2024 Championship: Original Glazed

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In a matchup that was closer than the final score indicated, third-seeded KSKT took out fourth-seeded BUFF in the 2024 Finals, acquiring the championship for Krispy Kreme Team! Up through Friday and Saturday, the matchup was a back and forth, even as BUFF piled up the Games Played. Heading into Sunday, it would be seven players on-deck for KSKT to wrap up a title. In the end, even with Cade Cunningham a scratch, Zion Williamson pulled through with a huge 36 PTS, 6 AST, and 13/14 FT% performance. That, along with Paul Reed’s two blocks, really sealed the deal for KSKT.

For KSKT, it was a glorious playoff run as Williamson, Tyrese Haliburton, and Cunningham all came together for the stretch run. We always knew that KSKT mainly needed health to contend, and this was the year it all came together, as championship week also featured Kristaps Porzingis, Anfernee Simons, Michael Porter Jr., and D’Angelo Russell playing their hearts out. The real secret sauce of the matchup was KSKT winning both percentage categories, which was too big a challenge for BUFF to overcome.

For our youngest owner to take a title with the youngest SlamNation core seems very fitting!

How did they acquire this core? Well, since entering SlamNation as the sole owner of a franchise in 2021, Matt has steadily risen the ranks, valuing a strong foundation over early success. With their training from helping run dad’s SQSQ franchise, GM Matt clearly had a vision for his Krispy Kreme Team. That first year, KSKT only notched six victories but already had the core of his future title winning team in place with Williamson, Porzingis, and Porter Jr., on-board via the dispersal draft. That year’s RD1.4 pick by Matt was Haliburton, and after SQSQ won the 2021 Toilet Bowl, KSKT got the 2022 RD1.1 pick due to the SWMP Rule. That first overall pick was used to take Cunningham, and the 2022 season also featured grabbing Anthony Simons as a FAAB pickup.

As for trades, in 2021 KSKT moved a future RD1, basically for Clint Capela and Keldon Johnson, which resulted in it being a future RD1.4—which was used by CHMK to take Richuan Holmes. Aside from that, most of KSKT’s other moves were around the edges, as GM Matt had a penchant for acquiring multiple picks for each draft and drafting a slew of players each year.

However, as we can see, all of KSKT’s core is homegrown, and they had their foundation set up from nearly the start. It was only a matter of waiting for some seasoning—and health—for KSKT to make a title run. Their first playoff run, last season, was after a 16-4 season that saw them win the regular season crown. (Note: KSKT is 44-29-1 in four regular seasons, good for seventh best owner winning percentage in Slam, out of thirty owners.) Unfortunately, they were upended by FJUB in the semifinals. This time, KSKT got it all right, taking out defending champion SOUR in RD1 and then taking care of business from there on out, including eliminating SQSQ—who had already taken out heavily favored SCRM in RD1—for their Finals shot.

It’s wonderful to see such great ownership rewarded by a title, and with the way this roster is constructed—and the emergence of a thrilling backcourt—KSKT could look for many titles in future years, congrats!


As for BUFF,
making it into the Finals was no small accomplishment. It’s been eleven years since BUFF last made the Finals behind a Tim Duncan led team that barely lost the title to 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps—three points literally decided the title. That loss sent BUFF on a seven year decline before they started to build some respectability back four seasons ago—they’ve had a regular season record of 37-36-1 and last made the playoffs in 2021 with a 0.500 record.

All those down years did result in some talent coming back via the draft, as BUFF managed to acquire Brandon Ingram (2017 RD1.2), Trae Young (2019 RD1.4), and Anthony Edwards (2021 RD1.6) with top selections. Young and Edwards were both eventually traded, while Kyle Kuzma was also a 2021 draft pick, at RD4.8. A huge win for GM Roger was grabbing free-agent Domantas Sabonis in 2018. That was also the year Klay Thompson came on-board as a keeper, in exchange for Khris Middleton.

Still, nobody expected this BUFF team to be in contention for a title but here they were, slugging it out with the best, as new trade acquisition Jalen Brunson was having some huge games. The additions of Brunson, Mikal Bridges, and Jalen Duren really fleshed the depth out on this team, and there’s a world where a healthier Brandon Ingram might have tipped the balance. In the end however, getting to a Finals was a huge win for 2024 BUFF, and we hope to see them in the title hunt again next year!


