Revisiting the SWMP Rule

Back in 2019, we instituted Postseason 2.0, which primarily consisted of making all sixteen teams play all three weeks of the postseason, and then installing the somewhat controversial SWMP Rule, which prevented the top two Toilet Bowl seeds from winning the RD1.1 and RD1.2 picks for the next season.

With some recent rumblings about what we should do next, let’s take a look at some numbers.

[ Sheet: SWMP Rule stats ]

The main goals for me, speaking very personally, is to create engagement for all sixteen teams, to prevent tanking, and to encourage competitiveness across all of our games. Teams will certainly rise and fall, as this is a keeper league with a six player core, but over time it would seem that most everyone should be able to be competitive somehow through opportunity, effort, and of course, some luck.

As of now, some commissioners think we are unnecessarily punishing the lower tier teams, as they are the ones in most need of help. In addition, some of the teams affected by the SMWP Rule think it’s been a bit unfair that they can’t win the top overall picks. Or at least weird that the lower seeded teams want the higher seeds to win, in the case of #11-12 cheering on #9-10.

Regardless, we’ll look at all these issues. First, let’s look at some numbers and then we can have discussions, ideas, and look at revamping some stuff for next season and so on. My belief is that over a period of five years, you can at least get your team to somewhat respectability, or at least ping pong up and down the standings due to randomness.

The big question to answer is really a philosophical one: Who should the draft help? The teams that don't / can't win, or the teams that are trying but maybe too good to get the overall top picks?

SWMP Rule Results

Since the advent of the SWMP Rule era, we’ve had five seasons affected by it, not counting this 2025 season and the abbreviated 2020 season.

Here were the Toilet Bowl matchups from each of those years

Year: # Winner vs#  Loser

• 2019: #9 SBUK vs #14 SNAC
• 2021: #11 SQSQ vs #10 CHMK
• 2022: #11 CHMK vs #9 ILCN
• 2023: #10 CHMK vs #13 SPDE
• 2024: #9 SWMP vs #12 FUNK 

As you can see, either #9 or #10 have made the TB Finals every year, but we actually haven’t ever had both of the top seeds make the last game—which is good actually!

In fifteen Toilet Bowls—minus 2020 because of COVID, here are which seeds have won the whole thing:

• #9 seed (7, many)
• #10 (1, CHMK)
• #11 (3, BOMB, SQSQ, CHMK)
• #12 (1, FUNK)
• #13 (1, ABCX)
• #16 (1, FUNK)

So eight out of fifteen Toilet Bowls have been won by the top two seeds #9 and #10, five won by the middle four  #11-14 seeds, and only once by one of the worst two teams in the league.

The main purpose of the SWMP Rule was to not just gift teams that are likely too good for the Toilet Bowl a high pick. For example, SBUK in 2019 could’ve received Zion Williamson (instead of RJ Barrett) to add to a core of CJ McCollum, DeMar DeRozan, Joel Embiid, Kyrie Irving, and Rudy Gobert. Or say, adding Victor Wembanyama to the 2025 CHMK team.

Of course, the randomness of the draft has helped to even out who got the true franchise altering stars, as in hindsight, some of the RD1.1 and RD1.2 picks were not the "right" ones. See: Sheppard, Reed. Even SWMP’s double Toilet Bowl win in 2017-2018 only netted Markelle Fultz and DeAndre Ayton. So that randomness itself may be a reason to just eliminate the SWMP Rule.

The SWMP Rule has unequivocally helped give top tier picks to the middle class Toilet Bowl teams--there's always been a #11 seed or lower in the TB Finals--even if not directly to the worst few, defined as #12 seed or lower.

Bubble Teams Tanking

The second question now however, is how to prevent the playoff bubble teams from tanking. Of course, some owners will want to fight for every win, as SOUR does—and has just proven that a #8 can take out a #1 in this very playoffs. But, the temptation to tank to the Toilet Bowl when a seemingly franchise altering player is pretty great--I myself have been tempted by this. So I’d like a solution that addresses that problem.

Should we return to some sort of lottery system? Maybe have every Toilet Bowl team play for more ping pong balls or something? But still have a bit of randomness involved? Should say, seeds #7-8 get some freebie ping pong balls in the following draft, so they are not unduly punished for not being in the Toilet Bowl? Seeds that low rarely, if at all, ever win the Finals. Stat: The lowest seeded team to ever win a championship was #6, with 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears taking a title back in 2013. Oh also 2011's Human Amoebas, who made the playoffs with a 9-10 record, and would've been the #10 seed overall but made the playoffs due to conference splits. So those were the two outliers in fifteen or so years.

Some other draft related ideas:

1) Return to a Toilet Bowl where we are playing for positions, be it straight RD1.1 - RD1.8 based on TB results, or something similar. This punishes the bad teams but is also the easiest. A bad team could upset their way to the top but usually the top picks would go toward the better Toilet Bowl teams. We could add a tiering element to this, such as #9-12 play for a certain level of pick and #13-16 play for a different (higher) tier.

2) A pure lottery system, with worse teams getting better odds, and not tying the Toilet Bowl to draft picks at all. Alternately, flip it and the teams that advance in the Toilet Bowl get higher odds to win higher picks. But generally, some sort of randomized system.

3) A farther out idea is to give every team the same chance at the first picks, say 12.5% for each of the eight Toilet Bowl teams. And from there, we could add on tournament style where each win afterwards steals some % of chance from your opponent, thus making the Toilet Bowl wins and losses still count for something.

4) One of my main goals is to solve for the issue where seeds #7-8 and #9-10 are not incentivized to hit the Toilet Bowl versus facing off an uphill playoffs battle. So perhaps we could even give #7-8 teams the same lottery chances as the #9-10 teams, thus eliminating any motivation to tank.

5) A brief in-season tournament between seeds #7-8-9-10 for lottery odds, which would again, try to eliminate the bubble team tanking. Whoever wins this in-season tourney gets the lottery balls in the next draft? So they can safely push for a playoff showing? Maybe far fetched.

