2015 Finals Previews

FINALS PREVIEW
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #3 High Riser (13-5-1)
Yes! It’s here, the much anticipated Brother Bowl! Who will Momma T support as Trieu and Thien go head-to-head for the title? There’s a lot on the line here, as Sour Snails is threatening to become the first two title winner since the reset — they won in 2008, and 2010, the first year of the new cycle. And for High Riser, it’s little brother versus big brother, and we know how epic those showdowns can be. This could be bragging rights for years if Thien can pull off the huge upset!

High Riser is equipped to take down Sour Snails too, as one of the few teams that can kind of match up with a high powered Snails backcourt that seems to be good at everything. After years of notching plus 0.500 regular season records but not really being a championship threat, Thien’s team broke out this season with thirteen wins and knocked off division foe Morrie’s Pogiboys in the Conference Finals to advance.

In a way, this High Riser team is a Dr. Frankenstein construct of Sour Snails. There was the Damian Lillard for Rudy Gay trade that set up High Riser’s Double Dragons backcourt. And then the pre-draft acquisitions of Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza — both of whom were huge during last week’s game. (Ariza led the team in rebounding and the helped push Riser to the win.) But GM Thien’s filled out the roster admirably around his shifting pieces. John Wall was the reward for that Toilet Bowl win. Hassan Whiteside was the reward for being diligent on the free agent wire. In fact, Thien is usually the league leader in Moves, and this year he had 108 — almost doubling the next closest competitor, Trieu with 64. (They are usually #1 and #2 in Moves.) It’s great to see Thien make the Finals because it proves that the postseason roster lock isn't a disadvantage to teams that have achieved regular season success due to lineup churn.

It’s gonna be an uphill battle for High Riser though, as Sour Snails is coming into the matchup as a juggernaut. Coming off three straight division titles, Snails is fielding arguably their best team in that run. After dipping down to a 4-8 record in 2012 — but making the Toilet Bowl Finals and emerging with Lillard — Trieu’s team has gone 48-8-1. That’s right, a 85.7% winning percentage. The downside is that they’ve been upset in the Western Conference Finals in both 2013 and 2014, so this is their year of redemption. After going to back-to-back Finals in 2010-11, this marks Snails’ (new cycle) record breaking third SlamNation Finals appearance.

Snails have their own Super Duper Double Dragon backcourt in Stephen Curry and Russell Westbrook, and overall Snails led the league in PTS, 3PT, and STL; was second in AST and FT%; and was also top six in REB and BLK. That's monster dominance across all categories. Their big mid-season move was to acquire Jimmy Butler, and even though Butler was hurt last week in the easy Conference Finals win over Fat Jubas, it looks like he’ll be back in time for the Finals.

On paper, Sour Snails should win this thing. Based on last week’s stats, High Riser would take the two percentage categories and assists, and then walk home with a loss. But all the NBA championship experience is on Riser’s side, as Dwyane Wade could elevate himself to go head-to-head with Westbrook for a spell, and maybe Lillard, Wall, Evans can slow down Curry, Butler, and Klay Thompson. Then it’s Hassan Whiteside versus DeMaarcus Cousins in the middle, aka the craziest big men in the league.

So here we go with the Brother Bowl, with the biggest prize in SlamNation on the line! Good luck to both Trieu and Thien, and let's get it on!

TOILET BOWL FINALS PREVIEW
#4 Fob Stars (4-14-1) vs #4 Funk Coalition (3-16)
And on the other side, it’s a bit of a Brother Bowl II because while Jon and Jimmy aren’t brothers by blood, they sure argue like real brothers! In fact, it’s kind of the San Diego finals week as all four participants grew up in San Diego, often facing off on the basketball court. (For official “who is the best actual basketball player in real life," consult our comprehensive rankings.) And just like in real life, Jimmy and Jon represent the worst in the league, while Trieu and Thien are flying high above the pack. Sigh.

The good news for J&J is that one of them will get the #1 overall pick -- and the other one can’t do worse than #2, even if they tried. I don’t think we’ve ever actually had the two worst teams in the league both make it to the Toilet Bowl Finals, so it’s an achievement of sorts for Funk and Fob to both upset their way through two rounds of loserville. Fob Stars neatly dispatched Jedi Knights last week 7-2, while Funk Coalition sat all his players on Sunday to steal TOs and a dirty come from behind 5-4 win over NJ All-Stars.

Fob Stars feature the Special-K backcourt of Kemba Walker, Kevin Martin, and Khris Middleton while Funk has the Can’t Shoot trio of Rajon Rondo, Michael Carter-Williams, and an injured Ricky Rubio. A key player for Jon could actually be J.R. Smith, as his 3PT will come in very handy versus a Fob team that isn’t so great at long distance shooting either. The battle in the middle will be interesting though, as DeAndre Jordan, Andre Drummond, and Josh Smith are a tough matchup for Nerlens Noel, Zach Randolph, and Marcin Gortat.

Either way, let’s watch these two perpetually loser franchises battle it out in the Poor Man's Brother Bowl, exciting!