2010 Championship: Kingdom Come

After annihilating the competition during the regular season, suffering just one loss and one tie, the Sour Snails were heavy favorites to win the 2010 championship. While they did indeed finish out the season and prove their dominance, it wasn't easy. There were quite a few unexpected bumps during the playoffs as they barely squeaked by the Fat Jubas (tied heading into the last day), very barely beat back Half Man Half ImAsian (it took some amazing FG% and PTS numbers on Sunday, mostly from LBJ, to seal the win), almost suffered the biggest upset in SlamNation history against the Chunky Monkeys.

There was some controversy during the Finals week as the Monkeys made a clerical error and filled their lineup to the max, negating their Sunday games. Gracious as ever, Snails' owner Trieu offered to count the crucial last few games, even though going by the strict letter of the law would have ensured a victory. That set up a very exciting Sunday slate of games, which caused at least four fans to faint and another sixty sent home for overly exuberant celebrations.

The return of Chris Paul for a full week was huge to Evan's upset chances, and while he averaged nearly 10 AST per game, Paul's scoring and steals numbers were off his normal pace. What CP3's return did however was drastically reduce Snails' rookie Darren Collison's contributions, which really hurt Trieu's lineup.

Still the combination of top picks Lebron James (30.7 PTS, 9.7 REB, 7.3 AST, 1.3 STL) , Josh Smith (15 PTS, 9.7 REB, 4.7 AST, 2.3 BLK), and Gerald Wallace (15.0 PTS and 9.0 REB), flanked by Stephen Curry (19.7 PTS, 9.3 AST, 2.3 3PT, 1.3 STL) and Aaron Brooks (18.3 PTS, 7.0 AST, 2.0 3PT) proved to be too much for the Monkeys.

In the end, the Snails showed class and character and deserve every diamond on their soon to be received twelve carat championship ring. Plus one championship for the Chamberlain Conference and the Silverhawks division. This is Trieu's second SlamNation championship, and his team could be set for a huge repeat next year. Congratulations!

Let's not overlook the amazing post-season the Monkeys had however, toppling both Russell Conference division leaders, Nande ReBuRonSAN and Bayside Bombardiers in consecutive weeks. In the end, they lost 3-5-1, tying 3PT, winning the crucial STL category, and coming up just short in FG%. They proved that just getting into the playoffs gives any team a chance for success. Late in the season, coach Evan had all but given up on his playoff chances but he slipped in and pulled off a Butler-like run to the Finals.

In the end, the Monkeys were outdone by poor shooting. Trevor Ariza (7.0 PTS, 25 FG%), Rasual Butler (11.0 PTS, 34.0 FG%), Andrea Bargnani (19.5 PTS, 39.4 FG%), and Chris Paul (10.8 PTS, 42.2 FG%). Only Brandon Roy shot the ball well, with 18.0 PTS on 46.2 FG%. Strangely, Trieu had LBJ and Curry shooting over twenty shots a game but at only 47.1 FG% and 38.3 FG% respectively, which means the other guys really stepped up their accuracy during the championship week, burying open shots as James and Curry drew defenders away. Nets' rookie Terrence Williams was especially potent, hitting about half his shots on fourteen attempts per game. Williams for MVP?

Let's talk about Trieu the general manager. While we were skeptical of his draft, Trieu proved all the analysts wrong by taking the right people and focusing on an incredible small ball team that could also compete in REB and BLK. And what about the fifth round selection of Stephen Curry, a Nostradamus-like move. At that point in the draft, no rookies had been taken yet but Trieu had the foresight to tag Curry ahead of Brandon Jennings, Tyreke Evans, and Blake Griffin. Over the playoff run, Curry averaged 20.4 PTS 7.5 AST, 4.5 REB, 2.8 3PT, and 1.9 STL, becoming the second offensive option and perfectly complementing Lebron. Add in the contributions of fellow rookies Chris Douglas-Roberts, Dejuan Blair, Darren Collision, and the aforementioned Terrence Williams and it's safe to say that Trieu has an eye for young talent.

Heck, he won the entire thing despite carrying just one center eligible player into the playoffs, sophomore Clippers big man DeAndre Jordan, who had almost 7 PTS/REB and 1 BLK per game. Okay, I'm just gushing at this point. Needless to say, Trieu had the Midas touch this season and we're looking forward to his continued success in future years. The Sour Snails are at the top of the heap and have the youth and talent to stay there, not to mention the rights to Lebron James for infinity!

2010 Toilet Bowl: The Golden Ticket

Despite a big slide at the end of the regular season and falling out of the playoffs, Thien really pulled his game together and ended up with a great consolidation prize: the number one overall pick in next year's draft. While he started off the playoffs a little slow, he picked up steam and dispatched his opponents 5-4, 6-2-1, and 7-2. The Toilet Bowl Finals versus Buffy looked like it might be tough matchup on paper, especially missing franchise center Andrew Bynum, but Thien's team handily won REB and BLK, along with just about everything else.

Roger's team had Marc Gasol and Randy Foye ailing, but Tim Duncan, Lamar Odom, Mehmet Okur, Carlos Boozer, and Danny Granger all had pretty full schedules. Buffy's deep squad came out of the gates stumbling and never recovered, opening the door for a pounding at the hands of the Golden Dragons / Hot Gems / Golden One (Thien changed his name during each week of the playoffs in an effort to sell more merchandise, savvy).

Leading the way for Golden One was Dwayne Wade (30.7 PTS, 6.7 REB, 4.3 AST, 1.7 STL, 1.0 BLK during the week), who gave everything he had during the season, avoided the injury list, and produced like the ultra superstar that he is. Co-captain Paul Pierce contributed mightily with an all around effort, notching 19 PTS and nearly 5 REB/AST per game. And while Mike Miller, Al Harrington, and Raymond Felton may not strike immediate fear into opposing fans, they all came through in dream fashion, contributing 3PT, STL, and AST across the board. And a special prize must go to Chris Kaman, who dominated the inside with 18.8 PTS, 12.5 REB, and 1.5 BLK over his past four games.

With this Toilet Bowl championship, Thien's team will be guaranteed a great player next season and will likely do better than this year's 9-9 record. Amazing job Golden Gem Dragons!

As a side note, with Trieu and Thien both winning during the playoffs, this must be the most successful GM sibling pair in league history. It's as if John and Jim Paxson had both collected championships during their front office tenures. Mama must be so proud of her boys! And insiders say that their older brother, Tony, is no slouch in the basketball department either. Triple threat!

Toilet Bowl Finals

#5 Hot Gems (9-9) vs #6 LA Buffy
The race is on for the number one pick next year. Recent hauls at the number one position have included Kevin Durant and Michael Beasley, with Durant vaulting the Sour Snails from a worst-to-first championship in 2007-2008. So this Toilet Bowl could have huge implications as the early clear prize is Kentucky's John Wall, a franchise caliber point guard. Of course, second prize might not be too bad either, as forward Ohio State's Evan Turner is a potential do-everything type fantasy player. So who will be competing for the honor of selecting first? It looks like it'll be Roger's Buffy from the Chamberlain Conference and Thiens' Hot Gems from the Russells.

After neatly disposing of non-contender Jedi Knights in RD1, Buffy faced division foe (and higher seeded despite the same record) Squirtle Squad. The Squirtles took out league weakling Fobstars easily but ran out of steam against Buffy, losing 2-6-1 as Shaun Livingston made an appearance for one game. Shaun Livingston! With Danny Granger heating up big time, Roger's team is poised for a Toilet Bowl win, one that could land them the perfect piece to go along their enviable big man lineup of Tim Duncan, Carlos Boozer, Lamar Odom, Marc Gasol, and Mehmet Okur. While old vet Andre Miller has been more than serviceable, getting a young stud like Wall could really top off an up and down season for Buffy.

