While they watch their fellow three-year owners ascend to the top of the league, MELO is treading water, 0.500 for the first time in their short history—after a 11-5 debut season and a 3-17 campaign last year. They managed a four game win streak in the middle of this past season but petered out with a 1-5 showing at the end. Finishing just outside the playoffs means MELO will have a shot at a top pick next season—just not one of the top two—although they’ll have their work cut out for them.
It’s likely Kevin Durant and Andrew Wiggins will both be out for the duration of the fantasy playoffs. The good news is that 2021 RD1.2 pick James Wiseman has been unleashed in his new Detroit home, and Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen both ascended to new heights. With likely Sixth Man of the Year Malcolm Brogdon also on-board—along with Nikola Vucevic and Kevin Porter Jr.—MELO should still be able to put up a Toilet Bowl challenge as one of the favorites. All those missed Games Played this season will have to be turned around for that to happen though. Jack, get your team on the court!
#10 CHMK (8-12)
It’s been seven years since CHMK dipped below 0.500 but here we are, a second straight season in the Toilet Bowl for this former champion—they did win the TB last year. With a five game losing streak to start the season, CHMK pretty much played chalk the rest of the way, alternating between wins and losses.
The great news is that CHMK has some real undeniable strengths as a team, ranking first overall in REB and third in BLK and FG%. The big man lineup of Bam Adebayo, second-overall NBA blocks leader Nic Claxton, and early season trade acquisition Evan Mobley—plus Robert Williams III, even if he didn’t make many appearances this year—is unparalleled for youth, production, and talent.
And there’s a lot of pieces elsewhere as well, with Desmond Bane and Jordan Poole providing scoring while rookies Jabari Smith Jr. and Jalen Williams are coming on late. Heck, the real life Kevin Durant trade even made Mikal Bridges a scoring sensation, unleashing him as an offensive powerhouse since his arrival in Brooklyn. That’s an eight deep roster full of goodies, and CHMK can look forward to securing another high draft pick in 2024. Yowza!
This was not the season SQSQ was expecting. After two back-to-back regular season wins titles, SQSQ slid down the standings, to their second worst season as a franchise. The bottom dropped out fast after a 3-3 start, as SQSQ went 1-10 after that—including dropping six in a row. So what’s next for SQSQ? With Giannis Antetokounmpo and LeBron James powering them, SQSQ will be looking for a playoff spot next season but the looming Toilet Bowl is going to have to be fought with almost half the roster injured.
Giannis and Jrue Holiday will have to do a lot of work to get SQSQ a high draft pick next year. On the brighter side, sophomore Jonathan Kuminga is still showing good flashes and rookies Jeremy Sochan and Tari Eason have been contributors for their respective NBA teams. SQSQ may face a crossroad this coming off-season—have we seen the last of LeBron on SQSQ?—but having Victor Wembanyama vs Scoot Henderson would be a nice way to salvage a lost year.
#12 BUFF (7-13)
It’s the return of the Klay! Maybe Thompson can’t play defense anymore but he’s all the way back as a scorer. BUFF has always been light on defense anyway, and maybe leaning fully into an offensive mindset will bring them back to the playoffs. This will be the ninth season BUFF has been in the Toilet Bowl and it’s time for them to get out. A decade, Roger, a decade!
The trio of Anthony Edwards, Domantas Sabonis, and Brandon Ingram are a very good core to build around, and despite the injuries to Collin Sexton and Steven Adams—also, RIP Ben Simmons—BUFF might have enough to get into the Toilet Bowl finals. Adding Wembanyama would be a huge boon to the rebuild process as this team is severely lacing a rim protector. Go look at our RD1 previews for why karma is also on BUFF’s side for this Toilet Bowl.
A lackadaisical first half of the season saw SPDE start off with zero wins in six contests, but since then they’ve been playing more or less 0.500 ball—with an injection of Games Played at midseason. In recent weeks they’ve beaten both MELO and CHMK, who are the top two seeds for the Toilet Bowl.
Having gambled during this year’s draft on RD1.2 Chet Holmgren, SPDE is clearly facing a full rebuild behind Devin Booker and Co. Actually, the rebuild is already well on its way, as Josh Giddey, Tyler Herro, and Tyrese Maxey—dare we point out Markelle Fultz as well?—are getting better each season. A now-healthy Kawhi Leonard could easily power SPDE to a Toilet Bowl title and one of the top picks in the draft. SPDE could be another one of our “how did they get so good so fast” turnaround stories soon.
#14 ABCX (6-14)
With a nine game losing streak to their names—tied for most this year—ABCX was doomed to the Toilet Bowl from the start. To their credit, ABCX did win out their last three matchups, but after snapping a two year playoff drought last season, ABCX will be fighting in the Toilet Bowl once again.