6) Reset every five years completely, making it less relevant who gets the highest picks in every draft since we are only building for five years at a time. I am leaning toward suggesting this as an idea. Reset every five years, with that "Grand Re-Draft" pick order determined by win-loss records from the previous five seasons?

7) There was a suggestion of tying “good” management to allowing teams to pick high. Say if you don’t hit a certain Games Played threshold, or you are seen to be mismanaging or mismanaging for a long stretch. Interesting proposition...

Overall I would still like the idea of playing three postseason games for everyone, as that keeps the trade deadline steady and free agent available for all.

SWMP Rule Sheets Explanation

TB Winners: Look at winning percentage for the sixteen franchises one the past five years.

TB Winners Keepers: A list of all the keepers that the Toilet Bowl winner had going into the following season. Plus who was picked in the following draft—usually not by them due to the SWMP Rule. (Added SWMP’s 2017-2018 season in here for comparison.)

TB Regular Season Records: This one is a little messy but it’s just the regular season win-loss records for all of the TB winners and losers.  More useful for me, but you can take a look.

Five Years Win Percentage: Self-explanatory. Most of the teams are hovering around 0.400 - 0.600, but ABCX, TRUO, and UFOS are pretty awful.

Five Years Regular Season: Again, more for me. But we can see each team’s individual regular season records over the past five years. I was looking to see if people are bouncing up and down or consistently good/bad, etc.

Five Years Moves and Games Played: The top half is Moves per year—which include post draft moves I think, or something similarly. In many cases, the low teams made just like one or two waiver grabs, if even.

The Games Played chart displays GP and also the blue number in each column is the average for that season. Overall, eleven of our teams are average or better in GP, while we have four or so lagging teams: ABCX, FUNK, MELO, UFOS.

Note: I calculated all the averages taking out the top and worst ranked teams, because for example, TRUO is such an outlier in Moves that it’s easier to calculate with that team out. So the average is really the #2-15 teams.

Tied Up!

This has to be a historic first! No, not the two 8-1 drubbings in WK15—handed out by CHMK and KSKT—but the fact that we had three matchups finish up tied. Three!

It’s rare enough that we get one tie game per week, and maybe two happened in the past but I don’t remember, but three has to be almost impossible. For example, in 2024 we had a total of three matchups tied, two in 2023, and three again from 2022. You have to go all the way back to 2020 to find six tied matchups. So, to have three tied games in one week was spectacular and a moment not to be overlooked.

MELO (10-4) vs SOUR (8-6)

The top ranked team in Russell, MELO faced off against SOUR and the two were neck-to-neck in a few categories, as REB, STL, and especially PTS was rather close! (SOUR won PTS by two.) The final tying category was TOS though, which featured Malik Monk with ten total turnovers for MELO while SOUR had Miles Bridges giving the ball away eight times. This tie could have some playoff implications too, as SOUR is on the playoff bubble!

SCRM (10-4) vs SWMP (9-5)

Our two second place teams in each respective conference faced off in a big battle and came out all tied up, as they each swiped the ball twenty-nine times. (SCRM barely won BLK by one too.) It was a battle of James Harden versus Nikola Jokic, as they had eight and nine steals each, respectively. You would think the team with steals master Dyson Daniels would’ve secured this category win but Dyson + Harden wasn’t quite enough to pull ahead of Jokic + Christian Braun. Both of these teams are playoff bound, and the tie leaves them secure in second place in their respective conferences as well. Great fight!

BUFF (7-7) TRUO (3-10-1)

Of the six teams, only TRUO had already notched a tie matchup this year, so maybe they had the experience of playing in a tight game. This was also the only matchup that tied between a 0.500 team and a sub-0.500 squad. Their big category tied was STL, with BUFF narrowly edging TRUO by just two blocks as well. It was a team wide effort on both sides for steals, with BUFF’s Jalen Brunson leading all players with five, but with many players on both teams picking up four thefts apiece. TRUO has only three wins on the season in an injury plagued year, so this tie was at least a moral victory versus a team they could potentially face in the Toilet Bowl.

Trade Machine 2017

Well that was a bummer of a NBA trade deadline. Although Boogie going to New Orleans was pretty huge. Despite the trade deadline being a lot quieter than expected, we can still look at our own league and talk about some potential trades. As always, I'm trying to drum up some potential moves!

So as everyone positions themselves for the playoffs -- or the Toilet Bowl -- what assets are they holding and/or looking to acquire? Last year we had eleven trades on the year, so far we’re up to seven in 2017. Let’s get a couple of more trades in to beat the March 12th roster lock deadline shall we? Everyone should make a trade, just for the hell of it, take a chance! We’ll be looking at teams in reverse order of moves made this year, just to encourage some owners to shift things around! [Mid-Season Reports: Voltron | Thundercats | Silverhawks | Transformers]

Team Cameltoe (6-10)
As one of the new owners in the league, Felipe has been quiet on the moves front, but that’s likely by design. The NBA trade deadline really shook things up for Cameltoe as he owns three SAC-NO players: Anthony Davis, Buddy Hield, and Willie Cauley-Stein. Even though Derrick Rose, Brook Lopez, Carmelo Anthony, Wilson Chandler, and Nick Young weren’t on the move, this roster could have been shook up even more. So far, Hield and Cauley-Stein obviously both get tons of minutes, while The Brow could see a slight decline. This team is deep though and heading into the Toilet Bowl could have some spare assets such as Chandler, Nick Young, and maybe even Elfrid Payton available for sale. Needs: A rebounder to pair with Anthony Davis, plus maybe some STL. There’s extra BLK here, so that could mean Brook Lopez’s low REB but high BLK and 3PT is a trade target.