Don't start the parade yet though, because the Hot Gems have patched things together after collapsing over the last few weeks of the regular season. Instead of being in the playoffs, the Gems slip slopped into the Toilet Bowl (allowing the Chunky Monkeys to sneak in and be on their Cinderella ride to the Finals) and barely dispatched the Human Amoebas and Funk Coalition. And they weren't pretty victories either, as they won by 3 PTS in their matchup against the putrid Amoebas and barely squeaked by the horrendous Funk. Led by Dwayne Wade and Paul Pierce, the former Golden Dragons are a little thin across the board and could be primed for an upset. A 26 PTS, 17 REB outburst by Al Harrington gave Thien's team the early week lead but there's still a lot of games to go. The big man duo of Chris Kaman and Theo Ratliff will really have to work the boards and protect the rim if Gems wants to win.

The good news for these two teams is that both Wall and Turner are slated to be superstars. While getting a point guard is priority one for both squads, I doubt Turner would be a bad consolidation prize. The 2011 Draft is shaping up to be Durant-Oden Part II so it'll be exciting to see who escapes with the first overall pick. Congrats to Hot Gems and Buffy for making it to the Toilet Bowl finals!

Championship Preview

#1 Sour Snails (16-1-1) vs #4 Chunky Monkeys (9-9)
With both teams emerging out of a fast and furious finish from the previous week, the dust settled (just barely) on Sunday night. By the time midnight rolled around, it was the Chunky Monkeys versus the Sour Snails. With both teams relatively healthy (the Monkeys are missing Harden and Chandler) while the Snails are missing Josh Howard, this will be a clash of the titan (and non-titan in the case of the Monkeys).

This match-up is a juxtaposition of opposites.

• 1 vs. 2. It features the first and second overall pick in Lebron James -- who's been in a stratosphere by himself this year and the incomparable CP3 -- a potential bust who's missed a large portion of this season with a serious knee injury.
• Perfect vs Perfect. 100% on Calc AB vs 100% on Calc AB (this is a private matter between Trieu and Evan)
• 1 vs. 8. Mostly importantly It features the first seed and the 8th seed. The Snails, who by and large cruised to one of the most dominant seasons in history, have been the run-away favorites all season. WIth the exception of a mid-season, asterisk highlighted all-star week loss to Buffy, the Snails never lost a game all season. Headlined by the ridiculous LBJ, the Snails feature athletic freaks like Crash, J-Smoove and unbelievable young funs including Steph Curry, Aaron Brooks, Darren Collison. Honestly, the team doesn't need much else. The question is whether the young bucks can keep it up for this last week. There are signs of slow down in Brooks, Collison is losing minutes to CP3 and Steph Curry has been undoubtedly knicked up these last several weeks.

On the other side of the table, the Monkeys limped in to the playoffs with little expectations. In fact, team brass, with CP3 out with a knee injury, basically admitted defeat mid-season with the trade of Danny Granger and Memo Okur for the then-injured BRoy and young but unproven talent like Wilson Chandler and Channing Frye. However, with some luck (Thien's team suffered an unimaginable choke-job from a 5-game slide) and some timely wins, the Monkeys found themselves as the final seed of the playoffs.

There are a few underlying stories in this matchup. This is expected to be Chris Paul's first full week back at full strength (as illustrated by his 15 point and 13 dimes effort last night). However, the counter to this is that the Snail's super sleeper Darren Collison has taken a big hit to his PT. While Collison has still been filling up the stat-sheet, it'll be interesting to see how this all plays out. The Monkeys have had a few players step up in recent weeks including new starters, Jrue Holiday (thanks to doghouse bound Lou Williams) and Channing Frye (freak injury to Robin Lopez) while Snail stars Aaron Brooks J-Smoove have hit a bit of a rut.

That said, this is still a classic David and Goliath matchup. The mighty Snails are the unquestioned Goliaths. The Monkeys aren't even quite David's at this point. They are David's puny younger brother. The Monkeys will need their two captains in CP3 and BRoy7 to play like all-stars to have a chance. The Snails have 4-5 all-stars on their rosters alone so the Monkeys will need their entire lineup to step up if they are to have a chance.

[Editor's note] Both teams have been in the Finals before, with a similarly outmatched squad (on paper) from Season 1 for the Monkeys and a winning season from the Snails in Season 2. Back in 2008, they even met in the playoffs for a round. Is this the biggest rivalry in SlamNation? Let's find out who wins first eh?

Playoffs: Conference Finals

CHAMBERLAIN CONFERENCE
#1 Sour Snails (16-1-1) vs #3 Half Man Half ImAsian (11-7)
There was almost a major upset in SlamNation as the Sour Snails were tied with Fat Jubas heading into the last day of games. As it was, they barely won the 3PT, STL and BLK categories. Only a combined seven threes by Lebron James, Steph Curry, and Danilo Gallinari (plus a huge game winning block by LBJ in the closing seconds) enabled the Snails to move ahead. Whew, disaster averted! It must be troubling that the Snails were taken to the wire but the Jubas always play them tough so maybe their toughest competition is over.

Then again, they face a successful Cinderella this week as Half Man Half Amazing took down number two seed Korea! Korea! without breaking a sweat, neatly capturing six categories by a wide margin. It didn't help that Dwight Howard only played two games for Korea! and was outblocked 10 to 5 by JaVale McGee. The only players who remotely showed up to play for Steve's team was Manu Ginobili and Vince Carter, and they couldn't fend off an explosive Kevin Durant and Troy Murphy.

So what now? Do the Snails recover from a scare or do they have another unexpected fight on their hands? In their one regular season matchup, Trieu defeated Oliver 5-4 but by pretty wide margins in all the categories. They should dominate all the small ball categories and then it's up to REB and BLK to determine the winner. If McGee and Murphy keep throwing up double doubles for Half Man Half Asian, the Snails might be in trouble. And ho shit, what about Drew Gooden's 26 point 20 rebound effort on Tuesday night? Only to be somewhat offset by Gerald Wallace's 17-19. And what about Kevin Durant's 45 points on Monday? King James, Trieu needs you to power him into the Finals! This could be a real battle and both teams have their stars going a near full schedule. This is the marquee matchup of the week for sure.

RUSSELL CONFERENCE
#2 Bayside Bombardiers (11-7) vs #4 Chunky Monkeys (9-9)
Talking about upsets, the Monkeys pulled one off while the Bombardiers narrowly avoided falling victim to one. Let's start with the Monkeys, who cruised to a big upset over Nande by carrying their end of regular season momentum into the playoffs. As Mikey's team got decimated by injuries --six players felled, prompting him to ask for help from the league office to fill out games played -- Evan's squad took advantage behind Trevor Ariza (9 STL, 13 AST), Jrue Holiday (5 3PT, 8 STL, 18 AST), and Channing Frye (7 3PT). That's right, the stars of this team were nowhere to be found but Brandon Roy, Andrea Bargnani, and hypothetically Chris Paul will need to step up if they want to defeat the Bombardiers. Toppling a one seed was hard but they'll need more to do it again.

We saw Pierre's team as a potential upset victim because their #2 versus #3 seed matchup was a bit of a misnomer but they dispatched 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps through a hard fought week of 30+ games for each team. They squeaked out wins in 3PT and TO, while tying REB, on the way to a 5-3-1 victory. They have Pau Gasol, David West, and Jamal Crawford all playing well and Mo Williams returned for some big numbers. Center Samuel Dalembert is averaging nearly a double double with two blocks per game and if he can keep it up, he'll be a big reason for the Bombardiers' playoff success.

Generally speaking, this is a classic small ball versus big ball matchup. The Bombardiers are loaded inside while the Monkeys have smooth shooters as their big men. As it stands now, the fight could be over AST since the Monkeys are a little light in that department without CP3 at full strength. One of these teams will barely lose the PTS or TO category and that could be the cause of their defeat. This is going to be an intriguing matchup and the outcome could hinge on Paul returning for major minutes as soon as possible. Who will represent the Russells in the Finals? We can't tell either!

