Conference: Russell

And welcome to the newly constructed Russell Conference, with two brand new teams, Fat Jubas and Fob Stars! [Chamberlain Conference]

Team Cameltoe (5-15-1, 7-12)
Accruing only a combined twelve wins since entering SlamNation two seasons ago, Cameltoe had seemed poised for immediate success behind Anthony Davis. Instead, fellow dispersal draft pieces Carmelo Anthony, Brook Lopez, and Mike Conley have all been traded off, while Derrick Rose and Elfrid Payton were left to wilt in the wind. The new-look Cameltoe is squarely positioned for a fresh future, but how long can The Brow wait for playoff contention?

Three 2018 rookies were retained on Cameltoe’s new keeper core: Josh Jackson, Malik Monk, and Harry Giles. Only Jackson flashed anything last season, but Monk and Giles should have bigger roles in their sophomore year. They’ll be joined by more rookies, Marvin Bagley III and Michael Porter Jr, who were Felipe’s 2019 RD1 and RD2 selections. Throw in keeper Buddy Hield, who has cut out a nice role in Sacramento, and steady point guards in Darren Collison and DJ Augustin -- plus Marcin Gortat and Wes Matthews -- and we’re still probably looking at another run in the Toilet Bowl for Cameltoe. But hey, playing the rookie lottery is exciting! We’re going to watch this developmental team closely and hope Davis and the kids can show some marked improvement this season.

Snack Bears (6-15, 4-15)
Since hitting a surprise playoff year in their first season, 2016, Snack Bears have undergone a name change, a few tough seasons, some hit-and-miss picks, and now finally, a dispersal draft that should move them away from the big ball that had both served them well and also let them down. The old core of Andre Drummond, Dwight Howard, Rajon Rondo, and Marcus Smart are gone. The new dispersed core now consists of Kristaps Porzingis, Bradley Beal, Blake Griffin, Jaylen Brown, last year’s RD1.4 pick De’Aaron Fox, and Tim Hardaway Jr. Given the chance for a soft reset after inheriting a weak team, GM Brandon is prepped to take Snack Bears back to its initial success and winning ways.

But first, some seasoning, as this year’s draft brought in rookies Wendell Carter Jr, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, plus sophomores Jordan Bell and Bam Adebayo. That’s a pretty young bunch, but loads of promise abound. Rajon Rondo and PJ Tucker are around too for some veteran leadership. With Porzingis likely held out all year, it looks like Bears is going to look toward next season for playoff contention and give their new guys a year to learn the ropes. We like this plan and while another winning record may not be coming this year, a strong run in the Toilet Bowl would prove that Snack is back on track.

Swamp Dragons (12-7-2, 10-9)
Gone are three of last year’s keeper core, sold off for other parts or dumped into the free agent pool. Swamp Dragons were brimming with talent and romped their way to back-to-back Toilet Bowls, securing two straight number one selections. Of course, those can be treat-or-treat and last year’s first pick, Markelle Fultz, made no impact and is now finally, hopefully, returning to form. There’s fewer doubts about this year’s selection though, as DeAndre Ayton projects to be a PTS/REB monster right out of the gate. (After a summer expecting Luka Doncic to go first, pundits were mildly shocked that Eddie went with Ayton.)

Now there’s a three-headed center monster of Ayton, Nikola Jokic, and Jusuf Nurkic. Add in the wing rotation of Paul George, newly acquired Khris Middleton, and Taurean Prince, and this team is only missing a point guard to lead them. Hello Markelle! Just to be safe though, Eddie drafted Patrick Beverly with their extra RD2 acquired from their Eric Gordon trade last year.

The rest of the draft brought in Jeremy Lamb, Markieff Morris, and Avery Bradley, but really, they’ll just be fillers since this is hardly an injury prone squad. It’s been four years out of the playoffs for this team that has two Finals appearances to its name, and if Swamp can’t get into the playoff this year with the shift in rules, something went terribly wrong.

Fob Stars (10-10-1, 9-10)
After being lumped in with two other teams that were declared “franchise player-less,” GM Jimmy went right out and traded for one: Damian Lillard. Portland’s lead guard is in his absolute prime. Sure, losing Kemba Walker (aka “Dame Lillard East”) and Tobias Harris hurts overall depth, but getting a gold-plated star should be a boon for Fob. With Jamal Murray and John Collins being touted as this season’s breakout candidates, Fob Stars could soon replenish their roster anyway. The lob duo of Ricky Rubio and DeAndre Jordan are still around too, with Rubio looking to return to some better assist numbers.

The draft also unearthed a third breakout candidate: sophomore Jonathan Isaac, whose defensive numbers are already quite impressive. He resembles RD2 pick Rondae Hollis-Jefferson in that regard, and then Jimmy went with even more defense by selecting Jerami Grant, Dwight Powell, and Justise Winslow to round out his draft. And you’d think Jimmy went to Michigan with his loyalty to Trey Burke, who he originally drafted in 2014 and keeps finding his way onto Fob Stars. It’s been three straight years in the playoffs for this once moribund franchise and even switched over to a new conference, Fob Stars are aiming for bigger things after notching their first playoff win ever last season in a RD1 upset of Fat Jubas.