Jedi Knights (0-15-1)
Having already made one in-season trade this year, Jedi is always game for more. Ranking low in almost every category, GM Lum just needs to acquire assets. The off-season acquisition of Jeff Teague was a good one and he’s now the team’s best player on the team. Could Teague be sold for an extra draft pick or two? Also, Markieff Morris is balling out lately with 19.1 PTS, 8.3 REB, 1.8 3PT in the past month so he could be a target for a contender who needs a nice buff. Or most likely is Thad Young, who is averaging a sweet 1.8 STL from the wing. Won't somebody come give Jedi some talent?

Sager’s Suits and Ties (3-13)
New owner Matt has only made one pickup this season: Adding Al Jefferson and dropping Willie Cauley-Stein back in November. That’s not looking so hot now with DeMarcus out of Sacramento. But no matter, Sager’s Suits and Ties are on the come up and looking to make some noise in the Toilet Bowl as they slowly heal up. For one, Blake back! SST could use some extra PTS, REB, 3PT or maybe they’ll just accept their losses in those categories and think about moving Lou Williams, who has a ton of value but isn’t likely a keeper heading into next season. Who couldn’t use 18.6 PTS and 2.1 3PT for their post-season run? For all the talk about no point guard post-dispersal draft, Matt’s team is actually pretty good in AST but could use a better long term option at the position. Fact: STT is ranked number two in FG% meaning they can take on some poor shooters if necessary!

Snack Bears (3-13)
Brandon’s team already participated in a major trade this season, but word on the street is that he could be looking for another deal. Snack just beat our lone undefeated team with a big man lineup but going into the future what they really need is a point guard or two as they are very low in 3PT, AST, and STL. So if they are looking to balance out their lineup some, perhaps someone wants to move for Dwight Howard? Even in his post-prime, Howard is averaging 12.6 PTS, 12.6 REB, and about a block and steal per game, along with tremendous FG%. So if you’re looking for a small-to-big trade, this is the team to talk to! Rumors also swirl that Evan Fournier is on the block for a guard who does less scoring, but provides more defensive stats.

Fob Stars (8-8)
This team was shaken up in the mega-three teamer a month ago but is fighting hard for the Chamberlain Conferencee wild card playoff spot so another move could be possible. For one, Marcin Gortat and Tyson Chandler are both oldies averaging over ten rebounds a game. They’re very similar players at this point, with Gortat scoring more. If you need a bump in big man stats, Gortat is your target. Also there is the astounding James Johnson, who absolutely fills up the box score but likely isn’t a keeper, so he could be available. And for real cheap help, maybe Trevor Ariza’s 3PT/STL combination intrigues you? We aren’t quite sure how Fob looks post-mega trade it seems like they could use one less scoring type — Ryan Anderson, Tobias Harris, Jamal Murray — in exchange for someone who gets some more defensive stats.

Team Spade (11-5)
Damn Randall was quick to snatch Tim Frazier off the free agent pile! Having cycled through love/hate relationships with John Henson, Ty Lawson, and CJ Miles all season long, let’s hope Spade has found a useful piece in Frazier for the stretch run. The thing is, this contender already has a lot of guard stats, and could probably use more frontline help — especially in BLK. With Kevin Love out for awhile, there’s a dearth of REB too. Could someone like Jrue Holiday, JJ Redick, or even Kyle Korver net Randall some frontline insurance? We think so, as they have a pretty big glut of smalls and is working with the likes of Ersan Ilyasova and Jared Sullinger at the back end of their roster.

Another Bad Creation (7-9)
It’s likely a non-winning team will take Transformers division this year, as ABC is tied with Squirtle Squad at 7-9 for the division title and a post-season spot. After starting off 6-2, ABC has gone 1-7 the past two months and they desperately need a shakeup. It seems like Oliver’s squad has a lot of scoring and is pretty even across the board, but they could use REB help as their top guy there is Kevin Durant with 8.3 per game — where are you on the boards LaMarcus Aldridge?! There’s a couple of useful pieces here that might intrigue someone, namely all-offense bigs like Dirk Nowitzki, Greg Monroe, and Jahlil Okafor. What ABC desperately needs is a point guard option to carry them through the rest of the season as Tony Parker is not the solution. Do we hear a team with lots of spare point guard options coming (should TJ McConnell come back to the team) to call on ABC? Let’s hope so!

LA Buffy (5-10-1)
It’s been a weird season for Buffy as they have picked up some good wins but also lost to Snack Bears handily and somehow managed to tie Jedi Knights in W15. Roger’s been busy since the year started and has been mining the free agent wire for potential finds. This team is decent in most categories but is very weak in AST, STL, and BLK. Even with the return of Khris Middleton that won’t change much. With Isaiah Thomas almost single handedly carrying this team, Buffy is just looking to make a Toilet Bowl run to grab another high pick. If they swing the other way though, and go for more of a rebuild, they have a little bit of everything on offer. REB? Zach Randolph or Kenneth Faried. BLK? Robin Lopez. All-around glue guy? Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. PTS? Maybe Danilo Gallinari or George Hill is available. Even the recently hot Bojan Bogdanovic could add something to a contender. Lots of options here while this team has some clear weak spots to easily negotiate around and fill.

Funk Coalition (6-10)
In the midst of another major roster balancing, Funk has gone 0.500 since a 0-4 start to the season. That's not bad! All their big men are gone and now they’re finally getting their recent trade assets back to health. If Ben Simmons return anytime in the next month, Jon’s team could have a shot at more Toilet Bowl glory. Having said that, there’s also a clear need for another point guard type here as there’s no backup behind injury prone D’Angelo Russell. Kent Bazemore has been playing pretty good post-Korver trade, but what this team really has on offer is either Nerlens Noel (yet to pay dividends from a draft day trade) or Derrick Favors, neither of whom has made much of an impact pre-All Star break but could be lined up for a better second half. If you got a spare point guard, come talk to me!