(Full stats)

Toilet Bowl 2024: Sucked Back In

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After five straight seasons in the playoffs, SWMP somehow found themselves in the Toilet Bowl despite a 10-8 record. Edged out by multiple tie-breakers, SWMP was the leading candidate to win the 2024 Toilet Bowl and they did so without much trouble as the top seed, dispatching ABCX and UFOS in the first two rounds—the two worst teams in the league—and then breaking the spirit of FUNK in the final round. The Toilet Bowl win is nice, but SWMP is also a victim of its own success, as they now dubbed “SWMP Rule” will prevent them from enjoying a top-two pick in the 2025 draft. However, they will win a RD1.3 selection, and that is still a nice prize for a team that is loaded with talent.

The trade off of Alperen Sengun will give SWMP a new look heading into next season as they’ll feature a theoretical keeper core of Nikola Jokic, Jalen Williams, Paul George, Zach LaVine, Jalen Johnson, Keyonte George, Deandre Ayton, and Bradley Beal—who led this team in minutes in the TB Finals! (Already there were talks of the injured LaVine being shopped in the upcoming offseason.)

This SWMP’s third Toilet Bowl win, tying them with CHMK for the record. Congrats Eddie and we hope to never see you in the Toilet Bowl again!

As for FUNK, they pulled off wins versus MELO and TRUO to advance to their third Toilet Bowl finals, and they’ll get the number one overall pick by default. The last time FUNK had back-to-back Toilet Bowl victories and subsequent number one picks, ending up with Karl-Anthony Towns and Ben Simmons in 2015 and 2016 respectively. With no consensus top prospect in the upcoming 2025 draft, it’ll be interesting to see what direction FUNK goes with this selection.


(Full Stats)

Postseason Recap & A Mess Up

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A slight mess up. In RD2 of the consolation games, it should have been #1 SCRM vs #6 SOUR and #2 SPDE vs #5 ILCN. Instead, I had it SCRM vs ICLN and SPDE vs SOUR. The result was a SOUR upset win, but seeing as the mistake happened, I’m gonna leave the results as is. Apologies to all teams involved.

During the last round of consolation games, FJUB defeated SQSQ via a tie—with the higher seed winning—while SCRM defeated SOUR and SPDE took down ILCN.

Over in the Toilet Bowl consolation, TRUO defeated UFOS, MELO took down ABCX—also via a tie score—and CHMK upset SBUK in the final round.

Postseason Recap & RD3 Matchups

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Another wild week in Slam! A tie in the Toilet Bowl and two Toilet Bowl contestants that have already made history for their franchises. Note: Matchup  and then 2025 RD1 draft picks being played for in parentheses.


๐Ÿ‘‘Playoffs RD3

3 KSKT vs 4 BUFF ( Pick RD1.16 / RD1.9)

Playoffs RD3 Consolation

7 FJUB vs 8 SQSQ (10 / 11)

1 SCRM vs 6 SOUR (12 / 13)

2 SPDE vs 5 ILCN (14 / 15)


For our title game featuring two teams who've never grasped the championship, we have a matchup between "the team that’s been promised," KSKT, versus a longtime franchise that’s been adrift recently, BUFF.

Since spinning off into their own team in 2021, KSKT has gone 44-29-1 in four regular seasons, capturing one regular season wins crown and making two playoff appearances. Now, after defeating dad’s team, SQSQ, in the semi-finals, owner Matt will have a chance to make history as the youngest SlamNation champion! The team itself is also incredibly young, as Tyrese Haliburton, Cade Cunningham, Zion Williamson, Anfernee Simons, and Michael Porter Jr. are all twenty-five years old or under. The lone “old man” of the core, Kristaps Porzingis, is still under thirty himself.

During this same four year period, BUFF has gone 37-36-1, meandering from back-to-back 0.500 records to a 7-13 2023 season, and then an unexpected 12-6 record this year. As the fourth overall seed, it’s maybe not an objective surprise that BUFF is in the Finals--which they reached once in 2013--but this team sure wasn’t on anyone’s contender radar.

As a true dark horse, BUFF has been on an 11-1 run since mid-December, including a win versus KSKT in WK12—who was minus a healthy Tyrese Haliburton and Kristaps Porzingis. Overall, BUFF hasn’t lost a game since mid-January and all their playoff success can’t be just credited to juicing up the roster after trading away Anthony Edwards. (Of course, getting 35.7 PTS and 3.7 3PT from Jalen Brunson and 17.5 PTS and 15.0 REB from Jalen Duren for the week was crucial.)

