Midseason 2023: Bottom Eight

And here we go with the bottom eight teams of 2023 so far! [ 2023 Top Eight | ODE Ratings ]

#9 3 FUNK (6-5)

After starting off the year 4-1 and seemingly well on their way to another playoff appearance—which would be their sixth in a row—FUNK has hit a snag and is currently on a three game losing streak. Some of it has been losses to tough teams like SCRM and SOUR, but mostly it’s been the injuries to Karl-Anthony Towns, and to a lesser extent Clint Capela.

Without the two big men in the middle, FUNK has dipped to just outside the playoff picture and ODE tells an even more worrisome story. FUNK has an excellent second-rated efficiency but only eleventh rated offense and a putrid fourteenth rated defense. Aside from being lacking in REB and BLK, FUNK is also terrible at 3PT and FG%. In short, this team is not doing anything well.

Despite the best efforts of Jayson Tatum, DeMar DeRozan, and Trae Young—who is actually having a horrific shooting season—FUNK does not look like a playoff team, much less a contender without Towns. With no picks earlier than RD3 in the 2023 draft, FUNK at least got a revived Mike Conley, who has helped this team to a good assists rating.

With four matches left to go versus current playoff-bound teams, FUNK will really need to step up to avoid the Toilet Bowl. This, after seemingly turning the corner from consistently losing franchise—FUNK didn’t record a winning record from 2010 until 2018, their ninth SlamNation season—to fringe contender. Big sadge!

#10 11 BUFF (5-6)

There was some hope that BUFF was a franchise trending up after a combined 18-17-1 record the past two seasons, with one playoff appearance in 2021—after seven long years out of the playoffs—but it seems clear now they are stuck in 0.500-land. They started the season off winless in their first four matchups—albeit versus a very tough schedule—before righting the ship of late and winning three of their last four, including a WK8 takedown of SWMP.

On paper this team is looking very promising, as they held over all their keepers from a year ago with Anthony Edwards, Brandon Ingram (still just twenty-five years old somehow), Domantas Sabonis, Ben Simmons, Klay Thompson, and Kyle Kuzma. Aside from 2021 RD1.6 pick Edwards, everyone on that list is back and playing to a high(ish) level—Edwards is great but having less of a third season leap than anticipated. Heck, even Simmons is back and well, at least he’s back!

With his keeper core set, GM Roger wisely drafted for team depth and grabbed Collin Sexton, Tobias Harris, Spencer Dinwiddie, and Steven Adams to bolster the roster. That makes for ten solid and useful players, and seems to be pretty solid all-around.

Even the stats tell us that BUFF is doing pretty swell. On the year they boast the fifth-best offense, the ninth defense, and are twelfth in efficiency. BUFF is very strong in REB and 3PT, although just about average everywhere else, minus FT% and BLK. Not bad, and not great? All of that adds up to an average team…

However, with the young talent on-board, BUFF can hope for a brighter future as management focuses on honing the roster and possibly playing for a top 2024 pick, or maybe BUFF can pull it all together and challenge for another much-desired playoff spot.

#11 9 SQSQ (4-7)

The wheels might have fallen of the team that had the best regular season record in two of the past three years. Last season, SQSQ dominated with a 15-5 regular season record before getting upended in RD1 by SCRM. Is it possible COVID cost SQSQ a title in 2020 and now their window is closed? After coming out of the gates 3-0 this season, SQSQ has skidded to a 1-7 record the rest of the way, with their only win coming against one-win TRUO.

That includes the toughest schedule stretch from any Slam team—four straight weeks against current playoff teams WK4-7 and then again in WK9-10—but not having picked up any wins against winning teams so far this season does not bode well for SQSQ’s title hopes. The schedule lightens up a little but if it’s an automatic loss every time SQSQ faces a 0.500+ team, we can punch this team’s ticket to the Toilet Bowl now.

Unfortunately, this team is in pure win-now mode, with Giannis Antetokounmpo in his absolute prime and LeBron James already past his—but still a fantasy force. The surrounding cast of Jrue Holiday, Jusuf Nurkic, Caris LeVert, and Bogdan Bogdanovich aren’t getting any younger. The next generation of SQSQ consists of new keeper Jonathan Kuminga, 2023 RD2.1 rookie Tari Eason, and just freshly added rookie Jeremy Sochan. Everyone else on this team is old, unless you think Donte DiVincenzo is a spring chicken.

