Panic Time!?!

It’s only two months into the season, with more than half the regular season to go, but we’re a little worried for our bottom dwellers. These four teams have a combined three wins, and two of those were against each other. So, um, what now? So we’re gonna play some Dr. Jack — or is it Dr. Kevorkian — and see what might be fixed for these sad sack losers, one from each division!

Snack Bears (0-8)
Last year, fantasy rookie Brandon surprised everyone with a nice 10-9 record and a playoff berth. Well, thing aren’t looking quite as rosy this season, and the Snack Bears have yet to notch a single win under their new name. Statistically, they’re dead last in AST, third-to-last in PTS, 3PT, and STL. The good news is, they do have some strong categories, as they are an above average fourth in FG%, BLK, and TOs.

Obviously, there’s still a strong base of big men here, as Dwight Howard is having a fantastic year — 14.2 PTS, 13.0 REB, 1.5 BLK, 1.0 STL, 63.2 FG% — and Bismack Biyombo serves a a nice backup. The problem has been the play of Derrick Favors, who has been injured and recovering basically all season. That has left a scoring hole in the frontline, one that even fantasy unicorn Kristaps Porzingis can’t fix.

The thing is, there’s the outlines of a decent team here, as Evan Fournier and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope are both do-everything shooting guard types, but with only eight games from Jeremy Lin, it’s been tough for this team to gel — even with Brandon Jennings being not half-bad. 2017 first round pick Dragan Bender hasn’t seen much playing time, and it’s just a waiting game with fellow rookies Domantas Sabonis and Jaylen Brown waiting around.

Prescription: Wait and see, this is the rebuilding year Brandon was in for, just one season delayed. There’s some good talent on this team, and with the return of Lin and Favors, their first season victory can’t be that far away.

Jedi Knights (0-8)
The Knights haven’t had a win in over a year and with the Rogue One movie being a little flat (personal opinion), we’re thinking the there won’t be a victory in all of 2016 for Jedi. And somehow, Otto Porter, who hasn’t been on this team in over a month, leads Jedis in games played… Also that trade is looking pretty bad, as Joakim Noah has averaged 4.5 PTS, 6.4 REB, 0.8 BLK since then — although Patty Mills has been pretty decent during that span. Either way, Porter wasn’t going to make or break this team anyway.

What the Knights are really lacking are big men, as they’re dead last in REB, BLK, and FG%. (Also last in PTS, and second-to-last in 3PT). There’s some backcourt talent, as Jeff Teague is at least an average point guard, and Emmanuel Mudiay and rookie Kris Dunn are still growing. It would be awful nice if Brandon Knight were freed from Phoenix, but that doesn’t look likely. The stretch PF duo of Thaddeus Young and Markieff Morris are basically interchangeable, except for Young having a far superior FG%. And um, that’s about it here.

Prescription: It’s conceivable some of these young assets could be spun off for a center type, but maybe patience is the answer. And tanking, as next year’s NBA draft is loaded with franchise guys, and nobody needs a franchise guy more than Jedi Knights right now. To steal a win this season, maybe GM Chris could go for small ball?

Sager’s Suit and Ties (1-7)
First off, R.I.P. to Craig Sager, whose recent passing was sad for all. And you know what else is sad? His namesake team’s one win this season. At least Sager’s Suit and Ties have a victory this season — against an okay opponent too — and they have the effervescent hope of a new fan base. Plus, this team should be better, as they are pretty talented. They even filled the PG hole we were worried about post-draft, as Louis Williams and Patrick Beverley form a nice offense/defense combo. Flanking them in the backcourt are Bradley Beal and Victor Oladipo, who are both scoring and dropping in plenty of threes — and Rodney Hood has been Oladipo-lite this season. Also, Trevor Booker has been a rebound machine.

And we haven’t even gotten to the stars here yet, as Draymond Green and Blake Griffin are no fantasy slouches. While Green’s PTS has dropped precipitously, his ancillary stats are still amazing, and Griffin has mostly returned to his pre-injury form (until he just got hurt for three-to-six weeks). All that and Suit and Ties have Steven Adams and Enes Kanter also doing their defense/offense switcheroo. Overall though, S&T can’t quite get it together yet, and are good at STL and TO, but bad at PTS, 3PT, FT%, and BLK.

Prescription: Maybe a trade could be in order, to shuffle some pieces? There seem to be a lot of shooting types, and some consolidation on the frontline could help. Then again, with this much talent around, maybe it’ll take just a few adjustments from coach Matt to find his ideal lineup.

Funk Coalition (2-6)
Is it time to pull the plug on big ball? This year’s Funk team is third in FG%, second in REB, sixth in BLK and 12th in AST plus 13th in STL. Aside from TOs, those are the categories Funk needs to win to collect any victories. Because they’re pretty much dead last everywhere else. And those two wins are very misleading, as they’ve come against the two 0-8 teams.

The frontline here is still good, with Karl-Anthony Towns doing everything, and Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan doing what they always do. But so far the trade away of Tobias Harris looks pretty bad, even though Nerlens Noel has nominally returned to the court. The most disappointing thing this year has been Ricky Rubio and Rajon Rondo, who are averaging sub-7 assists each, a huge drop for both. And the horrific shooting of Rubio, Rondo, Marcus Smart, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, and Evan Turner is negating all the big men’s efficient FG%. Oh yeah, and while Pau Gasol hasn’t been All-Star calibre this season, he has been much better than the combined efforts of Hollis-Jefferson and Turner, who he was traded for mid-draft.

Hope is on the horizon though, as this team was built to lose the first month, or two, or three. Noel is slowly coming back (and agitating for a trade), Tyreke Evans took the court recently, and there’s been a Ben Simmons sighting at practice. All this could been a big second half for Funk, but we won’t hold our breath.
Prescription: Blow it all up! But seriously, does anyone wanna trade if Jon dismantles big ball? Centers for everyone! Or at least take Rondo/Rubio off his hands!

Also, here’s a mega-four team losers trade that could help everyone. Who says no!?

• Snack Bears: Receive Jeff Teague, Steven Adams, Rajon Rondo / Ricky Rubio 
• Jedi Knights: Receive Dwight Howard, Bismack Biyombo, Louis Williams
• Sager’s Suit and Ties: Receive DeAndre Jordan, Thaddeus Young, Brandon Knight
• Funk Coalition: Receive Kentavious Caldwell-Pope / Evan Fournier, Patrick Beverly, Trevor Booker

2016 Championship: Best Ever, Bar None

Well, history has been made. An undefeated season, an undefeated post-season, and back-to-back titles for Trieu’s Sour Snails. let’s take a step back and look at that accomplishment. Heck, let’s look at what owner Trieu has been able to do in his seven years since our cycle reset back in 2010 -- and they won a title in 2008. Sour Snails was our first new champion in 2010, and then followed that up by making the finals the following year, losing only to a major upset. They collapsed after that year into the Toilet Bowl, but won Damian Lillard as the #2 overall selection in 2013. That only translated to two spectacular regular seasons — and another two upset playoff appearances — before Snails embarked on its current epic run. 36-1-1 plus 6-0 in the playoffs. Heady stuff.

And it’s not like Trieu has just been sitting idly by while his team dominates. He's been one of most active owners, both on the waiver wire and on the trading lines. And some huge names too. He had LeBron James, traded him. He had pre-Cleveland Kevin Love, traded him. He stole Russell Westbrook for Josh Smith (and Andre Drummond). He moved Lillard. He moved DeMarcus Cousins. He kept on winning and winning and winning through it all. (The trade of Cousins now looks prescient as Boogie missed three of championship week’s games, and that clearly would have had an effect on the title bout.) It’s hard to come up with more superlatives for Sour Snails, except to say that they should consider a name change to “Super Saiyan Snails” or something, because they are anything but sour.

The championship game was close though, and it came down to the last few games on Sunday. Team Spade had an outside shot at an upset but then Jimmy Butler came through with his fifth game of the week, shooting 10/11 from the field to help Snails steal FG%. By the time Stephen Curry stepped out on Sunday afternoon to can nine 3PT on 61.9 FG%, the champagne was already chilling in the Snails’ locker room.

What more is there to say about this team? Trieu not only has proven to have the best team but also shown time and time again that he’s the best GM in the business. Even minor moves like Evan Fournier for Gorgui Dieng turned out well. Getting Jordan Clarkson, Jerami Grant, and Luol Deng during hot streaks pushed Trieu’s super six core even further ahead. Even the move for Dirk Nowitzki, which didn't enhance anything, could pay dividends down the line.

Imagine what could happen next year as Snails owns two first round selections , as a result of the Cousins trade. Can anyone step up and beat Snails?!? Let’s go guys. Let’s not let “Snails” become synonymous with “Bulls” or “Lakers” and get them into three-peat land. For now, congratulations Trieu, for showing the rest of the league what a dedicated, involved, and classy champion looks like.

As for Spade, hopefully Randall is happy with his Finals performance. Taking Snails down to the wire was no small feat. Especially when Jrue Holiday ended up injured as the week went on. Kawhi Leonard came back to post two huge games but his two missed ones truly hurt, thrusting the likes of Patrick Beverley, Brandon Jennings, and Kobe Bryant into service. And since we’re Kobe haters here, we’d argue that Kobe’s 11-28, 39.3 FG% showing on Sunday might have been the one that lost FG% for Spade. Sure, Bryant had a gaudy 34 PTS but that wasn’t enough was it? The upset formula would have taken more 3PT anyway, and Spade fell just two short.