Playoff Preview RD1: Chamberlain Conference

PLAYOFFS
#1 Sour Snails (16-1-1) vs #4 Fat Jubas (9-8-1)
When the Jubas walk out on to the floor each night, the run into Lebron James, Josh Smith, Stephen Curry, Aaron Brooks, Gerald Wallace and recent super-star Darren Collison. OMG is probably the right term here. There's a reason why the Snails are the top dogs. GM Trieu built a developed a ridiculous team. Led by LBJ, J-Smoove and Crash - the top 3 picks have all performed like first rounders. Then add on super rooks Stephen Curry and Most-Improved Player Aaron Brooks - you got yourself the best starting 5 this side of the CBA (what great wall?? we have sour snails here!) For the Jubas, its a rock solid team led by a group of veterans. Their heyday was probably the 92 Olympics but the Jubas are no slouch. They gave the Snails a run for their money in their last match up. However, this is the playoffs. Look for the Snails to cruise on by the Jubas.

#2 Ko-re-a! (12-6) vs #3 Half Man Half ImAsian (11-7)
A great matchup featuring two rock solid teams. The Halfies are led by super stud KD and solid complementary players. Players like Russell Westbrook, Rip Hamilton, Andrew Bogut, and Kirk Hinrich might not strike fear for anyone but together, this team plays extremely well. Extremely balanced with no overt weaknesses, the team has had a solid run this season. The Korean crazed KO-RE-A! team, its about the wily vets. Outside of Dwight Howard, KOREA features Jason Kidd, Manu Ginobily, Vinsanity, Antawn Jamison and J-Rich. All 5 have performed extremely well this season - so much for those creaky knees. Even Big Z and Yao Ming are on the roster! Wow. This match up will be a toss up ... but we see KO-RE-A pulling this one out.


TOILET BOWL
#6 LA Buffy (8-10) vs #7 Jedi Knights (4-12-2)
Disappointment. There's no other way to describe the Buffy season. After a draft centered around veterans like Tim Duncan and Elton Brand, Buffy was projected to be a solid playoff team with unparalleled leadership. Roger then decided to further bolster the current line up by moving Brandon Roy and a few high flying projects for Danny Granger, Memo Okur and the magician, Randy Foye (because he disappeared so fast). While the team has had some wins including a monster season by Boozer, the roster has been very up and down. The Buffy is now focused clearly on winning the rights to John Wall/Evan Turner. On the flipside, the Jedi Knights have just had a very disappointing year. Besides the German bomber in Dirk Nowitzki, the team has had very little support on its roster. High risk, high reward players like Jose Calderon and Ronnie Brewer were really just high risk. The team does have a decent core of 3-4 solid keepers but will certainly look to rebuild next year. We look for Buffy to move on to the next round in this one.

#5 Squirtle Squad (8-10) vs #8 Fobstars (4-13-1)
Despite the presence of a few stars including Melo, ROY candidate Tyreke Evans, and newly acquired Joe Johnson, Squirtle couldn't find enough consistency to make the playoffs. Anthony Randolph turned out to be a bust, so did Blake Griffin and Baron Davis. Guys will be back but all next year. This will definitely be a team to watch next year once everything gets healthy. On the other side, the Fobstars are really just fobs and not so much stars. There are some good pieces here like Chris Bosh, Chauncey Billups, Rashard Lewis and Zach Randolph but the team will really look to rebuild this off- season. Age will be an issue so look for the team to look closely at the rookie crop next year. Melo, alone, might be too much for Fobstar - add on Ty-Ty and JJ, its all over. Squirtle moves on to the next round!

Playoff Preview RD1: Russell Conference

PLAYOFFS
#1 Nande? ReBuRonSAN (13-5) vs #4 Chunky Monkeys (9-9)
Nande has throttled the competition this year despite losing their first round pick, Gilbert Arenas, for the year. Having won four of their last five games, GM Mikey has shown that it's not just about the players but the man behind the scenes that make wins happen. The Monkeys have picked up steam by winning three of their last four and snuck into the playoffs on the heels of Hot Gems' epic collapse. While it would appear this matchup should favor Nande, the two teams have been playing even recently -- even if Nande won both regular season meetings handily. Nande will win REB, BLK, and PTS. They will lose FG%, FT%, and TO. So it comes down to 3PT, AST, and STL between these two teams. For the Monkeys that means Trevor Ariza might be the key here while Steven Jackson and Ron Artest would be needed to pace Nande in the STL and 3PT departments. Bigger question: Will Chris Paul return for a game or two? That could be Evan's best chance at an upset.

#2 Bayside Bombardiers (11-7) vs #3 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (12-6)
The Bombardiers are limping into the playoffs a bit as they've suffered four losses in the last six weeks. Their two wins have been against non-playoff competition and they are quite far away from their undefeated January. Jose's Heffalumps actually have a better record than the Bombardiers but since they didn't win their division, they'll be playing an away week. The Heffas have been on absolute fire recently, with six straight wins before dropping one in the last week of the season. They have Kobe Bryant and Kevin Martin playing at full strength, and Jason Terry returns from losing an eye mid-week. Pierre's team will need everyone to step it up a few notches. A few more 40+ point nights from Luis Scola certainly wouldn't hurt. (Which shocked you more? Scola's 44 or Andre Miller's 52?) Unless Bayside has some more fight in them, we foresee a not so upset upset special here...


TOILET BOWL
#5 Hot Gems (9-9) vs #8 Human Amoebas (3-15)
The story heading into the back half of the season has to be the Gems (formerly the Golden Dragons) collapse into the Toilet Bowl. Just six weeks ago we said they were the third best team in the league. Five losses in six games later and they are playing for a top draft pick. What the hell happened? We can't tell because Dwayne Wade has been outrageous and it's not like there were too many injuries that befell this team. Unless you think losing The Truth for a few games really hurt Thien's team that much. As for upset candidate Human Amoebas, center Andray Blatche has been a revelation (24.5 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.4 STL, 1.1 BLK) in his last fourteen games. With Monta Ellis back, the Amoebas could surprise. Of course, they lost to the Hot Gems 7-2 last week, but while playing eight less games. Can coach Eric-A steer his team to a big win this week?

#6 Morrie's Pogiboys (7-11) vs #7 Funk Coalition (5-12-1)
This one looks like a blowout. The Pogiboys have won five of their last six and have been on a tear. They waxed the Funk a few weeks ago and it doesn't look like they'll have a more difficult time in this matchup. Jon's team is on a four game slide and has lost Tony Parker for the fantasy season, center Joakim Noah is still out, and the trade for Al Jefferson was definitely a short term loss. Meanwhile, Alvin's team has Amare Stoudemire and Devin Harris (finally) playing like franchise guys and Hornet's shooting guard Marcus Thornton has added much needed scoring punch to the backcourt. Welcome to the second round of the Toilet Bowl Pogiboys.

Final Standings 2010

Congratulations on a great first season! Here's the link for the expanded final season standings as well as season stats. Also, final locked rosters.

Rule Addendums

To clarify issues, some additional rules:

• Roster locks occur before the first game of the playoffs, and then trades re-open post-Finals and up to the following year's draft. You own your entire roster until it's time to announce keepers (date to be determined).
• No waiver wire transactions can occur after the roster lock date, even though technically you could submit that transaction before the date. Waivers need to be fully processed before the lock day.
• If a player is on Injured Reserve when the roster lock happens, you cannot use him for the rest of the playoffs and Toilet Bowl.
• Playoff seeding goes like this: Division winners are #1 and #2 and for both the playoffs and Toilet Bowl, teams compete in their own conference first before the big Russell vs Chamberlain face off in the last week.
• Next year's Waiver Order will be reconsidered. In 2010 we did it #1-12 by initial draft order but it should be rediscussed again.
• Any post-game scoring changes will be adjusted and upheld by the ESPN system.

Power Rankings & Playoff Tie-Breaker System

Power Rankings are basically rankings off of win-loss record. Tie-breakers differ depending on what you're trying to break (division rank, wildcard, overall, etc). If three or more teams are tied, H2H winning %'s among tied teams are used to break ONE team out of the tie. Then the tiebreaks reset for the remaining tied teams.