On paper, this is KSKT’s championship to lose as they have all the star names, but BUFF clearly has the momentum and the support of the fans who love cheering for underdogs. For this matchup, Porzingis will likely still be missing, but the rest of KSKT’s oft-injured lineup looks fully healthy. They also have two clear winning categories—3PT and BLK—while BUFF should win REB. After that, the rest of the categories will be a toss up, with KSKT getting the slight edge in PTS and AST.  However, Jalen Brunson is gamer and as the 2024 playoffs has proven: anything can happen!!!



๐ŸšฝToilet Bowl RD3

9 SWMP vs 12 FUNK (3 / 1 ) ๐Ÿ”’

Toilet Bowl RD3 Consolation

14 TRUO vs 15 UFOS (2 / 4)

10 SBUK vs 11 CHMK (5 / 6)

13 MELO vs 16 ABCX (7 / 8)


In the Toilet Bowl, it’s another case of a post-CHMK trade partner powering their way to the final game. SWMP jettisoned home-grown Alperen Sengun—who got hurt last week--for two Jalens (Williams and Johnson), and those two have combined for an average of 19.1 PTS, 5.75 REB, 4.6 AST, 1.3 STL, 0.9 BLK, 2.1 3PT, and just about 50% FG for the past two weeks.

A Toilet Bowl title is likely, however that doesn’t mean SWMP will get their choice of top picks next season, as they will be locked into 2025 RD1.3 pick, as the benefactor’s of the SWMP Rule. That means, as the next team up, FUNK falls into the first overall draft pick next season, and did it by the skin of their teeth.

In a matchup that came down to a handful of rebounds and tie in steals, FUNK and TRUO ended Sunday tied up at 4-4-1, necessitating a visit to the rulebook. After a short consultation with the commissioners, it was decided officially that the higher seed would win in any postseason matchup, thus sending FUNK to face off against SWMP. [ Playoff Tie-Breaker System, updated ]

While there isn’t any draft positioning at stake, there is still something on the line. Both FUNK and SWMP have won repeat Toilet Bowl titles, and one of them will join CHMK in the exclusive three time Toilet Bowl winner club. It may be a ignoramus distinction, but for teams in the Toilet Bowl, a win is a win is a win!

Note: Due to the SWMP Rule, TRUO and UFOS will be playing for the 2025 RD1.2 and RD1.4 picks.

Postseason Recap & RD2 Matchups

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In a shocking WK1 of SlamNation 2024 playoffs, we maybe had our most upset filled week ever! (And we thought last year’s RD1 was exciting!) Down went #1 and #2 overall, as well as two higher seeds in the Toilet Bowl. With karma playing a huge role—and injuries—we already have a very interesting final four in the title and Toilet Bowl chases.

๐Ÿ‘‘ Playoffs RD2

3 KSKT vs 8 SQSQ

4 BUFF vs 7 FJUB

Playoffs RD2 Consolation

1 SCRM vs 5 ILCN

2 SPDE vs 6 SOUR

In an extreme shocker, eighth seeded SQSQ took out the seemingly invincible SCRM. Toward the back half of the regular season, some owners were convinced that SCRM was unbeatable. However, once you get on the court, anything can happen. In this case, SCRM sort of had sewn the seeds of their own unexpected destruction.

The early season trade for Kawhi Leonard has been great all season for SCRM but at Leonard took the most in inopportune time to miss a game. And then last week’s pre-deadline move to bring in rim deterrent Brook Lopez only netted SCRM five total blocks in four games, which was way below Lopez’s average. And then there was the big revenge game. Ex-SCRM franchise cornerstone Anthony Davis came through huge with a gigantic week, highlighted by a 27 PTS, 25 REB, 5 AST, 7 STL, 3 BLK career day to cap off Sunday. Now that’s a revenge game!

Overall, SQSQ took REB, BLK, TOS, and both percentage categories. This has to be a huge moment for the franchise—perhaps their biggest win ever! SQSQ has not advanced past the first round since 2019 and have never pulled off an upset of this magnitude. Now coach Brian will have a chance to face off against his son Matt for a chance to advance to SQSQ’s first SlamNation finals.