Still, with a perfectly balanced roster, plus the find that is rookie Devin Booker, it’s very possible Spade could make a return showing in next year’s Finals as they’ve gone 12-7, 12-7, 15-4 in owner Randall’s three years with us, along with back-to-back division titles. Let's hope they can rise to the challenge next season!

2016 Toilet Bowl: Big Loser, Again

And just like we had a repeat winner in the Finals, last year’s Toilet Bowl winner took the crown again also. Funk Coalition won the rights to 2016 #1 draft pick Karl-Anthony Towns — who averaged 17.8 PTS, 13.3 REB, 4.5 AST, 1.0 BLK and 1.0 3PT for the week — and will get the chance to add another foundational piece in next year’s draft.

Funk started off the week hot and kept up the pressure from there, eventually taking FG% from Buffy, which was likely their category to lose. It was a big week for the Detroit Pistons and Funk cashed in with Marcus Morris (9 3PT), Andre Drummond, and Tobias Harris all contributing across the board. At the end of the day, coach Jon cruised to an easy victory and will be excited to transform his loser team into a so-so team with the help of two #1 overall selections.

Note: Pogiboys nearly pulled back-to-back Toilet Bowl victories in 2013-4, but even with the addition of Anthony Davis and Victor Oladipo, have only managed to regress since a stellar 2015.

As for Buffy, they’ll have to face the off-season knowing that they’ll get a great college guy to pair with Isaiah Thomas and Khris Middleton. It was an impressive coaching job by Buffy during their Toilet Bowl run but in the end they just couldn’t quite avoid the upset. Still, getting the #2 overall draft could result in Ben Simmons or Brandon Ingraham, coinciding with one of the two likely to become a Laker too. Owner Roger must be overjoyed at the prospect.

2016 Finals Previews

Well, it wasn’t exactly an exciting semi-final week as every winner took the matchup in a blow out. We almost had a super rare 9-0 victory too, and the one category that ended up being lost by Spade wasn’t TOs but AST! Let’s take a look at the remaining two games for the 2016 season.

Finals
#1 Sour Snails (19-0) vs Team Spade (15-4)
In two seasons, Snails has gone 36-1-1 during the regular season and is threatening to dominate their way to another title. Check this, the last time Snails lost a game was in late November 2014. (Their tie was in late Jan 2015.) And while things seem like an inevitability right now, GM Trieu has worked hard to construct this almost perfect roster. Each year Trieu tinkers and right now he’s exactly like the Golden State Warriors: breaking records. And minds. Needless to say, their opponent, Russell Conference’s #1 seed Team Spade, has a big uphill battle ahead of them.

For Randall, this will be Spade’s first SlamNation Finals appearance after joining the league three seasons ago. There was concern that Spade would actually become Slam’s dominant team after a stellar dispersal draft. But injuries derailed those aspirations two years in a row. But now, Spade has arrived. And relatively healthy too. Well, Eric Bledsoe is on IR and out for the season, and Kawhi Leonard suffered a missed game already, but for the most part, this is the deepest — and healthiest — Spade has been during the post-season. Rookie Devin Booker has emerged as the leader of the backcourt and he has a rejuvenated Jrue Holiday and waiver wire surprise Ish Smith helping him along the way. The perfectly balanced front court Al Horford, Paul Millsap, and Kevin Love is tough to beat, and if Leonard can play, he’s got the across the board numbers to give Spade the type of team that can beat a strong contender like Death Star 8-1.

Then again, for all of Spade’s amazing team balance and construction, it’s tough to deal with Snails’ backcourt of Stephen Curry, Russell Westbrook, Jimmy Butler, and Klay Thompson. And now they have Hassan Whiteside and Gorgui Dieng monstering it up in the middle, and then there’s Dirk Nowitzki’s shooting to add even more offensive firepower to the mix. dSnails wiped the floor with Fat Jubas in the Chamberlain Conference Finals and if we look at how Snails versus Spade would have fare last week, Trieu’s team would have won 6-3, losing by only a handful each in REB, STL, and TOs. The optimist in us wants to say that Spade has a chance to upset Snails this week, but the realist says that barring injury, Snails is going to repeat.

Then again, the fates wouldn’t let a team go undefeated all the way right? In a sixteen team league that wants to remain competitive? It's hard to say if we want to see history, and a back-to-back champion, crowned. Or if we want to see Spade take out Snails for a major upset. I guess let's see where this matchup goes and celebrate the owner either way as this is our first #1 vs #1 Finals since, well, since ever! We've never had the two best teams face off for the title so this is history in the making already! Good luck to Trieu and Randall!


Toilet Bowl Finals
#1 LA Buffy (9-9-1) vs #3 Funk Coalition (6-13)
Last year, Funk Coalition handily took a Toilet Bowl win despite being 3-16 during the regular season and the lowly #4 seed in the Russell Conference. This year, they threaten to win back-to-back Toilet Bowls as the #3 seed. Their opponent, Buffy, almost made the playoffs on the strength of a 0.500 record but was relegated to the losers bracket. Instead they'll be in their second Toilet Bowl finals, but Roger is looking for his first consolation win after his loss six years ago. Buffy should be the favorite heading into this matchup but it’s likely that their big man heavy team may be running into Funk’s giant sized squad at just the wrong time.

Neither Buffy nor Funk can PTS or 3PT much, and it’s possible that last place PTS/3PT Funk could take both categories as they have inexplicably become average-ish at both for the Toilet Bowl run. From there, it’s likely REB and AST will go to Funk while Buffy will have the edge in FG%, FT%, and TOs. That leaves STL and BLK up for debate, and it’ll be a challenge to see if Tristan Thompson, Robin Lopez, Tim Duncan, and Taj Gibson can fend off Karl-Anthony Towns, Andre Drummond, and DeAndre Jordan. Or maybe the battle will revolve around the outside shooting of Marcus Morris, Tobias Harris, and CJ Miles for Funk versus Isaiah Thomas, Khris Middleton, and George Hill for Buffy. Either way, the battle for likely 2017 overall #1 pick Ben Simmons is coming down to a Lakers (fan) versus a Celtics (fan)!

Totally unbiased here... But, go green! Related side note: I am going to be so upset if/when the Lakers get the #1 pick in the lottery. So so upset.

Boogietown

We’re a little behind but we gotta cover the trades that dropped before the deadline because they were huge and have already impacted the playoffs! Two weeks ago we thought it would be a quiet trade deadline as rumors swirled but nothing seemed to happen. The biggest move seemed likely to involve Tobias Harris, just like in the real NBA, but then a huge blockbuster came out a few hours after: DeMarcus Cousins, traded! Then Boogie immediately Boogied and got suspended by the Kings. Haha. But who will have the last laugh on that deal? Could we find out in Brother Bowl II?!?

• ID#61: Funk Coalition receive Tobias Harris from NJ All-Stars in exchange for Funk’s 2017 RD2
• ID#62: Sour Snails receive Hassan Whiteside, Bradley Beal, Luol Deng, Death Star’s 2017 RD1 in exchange for DeMarcus Cousins, Rudy Gay, David Lee, and Snails 2017 RD3
• ID#63: Chunky Monkeys receive Serge Ibaka from Squirtle Squad in exchange for Goran Dragic and Meyers Leonard
• ID#64: Sour Snails receive Dirk Nowitzki from Silent Crows in exchange for Bradley Beal

Let’s take a look at the four pre-deadline moves starting with the biggest of them all, the swap that netted our defending champs Hassan Whiteside, Luol Deng, a first rounder next year, and (eventually) Dirk Nowitzki! With a hefty lead in PTS over every other team, GM Trieu felt he could afford moving the all around awesomeness of Cousins (acquired back in 2013 as part of a mega-deal that shipped out Kevin Love) for Whiteside’s more focused 11.8 REB and 3.7 BLK, not to mention 61.1 FG%. Luol Deng has been balling it up over the past two weeks too, dropping in impressive all around numbers that mitigated losing Rudy Gay.

And then Snails did a quick follow up deal that flipped the injury prone Beal for Nowitzki, further adding juice to a high scoring team that bombs from deep. Dirk ain’t Dirk anymore, but he’s still at 18.8 PTS, 6.7 REB, 1.7 3PT on the season, with sterling percentages. It’s an all-in move by Snails, securing a championship savvy veteran, and all indications point toward Snails not being shy about defending their title. All in all, it’s hard to say if Snails got more or less dominant but gaining a huge uptick in BLK addresses one of their few weaknesses. Good luck SlamNation...

As for Death Star, they have already used Cousins to win a first round battle and even if this season doesn’t end in another Finals appearance or a title, they’ll have 27.1 PTS, 11.6 REB, 3.3 AST, 1.5 STL, 1.4 BLK and 1.1 3PT of Boogie-town to pair with John Wall and Damian Lillard. And let’s not sleep on Rudy Gay’s underrated versatility as a forward who contributes 17.2 PTS, 6.4 REB, 1.3 STL, and 1.1 3PT per game. Gay is back with Death Star after being moved three years ago. Overall we love this trade for Thien because of both its immediate impact and the future implications of having Cousins as the front court anchor. This post-season could see Death Star prove themselves as the definitive cream of Russell Conference after this mega-deal.