Staring at a future that could be a Toilet Bowl, it might be best for SQSQ to pivot toward a rebuild and try to use Giannis and LeBron to secure a top 2024 pick. It’s sad to see but these Squirtles are juiced out and may need to reload!

#12 2 CHMK (3-8)

Speaking of reloading, it’s something CHMK has been thinking of doing awhile, even as they continued to battle for a second title—after their long-awaited first one in 2018. However, after falling short despite a 40-13-2 (0.746) regular season record from 2019-21, and an even 0.500 last season, CHMK was ready for a full pivot.

In truth, the reload started happening two years ago, when CHMK traded away LeBron James for Bam Adebayo and then focused on upside potential like Collin Sexton, Kevin Porter Jr., Mikal Bridges, and Rob Williams for their 2022 set of keepers. Unearthing Desmond Bane as a free agent last season allowed for the trade-off of James Harden earlier this year—for 2022 RD1.3 Evan Mobley and a future first—and then all the old Chunkys were no more…

The new-look CHMK are all young, all-promising, and are buttressed by the 2023 RD1.1 Jabari Smith Jr.—the reward for winning last year’s Toilet Bowl. (Let’s not talk about if Paolo Banchero or Chet Holmgren was the better pick here, as Smith Jr. has been frightening bad with his 38.5 FG% and has looked less than promising so far.)

The backcourt of 2022 RD2.12 Jordan Poole and Desmond Bane can score with anybody, Mikal Bridges is everyone’s dream 3-and-D wing, and there are at least four centers worthy of keeper consideration here—Adebayo, Mobley, Williams, and 2023 RD3.6 Nic Claxton (second in the league in BLK). That’s a lot of talent moving forward.

Regardless of the 0-5 start to the season and the paltry three total wins, the road ahead for CHMK is clear: keep building for the future and then accelerate that plan by winning a top pick in the Toilet Bowl. Wembanyama anybody?!

#13 14 SPDE (3-8)

Here’s another longtime winning franchise who is looking toward a full rebuild. After six of seven playoff seasons from 2014-20, SPDE could only rack up seven wins total the past two years. That signaled an end of the line for SPDE’s injury-plagued roster, and with that Eric Bledsoe’s eight years of service was over.

Somehow keepers Victor Oladipo—and to a lesser extent Kawhi Leonard—are still here, but those two should be gone relatively soon. The good news is that GM Randall has been quietly stacking young talent and now boast a solid franchise cornerstone in Devin Booker (2017 RD6), and the 2022 duo of Josh Giddey (RD1.8) and Tyrese Maxey (RD4.15). Add in 2020 free agent find Tyler Herro and there’s plenty to build upon here. And let’s not forget, next year welcomes the NBA debut of 2023 RD1.2 Chet Holmgren!

So far this season, SPDE has already exhibited the ability to beat all three teams below them in the standings—they did start off 0-6 this season—and should look to challenge the teams right above them for a high Toilet Bowl finish and a shot at another franchise cornerstone.

However, in order to do that, coach Randall will need to severely step up his game. In only eleven weeks, Randall has racked up five Games Played violations—“violation” meaning under the weekly soft cap number—and only gotten in 211 GP, which is 40+ games under the average. We understand you may be tanking Randall, but that’s too many violations! We hope management will step in here and halt SPDE’s fans’ suffering, if only for ticket sales.

#14 10 ABCX (2-9)

After a short jaunt into the playoffs last season, ABCX is likely headed right back to the Toilet Bowl—which would mark their fourth appearance in five years. 2022’s 11-9 record was encouraging but having dropped nine straight games between WK2-10 this season probably means that’s all she wrote for a repeat playoff appearance in 2023.

The foundation for a rebuild is here, with 2020 RD1.2 Ja Morant and 2021 RD1.1 LaMelo Ball--plus the addition of 2023 RD1.13 rookie Benedict Mathurin--but the rest of this roster needs a revamp. Keepers Russell Westbrook, Jonas Valanciunas, and Harrison Barnes are all thirty-plus—Kelly Oubre Jr. is twenty-seven but was a fringe keeper anyway. And the recent draft and free agent pickups of Bobby Portis, Bogdan Bogdanovic, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Marcus Morris, Kevin Love, and Reggie Jackson are all pretty old as well. So yeah, ABCX needs an extreme team makeover to match the limitless upside of Morant and Ball.

