wood. The 2022 draft class was a real rebuild moment for TRUO as well, as they brought in rookie Jalen Green (RD1.2), Dillon Brooks (RD4.5), and Cole Anthony (RD5.1), as well as R.O.Y. Scottie Barnes via trade. This year’s prize rookie, 2023 RD1.4 Keegan Murray was the odd man out of the projected big three, but should still be keeper worthy. Twenty-three year old recent Slam champion RJ Barrett (RD1.9) was also taken in this year’s draft and he should align well with this team’s age and goals.

The odd-or old—man out now seems to be Julius Randle, who had a lazy season after his All-Star breakout in 2020 but seems to be back in form as a nightly double-double threat. Will Randle be kept around to sshepherd in the next generation of TRUO? Or could he be on the move too?

For now, TRUO will just focus on snapping their current nine game losing streak—a big matchup against 2-9 ABCX is happening this week and again in the last week of the regular season, plus a chance to face off against three-win SPDE in WK17—and then turning their focus toward performing well in the 2023 Toilet Bowl.