As if one major upset wasn’t enough, FJUB—who backed into a playoff spot--called upon the fantasy gods himself to take down future fantasy gods Viktor Wembanyama and Chet Holmgren. Sure, it helped that Wemby only suited up for thirty-one minutes total, but it was still quite a feat to match SPDE in blocks, with Isaiah Hartenstein and Herbert Jones really came through there. With major injuries on both sides, this upset ended up being not all that close as FJUB used three extra Games Played to emerge with a stress-free 6-2-1 victory.

For the semi-final round, we’re looking at three teams that have never been in the championship game before—KSKT, BUFF, SQSQ—with only FJUB having any previous title game experience. Our eyes will be glued to the father-son matchup but BUFF versus FJUB is also a showdown for the (Catch the Damn Ball) ages. Congrats to all four teams still left alive in the chase for the ring! Note: KSKT took care of business at home and eliminated the defending champs, SOUR, so the repeat is out the window.


๐Ÿšฝ Toilet Bowl RD2

9 SWMP vs 15 UFOS

12 FUNK vs 14 TRUO

Toilet Bowl RD2 Consolation

10 SBUK vs 16 ABCX

11 CHMK vs 13 MELO

Over in the Toilet Bowl, the upsets didn’t stop, as TRUO and UFOS both pulled off huge wins versus CHMK and SBUK respectively—and MELO was one block away from tying FUNK.

With recent trade acquisition Alperen Sengun being carted off the floor on Sunday, CHMK entire front line let him down as Evan Mobley was hurt and Bam Adebayo had been slumping. Thin after all their recent mega-trades, the stage was set here for an upset already. TRUO still had to take care of business however and they did with some accurate shooting, plenty of threes, and winning PTS by a mere eleven as De’Aaron Fox averaged 28.8 points over four games.

And then there was UFOS toppling tenth seeded SBUK, who mismanaged and hit the games cap on Saturday, although it’s likely their fate was sealed regardless Joel Embiid and Desmond were out of action anyway. For a fifteenth seed with just one win on the season, UFOS taking out one of the top-two seeds in the Toilet Bowl has to be the highlight of the year. Damian Lillard flanked by rebounding and defense was the winning formula.

Now both TRUO and UFOS have guaranteed themselves at least a top four pick in the 2025 draft, great job! In RD2, we’ll be keeping a close eye on the SWMP versus UFOS cousin face-off to see if Victor can pull off another huge upset! 


Playoffs Teams: 2024

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[ Power Rankings 2024Toilet Bowl Teams 2024 | One-Third Power Rankings 2024 ]

#1 SCRM (16-1-1)

ODE: 2/1/5

Capturing his first regular season championship in SlamNaton, SCRM has been on a steady climb ever since entering the league four years ago: from seven to eleven to fifteen and now sixteen wins—in a shorted schedule no less. With just a single WK1 loss and a tie versus KSKT in WK11, SCRM basically ran the table and will enter the 2024 playoffs as the heavy favorite for a ring.

Never one to rest on his laurels, GM Jordan shook the league with three mega-deals this season—acquiring Giannis Antetokounmpo pre-draft, moving all-in for Kawhi Leonard early on, and then divesting themselves of Karl-Anthony Towns late to acquire some additional postseaon depth. SCRM is top-ranked in PTS, REB, AST, STL, and FG%, while being very good in BLK as well. With a mostly healthy roster headed into our last few weeks, it looks like SCRM will be the clear team to beat. All they have to do is put the cherry on top of a banner 2024 regular season to give this franchise its first title!


#2 SPDE (13-4-1)

ODE: 6/2/5

Welp, after three down season, SPDE is fully back to their dominant regular season selves. Adding two generational seven-footers didn’t hurt, as both 2024 RD1.1 Victor Wembanyama and 2023 RD1.2 Chet Holmgren were better than advertised as rookies, powering SPDE back into contention in an instant. SPDE the season off well but really hit their stride late, wrapping up the regular season 7-1, as Wemby fully took off. A late October trade-off of Kawhi Leonard—for Walker Kessler and Bogdan Bogdanovic—seemed great then, but a fully healthy Leonard has powered top-seeded SCRM to regular season greatness.

