Showing posts with label 2019. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2019. Show all posts

2019 Championship: Still Sweet

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Well, we've all been here before haven't we? After a losing record last regular season, we figured the reign of Sour Snails might be over. Instead, they made a mega-trade before last year's post-season, took themselves to a proper title defense, and only conceded a title to Chunky Monkeys. Not bad, but we assumed Snails would be in a bit of a rebuild as they entered the 2019 season with Brook Lopez and Isaiah Thomas on their keeper core, which was not ideal.

Even with Steph Curry and Kevin Durant on-board, we thought the Snails had floated to the middle of the pack as they were 5-4 at midseason. But then they went 9-1-1 to close out the regular season and finished atop Chamberlain Conference -- again. Of course, that one loss was against Swamp Dragons, the kings of Russell, and Snails had already lost to Eddie's team twice this season.

However, after a small scare in RD1 from Fat Jubas, Sour found its stride again and demolished Squirtle Squad in RD2 before handily dispatching a Swamp Dragon team that failed to put up much of a fight. The final score for the title game was 7-2 after a huge start to the week by Swamp -- albeit losing Jusuf Nurkic early on. But the incredible shooting by Snails -- Durant put up 62.5 FG% on 25/40 shots, Siakam shot 58.6 FG%, Curry threw up 22 3PT -- and it was all she wrote for the week.

In the end, Snails showed off their playoff best combined ODE rating by putting up a first in efficiency, second in defense, and eighth in offensive rating over the past three weeks -- a huge dip from their regular season offense. This playoff run really had to rely on Snails' defense, as they ranked first in BLK behind rookie Mitchell Robinson's monstrous contributions, as well as the timely addition of DeMarcus Cousins just before the post-season. With injuries to Zach LaVine and rest days for his Warriors, Trieu really had to utilize our new non-roster lock rules to churn out useful players.

A list of guys who hit the floor for Sour Snails during championship week: Maxi Kleber, Lance Stephenson, Marco Belinelli, Justin Holiday, Tyus Jones, and Bruno Caboclo. (Those guys are all gonna get rings! Haha.) During their RD1 matchup versus Fat Jubas, Trieu used seventeen players in total. That's some crazy management and strategy, and could be a preview to how our future playoff matchups will have to be going forward. Flexibility and matchups won the day!

And it's been the Midas touch for Trieu all year as he hit huge on draft picks, free agents, and trades. There was the emergence of 2019 RD4 pick Pascal Siakam of the Pascal Siakam All-Stars, the free agent grabs of Montrezl Harrell and Mitchell Robinson, and the six trades that shuffled the core lineup yet again. Overall Sour Snails went from a weakened keeper six to suddenly a team brimming over with depth all over again. Heck, Trieu even traded away Julius Randle, Harrell, and Caris LeVert for future assets and still won the 2019 title!

So to sum it all up for our best franchise ever, in ten years since our reset Sour Snails has accumulated nine years in the playoffs, seven division/conference titles, four best record in the league years, been to seven title games -- this is their fifth in a row -- and won five rings, including a three-peat 2015-17. Oh and they made a Toilet Bowl finals in their only year out of the playoffs too. What's next for Sour? Will it be another repeat? Another three-peat?! Another podcast episode!?!

As for Swamp Dragons, it was a very successful season as they emerged as the top regular season team in SlamNation after four years out of the playoff sunshine, they hit on a number one pick in DeAndre Ayton after the failure of Markelle Fultz, and they won every trade they engaged in with Funk Coalition by a landslide. Alas, Swamp will have to settle for a runner-up trophy yet again after their third title game loss, but at least they are now positioned to be contenders for the forthcoming future behind Paul George and Nikola Jokic. Better luck next year Eddie, and we're counting on you to challenge for a ring next year -- and not the Toilet Bowl kind!


2019 Toilet Bowl: So! So! So!

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As the top seed headed into the Toilet Bowl, So Buckets was well placed to win their second overall Toilet Bowl -- the franchise had a 2011 win under their belt but it was under a previous regime. This time out, So Buckets was entering the Toilet Bowl with a 10-9-1 record and a spotty showing for the season.

Still, they were clearly the best team on paper and proved it by taking the whole losers tournament. Not that there weren't some close calls, as they needed home court advantage to down surging Another Bad Creation in RD2, which ended in a 4-4-1 tie as Buckets escaped a near-upset. And there were injuries aplenty for Josh to manage as CJ McCollum and Derrick Rose were mostly missing, and Joel Embiid and Kyrie Irving were constantly in-and-out of the lineup.

For the three week post-season run, So Buckets were the second ODE rated team overall, sporting a first place offensive rating to go with their sixth rated efficiency and tenth rated offensive score. They were top-three ranked in PTS, REB, STL, BLK, and FG% and that helped overcome their extreme lack of 3PT shooting. And for the actual Toilet Bowl, Buckets was led by Jabari Parker in scoring -- Jabari Parker! Also, shout out to Delon Wright's incredible STL numbers during the tournament.

Alas, with new rules instituted, #9 seeded So Buckets can't win a draft slot higher than *3, so they won't be looking at a Zion Williamson-sized reward for their success. Still, adding the third best rookie to their already fearsome core of Kyrie Irving, DeMar DeRozan, Joel Embiid, and Rudy Gobert will be quite a boost for next year's contention hopes. So congrats to Josh for both the new baby and a Toilet Bowl win!

On the losing side of things, Snack Bears awoke from a long regular season slumber to chomp down on two higher seeds on their way to a magical Toilet Bowl run. They took down both Buffy and IL Conceived in successive weeks, earning their berth in the Toilet Bowl but most importantly, the *1 overall 2020 selection.

As we've been saying all year, this team was very talented post-dispersal, and while they hit some injury and mismanagement skid marks along the way, coach Brandon pulled it all together for the final stretch of the season, after we had written Snack off for the season.

Now Snack's future is looking even brighter than before as they've got quite a core assembled for next year: Bradley Beal, De'Aaron Fox, Blake Griffin, youngsters Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Wendell Carter Jr., Bam Adebayo, plus the return of Kristaps Porzingis. After three seasons out of the playoffs, this could be the most exciting team on the rise with Ziooooooon!



Post-Season Results 2019

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Our finish to the 2019 post-season, with quite a few unexpected surprises! See how all this shook out for our 2020 RD1 draft slots, right here!


PLAYOFFS
We have a new champ to crown but we'll cover that in more detail later! For the entire third round of the playoffs, every matchup ended in an upset -- including our championship game. In short, Sour Snails took the title, giving themselves the last pick in 2020 RD1, while Swamp Dragons will get the *9 draft slot for their finals appearance, as a balm to heal the wound of losing.

#6 seeded Team Spade absolutely annihilated #5 Squirtle Squad for a three game WLW record and the rights to the *10 selection, and also backed up their boast from their podcast episode. They finish the 2019 season as the third-best team in SlamNation.

And in a shocking turn, defending champions Chunky Monkeys couldn't take one win all playoffs -- this loss came against Fat Jubas -- and went LLL in three weeks, and will thus will draft in the second-to-last slot, *15, for 2020. Is the Monkey reign already over?

#8 Fob Stars squeaked out a narrow win over #4 Funk Coalition behind John Collins' unexpected burst of BLK, giving Fob a LWW record for the post-season, which will earn them the *12 pick next season. Pulling off two big wins against two higher seeds was exactly why Fob Stars made it into the playoffs, to play giant killer!