Overall Power Rankings (determine next season base Draft order)
1. Overall Record
2. H2H Record among tied teams. If more than 2 teams are tied, H2H winning % among all tied teams is used
3. Most Categories won for season. If H2H records are the same, the team with the most categories won among our scoring system for the year wins the tiebreak. This is similar to a weekly H2H matchup, except using category totals for the season.
4. Coin flip. If teams are still tied with number of categories won, a coin flip will be used. Specifics of the coin flip (depending on # of teams involved) will be decided at that time.

Division Rankings (to rank teams in a division to determine division champion)
1. Overall Record
2. H2H Record. If more than 2 teams are tied, H2H winning % among all tied teams is used
3. Division Record (record against divisional opponents)
4. Conference Record (record against conference opponents)
5. Most Categories won for season. If H2H, Division, Conference records are the same, the team with the most categories won among our scoring system for the year wins the tiebreak. This is similar to a weekly H2H matchup, except using category totals for the season.
6. Coin flip
[Changed to no divisons in 2019]

Conference Rankings (to determine Wildcard participants. Excludes Division Champions from the equation)
1. Overall Record
2. H2H Record. If more than 2 teams are tied, H2H winning % among all tied teams is used.
3. Conference Record (record against conference opponents)
4. Most Categories won for season. If H2H and Conference records are the same, the team with the most categories won among our scoring system for the year wins the tiebreak. This is similar to a weekly H2H matchup, except using category totals for the season.
5. Coin flip

[Changed to no conferences in 2026]

Playoff Tiebreaks (to determine winner of playoff matchup should a tie occur)
This can be controversial, but in the playoffs, I've always gone with ties going to the higher seed. You've earned that right over the course of the regular season.

[Update 3/18/24: We are officially going with "higher seed" wins a postseason tied matchup.]

The Next Movement

Following fast on the heels of Buffy and Fat Jubas' trade, Squirtle Squad knew they had to make moves if they wanted to compete for the playoffs. All three teams are currently sitting at 7-8 and are fighting for a Chamberlain Conference wild card spot. Oliver's Half Man Half Amazing is one win up on all three but with a few more regular season weeks to go, it's still anybody's game. With competition really heating up, the Squirtles have had three solid wins over big competition but also suffered two blowout losses (including a 0-8-1 loss to Fat Jubas last week) in their last five games.

That inconsistency is the reason why Squirtles' management pulled the trigger on a huge deal: franchise forward Al Jefferson to Funk Coalition in exchange for swingman Joe Johnson. They will also exchange Nate Robinson for Arron Afflalo. Jefferson has been having a down year recovering from last season's ACL tear. Averaging just 17.1 PTS, 9.3 REB, 1.1 BLK on 49.1 FG% in sixty games, he's even been in Timberwolves' coach Kurt Rambis' dog house the last week. Darko Milicic has been getting crunch time minutes for the T-Wolves. Free Darko indeed.

Concerned about Jefferson's health whilst in the middle of the playoff hunt, GM Brian decided it was time to part ways with him to bring in a steady veteran presence. Joe Johnson, the most underrated superstar in the league, fit that description perfectly. So far this season, Johnson has solidified his winning reputation and is putting up his typical 21.8 PTS, 4.7 REB/AST, 1.1 STL, and 1.7 3PT a game. With free agency looming, Johnson is looking to cash in big this off-season but not before making a splash in the fantasy post-season. Delighted to be traded to a winning team (Funk is 5-9-1 as of this writing), Johnson didn't even bother to pack on his way out of Funktown. Johnson will be immediately inserted into the Squirtles lineup, combining with Baron Davis and Tyreke Evans to form a powerful trio. The center spot for the Squirtles will be a bit empty, with only Shaquille O'Neal and Robin Lopez manning the middle for the Squirtles, but next year they get Blake Griffin.

As for the Funk side of the trade, it was no secret that in recent weeks, GM Jon had been shopping Joe Johnson furiously in order to get some offensive help for his non-scoring front line. Jefferson and Aldridge will combine with double double machine Joakim Noah to make the frontcourt the strength of the Funk franchise.

Asked about what other players they were willing to move for, GM Jon said, "I can't reveal the other players we were targeting. That would just hurt their families and the relationship with their teams. I can say they were all power forwards but what swung the decision for us was Jefferson's youth and his shot blocking ability. Plus he's an ex-Celtic, so we had to bring him into the fold. Are we concerned about Al's injury history? Sure, but you gotta roll the dice with a once in a generation player that's been tutored individually by Kevin McHale."

Speaking of Celtics, the newest Boston resident, Nate Robinson, will give Funk some offensive spark and outside shooting to replace Johnson's contributions. Arron Afflalo has been a nice surprise this season with his outside shooting but was deemed expendable since Funk already had the other Nuggets' shooting guard on their roster, JR Smith. Rumors swirl that more deals may be in the works for the Funk, who is preparing for a long swirl in the Toilet Bowl.

The trade deadline is March 10 at 12 EST so let's hope a few more trades happen soon!

Immigrant Swap

On the heels of the yesterday's huge six player trade, mover and shaker Buffy GM Roger produced yet another changing of addresses. This time, he swapped guard Beno Udrih to the Fat Jubas for forward Yi Jianlian. With both teams at 7-8 and fighting hard for a playoff spot, this is a trade that could benefit both teams. Buffy had a surplus of guards after the recent acquisition of Randy Foye so Udrih's skills were no longer needed. While the Jubas were sad to part with Yi, after some deliberation it was decided they needed another backcourt player to give rookie Jonny Flynn some competition as the third guard behind Steve Nash and Ray Allen.

A team official confided to SlamNation reporters that "Jonny was starting to get too big of a head. He thought he had that backup spot all locked up but we wanted to give him incentive to keep pushing. Next year we'll bring in Ricky Rubio and really give him a challenge!"

Udrih has put up 12 PTS, 3.2 AST and almost one 3PT/STL a game over his last six games. Since the NBA trade deadline he's shown that getting solid minutes could lead to useful production, as evidenced by a 25 PTS, 4 AST, 2 STL game recently. With Kevin Martin gone, it looks like Udrih is in line for thirty minutes a night.

Meanwhile, Yi "The Chairman" Jianlian is averaging 8.2 PTS and 5.2 REB over that same span. He's been injured, a little worn down from carrying the mantle of "best Chinese player in the NBA" this season, and sick of New Jersey. A change of scenery to Buffyland should help him fuel up on dumplings and give him a reason to play hard. Yi has been starting most of the season and has had flashes of success. More dumplings will surely give his stats a positive jolt.

In related news, Buffy's season ticket sales just increased significantly. Five hundred Chinese fans bought tickets after the trade and six Slovenian family canceled theirs.

Boom Goes the Dynamite

Three weeks. That was how long Danny Granger was a Chunky Monkey. Granger barely got to get meet his teammates before he got the news of his being traded. Earlier this morning, SlamNation league officials received word that a blockbuster trade between the Chunky Monkeys and Buffy had been signed and delivered. The mega-deal sends Danny Granger, Mehmet Okur and Randy Foye to Buffy in return for Brandon Roy, Wilson Chandler, and Channing Frye.

The Monkeys press office issued a statement following the deal. " We want to thank Danny Granger for all his hard work while he was here. Danny was a great leader both off and on the court while he was here. We wish him the best. However, through this deal, we had the opportunity to trade for someone who we consider as one of the top guards in the game in Brandon Roy. Brandon will pair with CP3 to form what we believe will be the best backcourt in the land. Also the chance to bring over Channing (Frye) and (Wilson) Chandler were unique opportunities. Our coaching staff is a big fan of their game and believe their will be long term cornerstone players for us."