Swamp Dragons (9-7)
In a dog fight for the wild card spot in Russell Conference, the Swampies need a break as they are finishing up the year against two super contenders from their own division. Losing Jabari Parker for the year really hurts but there’s a chance Jusuf Nurkic just got a new lease on fantasy life with this trade to Portland. Well balanced, Eddie’s team is mostly lacking in BLK, with Robert Covington basically leading this team in that category. Looking over the roster, there’s not much Swamp needs, outside of maybe an upgrade on the erratic Reggie Jackson, who has been injured. Most likely though, Swamp looks like a seller, as they have some likely non-keeper assets that could be moved for other assets. Anyone want to roll the dice on Jackson returning to form? Or maybe buy-in on Malcolm Brodgon or Willy Hernangomez?

Chunky Monkeys (15-1)
Our Cavaliers to Sour Snails’ Warriors, there’s two true contender this year and now that Evan and Trieu have both lost a game apiece, they’re eyeing each other for some pre-playoff moves. So any trade these GMs make would be likely aimed at taking each other down. Toward that end, Chunky trails Snails in PTS, REB, STL, and FT%. Do they double down on their strengths or push to catch up in those categories? The big Serge Ibaka to Toronto trade likely gives him more playing time, which will really help Monkey’s frontline. The Otto Porter fleecing earlier this year has been delicious, quietly making Jae Crowder redundant and a trade chip. With Chunkys all-in for a title, the likes of Seth Curry and Clint Capela should be available for cheap and maybe a package of Crowder, Curry, and Capela can net them the right piece for their championship hopes. Curry and Capela are definitely not gonna be keepers on this team, but could be on a lower tier squad. So, who wants to trade now for later?

Fat Jubas (11-5)
As the second best team in Chamberlain Conference — and one of only two teams in Chamberlain with a winning record — Eric’s team is the default dark horse to take out Sour Snails before this year's Finals. Their WK8 matchup was actually pretty close, with a few percentage points in both categories and a handful of PTS, 3PT, and TO going Trieu’s way. Jubas will get another look at Snails in the regular season closer, and maybe they’ll be able to hone down what else they need to complete a playoff upset. Of course, that’s assuming they’re healthy. Right now there’s five players on the roster who are hurt, with Chris Paul and Pau Gasol coming back soon. Analysts have determined that what Jubas needs right now is STL/BLK, and they are likely shopping some scoring to get it. Does Austin Rivers or Will Barton interest you? Or maybe a bigger deal for Harrison Barnes or Jonas Valanciunas? Jubas has plenty of PTS but not enough defensive stats. So, who’s selling swipes and blocks and willing to help Jubas dethrone the defending back-to-back champs?!

So Buckets (9-7)
In a dogfight with Swamp Dragons for a playoff spot, So Buckets has hit a 1-3 swoon and needs to finish strong to return to the playoffs. To be honest, they don’t really need much, as this is a well assembled roster post-CJ McCollum acquisition. The bigger question is how often Joel Embiid plays down the stretch and how much better Aaron Gordon will get now that Orlando’s front court has been cleared a bit. Josh’s team has six clear keepers, which leaves rookie Dario Saric on the outside looking in. Here’s the thing: Saric is good! With recent averages of 16.8 PTS, 6.9 REB, 1.8 3PT on good percentages, Saric could maintain his value even with Embiid and Ben Simmons around. So who might want to make a movie for a potential keeper? Or does someone trying to make a push want to take a look at Jamal Crawford’s offense for a rental? I guess a lot depends on if So Buckets makes the playoffs or not, as a fall into the Toilet Bowl might entice them to keep their roster intact to make a run at a top draft pick.

Squirtle Squad (7-9)
Brian’s been making a lot of moves this year, thirty "adds" to be exact, more than doubling the league average. (FYI: The league averag is sixteen, although if you take out Thien’s huge outlier number of sixty-three, the average drops to about thirteen adds per owner). A lot of this is due to them battling for a division title and a playoff spot, and they’ve done well in going 3-1 in recent weeks, picking up steam against division rival Another Bad Creation. GM Brian has also savvily been stocking his roster with upside as he plans for a future with Giannis Antetokounmpo leading the way. With that in mind, Squirtles are holding onto rookies Marquese Chriss, Thon Maker, Caris LeVert, and Denzel Washington even though none of them are really fantasy relevant yet.

You know who doesn’t fit with this youth movement? Thirty year old Goran Dragic! With averages of 20.3 PTS, 6.2 AST, 1.6 3PT, Dragic could be a very useful piece for a contender -- traded away last year for the opposite reason -- and we just mentioned how many teams need point guards. With Zach LaVine out for the year anyway (leaving this team very light in the 3PT department), Squirtles could look to shed a veteran to better align their team with their bright future. Or they could just sit tight and win the Toilet Bowl and go draft a franchise guard as the perfect complement to Dark Giannis.

Sour Snails (15-1)
And now we get down to the two brothers who are whipping us all in moves and free agent grabs. While Trieu has only sifted through the free agent pile five more times than Squirtle, they’ve assembled a hell of a productive bench. A bench full of guards! Dion Waiters has been on fire while Darren Collison and Tim Hardaway Jr. have also been quietly excellent. And then there’s TJ McConnell and D-League sensation Yogi Ferrell who has just inherited the Dallas starting gig. Having Avery Bradley injured hasn’t made this team miss a beat and that could make Bradley open for offers. We’re not sure how Snails will look to three-peat against the LeBron-led Monkeys, but rumors are that they want to upgrade their frontline and could move some of these extra guards to improve on Gorgui Dieng and Juancho Hernangomez to better combat Evan's bigs. So, who needs some guards, selling them right here!