TOILET BOWL
We already knew who would draft *1 next year as top-seeded So Buckets was destined for a *3 pick, so most of the drama was between who would win *2 between IL Conceived and Another Bad Creation. After a devastating RD2 loss, there a minute where IL Conceived seemed to throw in the towel by benching Donovan Michell but then they came roaring back to competition. Alas, ABC made all the right moves along the way and our #15 seeded team will earn a highly coveted *2 2020 RD1 pick by going WLW, with IL Conceived dropping down to the *4 draft slot.

There was another upset in Toilet Bowl land, where #11 LA Buffy took out #10 Team Thien and will get to now draft in the top-five after a very close win, powered by R.O.Y. candidate Trae Young. This has to count as a big win for Buffy as they fended off a slew of late-season injuries. As for Thien, injuries has been their bugaboo for two years running...

As for our two last place teams, Hilt the Stilt took down Team Cameltoe as neither hit the max cap. So, um, they "earned" their *7/8 selections. And oh yeah, congrats to So Buckets for a Toilet Bowl title, but we'll cover that in a separate article as well!

Post-Season RD3: 2019

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Okay now that was an insane round! We had a couple of upsets and a whole bunch of nail biters! Unpredictability: that's why we play the game! And don't look now, but it looks like we have a possible Zion owner already determined...[ Playoff Teams | Toilet Bowl Teams]

For a look at which draft slots are at stake, click here!


PLAYOFFS
Round 3 - Finals
• #1 Swamp Dragons (15-3-2) vs #2 Sour Snails (14-5-1)
This is it, our finals! Two best teams in the league. Who will prevail between multiple title winning Sour -- entering their fifth straight finals -- versus the ringless Swamp Dragons?!
Winner earns draft slot *16 while the runner-up will get draft slot *9

Playoff Consolation RD3-2
• #5 Squirtle Squad (12-6-2) vs #6 Team Spade (12-7-1)
Both of these teams got trampled over in RD2 but they can hold their head up high after giving it all they got.
Squirtle and Spade face off for the right to draft slot *10/11

Playoff Consolation RD3-3
•  #4 Funk Coalition (13-7) vs #8 Fob Stars (10-9-1)
•  #3 Chunky Monkeys (14-5-1) vs #7 Fat Jubas (12-8)
In a wild twist of events, our defending champs lose two in a row and now are fighting for draft selections *14/15 after being taken down by Fob Stars in a wild week. Fat Jubas almost pulled off the upset over Funk Coalition but will be heading into RD3 looking for their first post-season win of the season.
Funk and Fob will be playing for draft slot *12/13
Chunky vs Jubas for draft slot *14/15


TOILET BOWL
Round 3 - Toilet Bowl Finals
• #9 So Buckets (10-9-1) vs #14 Snack Bears (5-15)
An insane last day of games had So Buckets barely squeaking by Another Bad Creation — tied 4-4-1, with tie to higher regular season record — as they lock down a Toilet Bowl finals. And since they can’t win the *1 draft pick, they’re locked into the *3 pick. As for Snack Bears, they’ve just come out of nowhere to earn the right to draft first in 2020, aka the Zion sweepstakes! Still, even though their draft slots are locked in, these two owners would surely both love a Toilet Bowl title under their belt.
Snack Bears will have 2020 draft slot *1, while So Buckets will be at *3 regardless of outcome

Toilet Bowl Consolation RD3-2
• #12 IL Conceived (7-13) vs #15 Another Bad Creation (4-16)
While both of these teams suffered agonizing final moment outcomes, they’ve still got a gigantic prize to compete for. There’s either a chance at *2 or *4 on the table depending on who wins. Shout out to LaMarcus Aldridge’s 20/31, 64.5 FG% Sunday night game as that shoved ABC to a near win versus top ranked So Buckets, until a last minute turnover by JaVale McGee ended their upset hopes.
The winner of this matchup gets 2020 *2 draft slot, while loser receives *4

Toilet Bowl Consolation RD3-3
• #10 Team Thien (9-11) vs #11 LA Buffy (8-11-1)
• #13 Hilt the Stilt (6-14) vs #16 Team Cameltoe (3-17)
While better things were hoped for by Thien and Buffy, both of these prideful owners will get the chance to battle it out for a *5/6 pick. Buffy had a hard time of it this week as they were still pummeled by injuries but managed to eke out a win. As for our two worst teams in the league, we’ll see if Hilt the Stilt and Cameltoe bother to adjust their lineup for a shot at a slightly higher draft pick.
Thien and Buffy play for draft slot *5/6
Hilt and Cameltoe face off for draft slot *7/8

Post-Season RD2: 2019

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Whew, round one of our revamped post-season system is in the books! And maybe some of you didn't know that we keep right on playing for another two weeks -- all of us keep playing in consolation rounds -- but I hope you know by now!

Take a listen to EP02 of our podcast, which I just did with Trieu, covering our new post-season rules and also a brief take on the round one results. [ Playoff Teams | Toilet Bowl Teams]


PLAYOFFS
Round 2
• #1 Swamp Dragons (15-3-2) vs #6 Team Spade (12-7-1)
• #2 Sour Snails (14-5-1) vs #5 Squirtle Squad (12-6-2)

Playoff Consolation RD2
• #3 Chunky Monkeys (14-5-1) vs #8 Fob Stars (10-9-1)
• #4 Funk Coalition (13-7) vs #7 Fat Jubas (12-8)

Spade took down defending champs Monkeys with a thrilling last minute victory that basically came down to FG%, as James Harden might have shot Monkeys out of the game on Sunday night. After talking the smack in our first podcast episode, Randall is proving he's a dangerous team right as the lights shine brightest!

Squirtles also creamed Funk Coalition in their #5/4 matchup behind lovely work by Jalen Brunson and Lou Williams, all while shooting an incredible 51.4 FG%. Top seeded Swamp Dragons and Sour Snails faced stiff challenges of their own for most of the week but they ended up fending off their challengers with aplomb. Can't wait to see what week two of the playoffs hold!

Note: Those in Playoff Consolation RD2 are now playing for draft slots *12-15, as can be seen in the image from New Post-Season 2.0 rules.


TOILET BOWL
Round 2
• #9 So Buckets (10-9-1) vs #15 Another Bad Creation (4-16)
• #12 IL Conceived (7-13) vs #14 Snack Bears (5-15)

Toilet Bowl Consolation RD2
• #10 Team Thien (9-11) vs #16 Team Cameltoe (3-17)
• #11 LA Buffy (8-11-1) vs #13 Hilt the Stilt (6-14)

There was a quite a bit of upheaval here in the chase for the 2020 number one overall pick. Snack Bears used a late Sunday surge to put Buffy away in a bit of a shocker. Snack Bears actually put up a top-three offensive rating while pouring in 3PT/AST/STL to take out a Brandon Ingram-less Buffy.

And then there was ABC pulling off another upset, but doing it in style by stomping on Team Thien the whole week long -- all hail Elfrid Payton, our new triple double monster. We'll be honest, it wasn't pretty and now ABC has landed a top-four draft slot as well as kept hopes alive for a Toilet Bowl win.

Meanwhile So Buckets took care of business against a GP-less Cameltoe (20/21 GP), and IL Conceived did the same against Hilt the Stilt, who also didn't adjust their lineup all week. The deserving owners moved on in the continued chase for Zion!