Nowitzki was moved as an old-for-young (again) to Silent Crows in exchange for the oft-moved Bradley Beal. It’s a great deal as Crows were out of playoff contention this year and can weather another injured player with Blake Griffin and Carmelo Anthony ailing. Beal is capable of 17.5 PTS, 1.9 3PT per game but he’ll have to stay on the court more often to emerge as a reliable piece. He’s still just twenty-two years old so a long career should still await him. Plus, he’ll have plenty of company in the training room!

Our last deadline deal involved championship hopeful Chunky Monkeys finally pulling the trigger on a big man. They flipped Goran Dragic — attached to at least three other teams — for Serge Ibaka and that gives them the frontline presence they’ve long needed alongside Marc Gasol. Ibaka is having a slightly down year, averaging only 12.6 PTS, 6.8 REB, and most importantly, an “underwhelming” 2.0 BLKs, but he should bounce back to higher numbers next seasons. And next year it’ll have to be because for all of GM Evan’s all-in pushes this season, injuries torn apart his dreams and he’ll have sit on vacation until LeBron and Harden can give it another shot in 2017.

As for Squirtles, they’ll continue their Toilet Bowl run with the newly acquired Dragic, who has been awesome the past few weeks, averaging 16.4 PTS, 7.3 AST, and almost a STL and 3PT per game. Brian’s team has been lacking a true point guard since the rapid decline of Ty Lawson, but Dragic should fit the bill nicely. And if Zach LaVine or Greek Freak really are point guards too, well then...

So, that's another exciting trade deadline in the books, and thank goodness we got a mega-deal to mull over. Toward the offseason and more fireworks gentlemen!

Playoffs / Toilet Bowl: RD2

Playoffs
Chamberlain: #1 Sour Snails (19-0) vs #3 Fat Jubas (11-7-1)
We hinted that maybe Fat Jubas was the better team with two regular season defeats of Another Bad Creation, and they proved it again with a close upset in the first round. It came down to a pure PTS battle and CJ McCollum, Chris Paul, and Nicolas Batum out dueled Kevin Durant, JJ Redick, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Dwayne Wade. Impressive win for Jubas and now they get to face the juggernaut that is Sour Snails. Needless to say, the new-look Snails wiped the floor with Fob Stars. Oh yeah, new acquisition Dirk Nowitzki dropped 40 points versus Portland. I guess he wants (another) SlamNation championship.

Russell: #1 Team Spade (15-4) vs #2 Death Star (11-6-2)
No real upsets in the other conference but we’re looking at a possible Brother Bowl II as Thien’s Death Star overcame a W-L disadvantage to sort of upset Chunk Monkeys. New franchise center DeMarcus Cousins contributed 7 STL/BLK and that was huge in this matchup, especially since Evan was down Jae Crowder. Then again, maybe it just came down to hot shooting as Rudy Gay, Michael Beasley, and Josh Richardson (who?!) combined for to shoot 44/77, a 57.1 FG%. #4 seed Soup Dumplings put up a surprising fight against Team Spade — with Bismack Biyombo averaging 15.7 REB and 3.3 BLK — but lost out to Spade’s balanced scoring. Now we’ll get to see our only #1 versus #2 matchup for a Finals appearance!

Toilet Bowl
Russell: #3 Funk Coalition (6-13) vs NJ All-Stars (4-14-1)
Over in the Russell Conference, both higher seeds got upset as Funk Coalition beat an ailing MoRRie’s Pogiboys squad — and had Anthony Davis shut down for the season on Sunday — and then NJ All-Stars took care of So Buckets pretty handily behind a huge Paul George outburst. Now #3 Funk and #4 All-Stars will face off for the right to a top draft pick. Note: All-Stars traded Tobias Harris to Funk two weeks ago, so this should be interesting…

Chamberlain: #1 LA Buffy (9-9-1) vs#3 Squirtle Squad (3-15-1)
As expected, #1 seed Buffy waxed #4 Jedi Knights behind Isaiah Thomas and surprising turns by PJ Tucker and Lance Stephenson. A short handed Squirtle Squad was able to upset Silent Crows behind the offensive powerhouse that is Zach LaVine! And yes, there was a Nik Stauskas sighting as the ex-Wolverine played four games for Brian’s team. With Chandler Parsons ailing, it’ll be hard for Squirtles to pull off another upset but if they can, it’ll be a well deserved victory.

Toilet Bowl RD1: 2016

Chamberlain Conference
#1 LA Buffy (9-9-1) vs #4 Jedi Knights (1-18)
After starting of 3-1, Buffy took a six game losing streak mid-season that saw them slide into mediocrity. Then again, all six of those losses came against playoff teams so maybe Buffy ain’t so bad. They went 6-2-1 against easier competition and are now poised as the “best” Toilet Bowl team. An infusion of young talent — Hi Ben Simmons! — would serve this team well. The pre-draft trade for Isaiah Thomas (and Danilo Gallinari) was a big success, and 2015 first rounder Khris Middleton has quietly averaged 18.6 PTS, 4.2 AST, 4.0 REB, 1.9 3PT, 1.6 STL on the season. George Hill and Robin Lopez have been handy, but there isn’t too much depth on this roster. And it looks like Tim Duncan’s days as a keeper are likely over, despite still averaging 8.6 PTS, 7.4 REB, 1.3 BLK, on 48.7 FG%. We’d love to see this two time division winner get back to contender status and missing the playoffs and getting a deep Toilet Bowl run could just be the answer.

After two semi-encouraging five win seasons, Jedi Knight slumped to a new low: just one win over the regular season (they had two wins in a strike-shortened 2012). And it’s not like GM Lum wasn’t active this year, he made a few roster moves — plus a trade for Brandon Knight — but wins just weren’t easy to come by. The leaders for Games Played for Jedi: Monta Ellis, Thaddeus Young, Al-Farouq Aminu, Emmanuel Mudiay, Otto Porter, Isaiah Canaan, Roy Hibbert, and Deron Williams. Throw in injuries to Al Jefferson and Kelly Olynyk and there wasn’t a whole lot of excitement for this team anywhere. At least rookie Mudiay is kind of turning it on as the season winds down, averaging 18.6 PTS, 6.4 AST, 3.9 REB, 1.9 3PT on 45.1 FG% during the last two weeks. If he and Knight can team up effectively next year, Knights have the beginnings of a good backcourt to maybe crawl their way out of the cellar. Again.

#2 Silent Crows (9-9-1) vs #3 Squirtle Squad (3-15-1)
Our 2014 champions almost made the playoffs again but lost out on a three way tie-breaker. With Blake Griffin missing about half the season, a 0.500 record can be seen as almost a victory. However, the tear down might be beginning as Griffin and Carmelo Anthony are still around but Dirk Nowitzki was just moved for injury plagued Bradley Beal. He’ll join Derrick Rose and Avery Bradley in the backcourt and offensive super sub Enes Kanter. Bradley has been very good this season, knocking down 2.1 3PT for 15.1 PTS and producing 1.5 STL. The Crows also could have some interesting keeper decisions on the wing with Rodney Hood, Doug McDermott, and the possible re-emergence of Markieff Morris. For now though, Crows will try to get to the Toilet Bowl finals and secure a top pick.

After four straight years in the post-season, Brian’s Squirtles found themselves with a franchise low three wins (their previous low was eight) and a full on rebuild. Nikola Vucevic led the team in scoring with 17.8 PTS this season and that’s nice for Vucevic but not great for Squirtles. The good news is that Giannais Antetokounmpo has been a triple-double threat (finally) and Zach LaVine is getting all the minutes and shots he can handle. Add in a better than ever Chandler Parsons and we can see the multi-dimensional attack that Squirtles could field next season. Adding Goran Dragic in a last minute trade — in exchange for Serge Ibaka — ups this team’s offensive potential even more. We’re thinking Willie Cauley-Stein might step into Ibaka’s role next season but who’s to say what players GM Brian will keep. All we know is that we don’t expect this team to miss the post-season again next year, and Squirtles could be downright frightening if they can somehow find their way to a Toilet Bowl finals.

Russell Conference
#1 So Buckets (8-10-1) vs #4 NJ All-Stars (4-14-1)
Is Kyrie Irving a franchise player? When Irving plays he’s fantastic but season after season Irving seems to miss almost half the available games… Buckets once again finished 8-10-1 and missed out on the postseason, but there’s the tale of two halves. This team started off 1-9 but righted the ship and wrapped up 7-1-1 to close the year. Also, they kept unearthing gems as the season went along. Old vet Marvin Williams was solid all season long as a small ball four, and then Aaron Gordon, Myles Turner, and Mirza Teletovic all got going recently, with all three putting up some ridiculous stat lines. DeMar DeRozan is still filling up buckets and Pau Gasol is averaging an eye-popping 17.0 PTS, 11.1 REB, 4.1 AST, 2.0 BLK. (We would have loved to see Pau Gasol moved to a contender but that was not to be.) Even though Rudy Gobert missed a lot of games this year, he’s healthy now and could have Joel Embiid join him next season. Overall, So Buckets is overflowing with young talent and if they can stay somewhat healthy, they’ll be right back to challenging for a division title. Plus they could easily take a Toilet Bowl win this season as the hottest team entering the losers bracket.