According to ESPN Fantasy Analyst, Matthew Berry, "...Roy will be an incredible pairing with CP3. They should be a dynamic duo to watch - if they are healthy at the same time. Wilson Chandler should also immediately see starting time in the lineup and will likely play the SF position for the Monkeys. As for Channing Frye, he'll likely serve as back up to Bargnani. I predict he'll get spot duty for the rest of the year. If he plays well, plan to see him as one of the 6 keepers for the Monkeys next year. With the injury to Paul, it was clear that the Monkeys had started eyeing next year. If anything, they will be a force in the post season once everyone heals up. Whether they are playing in the John Wall bowl or for a title, expect the Monkeys to make some noise in the post-season.

As for Buffy, Granger provides a dynamic big man that does many things well. Foye and Okur will immediately play starting positions as well. The trade gives the team an immediate shot in the arm for the team as Buffy looks to make a deep playoff run. They somehow managed to topple Sour Snails last week so an opportunity to acquire immediate firepower may have been too good to pass up."

The Best and the Brightest

Here we are, the 2010 SlamNation All-Stars! Chosen by the commish, we had league voting for the last two spots on each team and the players on these squads can't be questionned. The selection criteria was: who contributed to winning teams. That's slightly different than how the NBA does it but as you'll see, it'll give a better idea of what players have been most instrumental to their teams success. The top two teams in each conference got two representatives each, and we tried to get an All-Star from every squad.

Some snubs? How about Troy Murphy, Tim Duncan, Dirk Nowitzki, Josh Smith, Derrick Rose, Joe Johnson, Rudy Gay, or Jamal Crawford? There just wasn't enough room for everyone to make it, and tie went to the teams with better records. If you have three wins, you shouldn't have two All-Stars, right?

So which All-Star team would win in an actual game? Well, the Chamberlain Conference is particularly big man heavy, while the Russell Conference has a much more balanced squad. Despite hailing from the Russell Conference, I'll go ahead and say the Chamberlains would win, 121-114. Also, is LBJ having the most well rounded fantasy season ever? Geezes.

RUSSELL CONFERENCE
Starters:
G Dwayne Wade (Dragons) - 26.5 PTS, 6.5 AST, 1.9 STL, 1.1 BLK
G Stephen Jackson (Nande) - 17.1 PTS, 7.0 REB, 5.7 AST, 1.3 3PT, 1.9 STL
F David West (Bayside) - 18.1 PTS, 7.5 REB, 0.8 STL/BLK
F Pau Gasol (Bayside) - 17.2 PTS, 11.2 REB, 1.8 BLK, 52.4 FG%
C Chris Kaman (Dragons) - 20.0 PTS, 8.9 REB, 1.3 BLK

Reserves:
G Kobe Bryant (100 Acre) - 28.0 PTS, 5.3 REB, 4.6 AST, 1.4 3PT, 1.7 STL
G Rajon Rondo (100 Acre) - 14.3 PTS, 9.7 AST, 2.5 STL, 52.9 FG%
G Deron Williams (Funk) - 18.6 PTS, 9.8 AST, 1.2 3PT
G Monta Ellis (Amoebas) - 26.2 PTS, 4.2 REB, 5.4 AST, 2.2 STL
F Corey Maggette (Nande) - 20.8 PTS, 6.1 REB, 51.9 FG%, 7.3/8.7 FT
F Andrea Bargnani (Monkeys) - 17.6 PTS, 6.2 REB, 1.6 3PT, 1.4 BLK
C Amare Stoudemire (Pogiboys) - 21.2 PTS, 8.6 REB, 1.0 BLK, 55.5 FG%


CHAMBERLAIN CONFERENCE
Starters:
G Steve Nash (Jubas) - 18.3 PTS, 11.1 AST, 1.8 3PT, 51.9 FG%
G Brandon Roy (Buffy) - 23.1 PTS, 4.6 REB, 5.0 AST, 1.4 3PT
F Lebron James (Snails) - 29.9 PTS, 7.1 REB, 8.3 AST, 1.9 3PT, 1.6 STL, 1.0 BLK, 50.6 FG%
F Kevin Durant (Half Man) - 29.7 PTS, 7.4 REB, 1.5 3PT, 1.4 STL, 48.5 FG%
C Dwight Howard (Korea) - 18.0 PTS, 13.3 REB, 2.7 BLK, 60.3 FG%

Reserves:
F Gerald Wallace (Snails) - 18.8 PTS, 10.9 REB, 1.6 STL, 1.2 BLK
F Zach Randolph (Fob Stars) - 20.5 PTS, 11.6 REB, 0.9 STL
F Chris Bosh (Fob Stars) - 24.4 PTS, 11.4 REB, 1.0 BLK, 52.6 FG%
F Antawn Jamison (Korea) - 20.5 PTS, 8.8 REB, 1.4 3PT
F Carmelo Anthony (Squirtle) - 29.2 PTS, 6.4 REB, 1.3 STL, 46.3 FG%
C Brook Lopez (Jubas) - 18.8 PTS, 9.0 REB, 1.9 BLK, 50.5 FG%
C David Lee (Jedis) - 20.0 PTS, 11.4 REB, 1.0 STL, 55.7 FG%

Power Rankings

Our very first power rankings. There are a lot of teams doing poorly with only a handful of good teams. Hey, just like the real NBA! Time for trades?
-- I noted the divisions so that we could get an idea of how each one is doing (SH = Silverhawks, TC = Thundercats, etc).

1. Sour Snails (11-0, SH) - Eleven wins in a row, seven games up in their division. The Snails are dominating this regular season like the 95-96 Bulls. Is it time to rest the starters?
2. Nande? ReBuRonSAN (9-2, TC) - Eight wins in a row and hot to trot. Losing Arenas will hurt but how much? The most active owner in the game will keep the team focused on the big picture.
3. Golden Dragon (7-4, VT) - An impressive six wins in a row, with an outstanding front line pulling the weight. Everyone is healthy, clicking, and playing well.
4. Bayside Bombardiers (8-3, VT) - Four wins in a row but the loss of Mo Williams hurts just a tiny bit. Sixth man of the year candidate Jamal Crawford has been terrific.
5. Half Man Half ImAsian (6-5, TF) - With three straight wins and hot on the heels of Korea! for the division lead, Kevin Durant is pushing this team toward a playoff spot.
6. Korea! Korea! (8-3, TF) - With three losses in their last four games, and their one win by a fraction of a FG%, is Korea in trouble? I'd say "yes." Rush back Yao!
   
7. Chunky Monkeys (5-6, TC) - Picked on the dregs of the league for four straight wins. Moving Monta Ellis for Danny Granger really shook things up and we see exciting weeks ahead.
8. 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (6-5, TC) - Recent dip in standings is curious as everyone was basically playing the same. With Kevin Martin back on board, look for the ship to steady.
9. Squirtle Squad (5-6, TF) - Three wins to start the season, three straight losses, and another three loss streak after that. This is the ultimate hot and cold team. No Blake Griffin this year hurts doesn't it?
10. Fob Stars (4-7, SH) - After starting off 2-5, the Fobs have been marginally better of late. Zach Randolph has been an absolute beast. Only two games out of wildcard contention gives them a sense of purpose.
11. Buffy (5-6, TF) - Three losses in a row and Michael Redd out for the season. Carlos Boozer is iffy now too, and this team is headed in the wrong direction.
12. Fat Jubas (4-7, SH) - In a state of collapse with four losses in their last five games. Steve Nash and Brook Lopez can't do it all and they've had no support.
13. Jedi Knights (3-7-1, SH) - No losses in their first three weeks and then 1-7 afterwards. Ouch. Hey, at least David Lee is an All-Star! Oh wait. Maybe making a waiver wire pickup might help? Zero so far on the season.
14. MoRRie's Pogiboys (2-9, VT) - A four and five game losing streak so far this season. They've faced four top teams in a row though so we'll cut them some slack.
15. Funk Coalition (2-8-1, TC) - A six game losing streak finally ended two weeks ago. Tony Parker just went down for a few. Is another losing streak about to start?
16. Human Amoebas (2-9, VT) - Seven losses in a row and not a close game in the bunch. They needed to make moves and did, acquiring Monta Ellis for Danny Granger, who had been hurt for weeks. There's nowhere to go but up for this team.
    