Against All Odds (12-4)
A recent name change from Dragon Warriors declares Thien’s mission for the year: upset championship, assemble the true believers! With Boogie leading the way, can Against All Odds make it to the Finals again and try for their first title? Well, it’s not for lack of trying! GM Thien has gone through sixty-three "adds" this seasons so far and is our leader in Games Played. However, there’s only five sure keepers on this team — pre-draft trade acquisition Jordan Clarkson was kept this season but he could be challenged by Gary Harris or Mason Plumlee — and that leaves room for AAO to upgrade. For one, they have an excess of REB, AST, and STL. And while they aren’t outright bad anywhere except FG%, they could use a boost in BLK if they wanted to, as they only have Cousins and Plumlee averaging less than 2.5 BLK combined. We don’t know what kind of deals AAO could be interested in but maybe a big could work, with an injured Rudy Gay on the block or maybe a two-for-one with some of those aforementioned side pieces to consolidate. Either way, congrats to the best manager and coach in the league, Thien!

Panic Time!?!

It’s only two months into the season, with more than half the regular season to go, but we’re a little worried for our bottom dwellers. These four teams have a combined three wins, and two of those were against each other. So, um, what now? So we’re gonna play some Dr. Jack — or is it Dr. Kevorkian — and see what might be fixed for these sad sack losers, one from each division!

Snack Bears (0-8)
Last year, fantasy rookie Brandon surprised everyone with a nice 10-9 record and a playoff berth. Well, thing aren’t looking quite as rosy this season, and the Snack Bears have yet to notch a single win under their new name. Statistically, they’re dead last in AST, third-to-last in PTS, 3PT, and STL. The good news is, they do have some strong categories, as they are an above average fourth in FG%, BLK, and TOs.

Obviously, there’s still a strong base of big men here, as Dwight Howard is having a fantastic year — 14.2 PTS, 13.0 REB, 1.5 BLK, 1.0 STL, 63.2 FG% — and Bismack Biyombo serves a a nice backup. The problem has been the play of Derrick Favors, who has been injured and recovering basically all season. That has left a scoring hole in the frontline, one that even fantasy unicorn Kristaps Porzingis can’t fix.

The thing is, there’s the outlines of a decent team here, as Evan Fournier and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope are both do-everything shooting guard types, but with only eight games from Jeremy Lin, it’s been tough for this team to gel — even with Brandon Jennings being not half-bad. 2017 first round pick Dragan Bender hasn’t seen much playing time, and it’s just a waiting game with fellow rookies Domantas Sabonis and Jaylen Brown waiting around.

Prescription: Wait and see, this is the rebuilding year Brandon was in for, just one season delayed. There’s some good talent on this team, and with the return of Lin and Favors, their first season victory can’t be that far away.

Jedi Knights (0-8)
The Knights haven’t had a win in over a year and with the Rogue One movie being a little flat (personal opinion), we’re thinking the there won’t be a victory in all of 2016 for Jedi. And somehow, Otto Porter, who hasn’t been on this team in over a month, leads Jedis in games played… Also that trade is looking pretty bad, as Joakim Noah has averaged 4.5 PTS, 6.4 REB, 0.8 BLK since then — although Patty Mills has been pretty decent during that span. Either way, Porter wasn’t going to make or break this team anyway.

What the Knights are really lacking are big men, as they’re dead last in REB, BLK, and FG%. (Also last in PTS, and second-to-last in 3PT). There’s some backcourt talent, as Jeff Teague is at least an average point guard, and Emmanuel Mudiay and rookie Kris Dunn are still growing. It would be awful nice if Brandon Knight were freed from Phoenix, but that doesn’t look likely. The stretch PF duo of Thaddeus Young and Markieff Morris are basically interchangeable, except for Young having a far superior FG%. And um, that’s about it here.

Prescription: It’s conceivable some of these young assets could be spun off for a center type, but maybe patience is the answer. And tanking, as next year’s NBA draft is loaded with franchise guys, and nobody needs a franchise guy more than Jedi Knights right now. To steal a win this season, maybe GM Chris could go for small ball?

Sager’s Suit and Ties (1-7)
First off, R.I.P. to Craig Sager, whose recent passing was sad for all. And you know what else is sad? His namesake team’s one win this season. At least Sager’s Suit and Ties have a victory this season — against an okay opponent too — and they have the effervescent hope of a new fan base. Plus, this team should be better, as they are pretty talented. They even filled the PG hole we were worried about post-draft, as Louis Williams and Patrick Beverley form a nice offense/defense combo. Flanking them in the backcourt are Bradley Beal and Victor Oladipo, who are both scoring and dropping in plenty of threes — and Rodney Hood has been Oladipo-lite this season. Also, Trevor Booker has been a rebound machine.

And we haven’t even gotten to the stars here yet, as Draymond Green and Blake Griffin are no fantasy slouches. While Green’s PTS has dropped precipitously, his ancillary stats are still amazing, and Griffin has mostly returned to his pre-injury form (until he just got hurt for three-to-six weeks). All that and Suit and Ties have Steven Adams and Enes Kanter also doing their defense/offense switcheroo. Overall though, S&T can’t quite get it together yet, and are good at STL and TO, but bad at PTS, 3PT, FT%, and BLK.

Prescription: Maybe a trade could be in order, to shuffle some pieces? There seem to be a lot of shooting types, and some consolidation on the frontline could help. Then again, with this much talent around, maybe it’ll take just a few adjustments from coach Matt to find his ideal lineup.

Funk Coalition (2-6)
Is it time to pull the plug on big ball? This year’s Funk team is third in FG%, second in REB, sixth in BLK and 12th in AST plus 13th in STL. Aside from TOs, those are the categories Funk needs to win to collect any victories. Because they’re pretty much dead last everywhere else. And those two wins are very misleading, as they’ve come against the two 0-8 teams.

The frontline here is still good, with Karl-Anthony Towns doing everything, and Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan doing what they always do. But so far the trade away of Tobias Harris looks pretty bad, even though Nerlens Noel has nominally returned to the court. The most disappointing thing this year has been Ricky Rubio and Rajon Rondo, who are averaging sub-7 assists each, a huge drop for both. And the horrific shooting of Rubio, Rondo, Marcus Smart, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, and Evan Turner is negating all the big men’s efficient FG%. Oh yeah, and while Pau Gasol hasn’t been All-Star calibre this season, he has been much better than the combined efforts of Hollis-Jefferson and Turner, who he was traded for mid-draft.