The All-Stars planned to bottom out this year but maybe they didn’t expect a 0-7-1 record to start the year. After entering SlamNation on a gigantic high, Eddie now is in the midst of a rebuild. Gone is LeBron James and Kyle Lowry. The good news is that they have a bunch of Chunky Monkey picks coming and while Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker aren’t exactly multi-cat fantasy stars, they are getting better, especially Parker’s recent run of 21.2 PTS, 6.7 REB, 1.4 STL. Paul George is all the way back from a horrific leg injury and is a top ten fantasy force. With Reggie Jackson also having a stellar campaign, there’s a nice core here. Plus two of Gary Harris, Nikola Jokic, Dennis Schroder, Stanley Johnson, and Nikola Mirotic to continue growing. We don’t see a deep Toilet Bowl run this season but no worries, the All-Stars will shine again soon enough.

#2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (5-12-2) vs #3 Funk Coalition (6-13)
Rumors swirl that Pogiboy fans are losing patience with owner Alvin’s stewardship. After five seasons of climbing up the hill to respectability, Pogiboys finally broke through last year to a division title and even a playoff victory. And now a team with Anthony Davis, a healthy Brook Lopez, a ridiculous Draymond Green (13.7 PTS, 9.6 REB, 7.4 AST, 1.5 STL, 1.3 BLK, 1.2 3PT), and Mike Conley, Victor Oladipo, and the erratic Elfrid Payton can’t even sniff the playoffs. After ranking last in moves this season, heads are likely to roll in Pogi-land unless another deep Toilet Bowl run is in the cards. Then again, if Pogiboys gets another top rookie then we think Alvin’s just been trolling us all along as he continues to collect talent... For what though?

Well, it’s safe to say the big ball experiment may be over. Or maybe Funk needs to push even harder, as they were only first in REB, second in FG%, fourth in AST / BLK / STL, while basically punting three categories. Still, after starting off the season challenging for a playoff spot, the season ending eight game slide has to give GM Jon pause. Even adding a future Hall-of-Famer in 2016 #1 overall pick Karl-Anthony Towns, a healthy season from Ricky Rubio, and a 11.9 PTS, 11.9 AST, 6.1 REB, 1.9 STL (plus a shocking 0.8 3PT) from Rajon Rondo wasn’t enough to give this flawed team many wins. The recent trade for Tobias Harris indicates that this team might be ready to move on from the punt everthing strategy. Funk remains dangerous due to its weird composition, but mostly they’ve just hamstrung themselves. Editor’s note: I still think I can beat Sour Snails, just let me at them!!!

RD1 Previews: 2016

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (19-0) vs #4 Fob Stars (9-9-1)
There’s not a whole left lot to say when you go undefeated during the regular season and are possibly a mere formality away from repeating as champs. Back-to-back no less. Of course, Trieu always keeps it interesting as he shuffled the deck in the past week by making two trades. A huge one that moved out DeMarcus Cousins and Rudy Gay for Hassan Whiteside and Bradley Beal, and then a follow-up deal that saw Beal get moved for Dirk Nowitzki. So now the Snails will feature an entirely four out offense with Whiteside dashing to (and protecting) the rim, while all those nasty guards bomb away. The only downside here is that Jimmy Butler could be on the mend, giving opposing teams a slight — very slight — chance at an upset. Someone stop this juggernaut!

As for Fob Stars, they made the playoffs after a 3-6 end to the season, after being engaged in a three way tie-breaker, but evidently they aren’t here to challenge Snails as Coach Jimmy already sat season MVP Kemba Walker for Monday night’s game. Walker has been outstanding this season, to the tune of 21.5 PTS, 5.3 AST, 4.4 REB, 2.2 3PT, 1.7 STL, on a career high 43.6 FG%. Paired with emerging rookie D’Angelo Russell, Fob Stars finally has a top notch backcourt to go with a plethora of multi-dimensional frontline guys — Nerlens Noel, Ryan Anderson, Marcin Gortat, Zach Randolph — but it looks like they’ll eat a first round loss and wait around for next year.

#2 Another Bad Creation (13-6) vs #3 Fat Jubas (11-7-1)
After dropping out of the playoffs last season, mostly due to Kevin Durant’s injury woes, ABC returned to take the Transformers division title post-name change from “Half Man Half ImAsian.” Surprisingly, for such a consistently solid team, this is owner Oliver’s first division title. With a six game winning streak mid-season, plus riding high on blowout wins over the past month, Durant and Co. are poised to get to a conference finals. Adding a healthy Dwayne Wade has been a huge boon for this team, as expected, and rookie Jahlil Okafor was putting up excellent 17.5 PTS, 8.0 REB, 1.2 BLK, 50.8 FG% until he torn his meniscus and will be lost for the post-season — just like Alec Burks, who hasn’t played much this year. Still, ABC has Durant, Wade, LaMarcus Aldridge, Greg Monroe, the shooting of JJ Redick and Wes Mathews, and the big butt of Jared Sullinger to create a deep and versatile mix. Let’s see if Durant can power this team to the Finals!

As for the Jubas, our 2012 champs notched another eleven win season and are right back in the mix as a contender. They have their injury woes too, as Chris Bosh is sitting on IR and not available for the playoff run, and talks before the trade deadline to replace him didn’t pan out. Chris Paul has a new group to work with though, as Gordon Hayward, CJ McCollum, and Will Barton all put up career numbers this season. McCollum especially, exploded on the scene for 20.7 PTS, 4.1 AST, 2.4 3PT, and 1.1 STL. Nic Batum returned from injury to his multi-skilled form and it seems like Jonas Valanciunas has settled into being almost a double-double guy. Fat Jubas has beaten ABC twice before already during the regular season, so it’s possible we see an upset by Eric here...

Russell Conference
#1 Team Spade (15-4) vs #4 Soup Dumplings (10-9)
Spade wins yet another Thundercats division title, their third and second in a row, and keeps alive the longest streak of never having missed the post-season. Impressive stuff. Aside from that sour tasting undefeated achatinoidea in the other conference, Spade is looking like the best bet to take the title. Already touting a seriously balanced keeper core of Kawhi Leonard, Al Horford, Paul Millsap, Kevin Love, Eric Bledsoe, and um, Kobe Bryant, Spade added some new pieces with great mid-season pickups like Ish Smith and rookie Devin Booker, who are both full on breaking out. Plus, Jrue Holiday is back to full health and ripping it up again, and so the loss of Bledsoe to season-ending injury might not be enough to slow Randall’s squad on the way to his first Finals appearance. Since this is Kobe’s farewell tour, it should be noted that he started twenty-two games for Spade this year, and put up 16.8 PTS, 4.1 REB, 3.1 AST, 1.9 3PT during his swan song, albeit at 35.6 FG%. Can Spade give Kobe a championship send off?

Nobody could have expected such a successful rookie season from first-time fantasy owner Brandon. (As you’ll recall, he also came in the middle of a huge pre-draft controversy, where the old owner was accused of cheating!) GM Brandon gave Coach Brandon rookie Kristaps Porzingis and then used a fearsome frontline — Derrick Favors, Dwight Howard, Kenneth Faried — to comfortably get into the post-season. The only big disappointment all season long was Danny Green, who regressed badly this year, forcing the trade of Gorgui Dieng for a useable swingman, Evan Fournier. So while GM Brandon works to fill out the pieces around his Zinger, it looks like he’ll be able to compete while building up a contender. Soup Dumplings face a huge challenge against a powerful #1 seed but having already exceeded expectations all season long, there’s a puncher's chance that this mix-and-match team could pull of a gigantic upset.

#2 Death Star (11-6-2) vs #3 Chunky Monkeys (13-5-1)
Monster trades! We love these two owners because both Thien and Evan are willing to back their bets with pre, mid, and late season trades. Thien went to last year’s Finals and didn’t quite get a win but then traded with brother Trieu for DeMarcus Cousins and Rudy Gay — Gay returns after being moved in 2013. That immediately ups the offensive ceiling for this team by a lot and gives John Wall and Damian Lillard another post up option to dump the ball to, next to Julius Randle, who is having a fine (basically) rookie season. Also, in somewhat amazing fashion, David Lee and Michael Beasley are bothplaying well, giving Death Star some much needed depth, especially since Tyreke Evans is out for the season. While Death Star is nominally a higher seed due to their Voltron division title, they are actually facing an uphill battle in the first round. The new trade acquisitions are a lot of firepower though, so it’ll be interesting to see how adding Cousins and Gay can change the equation this week.

As for Chunky Monkeys, their pre-season dreams were a little dimmed as they started off 6-4-1, which is nice but isn’t exactly contender worthy. A team that goes all-in, and trades for LeBron James to pair with James Harden, shouldn’t just be 6-4-1. Since then however, the Monkeys have hit their stride and went 7-1 the rest of the way, with that lone loss being a WK19 matchup against Spade. Not bad. And GM Evan finally moved one of those excess guards for another big man, and what a perfect piece he found. Although Marc Gasol is out for the year, trading Goran Dragic (and Meyers Leonard) for Serge Ibaka is a beautiful move, giving Monkeys a shot blocker who could win any week by himself. With LeBron, Harden, and Kyle Lowry, this team has a top three to compete with anyone, and they also have some interesting wings in Robert Covington and Jae Crowder to put out there, although Crowder and his sneaky all-around stat line could miss up to two weeks. If Monkeys wants to make 2016 their title year, they’ll have to pull off an upset in every round to do it... Do you believe?!