Note: Those in Toilet Bowl Consolation RD2 are now playing for draft slots *5-8, as can be seen in the image from New Post-Season 2.0 rules.

Owner Ratings: Final 2019

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Remember when we dug into owner ratings at the end of December? Well the formula was Games Played + Moves + Wins. Now we're back to take a look at how the final 2019 owner ratings worked out.

Our top five owners at the turn were Eddie, Thien, Trieu, Brian, Evan. Now that has changed to Eddie, Trieu, Brian, Evan, Jon. Okay so that didn't change all that much, but that's likely explained mostly by how the end-of-season wins column got added in.

Similarly, our bottom five owners remained mostly static, with the exception of Jimmy sliding down as Randall moved up a slot.


Games Played
Securing the top prize for Games Played is Roger, who despite pulling some players in WK20 to secure a seed, edged out Eddie by +1 game (530 to 529) for GP. Congratulations! Of course, Buffy also holds the distinction of being the only non-playoff team of the top five GP owners...

Looking at disparities between GP and wins, we can see who used the least number of games to acquire the most number of wins. Evan's Chunky Monkeys were a sterling +8 here as they had the tenth most GP but tied for second most regular season wins. Jimmy and Randall were right behind Evan at +5 and +4 in this category, respectively.

Roger "led" the way in the other direction, playing the first most GP but grinding out only the eleventh most wins for a -11 calculation here. There was a three way tie after Roger with -4 GP/W ratio, with were achieved by Thien, Frank, and Oliver.

In total we had fifty-two early maxed out weeks this season, thereafter referred to as "mismanagement." Our bottom five Games Played owners -- Josh, Jimmy, Brandon, Dave, Felipe -- accounted for a whopping forty of them, or 76.9%. Felipe led the way with fourteen mismanagement weeks while new owner Dave racked up eleven.

Coaches that didn't have a single mismanagement week: Roger, Frank, Brian, and Eddie. Attendance medals for these four! 🏅

Taking the top/bottom outliers out, the average Games Played per week was 24.9 per week.

Moves
As usual, Thien led the league in Moves, with a whopping 102 -- that's 5.1 a week! -- while Trieu and Brian were a distant second and third with 39 and 34 moves respectively. We saw no moves from both Brandon and Dave. What gives?!

Both Thien and Frank had much higher moves than wins, with Thien ranking a -9 for moves/wins ratio, while Frank was -5 for the same calculation. On the other end of the spectrum, Spade was a whopping +8 as they made only the thirteenth most moves but emerged with a tied for fifth best wins in the regular season. Similarly, Jon was a +5 in the moves/win ratio.

Taking the top/bottom outliers out, the average moves per franchise was 15.5, or about 0.78 moves per week.

Trades
Moving players aren't an indication of a good or bad owner, but trades are fun and the life/rumor blood of any league! We had a sterling twelve trades this season -- including our first actual three-way -- but it was basically a Jon and Trieu show as Jon was involved in eight of those trades and Trieu five. Eddie, Frank, Jimmy, and Thien snuck in two trades apiece though! Where were you Evan, aka our third most often trading owner?!

Toilet Bowl 2019

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We looked at the winners, now let's take a look at the losers! Here are our bottom eight teams from 2019, which will be fighting for the right to the *1-8 draft slots next year. Reminder that #9 and #10 seeds can only win up to the *3 draft slot!

#9 So Buckets (10-9-1)
First half (WK1-10): 8/5/7 ODE, 6th
Second half (WK11-20): 12/8/2 ODE, 8th
By all accounts, this team probably should be in the playoffs with its 0.500+ record. A core of Kyrie Irving, DeMar DeRozan, CJ McCollum, Joel Embiid, and Rudy Gobert was ranked one of the best in the league. Even a move across conferences to Chamberlain should’ve given last year’s fourteen win team no slowdown except to accumulate victories.

Alas, reality finds us all and a wonderful baby came into Josh’s life. I know firsthand how that can take down one’s free time — I’m an uncle! — and thus So Buckets fell into Toilet Bowl after two straight Voltron division titles. Josh has never actually been out of the first round of the Toilet Bowl in three previous attempts but they are the odds-on favorite to win this year. With a resurgent season from Derrick Rose, a little dash of Harrison Barnes, Noah Vonleh, and maybe even Jabari Parker, these Buckets could earn a nice third overall draft pick to bring home with daddy to nap with!

Buckets has a stellar front court and one of the better defenses in the Toilet Bowl. They are fourth in FG%, BLK, TO, and fifth in REB. While their offense has gone in the tank over the back half of the season, an impressive second overall efficiency rating could definitely power them through most challengers.

#10 Team Thien (9-11)
4/10/8 ODE, 7th
13/10/9 ODE, 12th
Our other team ineligible for the top prize in the Toilet Bowl, Thien’s 2019 story is the tale of two halves. After starting off 7-2 and looking like a contender, they’ve gone 2-9 the rest of the way to end up with their first losing record ever in SlamNation, and are now off to their third ever trip to the Toilet Bowl. A trip in 2010 resulted in a TB win and John Wall, but in 2013 then Super Ninja was upset in the semis. How will Thien fare this time out?

A late breaking trade will now give Thien a new leader: Kemba Walker. With the injury to John Wall and the recent ACL recovery of DeMarcus Cousins, Thien needed something to juice their fan base. A Kemba, Jimmy Butler, Mike Conley, and Dennis Schroder backcourt should be enough to take most of the guard categories right? Looking over the second half cats, Thien was awful in AST, REB, FG%, while being only excellent in TO. However, we can’t give those numbers much credence as inserting Kemba changes everything. We’re going to see how well Thien’s Games Played streaming works in the playoffs this year as we finally have eliminated roster lock!

#11 LA Buffy (8-11-1)
10/15/8 ODE, 12th
5/14/8 ODE, 9th
The Zion sweepstakes start here as Buffy has the best shot at landing Zion Williamson, the incoming god among mortals. This marks six straight seasons out of the playoffs for Roger and the rebuild from old to young has been long but we’re about to possibly see a forty-inch vertical leap forward if Buffy can land the top pick in this Toilet Bowl.

After declaring this team one of the three “gold player-less” teams in the league -- and the worst rated keeper core --Roger might have found their franchise cornerstone in 2019 1.4 rookie Trae Young. With 23.7 PTS and 9.5 AST in his last month of games, Young has been leading the charge for a suddenly scary Buffy squad that has nice pieces up and down the roster. Unfortunately, Brandon Ingram has been shelved for the season and Kyle Kuzma is also staring at an injury. With the young Lakers out, this go-go Buffy offense could suffer quite a bit.

Still, a 3-2-1 record in recent weeks is a huge sign of encouragement — those two losses and tie came against Chunky, Funk, Swamp — as Buffy has an offensive advantage over everyone else in the Toilet Bowl field. They are third ranked in PTS and FG% over the second half of the season and sixth in 3PT. While they are distinctly lacking in defense all around, a league average efficiency rating should be just enough to make Buffy scary to all comers. We commend coach Roger for putting up our league leading Games Played, meaning this was no tank job! If karma is a thing, then Buffy will earn a Zion to pair with his Trae.

#12 IL Conceived (7-13)
11/7/16 ODE, 14th
7/11/16 ODE, 14th
After scooping up Donovan Mitchell, Dennis Smith Jr, Luka Doncic, and Jaren Jackson in successive drafts since entering the league, Frank now has his set on Zion as well. A full on all-in push to buff his frontline off a recent trade means IL Conceived means business. They’ve already gotten to a Toilet Bowl finals in their short one-year history and has a decent shot at getting there again.