Currently ABCX is ranked dead-to-last in combined ODE, but with a curious top-two rating in REB, plus a top-six rating in 3PT. Will this team be good enough to get into the Toilet Bowl finals and secure Wembanyama or Scoot? We can only hope as either would be a great addition to an ABCX rebuild.

#15 4 FOBS (1-9-1)

Here lies the corpse of FOBS, who are ranked dead last in combined ODE and not good at anything. Literally, unless you count a league average rating in 3PT and FT%. Last year was a wash, as Damian Lillard and Jamal Murray were both basically lost for the season. A 3-15-2 record was as expected. But now FOBS is coming off a combined eight wins in two seasons and is skimming along the bottom of the standings this season and currently on a seven game losing streak.

Even with Dame returned to full strength and doing his utter best, FOBS is headed for a total rebuild. The thirty-two year old Lillard is now miscast on this team, and he should be moved to a contender. The good news is that Murray is still only twenty-six, and 2020 RD2.2 Jarrett Allen turned into an All-Star last season and is just twenty-five. The rest of the roster is stocked with youngish talent, full of mid-twenty aged types—Saddiq Bey, Luguentz Dort, Jalen Smith, Rui Hachimura—highlighted by 2022 RD2.13 Keldon Johnson and fire-breathing 2023 RD5.3 Kevin Huerter, who has found a much better home in Sacramento. None of those guys are franchise talents but they could be useful role players moving forward.

As for finding that new franchise cornerstone, we’ve detailed the many first round misses from GM Jimmy in the 2023 keeper article but 2023 RD1.6 Jaden Ivey seems like he’ll be a promising piece at least. That much can’t be said for 2022 RD1.6 Jalen Suggs, who is looking more and more like a bust. If any team needs a top-two pick in next year’s draft, it’s FOBS, but will they have the firepower to make a Toilet Bowl finals?

It would help if coach Jimmy was actually coaching, as they’ve accrued four lineup violations on the season and have only put in 220 Games Played, good for second-worst in Slam. We’d like to see if FOBS could get another win or two with some effort, but most of all we want them to coalesce enough to deserve a top pick. Otherwise, Lillard will be stuck on a team going nowhere. (Trade Lillard now!!!)

#16 5 TRUO (1-9-1)

One owner that is not slacking is Thien, who is putting in his usual league-leading number of moves, engaging in trades, and keeping up with his Games Played. It’s just unfortunate that TRUO is simply not that good right now. And hasn’t been good over the past three seasons, as TRUO has gone a combined 12-42-1 from 2020-22. TRUO’s last playoff appearance was in 2018—granted they had gone to the postseason six of the last seven from 2011-18, while regularly winning Voltron division titles.

Of the four worst teams—SPDE, ABCX, FOBS—TRUO has the best combined ODE and some strengths along the frontline with REB and BLK. That puts them as the frontrunner to win a first round Toilet Bowl matchup, which could insure them a top-four pick at worst. Barring that, if they continue to be last or near last in standings, they’ll likely fall into a top pick as well. But can they win Wembanyama? That we’ll have to see.

At least GM Thien knows his old guys had to be moved, as he traded away thirty-three year old Jimmy Butler—and Ivica Zubac—recently in return for twenty-four year old Wendell Carer Jr. and twenty-seven year old Christian Wood. The 2022 draft class was a real rebuild moment for TRUO as well, as they brought in rookie Jalen Green (RD1.2), Dillon Brooks (RD4.5), and Cole Anthony (RD5.1), as well as R.O.Y. Scottie Barnes via trade. This year’s prize rookie, 2023 RD1.4 Keegan Murray was the odd man out of the projected big three, but should still be keeper worthy. Twenty-three year old recent Slam champion RJ Barrett (RD1.9) was also taken in this year’s draft and he should align well with this team’s age and goals.

The odd-or old—man out now seems to be Julius Randle, who had a lazy season after his All-Star breakout in 2020 but seems to be back in form as a nightly double-double threat. Will Randle be kept around to sshepherd in the next generation of TRUO? Or could he be on the move too?

For now, TRUO will just focus on snapping their current nine game losing streak—a big matchup against 2-9 ABCX is happening this week and again in the last week of the regular season, plus a chance to face off against three-win SPDE in WK17—and then turning their focus toward performing well in the 2023 Toilet Bowl.