Fat Jubas (12-9, 13-5-1)
Speaking of upsets, from 2015-17, Jubas entered the playoffs as a #3 seed and always upset their higher ranked opponent — until last year when they rose to a #2 seed but were taken out by Fob Stars. Still, with eight playoff appearances in nine seasons, Jubas are tied with Sour Snails and Spade in that category. Add in Jubas' 2012 title, plus a sterling 99-61-5 (0.619) overall record, and Jubas can lay claim to being the third-best team in SlamNation history. So what next?

With Chris Paul in slow decline, the window for Jubas could be closing soon. Jonas Valanciunas and Myles Turner are still around but Harrison Barnes and Gordon Hayward were traded away last season, and longtime keeper Nicolas Batum was cut — Eric drafted Batum back in 2011. The new trio of Jrue Holiday, Jeff Teague, and Robert Covington were all trade acquisitions, and should help Eric keep the team fresh and the victories flowing. Investing on some more help on the frontline, Eric drafted Willie Cauley-Stein and Serge Ibaka, and then brought on wings Joe Ingles, Kent Bazemore, and Bogdan Bogdanovic as clean up, as well as Cavaliers' earlier season starter George Hill. Coming off the heels of a Chamberlain Silverhawks division title, Jubas were moved over to Russell Conference but should be right at home in the top of the standings there as well.

Thien’s Team (13-7-1, 14-5)
Another team that is no stranger to success — plus boasting the accolade of “the only Slam team to never have had a losing record” — Thien’s variously nicknamed teams have always cleaned up in the regular season. After initially having trouble getting out of the first round of the playoffs, Thien has reached two Finals in recent years but there still remains one road block: his brother, Trieu. We may need a Brother Bowl III to settle the score because so far it’s 2-0 Trieu vs Thien.

With a roster devastated by injury last season, Thien still managed to make the playoffs but they conceded their first round match by trading for injured Jimmy Butler and Mike Conley right before the playoffs.  The bad news is, this year hasn’t started off much healthier. New Warrior DeMarcus is still on the shelf while last year’s rookie steal, Lauri Markkanen, is also hurt. And Jimmy Butler -- Oh Jimmy! -- is embroiled in a semi-stand off with the Timberwolves. It won’t be until mid-season that we see what this team can really do.

Still, the games must go on and Thien will use Dennis Schroder, Nicolas Batum, Bobby Portis, Thaddeus Young, and um, Alex Len as stop gaps. Thien also drafted Christian Wood, whom I had to Google and it turned out he’s been lighting up the preseason as a 6’10 3PT/REB monster. That’s the kind of digging Thien is known for and we should all be wary of The New Era’s second half spurt.

Funk Coalition (13-7-1, 7-12)
After years of ineptitude and a commitment to punt compositions with Rondo/Rubio and Drummond/DeAndre big ball, Funk came out of nowhere to notch their first winning record and their second playoff appearance in franchise history. After a year of waiting on redshirt rookie Ben Simmons — who ironically would be the best punt categories point guard ever — GM Jon was lucky enough to hit on Karl-Anthony Towns, Simmons, and Jayson Tatum in successive drafts. A pre-draft trade for Gordon Hayward and Andrew Wiggins filled out the rest of the new keeper roster, along with perennial tease D’Angelo Russell.

Having had a small taste of success, Funk went all-in on this year’s draft for veteran help, signaling a desire to make further noise this season. Lou Williams, Rudy Gay, and Trevor Ariza are all long in the tooth but they are proven products. James Johnson and Marcus Smart are both versatile tough guys but also likely max-ed out fantasy-wise. The only young guy drafted this year was sophomore OG Anunoby, who is known more for his defense than his fantasy game. Jury’s out on if Funk’s successful 2018 was a blip on the radar or the first sign of a consistent team to fear.

Chunky Monkeys (20-1, 18-1)
It took longer than expected, especially after three straight RD1 exits, but Chunky Monkeys finally climbed the mountain and won a ring, and did it against the three-time defending champs to boot! It took a singular will to win and MVP-level seasons from both James Harden and LeBron James to get it done but Evan did it! And now the question is: can they can repeat? Or rather: do they want to repeat?!

Well, word on the street is that GM Evan is ready to blow it up after capturing the long elusive title. We knew it was no lie when Evan ruthlessly cut Finals hero Marc Gasol to make room for Kris Dunn on the keeper roster. Ouch! I guess Gasol can get his ring mailed to him? The fivesome of Harden, James, Kyle Lowry, Clint Capela, and Otto Porter Jr. are still tough to beat but subbing out Gasol means a youth movement is here.

The draft brought in rookie Collin Sexton, who could prove to a steal at the bottom of the first round. Larry Nance Jr. will get a shot at replacing Gasol on the boards while Josh Hart, Mario Hezonja, and Kelly Oubre are here to give the Harden/LBJ duo some shooting options. Jakob Poeltl is aboard too, and he’s intriguing but also no Gasol, Pau or Marc. The biggest question of all is if LeBron stays on this team through the year (or is a mega-deal coming), as Monkeys are mystifyingly shying away from a true title defense. Or is it all a ruse by Evan to get the rest of Slam to let our guards down? After all, this team has only lost three games total in two years, so let’s call it what it still is: a juggernaut.