A 1-5 start portended their journey toward the Toilet Bowl but there have been sparks to promise in wins versus Fat Jubas and Chunky Monkeys throughout the season. A four game slide at the end of the season put IL Conceived behind the eight ball though, and now an injury to Jaren Jackson could further hamstring their chances. But with Mitchell performing like a star again, and Luka magic, maybe a deep run in the Toilet Bowl could happen.

It’s been a very weird flip floppy year for IL Conceived as they started the first half of the season with an above average defense but somehow flipped that right around and became a seventh rated offense for the second half. One thing has remained steady however: this team is wildly inefficient. Last in the league FG% and very poor FT% means it’s an uphill battle for IL Conceived each week. Their lone statistical highlight is a top-three ranking in AST, plus a decent volume of 3PT. Will that be enough to get a top pick and complete the rookies set?

#13 Hilt the Stilt (6-14)
16/8/8 ODE, 11th
16/5/11 ODE, 11th
For a team that put up the second-to-last Games Played, made no roster moves, and racked up eleven mismanagement weeks total, getting to six wins is quite impressive! What’s even stranger is that two of those wins have come against Spade and Fat Jubas, who both twelve-win teams. What do we make of this team then?

Losing Victor Oladipo for the season obviously hurt but there was the emergence of rookie Kevin Knox and the brief flash of Derrick White to cheer for. Somehow the team put up a fifth rated defense over the back half of the season — and didn’t even use Jarrett Allen — which just speaks to the impressive REB/STL/BLK power of Andre Drummond, Steven Adams, rookie Mikal Bridges, and White. Will first year owner Dave turn it up for a Zion chase? Maybe! They’ll be facing an uphill battle but on paper this team could be a dark horse threat right?

#14 Snack Bears (5-15)
7/13/15 ODE, 15th
14/13/15 ODE, 16th
After losing in the regular season finale to their friend Dave, Snack Bears find themselves near the bottom of the barrel despite one of the more exciting breakout seasons happening right on their roster! Yes we’re talking about De’Aaron Fox, who has emerged during his sophomore year as likely the best point guard from his loaded draft class. Fox was also joined by excellent years from Bradley Beal and Blake Griffin, and the 2019 draft also brought in Wendell Carter Jr. and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, who look like future bright spots. Add in Kristaps Porzingis and this lost season could turn around in a hurry.

For now though, it looks like Snack will have to deal with a RD1 Toilet Bowl defeat as they have no clear strengths, a league worst overall ODE rating, and a roster full of guys who need time to (over)cook. Also, mismanagement during five of their last seven games — after accruing none through the first thirteen weeks — have sent Snack Bears spinning downward and we’re not sure if that’s part of the overall strategy or what. We hope there’s an evil plot by Brandon and Dave to take out SlamNation soon, as these two New Yorkers might just be biding their time and waiting for the right opportunity to strike!

#15 Another Bad Creation (4-16)
14/10/4 ODE, 9th
10/11/13 ODE, 13th
We must all thank ABC for their WK11 defeat of defending champion Chunky Monkeys during Christmas week. At the time, Monkeys were undefeated and that ABC loss sent them into a tailspin that made LeBron and Co. mortal again. So thank you Oliver! The question is, what does ABC have for an encore?

A very difficult last stretch of the season still yielded two of this season’s four total wins and there’s a chance that Russell Westbrook and LaMarcus Aldridge could earn a better than expected draft slot for next season. A last minute trade of Dwayne Wade for Evan Fournier and Kent Bazemore adds a little bit of depth to Another Bad Creation but this roster is a bit in shambles behind the big two, as previous contributors such as Enes Kanter, TJ Warren, Tristan Thompson, and Kyle Anderson are all either ineffective or injured.

Oliver has been putting up respectable Games Played numbers all season though and he’s been engaged throughout, as befitting an owner that is coming off three straight Transformer titles and even had the best regular season record last year. With a seemingly weak keeper core, we’re very intrigued about the rebuild that seems inevitable, as Aldridge will be thirty-four years old next season and there doesn’t seem to be any young talent in the pipeline, unless you want to count Malik Beasley in a crowded Denver rotation. A huge Toilet Bowl upset could get ABC the piece it needs to rebuild fast so we’re crossing our fingers for Oliver's upset success!

#16 Team Cameltoe (3-17)
15/14/6 ODE, 16th
15/16/3 ODE, 15th
They say you have to go down before you go up and if that’s the case, then welcome to Cameltoe’s absolute bottom. Cameltoe’s season has gone just about as well as their franchise cornerstone Anthony Davis’, and at least Cameltoe doesn’t have Magic Johnson calling the shots. While grading out as our worst owner on the season, we know Felipe too well to not suspect that he doesn’t have something up his sleeve. Any man who has a dedicated email for his fantasy franchises is clearly forward thinking enough to a tank season right?

A league low 409 Games Played — 20.5 per week, or -4.25 less than the Slam average — and fourteen of twenty weeks mismanaged has to mean something is up. Does Cameltoe secretly employ Rich Paul?! More importantly, can this team on a ten-game losing streak entering the Toilet Bowl even entertain a dream of a monumental #16 vs #9 seed upset?! With prize rookie Marvin Bagley out, that answer is probably a solid “no,” but still we must dare dream.

Could a team of new Laker Anthony Davis, Steph 2.0 Buddy Hield, Bagley, Hassan Whiteside, Harry Giles, Josh Jackson, and maybe Michael Porter Jr. keep fans in the stands next season? We’re about to find out and we hope the good people of Cameltoe-ville demand a strong finish to the season. Or at least a team that shows up when there's something valuable on the line right?

Playoffs 2019

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A look at our eight playoff teams in Power Ranking order. Note the first and second half ODE splits!

#1 Swamp Dragons (15-3-2)
First half (WK1-10): 3/3/11 ODE, 3rd
Second half (WK11-20): 1/2/13 ODE, 5th
Two Toilet Bowl wins and four out-of-playoff seasons later, Swamp Dragons are fully revived and ready to resume their world beating ways. Swamp picked up a Russell Conference title this year and also earned the best regular season record in the league. Eddie’s team is the clear favorite heading into the title chase and they’ll be playing for a much bigger prize this year than next season’s top overall pick. After a semi-disastrous LeBron James trade four years ago, Swamp is back!

For the season, Swamp had the third best combined ODE over the first half but then dipped a bit to fifth overall as their efficiency slipped and other teams passed them by. However, their offensive and defensive ratings nudged up to first and second respectively, so that seems like an upgrade overall. They are top-two in every category save FG%, BLK, and TO, which gives them some slight holes but that’s just mere details when they dominate in the other six categories.

The returning core of MVP candidate Paul George, Nikola Jokic, and Jusuf Nurkic have all been as great as advertised while trades for Khris Middleton and D’Angelo Russell worked out handsomely. Add in the addition of the most offensively efficient rookie ever in Deandre Ayton and this team went from merely deep to overpowering. (The less we mention Markelle Fultz the better.) And we don’t want to overlook second round pick Jeremy Lamb’s role in all this, as Lamb has been quietly spectacular all year.

After starting off 4-3, Swamp hasn’t lost a game since WK7 and are 11-0-2 since, including wins against all the top contenders — including two versus their biggest competition, Sour Snails.