However, this first season of Wemby-Chet has to be considered the floor for the new-look SPDE as they are not only young but extremely stacked. Tyrese Maxey emerged as an All-Star this season and even with injuries still plaguing the roster throughout, SPDE spanked teams down the stretch. SPDE was tops in BLK (obviously), but also lead SlamNation in FT% and are top five in PTS, 3PT, and STL. Entering the playoffs, they are missing a significant portion of their star power, as it looks like Devin Booker, Maxey, Tyler Herro, Kessler, and even Wembanyama have injury issues. However SPDE finishes the season however, they can already go into 2025 as the likely favorites, and maybe forever more?


#3 KSKT (12-5-1)

ODE: 2/11/12

Our repeat Chamberlain Conference winner started the season off on a seven win game streak before a troubling midseason stretch had them going just 2-4-1 as they got upset time and time again. Some of that was due to the injuries to Tyrese Halliburton and Cade Cunningham—the dual-turbo backbone of KSKT—so once they came back, the team rounded back into shape and are now the second-favorites for the 2024 title.

An explosive backcourt surrounding Zion Williamson and Kristaps Porzingis are a handful for anyone, and it looks like everyone’s healthy, which is a huge factor for this team. KSKT’s offense is rated second overall, as they shoot threes and pass with the best. However, their lack of rebounding and defense could be exposed come the playoffs against the wrong matchup. However, KSKT’s roster is deep and talented throughout and a championship breakthrough is overdue after last year’s semi-final upset at the hands of eventual champ FJUB. Playing under the radar most of the season, KSKT might be aligning right in time for an epic playoff run.


#4 BUFF (12-6)

ODE: 3/10/15

After only one winning season over the past decade, BUFF surprised everyone this year with a stunning ascension to home-court advantage in the first round and a top-four playoff seed. Bravo! After a slow 0.500 start to the year, BUFF hit their stride at the end of December and went 9-1 over the next ten weeks, with only a WK13 loss against FJUB. They were an excellent offensive team—with good PTS and AST—while struggling with STL, BLK, and FT%.

Interestingly, there wasn’t much substantive roster change—minus a Spencer Dinwiddie for Ben Simmons keeper swap, and the usual slew of rental veterans from the 2024 draft—but this BUFF team just simply outperformed their predecessors. With the team finally pointed upward, it was a bit of a shock to see twenty-two year old All-Star Anthony Edwards traded away right before the postseason, even as it brought back Jalen Brunson, Mikal Bridges, and Jalen Duren. With such a significant roster move pre-playoffs, it’s hard to gauge how well BUFF is positioned for a playoff run so for now we’ll laud their stellar regular season bounce back!


#5 ILCN (11-7)

ODE: 4/2/15

A team bursting with talent and conceptually on the rise, ILCN should have been going full-bore toward a title run this season. Instead, ILCN stumbled out of the gate with four losses in their first five weeks and we thought the team was going straight downhill. However, even as injuries piled up, ILCN found itself re-balancing and then used a six-game win streak to finish the season as an outside-ish contender. With just one win separating them from possibly being in the Toilet Bowl, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that ILCN has a true shot at the title.

However, ILCN does possess giant-killing powers, as they are well balanced on offense and defense, and are only held back week-to-week by their poor free throw shooting—and second-to-last TOS. Still a young team, nearly everyone on the roster had a career year—especially Donovan Mitchell--but injuries truly did wreak havoc on ILCN. Entering the postseason, there is a likely scenario where Mitchell, Khris Middleton, and Dereck Lively II won’t suit up, nevermind the long-time absence of Shadeon Sharpe and Mitchell Robinson. It was a valiant effort to climb back into the playoffs, but short of a Luka Doncic led miracle, the 2024 ILCN story may end in round one.


#6 SOUR (10-7-1)

ODE: 5/9/8

Our defending champs were rumored to in a deal for an all-in defense, but alas the trade deadline came and went quietly for GM Trieu. It’s rare to see SOUR so quiet before the playoffs but we’ve heard there’s a new addition to the SOUR household so congrats! And let’s not forget that Trieu already flipped over five of their six keepers from 2023 to 2024, and in retrospect, most of those moves look like wins, especially in the case of Scottie Barnes, who had a breakout All-Star campaign. SOUR had a very good draft too, with potential keepers Miles Bridges, Immanuel Quickley, and Jonathan Kuminga picked up with their first three selections.