Playoff & Toilet Bowl Seedings: 2016

PLAYOFFS
  *= division winner
Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (19-0)*
#2 Another Bad Creation (13-6)*
#3 Fat Jubas (11-7-1)
#4 Fob Stars (9-9-1)

Russell Conference
#1 Team Spade (15-4)*
#2 Death Star (11-6-2)*
#3 Chunky Monkeys (13-5-1)
#4 Soup Dumplings (10-9)


TOILET BOWL
Chamberlain Conference
#1 LA Buffy (9-9-1)
#2 Silent Crows (9-9-1)
#3 Squirtle Squad (3-15-1)
#4 Jedi Knights (1-18)

Russell Conference
#1 So Buckets (8-10-1)
#2 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (5-12-2)
#3 Funk Coalition (6-13)
#4 NJ All-Stars (4-14-1)


Tie-Breakers

• Fob Stars vs LA Buffy vs Silent Crows: A three way tie to see who gets into the playoffs. Record for all three teams H2H against each other: Buffy is 2-1, Fob Stars is 2-1, Silent Crows is 0-3. Crows is out. Then Buffy lost to Fob in WK10 in their lone H2H matchup, so Fob Stars is in the playoffs.
• LA Buffy vs Silent Crows: Buffy beat Crows in both regular season H2H matchups, so they win the higher Toilet Bowl seed.
• MoRRie’s Pogiboys (5-12-2) vs Funk Coalition (6-13): Despite different records, both have a 0.312 winning percentage. Pogiboys beat Funk H2H in WK6 so they get the higher seed in the Toilet Bowl.

Final Standings 2016

Full Standings

Sequel Same as Original

I don’t how we missed this one but there was a trade last week! Let’s take a look at the newly constructed — and newly named — Death Star and their trade partners, Jedi Knights! The trade looks pretty straightforward: two young-ish injury prone guards were swapped for each other in Brandon Knight and Bradley Beal. In fact, their numbers are so similar it’s hard to reason out why this trade even happened. (Sources report that Thien had been shopping Knight around but we thought it would be for a big man.) But we love trades so who cares!

• ID#60: Jedi Knights receive Brandon Knight from Death Star / High Riser in exchange for Bradley Beal

First up, Brandon Knight, whom we lauded in our look at Voltron division a few weeks ago. With Eric Bledsoe now out for the season, we thought Knight’s numbers would increase but instead he’s been hurt and ceded playing time to some young Suns. Still, Knight is averaging 19.7 PTS, 5.1 AST, 4.0 REB, 2.3 3PT, 1.5 STL, and shooting 42.4 FG%.

Beal, enduring yet another injury ravaged year, has only played twenty-five games this season but is averaging very similar numbers. 18.1 PTS, 3.0 AST, 4.0 REB, 2.0 3PT, 1.0 STL, on 44.9 FG%. Both Beal and Knight also shoot around three FTs per game, with Knight having a slightly higher percentage — which he offsets with slightly higher TOs.

Jedi still has only one win on the season, and haven’t had a victory in ten weeks. Beal wasn’t going to save their season (and didn't last long post last year's trade), and neither will Knight. But we like his slightly stronger AST game for this team. The Knights play the two win Squirtle Squad this week but then face a tough schedule afterwards. With Knight and Al Jefferson both out, it’s probably time for GM Chris to fully turn his attention to acquiring assets for next season.

Death Star has its own share of problems, with a three game losing streak and the frisky Soup Dumplings challenging them for a division title. Injuries are still a problem as Hassan Whiteside, Tyreke Evans, and Eric Gordon are all still out. There have been some flashes from Archie Goodwin, which was probably what pushed Knight out the door. We’ll see if the Suns follow that in real life. Coach Thien will have to pull it together fast if he hopes for a return to the Finals.

With only two trades down this season, can we find a few more?

Mid-Season Look: Thundercats

The last of our mid-season-ish division looks focuses on Thundercats, who sport three teams over 0.500 and challenges last week’s Silverhawks for “best division in SlamNation." [2016 Previews: Playoff Teams | Non-Playoff Teams]

Team Spade (9-3)
There’s no question that Team Spade been one of the best squads during Randall’s tenure as owner, and it’s possible that this is the best iteration yet. Spade started off the season a blistering 5-1 before going “only” 4-2 recently. Health has been a big issue for Spade since its inception and this year has actually been not too bad — with one notable exception. Al Horford, Paul Millsap, Kawhi Leonard, Kevin Love, Kyle Korver, and Eric Gordon have all logged 30+ GP.

Jrue Holiday recently posted back-to-back double digit assist games and it looks like Brandon Jennings is back on the court too, albeit in limited minutes. The big health exception mentioned earlier was the loss of Eric Bledsoe for the season but honestly, Ish Smith has been averaging 19.8 PTS, 7.5 AST, 1.8 STL, 48.5 FG% since his trade to Philadelphia and he looks like he’ll continue those stat lines all season long.

This is just a balanced balanced team, with no terrible categories and a lovely second in 3PT and FT%, third in STL, and fifth in PTS.  The Kobe Bryant farewell tour is well on its way and the future Hall of Famer has put up 7-8-5-5 points in his last four games, which as to be a career low. None of that will stop Randall for challenging for the best of Russell Conference though, and it looks like they’ll cruise to a top slot in the post-season.

Chunky Monkeys (7-4-1)
You know who was supposed to be ruling the roost in Russell Conference, nevermind just Thundercats division? The Chunky Monkeys that’s who! After trading for LeBron James and Kyle Lowry, GM Evan pushed all his future chips into a championship push and saw his newly assembled super team come out of the gates 5-0-1. Great work right?! But then during the next six weeks they played four winning teams and two losing squads and came out of it 2-4, with those wins coming only against the two losers. That’s not the sign of a contender.

So what’s wrong? The Monkeys are tops in AST and FT%, second in PTS and STL, fourth in 3PT, while being below average in BLK and second-to-last in TOs (as expected). They’re not going to win FG% very often with James Harden, Lowry, and Jeff Teague chucking up semi-bricks, and even Marc Gasol has been an uncharacteristic 44.3 FG%. There’s only so much LeBron James and his 50.0 FG% can do… The real problem is the same one as before though: the front line can’t really REB or BLK. It’s basically just Gasol and LeBron out there and both are averaging only about 7.0+ REB a game. And nobody really BLK much on this team. We feel like there needs to be a deal here for a true center, even at the cost of losing some wiggle room in the other categories. Maybe deal all those excess categories for a big man?

For a team with preseason championship aspirations, it’s time to go all-in even more and try to plug the holes so the back half of the regular season can become a true tune up for a title run.

Funk Coalition (6-6)
Is this how a multi-cat punt strategy is supposed to work? GM Jon spent a long time assembling a team of fantasy outcasts and so far this season it’s kind of working. Big emphasis on the “kind of.” Funk is, by design, last in FT%, 3PT, and third-to-last in PTS. That means they better rock all the other categories. Which they sort of do. But not enough. Although they’re first in REB, second in FG%, fourth in STL, and fifth in AST and BLK, they’re also fifth-worse in TOs, essentially punting there too. So if they can’t win with their REB / FG% / AST / STL / BLK combo, they’re toast. Still, going 0.500 is a feat for this team and they won’t be the worst team in SlamNation this year.

Number one overall draft pick Karl-Anthony Towns has been better than advertised, with 15.5 PTS, 9.5 REB, 1.7 BLK, on 52.3 FG% on the year. He’s should be a franchise player of the next decade. Along with Andre Drummond’s monster season, and DeAndre Jordan alongside, the three big men basically grab every REB in sight and protect the rim pretty well. And the weirdo backcourt has finally been healthy and productive all season. Ricky Rubio lead the league in STL, Michael Carter-Williams is right behind him recently (plus approaching his 76ers era type all-around numbers again), and Rajon Rondo is having a huge bounce back year in Sacramento while leading the league in AST by a landslide.

There’s a closing stretch of six straight games against teams with winning records coming up so we’ll see if Funk Coalition is up to the task of getting into the playoffs or if they’ll be exposed and re-enter the Toilet Bowl once again.

NJ All-Stars (2-9-1)
For some reason, we thought that losing LeBron James wouldn’t necessarily tank NJ All-Stars and get them an automatic bid to the Toilet Bowl. Well, we were wrong. Like 0-7-1 to start the season wrong. Eddie’s new look team is awful, and it’s not only losing The King, but also what this team doesn’t do well, which is just about everything. There’s no real strengths here and All-Stars are also second-to-last in FG%, third-to-last in REB, and last in BLK.

But first with the good news. Paul George is back and playing at an MVP level, with 23.9 PTS, 7.4 REB, 4.0 AST, 2.9 3PT, 2.0 3PT, albeit on a back breaking 41.2 FG%. Reggie Jackson is also having a career year, but also on a poor 43.9 FG%. Tobias Harris has been solid so far, Nikola Mirotic started off the season on fire before fading badly and um, Nikola Jokic looks interesting?