#2 Sour Snails (14-5-1)
2/1/3 ODE, 1st
2/3/4 ODE, 1st
Our inaugural Chamberlain Conference champions is a familiar name aren't they? Once a lowly 5-4, Trieu’s team righted the ship and has gone 9-1-1 over the back half of the season. Sour Snails led SlamNation in combined ODE rating end-to-end, with outstanding efficiency and a top-two offense. Their defense was the best in the league through our first ten weeks but “only” third for the second half. For individual rankings, the Snails were top three in PTS, REB, 3PT, BLK and both percentages for most of the season, and have only a poor turnover rate and league average AST and STL as “weaknesses.”

GM Trieu has also had consistently high Games Played, made a huge number of roster moves, and participated in four trades — highlighted by the pre-draft shipping off of Damian Lillard, a mid-season acquisition of Zach LaVine, and then a late season dump off of excess talent. Through it all, they’ve drafted future stars, unearthed waiver gems, and made possibly only one misstep: letting keeper Brook Lopez go early in the season. After a 10-11 dip last year -- that still led to a Finals showing -- Snails now enters the 2019 playoffs positioned to add a fifth title to their ring collection. Update: A late breaking fifth trade of Kemba Walker for Demarcus Cousins changes everything! Or does it?

#3 Chunky Monkeys (14-5-1)
1/4/14 ODE, 4th
4/6/12 ODE, 6th
The defending champs face an uphill battle for a repeat as they’ll have to go through their cousin Eddie as well as longtime foe Sour Snails to capture a back-to-back title. Despite a top record, Monkeys swooned mid-season and had a winless month WK7-10. But all seems right again as they are 4-1-1 heading into the playoffs. Of course Monkeys feasted on five non-playoff teams during that time so we’re still not sure how good they are overall, notwithstanding their confidence boosting win in WK20 versus Squirtle Snails.

During their ten game win streak to start the season, Monkeys were the fourth-best team by combined ODE and had the best offense in the league, along with a top tier defense. Over the second half of the season though, while their efficiency rating has increased a smudge, their offensive and defensive numbers have dropped to fourth and sixth respectively. That all has resulted in a drop to sixth overall in combined ODE. Category wise, a powerful PTS, FG%, STL combo still fuels them, while AST and 3PT are almost elite. However this team can’t shoot free throws, is not great on the boards, and is middling in BLK.

Of course, a lot of that can be attributed to the injuries to Clint Capela and LeBron James, and to be honest, Chunky Monkeys are looking healthy at just the right time. James Harden and Kyle Lowry are a perfectly paired backcourt and Evan suddenly have a plethora of useful wings in Otto Porter Jr, Kelly Oubre (drafted in the sixth round, cut, and then back again), and Joe Harris. There isn’t a lot of high level depth here and Kris Dunn is a total wildcard and could be supplanted by rookie Collin Sexton easily. With LeBron James engaged and in playoff mode, Monkeys should have a shot at another title, even if the days of them dominating the regular season ended this year. Oh wait, LBJ is on a minutes restriction and not playing back-to-backs?! Do we smell a possible first round upset brewing?!

#4 Funk Coalition (13-7)
12/6/2 ODE, 5th
8/1/7 ODE, 4th
Despite a series of awful trades and re-upping on their most happy-to-trade title, Funk Coalition find themselves just on the edge of contention as they walked through a soft end-of-season schedule and climbed up the power rankings, just as predicted. After a shaky 2-5 start, Funk buckled down and went 11-2, with their only two losses coming against Sour Snails and Spade. Of course, they’ve also only picked up three of those thirteen wins versus playoff opponents so it’s an open question how good this coalition really is.

With a dramatic reimagining of their roster, Funk's season long ODE has been all over the place. A theme emerges though as they’ve maintained a strong defense — currently the league’s best defensive rating — and suffered from a weak offense plus some recent turnover issues. REB/STL/BLK are very strong across the board and there are even good percentages here, although Funk is middling for PTS and 3PT. But ending the season as the fourth best combined ODE team isn’t bad and could give them a puncher’s chance at an upset.

With Karl-Anthony Towns freed from his earlier season shackles, and Ben Simmons turnt up for his playoff mode, this team of all wings plus KAT/Simmons is basically a mix-and-match crew that should roll out a competitive first round.

For the record, this year’s outgoing versus incoming trade players.
  • Outgoing: Khris Middleton, D’Angelo Russell, Andrew Wiggins, Rudy Gay, Lou Williams, Trevor Ariza, Jerami Grant, Evan Fournier, Kent Bazemore
  • Incoming: Gordon Hayward, Wiggins, Taurean Prince, Nicolas Batum, Zach Collins, Jonathan Isaac, Evan Fournier, Nemanja Bjelica, Marcus Smart, Bogdan Bogdanovic, Kent Bazemore, Dwayne Wade

#5 Squirtle Squad (12-6-2)
5/12/11 ODE, 10th
3/6/5 ODE, 2nd
After three long years in playoff exile, Squirtle has a fully formed Giannis Antetokounmpo ready to play world stomper and lead this team deep into the playoffs. Or at least get a playoff win? Squirtle hasn’t been out of the first round since 2012 but they're going to get a shot at a minor upset in the first round this year. Squirtles sat atop Chamberlain Conference as recently as a month ago but now find themselves relegated to the bottom half of the playoff bracket despite a 4-1-1 record down the stretch.

For the first half of the season, Squirtles was all offense as they poured on the scoring. However, their efficiency was suspect and their defense even more so. Thus, the turnaround to a top defensive and efficiency rating has been quite the surprise, evening out a team that used to be all-offense. That balance gave Squirtles the second-best combined ODE over the last ten weeks of the season. The biggest leap was in TOs, which went from 15th in the league to 8th, which may coincide with the mid-season trade off of Zach LaVine for ultra-efficient Tobias Harris — who has been just as good as a Clipper or a 76er.

Giannis has a perfect front court sidekick in Nikola Vucevic and now this crew of all shooters is perfectly aligned to take down a bigger fish. We’d love it if Squirtles got a shot at Spade in the second round, as there was some real slander thrown their way by Randall in our podcast. What do you have to say about that Squirtles!?

#6 Team Spade (12-7-1)
6/9/1 ODE, 2nd
2/3/4 ODE, 3rd
As discussed in our recent podcast episode, Randall had a terrible last season but we sort of knew that his team was always one of the best around. After a league worst two wins last season, Spade returned with a vengeance this year and ascended to second place in their new Chamberlain Conference digs. Throwing shots at all the contenders, Spade has a decent at a long awaited title as they are very balanced and enter the playoffs on a 6-2 tear, with one loss coming versus Swamp Dragons in WK17 and then a surprising WK20 loss to Fob Stars that tumbled them from the fourth seed to sixth.

The healthy return of Kawhi Leonard gave this team back the superstar it needed and now Kevin Love, Will Barton, and Devin Booker are all healthy. We already gave this keeper core high marks but all the vets are ready to play and heck, Danilo Gallinari hasn’t even suffered an injury all season. If ever there was a year for Spade to pull it together and upset their way to a ring, this could be their healthiest shot yet.