Hope is on the horizon though, as this team was built to lose the first month, or two, or three. Noel is slowly coming back (and agitating for a trade), Tyreke Evans took the court recently, and there’s been a Ben Simmons sighting at practice. All this could been a big second half for Funk, but we won’t hold our breath.
Prescription: Blow it all up! But seriously, does anyone wanna trade if Jon dismantles big ball? Centers for everyone! Or at least take Rondo/Rubio off his hands!

Also, here’s a mega-four team losers trade that could help everyone. Who says no!?

• Snack Bears: Receive Jeff Teague, Steven Adams, Rajon Rondo / Ricky Rubio 
• Jedi Knights: Receive Dwight Howard, Bismack Biyombo, Louis Williams
• Sager’s Suit and Ties: Receive DeAndre Jordan, Thaddeus Young, Brandon Knight
• Funk Coalition: Receive Kentavious Caldwell-Pope / Evan Fournier, Patrick Beverly, Trevor Booker

The Trade Machine

It’s been a semi-quiet SlamNation season, especially after the blockbuster moves earlier this year.
As a league, I think we have at least three more trades in us before the regular season ends. Am I going to personally push everyone to get on the trade chatter? YES! Feel free to email, text, AIM chat, GroupMe, whatever. Let’s get some trades in! For my part, I will present some suggestions, ideas, and basically some ready-to-go trades that should happen. Like right now. Just unwrap, heat up in the microwave, and they’re good to eat.

Big for Small
There’s a few teams who are just overloaded on the front line, or the backcourt. We’ve heard that Sour Snails and Chunky Monkeys are both looking to shed some guards for big men to pair with their solitary men in the middle — DeMarcus Cousins for Snails, Marc Gasol for Monkeys. With plenty of shooting and smaller types to spare, teams such as Fob Stars, Buffy, Half Man Half ImAsian, Funk Coalition, MoRRie’s Pogiboys should hook up with Snails, Monkeys, and Beast Brawlers.

Pogiboys in particular have way too many BLK, almost 40% more than their next closest competitor. Any of the bottom five BLK teams want to pony up for Miles Plumlee, John Henson, or even Brook Lopez? Pogiboys could have seven to eight keepers on their hands, why not move a few pieces now for draft picks? Perhaps John Henson (or Roy Hibbert) for Nicolas Batum or an injured Ryan Anderson? Another big for small move: Eron, Joven, Chandler has five PF types -- Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, Derrick Favors, Jeff Green, Enes Kanter -- but a hole at guard. Who says no to Brandon Knight for Enes Kanter and pieces?

Here’s a most logical trade. Half Man Half ImAsian already have LaMarcus Aldridge, Greg Monroe, Anderson Varejao, and an injured Javale McGee while ranking overboard in REB. They need some 3PT/AST and basically a point guard who is better than Mario Chalmers. Couldn’t Chunky Monkeys swap Jeff Teague, Jrue Holiday, or Goran Dragic over there for a big? Sure they could! Greg Monroe and Mario Chalmers for Jrue Holiday? Who says no!

Category Flips and Flops
A savvy owner told me that it takes about thirty 3PT to win in that category per week. Using 330 3PTs as the cutoff, that leaves LA Buffy and Squirtle Squad as the teams with just the right amount of outside shooting. They are sixth and seventh ranked in 3PT, respectively. Jedi Knights, Half Man Half ImAsian, Fob Stars, and Funk Coalition fall far beneath that standard. Should they target some tasty treats like Ryan Anderson, Jose Calderon, Channing Frye (NJ All-Stars), Klay Thompson, Trevor Ariza (Sour Snails), Kyle Korver (Spade), and our most recent fifty point scorer, Terrence Ross (Beast Brawlers)? I fail to believe that all four top 3PT teams need so much shooting on their roster.

The same goes for every non-percentage category! Beast Brawlers should trade in some of that excess 3PT for REB, where they are ranked third-to-last. And Fat Jubas, why hold all the AST when you can easily give some to Inept Henchmen, who are just dying for a serviceable point guard in Derrick Rose’s absence. Sample: Jamal Crawford for Kendall Marshall, who says no?

Jedi has some extra STL with Thaddeus Young (2.1) and Jimmy Butler (2.0). Is Chris Bosh for Thad Young crazy? Would Young for Squirtle Squad’s Bradley Beal make sense? Speaking of, Squirtles need some scoring. They’re ranked second-to-last. Plus they would welcome some REB and STL too. They’ve got the Greek Freak but he’s likely not for sale. How about Wilson Chandler though? He’s averaging 14.2 PTS, 4.9 REB, and 2.0 3PT, as well as a smattering of BLK/STL for Squirtles. I think we have an Evan Turner destination! Alert So Buckets. Or could we get fancy with Bradley Beal for DeMar DeRozan? A slight uptick in ancillary stuff from DeRozan in exchange for some 3PT from Beal? Sounds good to me.

Categories is the easiest place to find potential trades, as it’s simple to see what you’re lacking. C’mon guys, moving sideways is a great way to be! Let's try some position for position trades...

Old for Young
There are some useful veterans that have no place on a rebuilding roster. Number one, Inept Henchmen is 4-8-1 and looking for future assets. Nobody can use Dirk Nowitzki’s 21.2 PTS, 6.0 REB, 1.6 3PT, 1.0 STL, 0.7 BLK, and sterling percentages? How about Tim Duncan? A very useful 14.8 PTS, 9.8 REB, and 2.0 BLK. Dirk and Duncan are 35 and 37 year old respectively but they’ve got another year or two left right?