Part of the problem, short term aside, is that Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker don’t necessarily look like fantasy franchise players. Wiggins scores a lot but doesn’t really put up much in the way of other stats, averaging not even close to a STL, BLK, or 3PT per game. Parker doesn’t look like Carmelo-anything, and is only putting up 12.1 PTS, 4.8 REB, 0.9 STL in the past month, and that’s his best stats recently. Notice neither of these guys add 3PT to a team’s bottom line? That’s problematic. George and Jackson will need more help to sniff a deep Toilet Bowl run, and it’ll be interesting to see what GM Eddie does in the wake of the giant LBJ trade. NJ All-Stars championship in 2018?!

Mid-Season Look: Silverhawks

We took a look at Transformers (and Voltron) earlier, so let’s stay with the Chamberlain Conference and take a gander at Silverhawks! [2016 Previews: Playoff Teams | Non-Playoff Teams]

Sour Snails (11-0)
Seriously, how could this team get any better? We know the top six by now: Curry, Westbrook, Klay, Jimmy Butler, Boogie, Rudy Gay. Snails is ranked first in PTS, 3PT, STL, second in AST and REB, third in FG%, and about middle of the pack in FT% and BLK. Sure, they’re last in TOs but that’s not exactly going to get anyone a win against them.

It’s a little strange that Snails is slightly lower in FT% than usual but we’re attributing that to DeMarcus Cousins’ 74.5 FG% on 9.7 attempts a game, offsetting Russell Westbrook, Jimmy Butler, and Stephen Curry’s dead-eye from the free throw line. Trieu is still tinkering with the back end of his lineup, as he searches for a big man to pair with Cousins. Joakim Noah hasn’t been the answer so there was a trade for Gorgui Dieng that has so far been a wash. But GM Trieu is still unearthing gems, as Jordan Clarkson has found a nice role off the bench, averaging 15.1 PTS, 4.4 REB, 3.0 AST, 1.6 STL over his last month of games.

Can anybody win against this squad? Perhaps an all-bigs team? Snails won’t see Funk Coalition this season and already toppled Soup Dumplings in WK5. Maybe during this week’s matchup, a Finals rematch actually, against High Riser could yield a loss. Otherwise it’s cruise control for Snails as they try to keep everyone healthy for another deep playoff run.

Fat Jubas (7-3-1)
If Snails is undefeated heading into the last week of the regular season, it’ll be up to Fat Jubas to dethrone them. They almost did it in WK8, but fell one category short. The Jubas are a team rejuvenated. Well, technically they were pretty darn good last year, finishing with a 11-6-2 record, but this year's team has won five of its last six and just looks better overall. The additions of 2016 first round pick CJ McCollum and pre-draft trade acquisition Chris Bosh have helped transform this team. McCollum is averaging 20.9 PTS, 4.4 AST, 1.2 STL, and 2.5 3PT during his breakout year while Bosh has been quietly dropped in 19.1 PTS, 8.0 REB, 1.7 3PT per game after coming back from chest surgery.

Oh yeah, and to lock up GM of the Year for Eric, free agent Will Barton has emerged as the Nuggets’ best player and is averaging 18.1 PTS, 3.3 AST, 2.1 3PT for the past month. Mix in the return of Nicolas Batum and his astonishing 6.6 AST and suddenly Chris Paul and Gordon Hayward have a nice toy box full of pieces to contend with. Overall, Jubas are second in FT%, third in 3PT, fifth in PTS and AST -- lacking only a rim protector -- and are otherwise looking toward a smooth regular season and a sweet cruise into the playoffs.

Fob Stars (6-4-1)
It’s starting to look like there could be three Silverhawks teams headed to the post-season. Fob Stars picked up only four wins all of last year but are now nipping at Fat Jubas’ heels for second place in the division. After starting off 1-4, the Fobs had a five game winning streak going before a close loss versus High Riser last week. Sure, their schedule has been pretty soft, with only two opponents over 0.500, but wins are wins!

This team features almost no strengths but also not many weaknesses either, aside from ranking second-to-last in AST. Young guys Trey Burke and Nerlens Noel have had trouble getting on Coach Jimmy’s good side as they have been seeing less time than Trevor Ariza, Ryan Anderson, and Mason Plumlee. It looks like Fob Stars is spreading the floor more this year, and while we’d still have rather kept Khris Middleton over Ryan Anderson, the white man's stretch four is back with 16.7 PTS, 6.3 REB, and 1.9 3PT this season.

Also, Kent Bazemore has been incredible this year — after we mocked him in the pre-draft review — with 14.5 PTS, 5.2 REB, 2.1 3PT, 1.3 STL on 46.4 FG% over the past month. With 2016 #2 overall pick D’Angelo Russell finally flashing some signs, it looks like GM Jimmy has plenty of pieces to shuffle around, or to possibly trade. Zach Randolph anyone?

Jedi Knights (1-10)
After two seasons of back-to-back five win seasons and a flurry of trades, Jedi Knights seem to be back where they started: at the bottom. Currently on a seven game losing skid, the end isn’t in sight for Jedi either. Can Rey and Finn save this team? Not when they couldn’t even save Force Awakens! AmIright?!

The problems for Jedi begin in the backcourt, where Deron Williams and Bradley Beal have been in and out of the lineup. Beal is just returning to action and old man Williams sits a lot for Dallas, and Coach Lum hasn’t been able to reliably put him into the lineup. 2016 #3 overall pick Emmanuel Mudiay has been injured too, and generally not as good as advertised. That has left Monta Ellis as the only source of consistency among the guards, and even he is down to 13.3 PTS in Indianapolis, although he’s finally hitting almost one 3PT per game.

The “strength” of the team right now is with the four athletic forwards: Thaddeus Young (9.2 REB, 1.5 STL, 51.5 FG%), Otto Porter Jr. (1.6 STL), Al-Farouq Aminu (6.7 REB, 1.6 3PT), and Jeff Green. Each of them are better served as secondary pieces and none of them score much, contributing to Jedi’s last place ranking in PTS — they’re also last in REB. As for the frontline, Roy Hibbert is borderline droppable, serving as a BLK specialist only, and Al Jefferson has been on both suspension and injury leave. Basically time’s for wheel’em and deal’em Lum to get into action again, or maybe he'll just wait out the injuries and see what he can salvage as Jedi prepares for yet another Toilet Bowl.

Fit for Fit

Our first trade of the season and it’s a blockbuster! Just kidding, it’s only a minor roster move but usually once the first trade happens a slew of moves follow. Let’s dig into this deal as it’s the kind of move we like to see, with both teams getting better at a fair price for both. Defending champs Sour Snails move Evan Fournier to Soup Dumplings for Gorgui Dieng.

At 8-0, Snails have been running roughshod over SlamNation again so far but was still looking for a big man complement to DeMarcus Cousins. Joakim Noah, Andrew Bogut, and Kelly Olynyk have all gotten some run, but Trieu felt moving for Dieng (10.5 PTS, 7.4 REB, 1.1 BLK and 56.1 FG% over the past month) would be an upgrade. Snails is ranked third in FG% and REB already, but only ninth in BLK. We hear that Trieu took a hard look at Bismarck Biyombo (11.5 REB, 2.1 BLK over his past month) but went with Dieng instead. Will a strong team get even better? We’ll see!

• ID#59: Sour Snails receive Gorgui Dieng from Jedi Knights in exchange for Evan Fournier

As for Soup Dumplings, who are a surprising 0.500 semi-expansion team, they had big men to spare with Dwight Howard, Derrick Favors, Kristaps Porzingis, Kenneth Faried, Dieng, Luis Scola, and Biyombo on board. Soup needed a swingman to take over from the disappointing Danny Green and Fournier has emerged this young season as a solid option with 14.3 PTS, 2.0 3PT, and 1.3 STL on the year.

This is the sort of little deal that all SlamNation owners should be aiming for, and we hope to see a few more in upcoming weeks. Thanks for starting us off Trieu and Brandon!

Mid-Season Look: Transformers

We took a look at Voltron, now for the Chamberlain Conference's Transformer division! [2016 Previews: Playoff Teams | Non-Playoff Teams]

Another Bad Creation (5-3)
Hey hey, Kevin Durant is back! And with him returns ABC’s winning ways. And guess who’s leading this team in games played? Old man (and draft steal) Dwayne Wade, who hasn’t missed a game yet and is the second leading scorer for this squad!  We said pre-season that this is the most firepower Durant has ever had and it’s been true, as this team has LaMarcus Aldridge, Greg Monroe, JJ Redick, and Alec Burks all hovering around 15+ PTS per game, plus rookie Jahlil Okafor has been as advertised with 17.6 PTS. While Oliver’s team is weak in AST and STL due to a dearth of point guards — Raymond Felton anyone? — they are strong in PTS, REB, FG%, and TO, with balance everywhere else. ABC is back!