SOUR started off the season hot with four wins in their first five games, but the rest of their regular season unfolded erratically, with losses against not only future playoff teams but the bottom dwellers of the league. Closing the year on a 1-3 run took SOUR into the lower echelons of the playoff bracket and now they’ll have to fight their way to another repeat title. As always however, it would be foolish to count SOUR out, as they’ve stolen rings they should’ve never logically gotten. With Barnes and Lauri Markkanen ailing though, it could be a quick exit even with the potential playoff heroics of Steph Curry and Jimmy Butler accounted for.


#7 FJUB (10-8)

ODE: 7/8/9

Trolled by an outside source that assured owner Eric he was out of the 2024 playoffs, FJUB had already turned their attentions toward future when they found out they had back-doored their way to yet another playoff appearance. That’s fourteen out of fifteen appearances btw! Despite wanting to turn a page to the next generation of FJUB, this franchise just can’t help winning! Having already moved for Trae Young earlier this season, FJUB traded for Karl-Anthony Towns right before the postseason started, cementing their foundation for next year but having passed up contention this season—Young was out.

With an up-and-down regular season that featured five wins against teams with 0.500+ records, FJUB was hard to pin down. This version of FJUB was less defensive focused but they were still top-five in BLK, STL, and AST—along with 3PT and FT%, while lacking in PTS, REB, and FG%. However, all of those numbers had to change with so much of the roster shifted over. Heading into the postseason with Young out (and KAT now that we see the future), it’l be tough for FJUB to make an impact in this playoffs after last season's surprise Finals run but maybe they’ll still have enough to play spoiler for a round or two. [Editor: Sorry Eric, congrats on making the playoffs again!]


#8 SQSQ (10-8)

ODE: 12/6/3

It’s been a roller coaster tale lately for SQSQ, and this year’s version is in the playoffs after a 7-13 season in 2023. We love to see teams compete and like that SQSQ gave it their all to return to the title chase. With a roster full of super-vets like LeBron James, DeMar DeRozan, Bojan Bogdanovich, Jrue Holiday, and Mike Conley, it was the clear choice. Having already pulled of the mega of all mega-trades in exchanging Giannis Antetokounmpo for Anthony Davis pre-draft, karma gave Davis (and LeBron) a full year of health.

It took awhile for this team to gel however, as SQSQ was middling throughout most of the regular season before roaring to life with a 4-2 record down the stretch, highlighted by a WK13 upset against KSKT that likely secured them the playoff bid.

SQSQ is the rare playoff team that is winning through defense—we’ll call that the Davis effect—but their lack of PTS and 3PT can likely only carry them so far this postseason. If they could upset top-seeded SCRM though, wow! Also, are these the real-life Lakers with the exact same strengths and weaknesses? Additionally, it’s unfortunate that 2024 RD1.2 Scoot Henderson has suffered a disappointing second-year, but this playoff team could be the bright spot that takes the pressure off Scoot for a better sophomore campaign.

Toilet Bowl Teams: 2024

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There were two teams in the Toilet Bowl with 0.500+ records this year, which happens from time to time. With a shortened eighteen game regular season schedule, and two bottom teams that went 1-35 combined, there were some wonky W-L records! [ Playoff Teams 2024 | One-Third Power Rankings 2024 ]

#9 SWMP (10-8)

ODE: 9/5/5

For a team that was always in the championship picture during 2019-2022, the last two years have been weird, seeing as this fully stacked roster has fallen a little step behind recent title favorites. Seeing SWMP in the Toilet Bowl is a total shock though, as they haven’t been here since 2017-2018, when they had 10-9 and 12-7-2 winning records and were so dominant in the TB that we had to create the “SWMP Rule” for them. Now SWMP are in the position of testing out that exact rule, as they are clearly a step above the rest of the teams in the Toilet Bowl but will be ineligible for the 2025 RD1.1 or RD1.2 picks. Sources say that a hard partying All-Star weekend had coach Eddie mismanage his games that week, likely leading to this TB appearance.

The wheels were already coming off a 9-3 start by All-Star weekend already though, as SWMP enters the postseason on a five-game losing streak. However, on paper, SWMP actually has the third-best combined ODE in the league, as they are very strong in REB, PTS, FG%, and AST. Another big aftermath of All-Star weekend was the trade that brought in Jalen Williams, Jalen Johnson, and rookie Keyonte George—at the cost of Alperen Sengun. Despite some injuries across the board, SWMP should still be able to ride a healthy Nikola Jokic and Paul George to a high draft pick next season, as they dip their toe back into the smelly toilet bowl waters after five years away. Remember the stench?