The Right Way

Alright, we've taken a good hard look at some failing teams, why don't we celebrate some teams that are doing it right and getting it done? First up, there's a battle at the top of the Voltron Division between Bayside Bombadiers and Golden Dragon. Only one game separates them and they've been on winning streaks of four and six games respectively. Both of them are playing extremely well obviously but who will win the division? And after that, let's look at the best team in the Russell Conference, the Thundercats' division leader, Nande? ReBuRonSAN (who I'll refer to as "Nande" because I have no idea what the rest of that all means), who is on an astounding eight game winning streak!

Bayside Bombardiers (8-3)
Oh yes, Pierre's team is very good, as evidenced by the fact that two of their three losses have come against the Sour Snails and Korea! Korea!, who were the juggernauts of the early season. Their one other loss was a semi-flukey one to the 2-9 Pogiboys. Our preseason analysis called this team "the second bananas" for their lack of franchise players. Well, who cares? They've proven to be balanced, deep at every position, and Luol Deng has more than shored up the previously questionable small forward spot.

Overall, this team has had a very steady lineup, and have only used three waiver wire pickups all season, proving that it's not about quantity, but quality. In fact, they've had ten players log 20+ games for them, and only injuries to Pau Gasol, Jameer Nelson, and now Mo Williams have forced them to go to the reserves.

The great balance on this team is epitomized by not having any 20+ PTS guys yet ranking third overall in PTS. Quite a feat. The top ten guys on this squad all score in the mid to high teens, making any one of them hot on a given night. The starting lineup of Allen Iverson, Ben Gordon, Luol Deng (17.7 PTS, 7.3 REB, 1 STL/BLK), David West, and Pau Gasol (17 PTS, 11 REB, 1.6 BLK) provide a little bit of everything and when top sixth man Jamal Crawford comes off the bench, along with hard nosed revelation, Carl Landry, there's no drop off. Mix in Jameer Nelson, Luis Scola's yeoman efforts, and the occasional Samuel Dalembert appearance (12.2 REB, 2.7 BLK last month) and this team is well positioned for a great second half. Losing Mo Williams does hurt, as he was quietly having a very good year (17 PTS, 5 AST, 1.2 STL, 2.3 3PT), but the Bombardiers should be fine.

Areas of concern? Well, the Bombardiers are great in FG% and PTS but have some significant weaknesses too. They rank very close to last in the league in FT%, AST, 3PT, and STL. For a team that has been cruising through the regular season, that is a bit of a surprise but as Pierre proves, it's not about the numbers or the stars, it's about the wins.

Golden Dragon (7-4)
After coming out of the gates with only one win in five tries, we were a little worried about the Dragons. Well, turns out they were just coming out of hibernation and a bit sluggish. They've recently ripped off six straight wins and feasted on the competition. Their decision to go with Dwayne Wade at #3 overall has been well justified, as he's averaging 27 PTS, 6 AST, 5 REB, 1.8 STL, and 1.1 3PT.

Rolling the dice with a few injury prone players was, well, dicey, but everything has been coming up aces for Thien so far. In a nice surprise, Andrew Bynum and Dwayne Wade lead the team in games played, and Chris Kaman has returned full force, averaging 20/9 with 1.2 BLK. Paired with Andrew Bynum on the blocks (17/9, 1.5 BLK), it's been quite a load down low. Kenyon Martin has been fantastic as an aggressive big off the bench, with nice rebounding numbers and a block a game. Actually, the Dragons are spectacular in blocks, as they also get one per game from SG Dwayne Wade and SF Rudy Gay.

This team does lack in the passing department, as starting PG Raymond Felton hasn't been great there, getting out-assisted by Wade. And they turn over the ball a ton, which makes them lose the TO battle most weeks. But hey, the Dragons put up points in a hurry and play a high energy style that allows them to lead the entire league in PTS. They boast five near 20+ scorers and every usable player is in double digits. The team is stacked at the forward positions, as Gay and Paul Pierce are nearly interchangeable, and Martin and Al Harrington man the PF slot providing either interior defense or outside shooting depending on the matchup.

This team can throw out a bigs lineup that is just scary featuring Wade handling the ball, flanked by Gay and Pierce, with Kaman and Bynum down low. Who can match up with that kind of height? For the past month and a half, the answer has been: Nobody! It'll be interesting to see if Thien has any moves planned as they fight for the division title against the Bombardiers.

Nande? ReBuRonSAN (9-2)
Eight wins in a row and a huge matchup with the undefeated Sour Snails in WK14 being played out right now. Nande is ripping through the competition and has defeated all the top teams on their way to the top of the Russell Conference. We've talked about how Mikey's team would be the most entertaining one to watch and it's proven to be very accurate. Sure, most of the drama has come from Gilbert Arenas but when your first round pick gets suspended indefinitely for bringing guns to the stadium and joking about shooting a teammate, you know your season is already one for the history books. Agent Zero was justifying his first round status, with 22.6 PTS, 7.2 AST, 1.3 STL and 2 3PT (albeit at 41.1 FG%) and his production will be hard to make up.

The good news is that Tracy McGrady is back! Well, for six games, and he's been promptly shelved again. In all seriousness, this team is being led into contention ex-teammates Stephen Jackson and Corey Maggette. Captain Jack has spearheaded the offensive attack with 24.5 PTS, 2.3 STL, and 1.8 3PT this past month, while Maggette is at a jaw dropping 26.9 PTS, 6.9 REB and 51.4% over his past fifteen games. Serving as the glue guy is Andre Iguodala, who's been doing a bit of everything and his quick hands have been integral to helping Nande rank fourth in STL.

Ron Artest and Ben Wallace have their uses but have been disappointments for the most part, especially Artest, who's become the Lakers' version of Shane Battier. Losing Arenas will probably drop Nande out of the top 3PT rankings, so maybe we'll see some more Peja Stojakovic or Carlos Delfino (1.8 3PT each). The PF/C combo of Shawn Marion and Jermaine O'Neal would have been spectacular five years ago but is now just about average, as both guys are at around 12 PTS and 7 REB. Serviceable but nothing spectacular. The return of Kevin Love has been a huge boon as he's producing 15 PTS and 11 REB per game (and will push Nande to number one in REB soon) and only getting steadier. The big hole here is at point guard, which was already thin with just Arenas. Free agent George Hill is manning the position but he won't do and we're looking for Mikey to make a deal for a floor general soon.

Just looking at their roster, Nande doesn't seem like they should be whipping everyone in the league. But let's not overlook one thing: The role of the coach and GM, Mikey. Let's look at some numbers. While Nande's top nine guys have each played at least 30 games each, there have also been another 19 guys who have logged at least one game. With a league leading moves count of 29, Mikey is showing the league how to be a stellar owner and we're delighted he's kicking ass. Action equals success, inaction equals fail! With a three game lead in their division, look for Nande to cruise into the playoffs and continue to win with the effort of a champion.

Down and Out

Here we are, almost exactly at the halfway point of the season and we've already got a few teams out of playoff contention. Well, barring miracles anyway. Welcome to our version of the New Jersey Nets everyone! The three teams below are being handed a Golden Ticket to Toilet Bowl-ville and they couldn't be more excited about it. Time to make moves!

Human Amoebas (2-9)
After starting off a respectable 2-2, the Amoebas are on a streak of seven straight losses and are five games out of a playoff spot. Basically the Amoebas are already playing for next year. With the recent blockbuster trade of the former face of their franchise, Danny Granger, what can the new look Amoebas do to prepare for the Toilet Bowl? Our pre-season review indicated that this wouldn't be the Amoebas' year anyway. GM Eric-A went young with all his picks and knew that he wouldn't be a contender this season. However, I doubt he expected things to be quite this bad.