On the season, Spade has been ranked second and third for combined ODE, just behind the best in the league. They started off with the sixth and ninth offensive and defensive splits and have only gotten better over the second half of the season, ascending to second and third respectively. While Spade hasn’t been overwhelming in any category save 3PT and FT%, they are pretty good across the board save REB and some AST, but rebounds could be quickly rectified depending on Love’s playoff minutes. Is Spade good enough to be taken seriously as a dark horse contender? Definitely. Can they win the title this year? We’ll see!

#7 Fat Jubas (12-8)
8/2/13 ODE, 8th
9/3/10 ODE, 7th
There was a time when Fat Jubas was 8-2 and one of the contenders emerging out of the Russell Conference. But a so-so midseason swoon and then three straight losses to Squirtle, Sour Snails, and Spade took them out of home court advantage and even with two recent wins, it’ll be an uphill battle for this early season juggernaut.

Another mostly defense, some offense team like Funk Coalition, Fat Jubas has been ranked number one in BLK all season long and are mostly elite in STL — although that has fallen off post-Robert Covington. What is weird about this team is how they pair all that defense with an outrageous AST ranking, second overall for the season, and then supplement it by being terrible at FT% and pretty bad at 3PT to boot. So we have a brilliant BLK team that has lowish TOs, fantastic AST, but yet can’t shoot free throws or threes that well. Just who is on this roster?!

All those assists come courtesy of Chris Paul, Jrue Holiday, Jeff Teague, Joe Ingles, and Tomas Satoransky. All the blocks come from Myles Turner, Serge Ibaka, and now Jerami Grant in place of the still injured Covington. The culprit for the FT% tank is um, Willie Cauley-Stein? There should be plenty of deep range shooters on this team but most of the frontline save Grant doesn’t put up threes and with Jrue Holiday out for a crucial first round matchup, things look dire for Jubas. The recent elevation of post-trade Jonas Valanciunas could help a bit but depending on who Jubas faces off against in the playoffs, it could be a quick first round exit for Eric this year despite another successful regular season. Rob Cov, Jubas needs you back!

#8 Fob Stars (10-9-1)
13/16/5 ODE, 13th
11/15/5 ODE, 10th
Sometimes you don’t need to be the best team to be one of the winning-er teams. Fob Stars started off the season coming off the arguably terrible Damian Lillard for Kemba Walker and Tobias Harris trade, plus the non-emergence of Jamal Murray and the injury start of John Collins. A 1-6 record made it seem like Fob was headed straight for the Toilet Bowl.

Oh but look what happened since! After that initial seven weeks, Fob ripped off six wins and a tie versus Sour Snails, and went head to head against some of our strongest contenders and emerged victorious. A crushing schedule near the end of the season sent them back toward 0.500 but it’s been an outstanding season from owner Jimmy as he’s dragged his team back into the playoffs for a fourth straight season. Last year Fob Stars pulled off an upset against a higher seed, can they do it again?

It’s safe to say that Fob Stars haven’t been overly impressive in offensive or defensive rating all year, but they are a solid fifth in efficiency overall and throw down league average PTS and 3PT without turning the ball over much. Their real strength is in FG% and TO but really the engine this year has been GM Jimmy’s under-the-radar free agent pickups. Thaddeus Young, Jordan Clarkson, and Terrence Ross aren’t sexy but they’ve been tremendous in STL and 3PT, respectively. A turn toward even more offense could be interesting -- this team is just about last in STL and BLK.

Damian Lillard and John Collins are a nice one-two punch and while we’re still waiting on Jamal Murray, the recent emergence of Point Justise has been a boon to the lineup. It’ll be a tough act for Lillard to drag this team to a second round appearance but Fob Stars have already exceeded expectations this season and are well positioned to improve even more next year. Great job Jimmy!

Boogie Back!

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Three seasons ago, Sour Snails and Team Thien partnered up for a trade that sent DeMarcus Cousins from Sour to Thien. Now, just one day before the 2019 playoffs start, it looks like Boogie is coming back home to Snails! All the other big names from that trade are gone from the two brothers’ rosters, such as Hassan Whiteside, Bradley Beal, and Rudy Gay.

Trade ID#98:
  • Sour Snails receive DeMarcus Cousins, Gary Harris
  • Team Thien receive Kemba Walker, Nerlens Noel
This bolsters Trieu’s frontcourt even more as even Warrior Boogie is averaging 15.5 PTS, 8.7 REB, 1.4 STL, 2.1 BLK and shooting at a 44.1 FG%. Gary Harris seems like a throw in at this point, which is a dramatic fall from grace for one of last year’s fantasy gems. Maybe Harris puts it back together for the post-season run but probably not? This does mean that Trieu’s pre-draft trade off of Damian Lillard has now turned into Cousins and Zach LaVine.

As for Thien's Do the Tango, adding Kemba Walker gives them the John Wall replacement they’ll need for a Toilet Bowl run. While Thien can’t actually win the first or second overall pick, getting another young talent could really bolster their return to contention. The trio of Walker, Jimmy Butler, and Mike Conley are solid backcourt veterans and with Lauri Markkanen manning the frontline, this team will hope to make some noise after dipping down to their first ever sub-0.500 record. What happens to John Wall now though? Is there room for the ACL injured guard on Thien's keeper squad? Our deepest condolences to Thien, who has suffered two devastating ACL injuries to their two best players in two successive years. Ouch!

Oh right, and Nerlens Noel exchanged hands too. But I refuse to talk about his upside potential anymore because Nerlens will Nerlens.



Trade ID#97:
  • Sour Snails receive Marc Gasol, Dario Saric, 2020 RD2, 2020 RD3, 2021 RD3 (2020 RD2 protected from ID#90, draft slot swap with Fob Stars)
  • IL Conceived receive Julius Randle, Caris LeVert, Montrezl Harrell, 2020 RD3 (Squirtle Squad 2020 RD3 from ID#95a)
And let’s not forget Trieu’s trade from three weeks ago, which featured him dumping off three reserve pieces for future picks. Gearing up for a Toilet Bowl run, IL Conceived moved some of his dispersal guys, along with three future picks, for the short-term rentals of Randle, LeVert, and Harrell. Randle and Harrell are FG% machines and should bolster the offense quite a bit, as they have combined for almost 40 points per game over the past month. LeVert is still recovering from injury but could play a role in the coming Zion sweepstakes if he starts to round into shape. It’s likely one or two of these guys won’t make the keeper cut though, so this is really an all-in move from Frank for the 2019 Toilet Bowl.

From Sour’s perspective, losing three pieces obviously hurts their depth but the emergence of rookie block machine Mitchell Robinson made some of their bigs expendable and they get to cash in now on semi-keepers they would’ve had to sell during the off-season anyway. Win win!

Trade ID#99:
  • Another Bad Creation receive Evan Fournier and Kent Bazemore
  • Funk Coalition receive Dwayne Wade
Sneaking under the wire, our twelfth and final trade of the 2019 season was a swap of Dwayne Wade for two slightly younger assets. Wade is in his swan song year -- averaging 14.2 PTS and 4.3 AST. Fournier is right around those averages with better 3PT, and there's a chance Bazemore still has some 3-and-D to his game this season.

Post-Season Matchups RD1

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A quick look at the RD playoff and Toilet Bowl matchups. Some of it shook out like we predicted but the seedings sure shuffled around a lot due to a Fob Stars takedown of Spade on WK20’s Sunday night!