Silent Crows (4-3-1)
Our champs from two seasons ago started off the season 1-3-1 and struggled to find their footing. Their traditional strengths of offense and long range shooting had basically deserted them and their defense was a sieve as well. Three straight wins — against admittedly weak opponents — have righted the ship and for now they’re back on the right side of 0.500. Between Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, and the immortal Dirk Nowitzki, this team can get hot pretty quickl but the question is how much the supporting cast of Derrick Rose, Enes Kanter, and (basically M.I.A.) Markieff Morris can add to the season. At least Avery Bradley has been balling out to the tune of 15.4 PTS, 2.4 3PT, and and 1.6 STL on 44.8 FG%. Do the Crows fly high or sink again when the schedule stiffens?

LA Buffy (3-5)
This is Tim Duncan’s last stand right? As a fantasy player anyway? Duncan’s reduced minutes this season have given him 8.9 PTS, 7.9 REB, 1.5 BLK on the season, and those are still very good, but not like last year. It could be time for GM Roger to move Duncan away and complete the transition. But who will pick up the reins? The best player on this team so far has been Isaiah Thomas (20.9 PTS, 6.8 AST, 2.1 3PT, 1.4 STL) but he’s not exactly a franchise cornerstone. The trade that brought in Thomas and Danilo Gallinari has paid off very nicely — despite the two of them contributing to Buffy’s last place FG% ranking — but is Buffy staring at a true rebuild after losing four games in a row? Where to Roger, where to?

Squirtle Squad (2-6)
Whoa, what’s going on here? Squirtles lost only seven games all last season and they’re basically there now. They haven’t won a game since WK3 and put up a 0-8-1 laugher against Pogiboys in WK4. We could blame Ty Lawson’s swift decline but it’s not just his fault. And unless Chandler Parsons was the answer, him rounding into shape won’t lift this team's fortunes. The huge break out from Giannis Antetokounmpo still hasn’t quite arrived (15.8 PTS, 6.7 REB, 2.0 STL/BLK, 51.2 FG%) and the main bright spot from this team has been Jarrett Jack and his surprising 13.3 PTS and 7.1 AST. Adding to the hurt, it looks like the young draft class of Bobby Portis, Willie Cauley-Stein, and Shabazz Muhammad won’t add up to much. Hey, at least Zach LaVine and Bojan Bogdanovic flash signs of life! It’s all about looking for the silver linings on a two win team right?

Mid-Season Look: Voltron

Short updates on how the season is going as we near almost midseason. Let’s start with Voltron over in the Russell Conference. [2016 Previews: Playoff Teams | Non-Playoff Teams]

High Riser (6-0-2)
Undefeated and bombing, passing, and blocking their way to victory in a weird mix of strengths and weaknesses, High Riser is well on their way to another Finals appearance. Although they shoot bad percentages and turn the ball over a lot, their high speed style has beat all comers so far. (Plus they are ranked first in roster moves, as expected.) Led by Damian Lillard, John Wall, Brandon Knight, and Hassan Whiteside, this team is tough to deal with. Knight has been balling out this year to the tune of 19.7 PTS, 5.0 AST, 4.0 REB, 2.3 3PT, and 1.5 STL. Plus, the quiet emergence of Julius Randle as a nightly double-double threat has rewarded Thien for his patience. High Riser is entering a tough month in the schedule so we’ll find out how they fare against top competition, but we're thinking they'll continue their winning ways.

Soup Dumplings (4-4)
Our newest owner is treading water quiet nicely, pairing two losses with two wins right afterwards so far. And they’ve lost all their games against 0.500 or better teams, while putting up tough fights across the board. Needless to say, Rookie of the Universe Kristaps Porzingis has been a revelation but let’s not overlook what Kentavious Caldwell-Pope and Gorgui Dieng have been able to do. KCP is averaging 14.2 PTS, 1.4 3PT, and 1.7 STL while Dieng has been at 10.7 PTS, 7.6 REB, with 2.4 BLK/STL over the past month on 58.8 FG%. Now if only dispersal draft keeper Danny Green would step it up… As expected, Dumplings can’t shoot free throws or three pointers, don’t pass the ball effectively, and basically can’t score, but they are ranked #2 in REB, BLK, and TO. Nice start for a fantasy rookie Brandon!

MoRRie’s Pogiboys (3-4-1)
Wait, is Pogiboys regressing already after last year’s 14-5 breakthrough? How are they losing so much with Anthony Davis on this roster? While their season hasn’t been bad, playing sub-0.500 ball two months in wasn’t part of the plan for Alvin. The top six of Davis, Mike Conley, Victor Oladipo, Elfrid Payton, Brook Lopez, and Draymond Green hasn’t really had injuries either. I mean, if anything, this team should be taking it up a notch as Green has been averaging 14.3 PTS, 8.8 REB, 7.1 AST, 2.7 BLK/STL, with 1.4 3PT to boot, making him and Davis an outrageous all-around fantasy pair. Should GM Alvin be looking to make some changes or just wait it out? Can you rebuild after the rebuild?

So Buckets (1-7)
Well, the wheels have come completely off for this former division leader. After a WK1 win version a now still winless NJ All-Stars team, Josh’s squad hasn’t come close to winning another matchup, with only three categories won in any week since. They’re ranked middle of the pack in most things, aside from being third in BLK and first in TO. And then there’s their weaknesses: not being able to shoot 3PT or get STL. Not having Rudy Gobert for a month has hurt, as well as the missing Kyrie Irving, who is just making his return. But this team is looking old up top, with Tony Parker, Pau Gasol, Joe Johnson, and Marvin Williams logging big minutes. The good news? Um, DeMar DeRozan has been ripping it up to the tune of 22.6 PTS, 4.4 REB, 4.0 AST, 1.0 STL? Or maybe it’s time to hope, again, for Joel Embiid’s return...

2016 Preview: Non-Playoff Teams

Usually we do preseason reviews by division but this year we shake it up a little by going in (descending) order of teams. If you want to take a look at the mid-season reports from last season, there they are: Voltron, Transformers, Silverhawks, and Thundercats. Here's to a great 2016!

#16: Funk Coalition (3-16, 5-14)
After coming off a five win season, Funk actually got even worse, dropping down two wins and ending up as the worst team in the league. The good news is that Funk fought their way to a Toilet Bowl win and earned the right to select Karl-Anthony Towns number one overall. While Towns is by no means the obvious choice, most pundits agree that he should’ve been the #1 keeper selection in an intriguing, and possibly loaded, rookie class. Funk’s always had a funky core and after some big in-season trades last year, they doubled down on the weirdness.

The backup keepers were Michael Carter-Williams, Ricky Rubio, Marcus Smart, and Rajon Rondo. None of those four are traditional fantasy point guards and none of them can shoot. The front court features the REB-BLK combo of Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan, but this team is not only punting FT%, but possibly FG%, 3PT, and PTS. Can you win by punting three to four categories? Guess GM Jon will find out.

Aside from Towns, the rest of Funk’s draft was pretty bleh. Old favorite Josh Smith was brought back in RD4, potential sophomore flop Noah Vonleh will get the chance to explore his upside, and Marcus Morris will get to play some stretch four while Aaron Brooks and last round pick OJ Mayo fills in for some backup minutes. There’s a pretty good chance Funk is headed back to the Toilet Bowl, but at least the fans will get to see if Towns can become the poor man’s Anthony Davis. Irrelevant note: Jon has had the #1 overall selection in his two football leagues this year too, go Gurley!

#15: Fob Stars (4-14-1, 8-11)
Three years ago, Fob was the worst team in the league. However, Jimmy was able to right the ship and take Fob to respectable levels…until last season. Getting four wins was a big step back and Fob was looking at a lost season until they worked their way into the Toilet Bowl finals. That gave them the #2 overall pick and the shot at a potential superstar. And this is a keeper core that desperately needs one — and was one of two franchises to return the same six keepers.

Sure, Nerlens Noel is proving to be a huge REB-STL-BLK guy but he’s not quite a fantasy star in any sense. And Zach Randolph and Marcin Gortat, while serviceable, aren’t must haves by anyone. And that backcourt, the duo of Kemba Walker and Trey Burke might have the worst FG% in the league, and Burke is still sliding into irrelevance despite his high draft position. There was a keeper decision between Ryan Anderson and Khris Middleton, and in the end GM Jimmy went with the white guy.

So who did Fob pick at number two? Well, being a Lakers fan, it was a quick decision to go with D’Angelo Russell, despite the temptation of Emmanuel Mudiay (perhaps his time in China made Fob’s Taiwanese fan base balk?) or Jahlil Okafor. While Russell has looked slow in pre-season, at least he’ll likely rack up a ton of AST on this team. The rest of Jimmy’s draft was decidedly uneven. Trevor Ariza in RD2 should help the swing position but Jeremy Lamb, Mason Plumlee, Greivis Vasquez, and Kent Bazemore all sound like waiver wire fodder to me. Let’s hope Russell pans out here, because Fob could be facing an uphill battle to return to 0.500 status.

#14: Jedi Knights (5-14, 5-14)
After a season where Lum participated in no less than four big trades, the Jedi fan base was invigorated by an owner who finally came off the bench to make some moves. While the win total didn’t move much, at least Lum injected life into his franchise! And now he’ll have #3 overall pick Emmanuel Mudiay to showcase. While some were making a strong case for hometown hero Stanley Johnson, GM Lum wisely decided to go with a young PG, which this team desperately needed.