The starting backcourt of Derrick Rose and the newly acquired Monta Ellis is the obvious strength of the team. By flipping Granger for Ellis, Eric-A was looking to cash in on Ellis' high octane game of PTS, AST, and STL. He'll lose some 3PT in the process but the thought of Rose and Ellis zipping up and down the court must have gotten Eric-A salivating. Sophomore sparkplug Eric Gordon has been an excellent sixth man, and provides good scoring and long distance shooting with high percentages. And even veteran Jarrett Jack has found new life as a starter in Toronto, averaging nearly five assists a game.

The problem for this team has been the front line. Micheal Beasley has been better in his second year, although he still hasn't broken out yet. Injuries have hurt him a little bit but he should develop into a consistent twenty point scorer soon. Losing Greg Oden for rest of the campaign hurt a lot, as his REB and BLKs were the lynchpin for the defensive frontcourt. Andray Blatche and Nenad Krstic can man the pivot but aren't exactly defensive terrors or all that impressive on the boards (below 5 REB a game each). Power forward Paul Millsap is getting almost 30 minutes a night but that's not enough to duplicate his numbers from last year. He's still averaging 12 PTS, 7.5 REB, 1 STL/BLK, but he really needs Carlos Boozer out of Utah to shine.

Courtney Lee, a seventh round pick, can't quite stay in the starting lineup, and has been highly inconsistent, he needs some more time to grow. And Hasheem Thabeet averages 1.5 BLK in only eleven minutes a game but it's doubtful he'll play well enough to be a keeper next year. Overall, the Amoebas rank very poorly in outside shooting, are last in AST, very low in PTS, REB, and STL, and are average everywhere else, except TOs, where they shine. What other moves might the Amoebas make? Building around their strong backcourt will be a start, and it's just a question of how they can pull it together for the Toilet Bowl to get a shot at a much needed big man in next year's draft.

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Patience, this team isn't built for the now, so there's no rush. The move for Monta Ellis refined a strength and further moves could do the same thing. The future can still be bright despite a cloudy present.

Funk Coalition (2-8-1)
So far the Funk have fallen flat all around. Their two wins have come against 4-7 teams, and they had a six game losing streak recently. Welcome to the Toilet Bowl! With no chance of making the playoffs, the Funk is just trying to pull it together for a high draft pick run. So much for that 7-1 divionsal record prediction eh? The good news is, well, there isn't much. The Coalition are terrible on defense, ranking last or very close to last in STL and BLK. And it's not like they can offensively compensate, ranking 15th in PTS. What are they good at then? Not turning to ball over mostly. The Funk are in the bottom half of the league in every category except TO and AST, the latter of which they are sixth, despite boasting Deron Williams' almost ten dimes per game. A team that looked really balanced on paper has sprung holes everywhere.

The biggest problem Funk faces is their lack of offensive firepower. Only Joe Johnson, who is having a typically well rounded year, is over 20+ PTS. Tony Parker, Lamarcus Aldridge, and Deron Williams are only in the high teens and rarely explode. Those three have also been injury prone, shuttling in and out of the lineup. Speaking of injuries, fifth round pick Andris Biedrins was supposed to man the middle but he's only recently started playing and is only averaging 6 PTS and 8 REB a game. His two BLK are nice, but he's rounding into shape and not getting a lot of playing time. The revelation in the front court has been Joakim Noah, who is having a breakout year and has firmly established his nightly double double status. The good news is that Aldridge, an early season disappointment, has been very good with 18 PTS and 9 REB a game as the only big left in Portland. The problem is, there's no solid frontcourt guy after Noah and Aldridge. Chris Andersen has regressed tremendously, Tyson Chandler has been injured and near useless when healthy. This team needs Biedrins bad.

To combat shooting guard JR Smith's lack of accuracy and extreme inconsistency, Jon has tried to find some waiver wire pieces to fit into the lineup. Martell Webster, Rasual Butler, and Arron Afflalo recently logged some heavy minutes for this team, and Luke Ridnour and Devin Brown both used to play in crunch time. See why the Funk have been so terrible? Injury plagued and with a roster lacking depth and the ability to put points on the board, this could be a long second half of the season for the Coalition.

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Get Biedrins back to double double status, find an explosive scoring complement to Joe Johnson, and pray for health the next few months.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (2-9)
After stumbling out of the gate with four straight losses, the Pogiboys had two rousing wins in a row, including a huge victory over their division leader, Bayside Bombardiers, in WK8. Things were looking good right? Well, five straight losses later and it's safe to say they're eliminated from playoff contention. It should be noted that their recent loss to Korea! Korea! was by 0.0001 in the FG% category. That's what, one missed shot? Pretty active on the waiver wire, Alvin has had an astonishing 26 players play games for them so far this season. That includes one by Goran Dragic (who?), five from Raja Bell, and ten from Juwan Howard. Go Blue!

We've covered the Pogiboys' inadequacies in this space before, so we'll leave it be for the most part. Injuries are still wreaking havoc with their lineup but they are getting healthier. Their overall play is still very up and down and there's just no offense on this team. Amare Stoudemire is at 20 PTS but after that the drop off is to Caron Butler at 16 PTS. Devin Harris has been really bad recently (12 PTS, 6.4 AST, 1.1 STL, 35.9 FG% in the past month) and Alvin needs his second round pick to start performing. Plus, this team is getting killed on the boards, with nobody averaging more than 6 REB except for Stoudemire, who's only at 7.7 a game. A bright spot for the Pogis? Um, Brandon Jennings? He's slowed down but still has growth potential right? Even if that Rookie of the Year is slipping out of his grasp...

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Keep plugging away and try to get some momentum together in time for the Toilet Bowl. The team needs a better identity but it's been difficult with everyone slumping, seemingly all at the same time.

Wheeling and Dealing

The first major deal in SlamNation Part Deux was struck yesterday afternoon. In a one for one swap, the Monkeys sent budding all-star guard, Monta Ellis, to the Human Amoebas in return for former Monkey, Danny Granger. As part of the trade, the Monkeys have also agreed to send their 2nd overall pick in the 2011 Supplemental Draft to the Amoebas for their 4th round pick.

Evan, GM of the Monkeys was quoted earlier, “We wish Monta nothing but the best. He is a great player with a bright future ahead of him. He played his hearts out for us and we know he will do great with the Amoebas. This trade, however, is about Danny Granger. The deal represents a major step forward for the organization as we welcome back Danny Granger. Danny does a lot of things awfully well and I have full confidence that he will improve our team.”

ESPN Fantasy Analyst, Matthew Berry, spoke on SportsCenter earlier this morning about the deal. “This seems to be a win-win deal for both teams. Ellis will play extremely well with Derrick Rose and the two certainly will pair to be one of the best young backfields for years to come. The team just got a lot quicker. I expect the deal to increase the team’s scoring opportunities as Ellis plays well both with and off the ball. As for the Monkeys, this deal was a no-brainer. The team is familiar with Granger and his skillset. They had a logjam at the guard position and Granger gives them another genuine superstar to run with CP3. The Monkeys will look to slot either James Harden or Trevor Ariza into the shooting guard position with Granger manning the small forward slot. This will be a fun team to watch!”

Sources close to the Amoebas indicated that the original deal was potentially larger and included at least 4 players (with Rose and Bargnani as potential trade pieces). Sometimes smaller is better but something tells us that more deals are in the pipeline.

The Ecstasy and the Agony

It's four weeks into our SlamNation season and after a week of heated debate and some settings snafus, we're ready to launch into the meat of the season. Let's take a look at our 4-0 and 0-4 teams. There are two of each and strangely, one per division. So without further ado, let's get it on!

Sour Snails (4-0)
Oh it's nice to have the King. I'm gonna tell you right now, the best team in the league is sitting right here. Let me wow you with some early season stats. First in three point shooting and assists. Second in blocks and steals. Third in points scored. If you're counting at home, that's five categories where the Sour Snails are elite level. So if you can't get to top three in one of those categories, you've already lost to the Snails (on paper). And how about my retarded pre-season prediction that the Snails would have "almost no chance to win any rebounding battles." They are ranked fifth in rebounds too! Gerald Wallace has been a beast at 12 REB a game, and Josh Smith is at almost nine per, with Lebron and Channing Frye chipping in six or seven apiece.