• #1 Swamp Dragons (15-3-2) vs #8 Fob Stars (11-8-1)
• #2 Sour Snails (14-5-1) vs #7 Fat Jubas (12-8)
• #3 Chunky Monkeys (14-5-1) vs #6 Spade (12-7-1)
• #4 Funk Coalition (13-7) vs #5 Squirtle Squad (12-6-2)

We’re thrilled to see a Chunky versus Spade showdown but otherwise we expect a home team wash across the board.

• #9 So Buckets (10-9-1) vs #16 Team Cameltoe (3-17)
• #10 Team Thien (9-11) vs #15 Another Bad Creation (4-16)
• #11 LA Buffy (8-11-1) vs #14 Snack Bears (5-15)
• #12 IL Conceived (7-13) vs #13 Hilt the Stilt (6-14)

Nobody knows if the bottom few teams are paying attention, but we’ll find out soon enough if the tank was actually on all season. Anyone winning this RD1 of the Toilet Bowl secures a top-four 2020 pick so this is already huge matchups across the board!

Power Ranking: 2019

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From our new rules: Top eight teams in the Power Rankings are re-seeded, irrespective of conference. Each playoff round and consolation round will be re-seeded as well. Here is the Power Ranking formula. Then the same follows for Toilet Bowl seedings.
Note: this power ranking seeding also determine draft order for RD2 of 2020 draft.


#1 Swamp Dragons (15-3-2)
#2 Sour Snails (14-5-1)
#3 Chunky Monkeys (14-5-1)
#4 Funk Coalition (13-7)
#5 Squirtle Squad (12-6-2)
#6 Spade (12-7-1)
#7 Fat Jubas (12-8)
#8 Fob Stars (11-8-1)

#9 So Buckets (10-9-1)
#10 Team Thien (9-11)
#11 LA Buffy (8-11-1)
#12 IL Conceived (7-13)
#13 Hilt the Stilt (6-14)
#14 Snack Bears (5-15)
#15 Another Bad Creation (4-16)
#16 Team Cameltoe (3-17)

Tie Breakers
• Sour Snails vs Chunky Monkeys: H2H goes to Sour Snails, 1-0 WK13
• Funk Coalition vs Squirtle Squad: H2H goes to Funk Coalition, 1-0 WK13

Final Standings 2019

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Post-Season Implications

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As we head into the last week of the regular season, we got a lot for everyone to play for -- and some fall out from what we predicted a month ago. While it looks like the playoff and Toilet Bowl teams are locked in, we have a bit of leeway for the actual seeds. Take a look at the WK19 power rankings and then see our analysis below. I hope I calculated it all right! [Post-Season Rules Mini-Explainer]


• Swamp Dragons have locked up the first seed and the best regular season record. Congrats Eddie! Swamp last achieved this feat in 2013.

• Sour Snails and Chunky Monkeys are both 13-5-1 and can swap between the #2/3 seeds, although Sour Snails holds the H2H tiebreaker with a 1-0 record. Snails face off with Cameltoe while Chunkys play Squirtles Squad.

• Squirtle Squad and Team Spade are 12-5-2 and 12-6-1 respectively, but it looks like Squirtles should beat out Spade for the higher seed. However, should both teams lose, Funk Coalition could slide up to #4 possibly. (Although I’m not sure how ESPN calculates ties on winning percentage.) Squirtle plays Chunky, Spade plays Fob Stars.

• Funk Coalition and Fat Jubas could both become 12-8 with a Funk loss and a Jubas win, which would give the H2H edge to Jubas on the strength of a Jubas win in WK7. That would bring Jubas to a #6 seed. Funks plays ABC, Jubas faces off against IL Conceived.

• Fob Stars have a tentative hold on the #8 playoff seed, unless they lose and So Buckets win, which would put them both at 10-9-1. However with the H2H tiebreaker going to Fob Stars, I think that means they are for sure in the playoffs.

• Short of something weird happening, So Buckets is locked into the #9 power ranking and the first seed in the Toilet Bowl.

• Team Thien holds the H2H tiebreaker over Buffy, should they both up with the same record. Buffy is 8-10-1 now and Team Thien is 9-10. Should Thien lose and Buffy win, Buffy would vault over them for the #10 spot and second in the Toilet Bowl seedings.

• IL Conceived is locked into the fourth seed in the Toilet Bowl whatever happens, as one win or loss won't affect anything.

• Hilt the Stilt and Snack Bears are both 5-14 and face off for Toilet Bowl positions five and six. More excitingly, they play each other in WK20, with Hilt having the chance to tie their regular season H2H record and thus force another tiebreaker. Marquee matchup!

• The battle for worst record in the league this year is between Another Bad Creation and Team Cameltoe, aka Russell Westbrook versus Anthony Davis. ABC has four wins while Cameltoe only has three, but they are 1-1 in H2H this seasons so if there’s a tie, we’ll have to move into second tiebreakers. Who’s the worst of the worst this season! ABC faces off versus Funk while Cameltoe plays Sour Snails.

Rules: Postseason Mini-Explainer

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As we head into our revamped postseason, I just wanted to take the opportunity to remind and clarify the upcoming postseason changes. Please review these two posts too, but this should serve as a mini-explainer: New Postseason 2.0 and Conferences, Re-Seeding, No Roster Lock.

Postseason Setup
• We establish Power Rankings according to regular season finish and then the top eight seeds, #1-8, are slotted into the playoffs while #9-16 are headed to the Toilet Bowl. Note that seeds are assigned irrespective of conferences.

• Every team plays three postseason games, as we will be playing for exact RD1 draft order -- aka "draft slots" -- next season. Thus all sixteen teams will be playing all the way through to consolation games in both playoffs and Toilet Bowl.

• After each postseason round, we reseed matchups accordingly. So if #4 upsets #1 seed, they will face #2 seed in next round.

• The trade deadline goes into effect at the conclusion of the regular season, but free agents and waivers remain available throughout the postseason. Roster lock is now dead!


How Will Next Year's Draft Work?
• Round 1: We play for all draft slots, with Toilet Bowl teams playing for picks *1-8 and the playoff teams playing for *9-16. [Take a look at the bottom of New Postseason 2.0 for round one draft slots image and explainer.]

• Round 2-6: After establishing Power Rankings, starting with RD2, we draft in high to low Power Ranking order, meaning #1-16 teams draft *1-16 picks. After RD2, we start snaking, starting with RD3 and continuing through to RD6.

• #9/10 seeds: Remember that seeds #9 and 10 cannot receive the *1 or *2 overall pick. So even if seeds #9 or 10 win the Toilet Bowl, they will draft *3 at best. Should this happen, the next Toilet Bowl finisher would slide up a slot (or two).

We’ll dub this the “Swamp Rule” after our esteemed Swamp Dragons' back-to-back Toilet Bowl wins with winning records both times.

The Pascal Siakam All-Stars

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During last week’s podcast episode -- our first ever! -- Spade owner Randall took a look at Sour Snails’ roster and said that the player which caught his eye was not Steph Curry or Kevin Durant, but Pascal Siakam. “Those are the type of moves that [win you championships]!” Slightly paraphrased, but you get the idea.

With that kind of thinking in mind, I wanted to select a non All-Star team of near All-Stars or players who leap off the page, one from each team. So no LeBron or Giannis here! Instead we'll have some rising youngsters, some old reclamations, and then a few off-the-wall selections that have all been instrumental to their teams' success this season. And for fun, feel free to compare the rosters to our preseason "best keepers" conference teams.


