Down and Out

Here we are, almost exactly at the halfway point of the season and we've already got a few teams out of playoff contention. Well, barring miracles anyway. Welcome to our version of the New Jersey Nets everyone! The three teams below are being handed a Golden Ticket to Toilet Bowl-ville and they couldn't be more excited about it. Time to make moves!

Human Amoebas (2-9)
After starting off a respectable 2-2, the Amoebas are on a streak of seven straight losses and are five games out of a playoff spot. Basically the Amoebas are already playing for next year. With the recent blockbuster trade of the former face of their franchise, Danny Granger, what can the new look Amoebas do to prepare for the Toilet Bowl? Our pre-season review indicated that this wouldn't be the Amoebas' year anyway. GM Eric-A went young with all his picks and knew that he wouldn't be a contender this season. However, I doubt he expected things to be quite this bad.

The starting backcourt of Derrick Rose and the newly acquired Monta Ellis is the obvious strength of the team. By flipping Granger for Ellis, Eric-A was looking to cash in on Ellis' high octane game of PTS, AST, and STL. He'll lose some 3PT in the process but the thought of Rose and Ellis zipping up and down the court must have gotten Eric-A salivating. Sophomore sparkplug Eric Gordon has been an excellent sixth man, and provides good scoring and long distance shooting with high percentages. And even veteran Jarrett Jack has found new life as a starter in Toronto, averaging nearly five assists a game.

The problem for this team has been the front line. Micheal Beasley has been better in his second year, although he still hasn't broken out yet. Injuries have hurt him a little bit but he should develop into a consistent twenty point scorer soon. Losing Greg Oden for rest of the campaign hurt a lot, as his REB and BLKs were the lynchpin for the defensive frontcourt. Andray Blatche and Nenad Krstic can man the pivot but aren't exactly defensive terrors or all that impressive on the boards (below 5 REB a game each). Power forward Paul Millsap is getting almost 30 minutes a night but that's not enough to duplicate his numbers from last year. He's still averaging 12 PTS, 7.5 REB, 1 STL/BLK, but he really needs Carlos Boozer out of Utah to shine.

Courtney Lee, a seventh round pick, can't quite stay in the starting lineup, and has been highly inconsistent, he needs some more time to grow. And Hasheem Thabeet averages 1.5 BLK in only eleven minutes a game but it's doubtful he'll play well enough to be a keeper next year. Overall, the Amoebas rank very poorly in outside shooting, are last in AST, very low in PTS, REB, and STL, and are average everywhere else, except TOs, where they shine. What other moves might the Amoebas make? Building around their strong backcourt will be a start, and it's just a question of how they can pull it together for the Toilet Bowl to get a shot at a much needed big man in next year's draft.

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Patience, this team isn't built for the now, so there's no rush. The move for Monta Ellis refined a strength and further moves could do the same thing. The future can still be bright despite a cloudy present.

Funk Coalition (2-8-1)
So far the Funk have fallen flat all around. Their two wins have come against 4-7 teams, and they had a six game losing streak recently. Welcome to the Toilet Bowl! With no chance of making the playoffs, the Funk is just trying to pull it together for a high draft pick run. So much for that 7-1 divionsal record prediction eh? The good news is, well, there isn't much. The Coalition are terrible on defense, ranking last or very close to last in STL and BLK. And it's not like they can offensively compensate, ranking 15th in PTS. What are they good at then? Not turning to ball over mostly. The Funk are in the bottom half of the league in every category except TO and AST, the latter of which they are sixth, despite boasting Deron Williams' almost ten dimes per game. A team that looked really balanced on paper has sprung holes everywhere.

The biggest problem Funk faces is their lack of offensive firepower. Only Joe Johnson, who is having a typically well rounded year, is over 20+ PTS. Tony Parker, Lamarcus Aldridge, and Deron Williams are only in the high teens and rarely explode. Those three have also been injury prone, shuttling in and out of the lineup. Speaking of injuries, fifth round pick Andris Biedrins was supposed to man the middle but he's only recently started playing and is only averaging 6 PTS and 8 REB a game. His two BLK are nice, but he's rounding into shape and not getting a lot of playing time. The revelation in the front court has been Joakim Noah, who is having a breakout year and has firmly established his nightly double double status. The good news is that Aldridge, an early season disappointment, has been very good with 18 PTS and 9 REB a game as the only big left in Portland. The problem is, there's no solid frontcourt guy after Noah and Aldridge. Chris Andersen has regressed tremendously, Tyson Chandler has been injured and near useless when healthy. This team needs Biedrins bad.

To combat shooting guard JR Smith's lack of accuracy and extreme inconsistency, Jon has tried to find some waiver wire pieces to fit into the lineup. Martell Webster, Rasual Butler, and Arron Afflalo recently logged some heavy minutes for this team, and Luke Ridnour and Devin Brown both used to play in crunch time. See why the Funk have been so terrible? Injury plagued and with a roster lacking depth and the ability to put points on the board, this could be a long second half of the season for the Coalition.

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Get Biedrins back to double double status, find an explosive scoring complement to Joe Johnson, and pray for health the next few months.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (2-9)
After stumbling out of the gate with four straight losses, the Pogiboys had two rousing wins in a row, including a huge victory over their division leader, Bayside Bombardiers, in WK8. Things were looking good right? Well, five straight losses later and it's safe to say they're eliminated from playoff contention. It should be noted that their recent loss to Korea! Korea! was by 0.0001 in the FG% category. That's what, one missed shot? Pretty active on the waiver wire, Alvin has had an astonishing 26 players play games for them so far this season. That includes one by Goran Dragic (who?), five from Raja Bell, and ten from Juwan Howard. Go Blue!

We've covered the Pogiboys' inadequacies in this space before, so we'll leave it be for the most part. Injuries are still wreaking havoc with their lineup but they are getting healthier. Their overall play is still very up and down and there's just no offense on this team. Amare Stoudemire is at 20 PTS but after that the drop off is to Caron Butler at 16 PTS. Devin Harris has been really bad recently (12 PTS, 6.4 AST, 1.1 STL, 35.9 FG% in the past month) and Alvin needs his second round pick to start performing. Plus, this team is getting killed on the boards, with nobody averaging more than 6 REB except for Stoudemire, who's only at 7.7 a game. A bright spot for the Pogis? Um, Brandon Jennings? He's slowed down but still has growth potential right? Even if that Rookie of the Year is slipping out of his grasp...

Dr. Jack's Prescription: Keep plugging away and try to get some momentum together in time for the Toilet Bowl. The team needs a better identity but it's been difficult with everyone slumping, seemingly all at the same time.