For some lesser pieces, how about Carlos Boozer or Zach Randolph? Both are 32 years old with no upside left but still plenty of production. For example, Randolph is averaging 17.0 PTS and 10.7 REB. Nobody wants that? We’d love to see one of the contenders make a move here. Heck, maybe 36 year old Manu Ginobili and his 12.6 PTS, 4.6 AST, 1.4 3PT, and 1.0 STL could be the piece to put someone over the top? Or the similarly aged Paul Pierce? Actually, Buffy’s entire roster has some old parts that could use replacing. Jameer Nelson’s 6.7 AST, Boozer’s 15.0 PTS/8.4 REB, Vince Carter’s 1.5 3PT?

Also, maybe Eron, Joven and Chandler can fill in a hole at center by moving one of their young bigs for something while chasing a division title and a playoff spot. Again, Enes Kanter and his upside for something? Here’s a beautiful old for new: Dirk Nowitzki for Andre Iguodala, Kawhi Leonard, Klay Thompson, or Tobias Harris. Just throwing some ideas out there. Anyone got other oldies on a roster to trade? Derek Fisher?

Kobe Konundrum
This is a very specific category. Everyone hates Kobe except for Lakers fans. Current Kobe owner Randall isn’t a Lakers fan. (Smart man.) Seeing as Kobe just signed a ridiculous extension, he’s going to be around for at least another two seasons. Would a Lakers fan such as Fob Stars, Beast Brawlers, Buffy, or Sour Snails want to take on Kobe for his twilight years? Of course! Who says no: Buffy trades Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer to Spade for Kobe Bryant. Spade needs some healthy bodies now while Buffy is out of contention and can hang out with Kobe as he recovers. That's basically what Roger does in real life anyway right?

Some other ideas:

• Should NJ All-Stars cash in on Nerlens Noel now for a useful piece this year? Noel is not going to help in 2014 but Dirk, Duncan, or Randolph could probably give Eddie’s team a boost on the front line. The All-Stars are 9-4 and are one game back in their division, plus they could be poised to be the Russell Conference favorites as Spade stumbles due to injury. Also, they potentially have some extra keepers so it behooves them to trade someone now instead of during the off-season.
• Great idea: Zach Randolph and Dion Waiters for Dwayne Wade and Terrence Ross. A REB boost for Beast Brawlers as they unload Wade and his 75% games played while Fob Stars can get some added 3PT and position versatility from Ross for Waiters.
• Fat Jubas and Buffy should hook up for a trade as Buffy has all sorts of bigs to fill-in Jubas’ hole in the middle. Or maybe Jubas makes a push for Jedi Knight’s DeAndre Jordan with Gordon Hayward as bait? Jordan’s 2.4 BLK either need some support or he could be a spare piece. If support, why not a David Lee for Pau Gasol trade? So Buckets get a younger guy while Jedi Knights get some extra BLK to pair with Jordan. Or flip it the other way and go DeAndre for Pau, so the monstrous BLK pairing of Larry Sanders and DeAndre Jordan can happen.
• Does anyone want to spin the bottle on Derrick Rose? Is Rose cursed forever or could he return to All NBA status? Guess who’s poised to find out? Fob Stars! They have Isaiah Thomas, Kemba Walker, Trey Burke, and Dion Waiters, all promising options in the backcourt. Wouldn’t Trevor take the spin on a 2-for-1 to get Rose? Heck, do a 3-for-1. How about Derrick Rose for Trey Burke, Kemba Walker, and Marcin Gortat (or Zach Randolph). Tell me, who says no?! Fob Stars gambles on getting a top tier star while Inept Henchmen get, well, pieces to flesh out a roster short on pieces. I’m so excited about this deal I could cry.
• Blockbuster alert! How about this doozy: Eron, Joven and Chandler trade Blake Griffin to Squirtle Squad for Serge Ibaka. On the surface it’s maybe a little unfair by name, but hear me out. Griffin averages 22.8 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.1 STL, and shoots 52.7 FG%. Serge Ibaka is only the third best player on his team and averages 14.7 PTS, 8.9 REB, and 2.5 BLK. That BLK number is the key here though. Ibaka can almost win the entire category by himself some weeks, but he’s the lone guy averaging over 1.1 BLK on this team. Squirtle desperately needs a high scorer and Griffin fits the bill despite his lack of BLK and his poor FT%. EJC has a ton of bigs but is lacking another shot blocker, plus they have a bit of excess points. Could this happen? I dunno Lucas and Brian, you guys down?
• Kevin Garnett to Funk Coalition. Done. And I’ll take Paul Pierce too. Thanks. I think we should all do an “over the hill but he's from my favorite team” swap. I have Steve Nash for all you Suns fans out there...

How's That Draft Class?

All the pundits are saying that this has been the least productive NBA class in awhile. Injuries have decimated some top names and incompetence and inopportunity have waylayed most of the rest. I thought I’d take a look at our “lottery” picks, the top eight non-playoff teams, and who they drafted. Plus grades, of course.

1. Ben McLemore (Half Man Half ImAsian)
Oliver’s team is off to a fast 7-4 start, and looks to be headed to the post-season. Their prized 2014 rookie Ben McLemore, the prize for their 2013 Toilet Bowl win, isn’t exactly the reason for their success. McLemore, touted as NBA ready and seen as an instant contributor, has been stuck playing only 25 minutes a game for the Kings. His averages of 8.0 PTS, 2.9 REB, 1.2 3PT on 36.0 FG% isn’t exactly inspiring. Stuck behind Marcus Thornton in the rotation, it doesn’t look like McLemore will get the chance to break out this season as his minutes seem restricted. Little Ben is averaging a paltry 4.9 PTS in his last fifteen games, ouch.
Grade: C-


2. Victor Oladipo (MoRRie’s Pogiboys)
Alvin’s team has drifted to the bottom of the Voltron standings due to injuries to big men Anthony Davis and Brook Lopez. The good news is that Oladipo is playing some solid minutes, 30.7 a game, and is contributing across the board with 13.2 PTS, 4.2 REB, 3.6 AST, 1.5 STL, 0.9 3PT, and 0.7 BLK. His FG% is low and his TO are high, but that’s to be expected of any rookie. With second round pick and fellow NBA rookie Otto Porter Jr. totally floundering, having Oladipo in the Rookie of the Year race must be very soothing for Pogi. More importantly, is this franchise headed toward a third straight Toilet Bowl finals!?!
Grade: B+