#10 SBUK (10-8)

ODE: 13/7/1

Another team that really has no business not being in the playoffs, SBUK is on a run of four very good regular seasons, but due to a weird “rich versus poor” regular season, a glut of 10-8 teams resulted in a shake out that left SBUK on the outside looking in. Despite a 5-2 start to the season, SBUK hit a four-game snag in mid-January before righting the ship late with two gimme wins versus UFOS and TRUO to end the year on a slight upswing. Now this former champ has a shot at the 2025 RD1.3 pick, if they can win the Toilet Bowl. Adding another top prospect might just be the jolt SBUK needs to vault back into regular season domination.

Already, the SBUK roster is nicely balanced between youth and veterans, with a positional overlap solved mid-2024 draft by acquired Desmond Bane for Jalen Brunson. Mostly, SBUK’s late season stumble was caused by the injury to Joel Embiid and Bane, which cratered this team’s offense. Without those two, the bulk of the scoring was left to Kyrie Irving and despite a resurgent year from defensive anchor Rudy Gobert, the missing Embiid was likely too much to overcome on both sides of the ball. Still, the talent is definitely here to win a Toilet Bowl, which would be SBUK’s first.


#11 CHMK (8-9-1)

ODE: 11/4/13

Showcasing their scouting department, CHMK cashed in on two year’s worth of superior drafts and free agent pickups to emerge with a core that now features Anthony Edwards, Jamal Murray, Bam Adebayo, Evan Mobley, Alperen Sengun, and rookie Amen Thompson. Back-to-back Toilet Bowl wins didn’t hurt either, although we’d contend that neither of those high picks—2024 RD1.3 Thompson and 2023 RD1.1 Jabari Smith Jr. will be the best players in their respective classes. However, going all-in on “Jalens” yielded great results and GM Evan had enough talent to pull off three separate three-for-ones in 2024, yielding Murray, Edwards, and Sengun. That’s general manager of the year material!

After starting off 5-2, CHMK hit a bad patch and then really slipped, as they went 1-5 to end the season versus a tough schedule. However, with no losses against sub-0.500 teams, a high pick is all but assured for CHMK. Ostensibly a defense-focused team, we don’t really know how to evaluate CHMK’s actual Toilet Bowl chances as they were stripped down to the studs and now Mobley is injured. Still, it might not take much for CHMK to sneak another porcelain crown this year—ironically the one season they would be eligible for a top-two pick in next year’s draft. If they should three-peat in the Toilet Bowl, we might have to make a “CHMK Rule,” right?


#12 FUNK (8-9-1)

ODE: 8/12/4

After six straight seasons in the playoffs, FUNK found themselves starting off okay before a winless month left them out of the playoff picture. Picking up some wins late was small consolation for a lost season. It wasn’t even much about injuries either, as only OG Anunoby missed any major time. The all-wing keeper core featuring Jayson Tatum, Trey Murphy III, and PJ Washington was mostly a disaster and former franchise point guard Trae Young was traded mid-season to acquire a starting center.

At least FUNK’s 2024 draft yielded Tyus Jones and Ivica Zubac, who were much-needed all season long, along with FAAB pickup Malik Monk. For a team that used to boast Tatum, Young, and Karl-Anthony Towns, the premiere talent has really washed away without much playoff success to show for it. This 2024 version of FUNK was middling in just about every category, aside from jacking up a lot of threes, albeit at a not great FG%. The core of the playoff run was built through back-to-back 2015-2016 Toilet Bowl wins—resulting in Towns and Ben Simmons—so maybe FUNK can fire up their winning ways again with a high draft pick next year.


#13 MELO (5-13)

ODE: 10/13/10

Through four regular seasons in Slam, MELO has put up a 29-45 regular season record, with one playoff showing from their rookie year. The good news is, 2024 was the year MELO really got that Games Played down, and their GP was excellent, as Coach Jack didn’t rack up one lineup violation! That alone is cause for celebration, even as MELO is still looking to build out its roster and get onto steady footing.