And while Ja Morant’s current status as a troubled superstar may not affect fantasy things next season, it is a blight on ABCX’s fine reputation as an upstanding franchise. The next generation backcourt of Morant and LaMelo Ball—injured plagued all season—is still here, but the rest of the roster is up for debate. Rookie Bennedict Mathurin was a find but everyone else here has likely seen better days, from Russell Westbrook to Harrison Barnes to even Kelly Oubre Jr. on down.
Securing even one win in the Toilet Bowl could be a huge boon to the franchise, but that’ll be a tall order with Morant, Ball, and Mathurin all out.
Another franchise that has seen better days, TRUO is now facing four straight years out of the playoffs and they just racked up their worst winning percentage over a regular season since their debut year in 2021. Also sporting a nine game losing streak this season, TRUO didn’t finish strong either, dropping five straight to end the year.
We’re hoping this is TRUO’s nadir as a franchise and actually there is quite a bit of intriguing talent on this team. Jalen Green has found his footing, RJ Barrett as well (at least statistically), and Wendell Carter Jr. emerged as a steady force in the middle. Sophomore Scottie Barnes started off slow but has turned it up as of late. Add in Cole Anthony, Christian Wood, sweet shooting rookie Keegan Murray, and TRUO might have something.
A resurgent Julius Randle will have to lead the youth into a Toilet Bowl that TRUO should be desperate to win. The roster is fully healthy and playing at its absolute best, so the chance to win a franchise-altering talent like Wembanyama or Scoot is now!
#16 FOBS (3-16-1)
Nine game losing streak? FOBS has one too! All of those losses piled up amidst nine Games Played violations—adding up to more than hundred less games than top GP-ranked ILCN had this season. It’s like FOBS only played a sixteen game season this year, assuming the average GP for a week was 23.75 games.
FOBS was less than competitive this season, and it’s almost a miracle they won three games—against CHMK, BUFF, SPDE. There is some good news however. Franchise cornerstone Damian Lillard returned to action with a vengeance, putting up a career season. Jamal Murray also came back this year, and resumed his high scoring ways. Young pieces like Keldon Johnson, rookie Jaden Ivey, and Jarrett Allen are still here, and FOBS and some useful role players like Kevin Huerter, Saddiq Bey, and sophomore Jalen Suggs floating around.
Despite all that, the end of the line has come for FOBS, as Jimmy is stepping down after this Toilet Bowl. Can FOBS make one last run at a top pick? No team needs it more than this one, otherwise Lillard will have to go it alone for yet anther season. Note: New incoming owner Victor will have his pick of the litter of FOBS’ roster and the non-keepers for 2024.
While we’re here, let’s add on a eulogy for the FOBS franchise. Over fourteen seasons, FOBS accrued a 94-157-9 regular season record, which translates to a 0.375 winning percentage, which was bottom-seven of all time, and definitely the worst out of all the long-termed owners. (If you’re curious, we’ve had twenty-nine owners so far, with the Victor about to become our thirtieth.)
FOBS’ best season was 2020, when they put up a 12-7 record—they had a one-win season in 2012. That twelve-win 2020 season started a spurt of five playoff appearances but FOBS only ever made it out of the first round once—in 2018, an upset win over FJUB. But FOBS did make it to two Toilet Bowl finals--2011 and 2015.
Their initial 2011 keeper roster—not accounting for 2010 when SlamNation reset into its current iteration looked like this: Chris Bosh, Chauncey Billups, Rashard Lewis, Emeka Okafor, Zach Randolph, Lou Williams. Their longest tenured starting five would look like this: Kemba Walker, Zach Randolph, Jamal Murray (6 keeper seasons), Damian Lillard, Ryan Anderson (4).
GM Jimmy made a grand total of eight trades over their almost decade and a half. And through luck or a dash of incompetence, Ernie Grunfeld—sorry, Jimmy—never unearthed a Grade-A superstar in sixteen first round picks—seventeen if you count Chris Bosh. Maybe not even a semi-superstar actually. Here’s the list of all their RD1 draft picks:
- 2010: Chris Bosh
- 2011: Evan Turner
- 2012: Michael Beasley (R), Nick Young
- 2013: Dion Waiters
- 2014: Trey Burke (R)
- 2015: Doug McDermott (R)
- 2016: D’Angelo Russell (R)
- 2017: Jamal Murray (R)
- 2018: Rodney Hood
- 2019: Jonathan Isaac
- 2020: Rui Hachimura (R)
- 2021: Obi Toppin (R)
- 2022: Jalen Suggs (R), Buddy Hield
- 2023: Jaden Ivey (R), Jalen Smith
And all their RD2 ones as well…. In sum, are we saying FOBS was the least successful franchise in SlamNation history? Gulp, no no we’re not. Okay maybe. As one of the nine remaining original SlamNation owners however, we bid Jimmy a sad goodbye, and we thank him for his time with us. It’s been a long time my friend, and we hope to see you on the real basketball courts one day.
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