With five new keepers, and an entirely new look, Jedis will need a new identity. Plus, the new Star Wars movie is around the corner and it would be awesome if Mudiay emerged as a Rookie of the Year candidate and a franchise hero. The strange thing is that this team is pretty old for a rebuilding team — we’re still wondering if moving Jimmy Butler last year was a good idea. Monta Ellis and Deron Williams are old, Al Jefferson is semi-old, and sure, Bradley Beal is around to dump in 3PT, but non-playoff appearances aside, the fantasy world is still waiting for Beal to stay consistent. Jefferson will have another lumbering giant, Roy Hibbert, alongside him, and the lone holdover keeper is Thaddeus Young, who should get plenty of shots in Brooklyn.

Jedi actually had eight draft picks this year, the result of their furious wheeling and dealing, and grabbed Otto Porter and Al-Farouq Aminu with their double RD2. Erysan Ilyasova and Cody Zeller will be big men who can space the floor, but there’s only two spots open for Isaiah Canaan, Justin Anderson, and Kris Humphries. Actually, we like Canaan quite a big as a sleeper and here’s hoping he pans. If Jedi can get to 0.500 this season, or close to it, we’ll shelve all the harassment about ownership participation. Use the Force Lum (or Drake)!

#13: Another Bad Creation (6-13, 11-8)
It was sort of a lost season for Another Bad Creation last year — formerly Half Man Half ImAsian — because Kevin Durant was M.I.A. most of the year. With Durant back, ABC is ready to push back into playoff contention. GM Oliver moved two future late round picks for Alec Burks and Wesley Matthews, shoring up a keeper core that has seen lots of changes over the years. Those two will join Durant, LaMarcus Aldridge, Greg Monroe, and JJ Redick for a core that will have lots of offensive firepower and especially a ton of 3PT.

Adding in two rookies through the draft, #3 overall Jahlil Okafor and RD4 Justise Winslow gives this team some much needed youth, especially after the disaster that was Ben McLemore. And then there’s Dwayne Wade, whose on-and-off games played scared everyone away until Oliver rescued him at the top of the second round. Wade is still easily a 20-5-5 guy and while he won’t play a full schedule, he’s still awesome when on the floor. And we like Wilson Chandler as an all-around contributor from the wing. Also, sophomore point guard Langston Galloway could be a sneaky grab with the last round, and we like him better than RD5 Nate Robinson, who was likely picked for his locker room presence and general geniality. (Nate Rob is on the Pelicans now? Who knew!)

This is the most firepower Durant’s ever had next to him and it looks like he’ll be hungry for a return to the MVP conversation. Oliver’s team isn’t far removed from being an annual contender and adding a nice mix of veterans and young guys through this draft should propel them back into the winning pack.

#12: NJ All Stars (6-13, 14-5)
It was just two seasons ago when NJ All Stars was rampaging through the Russell Conference and looking as the favorite for a championship. A win-now move of trading Nerlens Noel and Ryan Anderson for Joakim Noah was widely praised and we thought LeBron James was going to capture his second SlamNation title. Alas, things didn’t work out that season — All Stars was upended in the Finals — and now LBJ is gone, after one of the biggest trades in our league’s history. After Paul George’s lost season last year, All Stars spiraled from fourteen wins to just six last season, and gave Eddie enough motivation to move The King and replace him with a much younger assortment of talent.

George is back, as is Reggie Jackson’s fat contract, but the rest of the keepers are totally different. The LeBron haul brought in Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker, potentially the next LBJ and Carmelo. Plus the trade secured the services of stretch big Nikola Mirotic, and Tobias Harris emerged as keeper worthy too. While there isn’t anyone on the roster capable of replacing Kyle Lowry’s all-around point guard excellence, All Stars isn’t trying to win it all this year or anything so there’s time to find a better backcourt.

Meanwhile, GM Eddie spent his draft on all young guys with upside — excluding RD5 selection Amir Johnson, who will provide some veteran leadership and mentoring. First rounder Stanley Johnson has been a beast in summer league and he could turn out to be a big contributor for the Pistons. Jusuf Nurkic is waiting to get healthy and more minutes in Denver but his future looks very bright. And then there’s my personal favorite, German Rondo aka Dennis Schroder, who might have a chance to earn more quality minutes after his impressive bursts of fantasy relevance last season. Young bigs Kyle O’Quinn and John Henson will be around to provide some rim protection. Overall, while NJ All Stars jettisoned LeBron James (and an excellent PG in Lowry), they’re still in position for a possible playoff spot and could grow quickly into a powerhouse again.

#11: Soup Dumplings (8-11, 6-12-1)
Coming in as a replacement owner is difficult. Coming in as a replacement owner having never played fantasy sports before is a high wire act Philippe Petit-esque feat of daring. Also, the previous owner of Inept Henchmen walked out on the heels of the most heated SlamNation controversy we’ve ever experienced. Welcome to the league Brandon!

We already covered who Brandon took in his personal dispersal draft — Danny Green, Gorgui Dieng, and Kentavius Caldwell-Pope — so let’s take a look at his actual draft, his first fantasy selections ever! The first two rounds were dedicated to high upside rookies: Kristaps Porzingis and Mario Hezonja. Brandon was considering Hezonja for this #6 overall due to his keeper core of big men (Dwight Howard, Derrick Favors, Kenneth Faried) but opted for Porzingis as the sweet shooting big that could space the floor for everyone. Whether Porzingis turns into the next Dirk or not could really impact Brandon’s rebuilding efforts.

After securing his front court, Brandon wisely worked quickly worked to fill in his black hole at point guard. While Jeremy Lin, Patrick Beverley, and rookie Raul Neto might not be starting for some other teams, they should combine to bring at least some AST and STL from the point guard position. With a very strong frontline already (including last round pick Bismarck Biyombo), plus shooting from Green and KCP, this team is going to be balanced across all the categories so that Brandon can keep flexible as he learns the ropes and builds a team he can call his own.

#10: So Buckets (8-10-1, 11-8)
After piloting his team to back-to-back Voltron division titles, Josh’s team suffered a slight setback last year as they dropped out of the playoff race and into the Toilet Bowl. Josh entered the league the same year as Eddie and the NJ All Stars, and both owners have proven to be very successful since their debut. But Josh doesn’t have a Finals appearance to his credit, so I’m sure he’s itching for one.  However, with the rise of both Pogiboys and 2015 Finals participant High Riser, So Buckets could have a tough time returning to the top of his division, much less the conference. And the discovery of Rudy Gobert last year wasn’t even the most dominant shot blocker to emerge from Voltron, as Pogiboys possesses Anthony Davis and High Riser unleashed Hassan Whiteside.

Still, Gobert is a huge find and gives So Buckets an upside force to pair with Kyrie Irving, the oft-injured superstar Buckets has been dealing with since his rookie year. Pau Gasol is coming off a great year and an All-Star Game start, but he’s going to show his age soon. Having Joel Embiid sit another season on the sidelines is bad news for Buckets but now it’s like Josh is super invested in him. Maybe 2016 first rounder Myles Turner can help quickly, as he’s likely to become a BLK force for Indiana sooner than later. Sophomore Aaron Gordon might become homeless man’s Shawn Marion and old hands like Joe Johnson, Tony Parker, and Jose Calderon will be counted on to support Irving in the backcourt.  (Also, bringing on “King" Joffrey Lauvergne can’t be a bad move based on name alone, right?)

And let’s not forget DeMar DeRozan, who isn’t an ideal small wing with his lack of outside shooting, but his PTS and FT% helps this team out quite a bit. Sixth keeper PJ Tucker is a guard who has nice REB, but we can’t imagine that he’ll be around for next year’s keeper round. Josh is facing an uphill battle back toward contention but we have learned to never doubt his team’s competitiveness so it’ll be an interesting three way race for a 2016 Voltron crown.

#9: Buffy (8-10-1, 5-14)
This team keeps yo yo-ing every other year, and the pattern held true last season. While eight wins isn’t anything to hold a parade for, coming off five wins the year before, with a keeper core that was aging by the month, Roger has to be given some applause for bringing his team to the verge of the playoffs. Gone are Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer, and Jameer Nelson. Tristan Thompson and Jeremy Lin were also 2015 keepers that didn’t’ make the cut in 2016. The pre-draft trade away of Bosh netted Buffy Danilo Gallinari and Isaiah Thomas, bringing some much needed offensive firepower to this team.

But boy does Buffy still like his vets. Tim Duncan is ageless but keepers Luol Deng and Mo Williams have seen better days. Even George Hill, while still young, isn’t exactly a high upside young gun. Hill did have an excellent campaign last year, averaging 16.1 PTS, 5.1 AST, 4.2 REB, 1.6 3PT once he returned from injury. GM Roger brought in Khris Middleton as his 2015 RD1, the first owner to not select a rookie. While we love Middleton here, we can’t help but wonder if maybe Roger will regret passing on someone like Mario Hezonja two years down the line.

The rest of the draft brought in David Lee, Ed Davis, and Tristan Thompson (again) to man the front lines. They’ll hold the fort but not much else. Gerald Henderson is a decent backup wing, and Ben McLemore gets another chance to prove he was worth a high NBA pick, but his window is closing fast. Overall, we can never figure out if Buffy is going to go into full rebuild mode but we hope them the best and want to see their streak of win-lose-win-lose seasons come to an end. Also, will Timmy retire with this team, or will he be moved to a contender?