A nine-game winning streak in this weird season wasn’t even all that bad, relatively, and MELO did finish the year with three wins in five tries, and they have a shooter’s chance of securing a top-two draft pick next year. Kevin Durant and Jaylen Brown are great mentors for 2024 RD1.4 Brandon Miller, who is proving that he’s the best non-Wemby 2024 rookie around and has tremendous outside. Unafraid to make roster changes—they exchanged Lauri Markannen for Pascal Siakam pre-draft—MELO will look to keep stacking additional talent while working their way toward sustained respectability. Game on my friend!


#14 TRUO (5-13)

ODE: 13/15/14

We have been anticipating TRUO’s long anticipated return to regular season relevance, but another five-win season will make that five straight years with less than five wins each. This year, TRUO strung together losing streaks of four and six, the last one to end the year. So despite some early season excitement, TRUO is still sloshing around in the shallow end. 

On the bright side, 2024 RD1.6 Ausar Thompson had a great rookie season while De’Aaron Fox, Jalen Green, and Cam Thomas are all great bucket-getters. Frontcourt stalwart Julius Randle is hurt to end the year, but his numbers are always impressive. TRUO does really need some top end talent though, so a good Toilet Bowl run would be huge. Having their pick of a prime lottery talent could be the push TRUO is looking for.

Also, our king of moves, GM Thien has a streaming style that has unearthed great pieces like late season find Vasilijie Micic, but also caused TRUO to eject too early on the likes of rookie RD3.2 Keyonte George and RD5.2 Coby White—both of which could’ve been valuable keepers. Can we say which method is better? As always however, we respect the hustle!


#15 UFOS (1-17)

ODE: 16/14/1

Cousin Victor’s first foray into fantasy basketball was rough, as managing all facets of a premiere sports franchise can really have a steep learning curve. Salary caps, uniform designs, concessions, local bylaws, new arena headaches, figuring out interstellar exchange rates, it’s all very difficult! All of that resulted in six lineup violations for UFOS this season, with most of the first half of the year lost to coaching mix ups. Stat: UFOS averaged 21.5 games per week, while league leader SCRM had 25.8 games per week.

However, UFOS did not finish last, as they sandwiched a win versus ABCX in WK11 in-between losing streaks on either side. And they weren’t dead last in combined ODE either, as they had a fourteen-rated defense, with an almost-average BLK and FG% ranking, showcasing their strong frontline of Jarrett Allen, Nic Claxton, and Onyeka Okongwu. With Damian Lillard and Jordan Poole firing away, plus youngsters like Jabari Smith Jr., Deni Avdija, and Cam Johnson as potential keepers, this team has some talent and will be better served with a full season to evaluate their overall talent. While a Toilet Bowl victory—and an assured top-four pick likely won’t come this season, UFOS have a brighter future than should be expected on paper. Congrats on finished a full season in SlamNation!

Up next: UFOS will use FAAB to pick up more than one player next season—they nabbed Marvin Bagley III for one dollar back in Nov. Baby steps!


#16 ABCX (0-18)

ODE: 15/16/10

We all have our off days, every sports franchise has its down years. We’ll give ABCX the benefit of the doubt here, as their winless season—the worst in Slam history, overtaking Jedi Knight’s 0-18-1 2017 campaign—comes on the heels of a 11-9 season just two years ago. ABCX’s Games Played ranking was awful this year, but traditionally they are more around slightly below average and not in the cellar.

So we’ll just assume owner Oliver wasn’t paying much attention over the back half of the year, as LaMelo Ball has been out since mid-January and in the ABCX starting lineup—along with Bennedict Mathurin who has been out for awhile now too. And aside from a $0 FAAB pickup of Josh Hart in early January, there’s been no free agent activity from ABCX since November. 

We hope Oliver and ABCX is doing well and we’ll look forward to their bounce back season. Frankly, having Ja Morant and LaMelo Ball out would be cause for anyone to take a break. The good news is 2024 RD1.7 Jaden Ivey is finally getting minutes in Detroit and he’ll be the bright spot to remember this disastrous season.

Power Ranking 2024

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Tie-Breakers 
  • 10-8 (1): H2H in a four team pool, FJUB had a 3-1 H2H record against the other three teams
  • 10-8(2): H2H in a three team pool, SQSQ had a 2-1 record against SBUK and SWMP
  • 10-8(3): H2H, SWMP defeated SBUK in WK11
  • 8-9-1: H2H, CHMK defeated FUNK in WK5
  • 5-13: H2H, MELO defeated TRUO in WK4