Russell Conference
Led by the scoring of Lauri Markkanen and Buddy Hield, most of this team is young, with sophomores John Collins, Jayson Tatum, De’Aaron Fox, and Markkanen all on the roster. Collins and Markkanen are both nightly double-double threats with poor defensive numbers while Markkanen also puts up a tidy 2.9 3PT. In his third season, Hield has become one of the best shooters in the league and drops in the fourth-best 3PT in the NBA with 3.4 per game.

His Kings teammate De’Aaron Fox has emerged as the best point guard of the 2017 draft class after a disappointing rookie season, and now spearheads the newly dispersed Snack Bears’ attack. Jayson Tatum has been the reverse, unfortunately — better as a rookie than a sophomore — but has added almost a block a game to his repertoire, making him the default Funk Coalition representative in a season of roster changes for them.

Two big men anchor this non-All-Star team: Jusuf Nurkic and Myles Turner. Nurkic is out here making history with his 5x5 game a month ago, after almost getting cut as a keeper by Swamp this offseason. He’s turned that motivation into a double-double season and 2.6 STL/BLK. And Turner has added a three-point shot to his own stat line, while leading the league in blocks, which has made him an important backbone to Indiana and Fat Jubas’ defensive efforts.

And finally there is Larry Nance Jr, who plays for defending champ Chunky Monkeys, who have too many actual All-Stars, so the default selection is Nance, who has surprised as not only a double-double machine but also putting up almost 1/1/1. Impressive glue piece.


Chamberlain Conference
Okay we lied, there is an All-Star in this game and his name is Nikola Vucevic. We could have gone with Kyle Kuzma for Squirtles but Vucevic has really been just too good to overlook and his top ten production was definitely not expected this season. So yes, Vucevic will lead Chamberlain! Joining him will be a pair of other veterans, as Danilo Gallinari and Derrick Rose have both been fantasy stars before — heck Rose was a NBA MVP! Gallinari has put together an injury-free year and thrown up 18.7 PTS and 2.4 3PT a game to help Spade offset the loss of Kevin Love. Rose was almost out of the league but has bounced back to average 18.4 PTS and 4.8 AST when playing and has given So Buckets an extra weapon on a team overflowing with talent.

The rest of the Chamberlain team is young though, highlighted by the emergence of players like Domantas Sabonis, Pascal Siakam, and TJ Warren. Sabonis puts up a double-double on 60.6 FG% and has been great for Buffy while Warren seamlessly added a three-pointer to his midrange game and is now a fully fleshed out fantasy player with 18.0 PTS and 1.9 STL/BLK. Even though he’s been injured recently, Warren should return soon to help Another Bad Creation in the Toilet Bowl. And Siakam is the namesake for this team, so we know he's been stellar.

Add in another almost overqualified player for this Chamberlain team: eventual rookie of the year Luka Doncic. While the efficiency has been poor, Doncic was passed over in both the NBA and SlamNation drafts but has been throwing up regular near-triple doubles of late while averaging 20.8 PTS, 7.1 REB, 5.5 AST per game. He’s probably a little too good to make this list but IL Conceived hasn’t had anyone else as consistent as Luka, who has been great all year and continues to get better.

As for the selection off Hilt the Stilt’s team, we’re going with Derrick White even though he was hurt for some of the season. White’s well-rounded fantasy line doesn’t jump off the page but getting 13.6 PTS, 4.5 REB, 4.1 AST, plus 0.7 BLK from a point guard is pretty nice. Plus Hilt really needed an answer at point guard all year and White’s emergence provided just that solution. There could be a case made here for rookie Mikal Bridges but even though his defensive numbers have been eye-opening, we’re going with Derrick White to round out the Chamberlain squad.


Who Would Win?
Well after compiling the 2019 stats -- some thirty day ones for certain players -- it's clear that Chamberlain would beat Russell 6-3 behind PTS, AST, STL, TO and both percentage categories. Of course that PTS and TO win would be by the narrowest of margins -- 139.7 vs 133.8, and 14.8 to 14.9 TOs. So it's awfully close. Which conference do you think would win?!

Playoff Picture: Feb 3

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With four weeks left in the regular season, the postseason picture is starting to clarify, and also get bunched up! Remember, our new playoff format is: "Top eight teams in the Power Rankings are re-seeded, irrespective of conference. Each playoff round and consolation round will be re-seeded as well."


Barring big collapses, six of the spots are probably locked up, three each from Russell and Chamberlain Conference. Swamp Dragons, Chunky Monkeys, Fat Jubas from Russell and Squirtle Squad, Spade, and Sour Snails from Chamberlain.

There are also four certain Toilet Bowl participants, as Snack Bears, Hilt the Stilt, Team Cameltoe, and Another Bad Creation have all locked up appearances in the upcoming losers tourney

That leaves six teams on the bubble for two spots, teams with records ranging from 9-7 to 7-9, with a slew of possibilities in-between. Right now Team Thien and Funk Coalition are in with their dual 9-7 records but with another month of games to go, anything could happen. Let’s take a look at what’s ahead for our bubble teams.

Team Thien (9-7)
Boogie Time is mired in a 2-5 tailspin, especially after a WK16 loss to three-win Another Bad Creation last week. The return of DeMarcus Cousins — and the shocking productivity of Jahlil Okafor — helps but remaining matchups against three ten-win teams and a final week versus So Buckets could lead to Thien missing the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Playoff Chance: 20%

Funk Coalition (9-7)
After suffering through two losses to ten-win teams, Funk picked up a short-handed win versus So Buckets last week and will now cruise into a soft last month of games, highlighted by matchups versus fellow bubble teams IL Conceived and LA Buffy, and then two of the surefire Toilet Bowl teams. The playoffs should be a lock! Playoff Chance: 90%

Fob Stars (8-7-1)
With a 7-1-1 record in the past two months, Fob Stars have been pretty much the hottest team in the league. The schedule toughens up considerably down the stretch though as they face Squirtle Squad, Sour Snails, and Spade to clean up the regular season. Fob has been through this gauntlet before though, and emerged from WK10-12 with two wins and a tie versus the exact same opponents, so it’s quite possible Fob has the firepower to compete with the best, assuming Jamal Murray returns from injury soon! Playoff Chance: 70%

So Buckets (8-7-1)
Since becoming a father in early December, So Buckets attention has been reasonably focused on their new responsibilities. Even though they sport one of the league’s best defenses, Buckets has been a little erratic week to week and while they have an easy matchup against Snack Bears this week, it’s likely their playoff hopes will come down to a WK20 matchup versus Team Thien, assuming they can beat one of Swamp Dragons or Fat Jubas in the coming weeks. Playoff Chance: 40%

LA Buffy (7-9)
Our league leader in Games Played, Buffy has been scrapping hard all year to stay in the playoff picture and they’ll need to keep fighting if they want to get into the playoffs. Three games against winning teams remain, including one each versus Chunky Monkeys and Swamp Dragons. Buffy will likely need three wins to enter the playoff picture and that is going to be awful difficult. Still, they’re statistically still in it! Playoff Chance: 10%

IL Conceived (7-9)
Left for dead after a 2-7 start, IL Conceived has somehow become an offensive powerhouse after being a defense-first team for most of the season. With key wins versus Fat Jubas, Team Thien, and Chunky Monkeys in the past month, IL Conceived now find themselves riding a 4-1 streak and could sneak into the playoff picture despite a tough last two weeks of the regular season. Still, with Luka Doncic on board, anything is possible! Playoff Chance: 15%