Remember how much we liked the all athlete trio of Lebron, Gerald, and Josh? Well they are combining for four plus STL and BLKs per game. Add in Corey Brewer's equally quick hands (2.0 STL) and the Snails are off the races. The real find of the early season for Trieu has been Channing Frye -- with a shout out to Chris Douglas-Roberts. The skinny "center" is averaging 2.7 3PT and almost one block and steal. Teamed up with Aaron Brooks (2.0 3PT) and Danilo Gallinari (3.0 3PT), the Snails bombs away from the perimeter. I imagine a game featuring the speedy Snails to be run and gun, full of dunks, long range shots, spectacular steals, monster weak side blocks, and many Sportscenter highlights. I'd pay premium prices to watch those games, wouldn't you? If the Snails have a chink in the armor, it's that their weaknesses are pretty distinct. They are near the bottom in both percentage categories and second to last in turnovers. But hey, you don't have to be perfect to be winners right?

Korea! Korea! (4-0)
As predicted, the Transformers have been a powerhouse division. Heading into last WK4, both Korea! and Squirtle Squad were riding 3-0 records. But Squirtle lost in a battle of undefeated teams, to Sour Snails, so we turn our laser focus onto Team Korea. We had been excited to see the team Steve put around Dwight Howard since pre-season and four weeks in, he's at the top of the charts. To nobody's surprise, the team looks a lot like the Orlando Magic -- or dare we say it, the Spurs? Team Korea is very strong on the boards and protects the rim like Fort Knox (4th in REB, 5th in BLK). Offensively, they space out the floor with excellent three point shooting while keeping their turnovers low. The Koreans are predictably terrible in FT% with Dwight and they have some problems scoring, at least statistically -- ranking 12th in PTS -- but they've won three of their four PTS category matchups so far and we attribute their scoring woes to the early season inaction of Antawn Jamison.

All those three point shots do turn into some horrific FG% sometimes because three of their top five players (Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, and Rodney Stuckey) are all in the low 40%. However, they are producing in other areas (Kidd and Jason Richardson both average 2+ 3PT a game) and best of all, Korea is winning with their formula. Early season surprise Erick Dampier has translated into help for Dwight on defensive end, averaging 2+ BLK a game -- in a contract year of course. All this and the road ahead looks pretty good as Manu Ginobili is making a return to action while the waiting game for Antawn Jamison has resulted in ten games worth of 20 PTS, 8.7 REB, 1.2 STL, and 1.5 3PT. So, with Steve's activity on the free agent lists and a deep roster, we see no drop off in their performance. Mothers of Korea, fire up the BBQ, your boys are in for a long and successful season.

Chunky Monkeys (0-4)
It hasn't been easy for the Monkeys so far. Their franchise player, Chris Paul, took a stumble early on and is out for another few weeks. You can't replace a fantasy superstar like CP3 so predictably, the Monkeys have been winless out of the gate. Preseason expectations had the Monkeys thriving in an uptempo small ball lineup with some rebounding power, but that hasn't turned out to be accurate. The Monkeys are purely small ball, ranking dead last in REB, BLK, and FG%. CP3 won't help in any of those categories, even as he returns. The good news is that Evan's team does have good 3PT, STL, FT%, and potentially AST when Paul is back. For a team predicated on running and gunning, their TO rate is actually pretty good at middle of the pack, which is great because their point production isn't overly high for a run and gun team.

The Monkeys almost won in WK4 versus the Fobsters but lost by a handful of blocks or one 3PT. Other than that one week, they've been run off the floor. A big problem is that the front line is not doing stellar, with Mehmet Okur and Rasheed Wallace underachieving -- an understatement in Rasheed's case. The two of them only average about twenty points combined, even if they do toss in almost three 3PT per outing. Andrea Bargnani has been really good in the early going, and is at 16.7 PTS, 6.5 REB, 1.6 3PT, and 1.1 BLK. And all those Trevor Ariza doubters? Well, he's been stellar, highlighted by his 2.2 STL and BLK per game. The great news is that Chris Paul is back and looks like a force already. And speaking of forces, Monta Ellis has been insane in his comeback year, with two 40+ point games and averages of roughly 25 PTS, 5 AST/REB, and 2.4 STL. With his top players back, Evan can look forward to a win soon. Maybe.

Morrie's Pogiboys (0-4)
It looks like an uphill climb for the Pogiboys again, but they've been here before and built their way toward a championship through good management and patience. It's not going to be easy though as the Pogiboys have some significant weaknesses. For one, thirteen is a horrifically unlucky number for them. They are ranked 13th in FG%, FT%, and STL. Add in their three 12th place rankings in PTS, REB, and TO and they are fighting hard to stay competitive each week. The good news? Well, if middle of the pack in 3PT and BLK is good news, then Alvin will take it. One thing for sure, they are lacking AST big time as they are second to last in that category. This might all sound bad but looking over their roster, the Pogiboys show a lot of promise.

A large part of their winless season so far is due to the fact that they've had to deal with injuries to Caron Butler, Devin Harris, and Tyrus Thomas. Franchise cornerstone Amare Stoudemire is treading water a bit but is still at 19 PTS, 7.8 REB, and 1.1 BLK per. What is really exciting about the Pogis is that they have Brandon Jennings, the absolute steal of the draft. Despite cooling off a bit recently, he's the clear ROY and has become the face of the franchise in Milwaukee while averaging 21.3 PTS, 5.8 AST, 2.3 3PT, and 1.1 STL. And young centers Roy Hibbert and Spencer Hawes are definitely keepers, even if they've been a little erratic. Alvin has been relying on Steve Blake and Ramon Sessions in the backcourt but that will change as Devin Harris makes his return. The mercurial Charlie Villanueva holds down the backup swingman position and could potentially get better. So there's hope here, even if most of this points to a less then stellar chance for Alvin to defend his title. But anything is possible and the season is still very young.

Update: Alvin also wanted me to note that he lost his two starting SGs to season ending injuries, Kelenna Azubuike and Raja Bell.

Draft Day Moves

The end of the draft got pretty ugly, with quite a few players being picked based solely on one double digit scoring or rebounding game. I mean, who is Omri Casspi, Dahntay Jones, or Luc Mbah a Moute? This is like the worst case spelling bee NBA edition. The most mysterious player however, has to be Oleksiy Pecherov. The seven footer lit up the Celtics for 24 points earlier in the week and then gathered 9 rebounds and 2 blocks in last night's effort versus Milwaukee. But Oleksiy woke up this morning to find out that his skills were so valued he'd already been traded in SlamNation before one game had even been played. Team Moribe flipped Pecherov to Sour Snails for Mr. Irrelevant, Corey Maggette -- and didn't even give Pecherov a chance to clean out his locker.

Asked why he moved so quickly to dump Pecherov, a budding fan favorite, GM Mikey said, "We didn't want any Russians on our team. I'm pro-USA, we wanted Americans only. Plus, we have Ben Wallace and Jermaine O'Neal at the center position. That should be plenty." Informed that Pecherov was Ukrainian, Mikey shot back, "What the f***'s the difference?!" The Cold War ended twenty years ago but Team Moribe is still determined to keep America safe. Good for them.

In other draft trading news, Funk Coalition and Half Man Half ImAsian had swapped multiple draft pick positions starting with Round Seven, as the Funk dearly coveted Joakim Noah. In the end, the trade ended up looking like this: Joakim Noah, Chris Duhon, Tyson Chandler, and Francisco Garcia versus Marreese Speights, Kirk Hinrich, Anthony Parker, and Beno Udrih. SlamNation experts say GM Jon paid too much for the part time services of Noah but he insists that it was a great deal. We'll see.