3+4. Michael Carter-Williams & Jimmy Butler (Jedi Knights)
The Knights already have three wins so far this season, tying their win total from last year. A lot of the credit for that success must go to their great draft picks at #3 and #4 overall. MCW started off the season with a bang, and despite some injury woes, has played 26 games to the tune of 17.5 PTS, 7.0 AST, 5.8 REB, a league leading 2.7 STL, plus 1.0 3PT and 0.7 BLK a game. Sure his FG% is 41.4% but that’s fine. Carter-Williams is the far and away fantasy R.O.Y. favorite and he gives this team an electric guard to build around. As for Butler, much was expected of him in a breakout year but he’s struggled with injuries and inconsistency. His best contribution right now is 1.8 STL per game, as his 12.1 PTS, 4.1 REB, 1.0 3PT are merely average. Plus he’s shooting 38.1 FG%. Butler will get plenty of touches and opportunity to up his numbers however, as Derrick Rose is out for the season and Luol Deng just got moved to Cleveland. Jedi Knights had a hell of a draft!
Grade: A-

5. Cody Zeller (Eron, Joven and Chandler)
Fourth overall NBA pick Cody Zeller currently sits on our free agency pile, ready to be picked up by anyone. In his 16.9 minutes of play, he’s averaging 5.1 PTS, 3.9 REB, and um, well, whatever. He’s had only one double digit scoring game in his last thirteen games and his high for rebounds is seven. The good news is he’s shooting 36.9 FG%. Oh wait… EJC, the current Transformers division leader after two down years, never even put Zeller in a game, and cut him way back on November 19th. Since then Cody has rotated through four other franchises already -- So Buckets, Funk Coalition, Beast Brawlers, and Squirtle Squad. If you want to give Zeller a swirl, he’s VERY available. But you’d better check out this video first.
Grade: D-

6. Anthony Bennett (Funk Coalition)
If you thought Zeller was a bust, how about a #1 overall NBA pick averaging 10.4 minutes a game and “producing” 2.4 PTS and 2.2 REB. Bennett was mocked for not hitting a field goal until his fifth NBA game. He’s also currently shooting 26.9 FG%. We would laugh but as the Bennett owner, this is not funny. It hasn’t been Bennett's fault that Funk is 3-8, but he's shown no signs of life whatsoever. Why is Notorious S.U.C.K. even on a roster still? Jon must really be desperate.
Grade: F

7. Brandon Knight (Beast Brawlers)
Before the season, we thought it was a pretty savvy gamble for Thien to draft Knight, who was slated for a starting position in Milwaukee. After dealing with some early season bumps, Knight has emerged to average 19.8 PTS, 4.9 AST, 4.7 REB, 1.5 3PT, 1.5 STL on 44.0 FG% for his last month. Not bad! While his season long stats aren’t nearly that good, Knight has been a steady contributor for Voltron leading Beast Brawlers. While Knight may not have the upside of some of the rookies, he’s still only in his third season and could remain the Bucks’ starter for some time. Wonderful value pick.
Grade: B

8. Trey Burke (Fob Stars)
After starting off 0-3, Jimmy’s team has gone 4-4 and righted the ship pretty well. In related news, Burke came off injury to start his NBA career in late November. While there were some questions about Burke’s athleticism and fit at point guard, he’s proven his skeptics wrong and is averaging 13.3 PTS, 5.3 AST, 3.3 REB, 1.5 3PT during his rookie year. His shooting is putrid at 38.8 FG% but his TOs are pretty low for a rookie point guard, at just 1.9 per game. While he’s still struggling with lingering injuries, it’s clear that Burke was a steal at #8 in the SlamNation draft.
Grade: B+

Rise of the Decepticons

Seven weeks in, the standings for this volatile division are exactly inverted from how they ended up last season. Up is down, down is up. Let’s take a look! [Pre-season Transformers look]

Eron, Joven, and Chandler (5-2)
In their second season in SlamNation, EJC jumped out of the gates at 4-1 before drifting a little back to Earth recently. Still, they’ve faced four other 5-2 teams and emerged a respectable 2-2 against them. Holding their own against tough competition is the mark of a team that’s going to compete all year long. For a franchise that only notched six wins all last season — and a mere five wins in 2012 — this winning stretch has to be reassuring.

EJC is the rare team led exclusively by forwards. Blake Griffin, Carmelo Anthony, Jeff Green, and Derrick Favors lead the team in GP and the top eight player rotation consists of six players with some type of forward eligibility! Ricky Rubio paces the team in AST and STL but Eron, Joven and Chandler are pretty weak there, ranking near the bottom of the league in both categories. However, all those big men mean they are high on REB/BLK, and there’s plenty of scoring on-board too. Nick Young and Ray Allen are around to sling some 3PT but short of Danny Granger coming back strong, EJC is lacking in the backcourt department something awful. Derrick Favors has emerged to the tune of 13.5 PTS, 9.2 REB, 1.4 BLK, 1.2 STL, and 52.2 FG%. While his Jazz teammate Enes Kanter hasn’t fared nearly as well, GM Lucas was able to unearth Jordan Hill for some excellent hustle stats. We’re still not entirely sold on the Green for Jeff Teague swap, but there’s not denying that this team has been rolling and will remain in contention for a division title.

Half Man Half ImAsian (5-2)
Nipping at EJC’s heels is Half Man Half ImAsian, who has some very interesting statistical strengths and weaknesses. They currently lead the league in REB and FG%, are strong in FT%/BLK/TO, and can’t shoot 3PT or accumulate any AST. On paper, this team is suffering from erratic help from anyone not named Kevin Durant, LaMarcus Aldridge, or Greg Monroe. There’s an especially big hole at point guard as the rotating spot features Randy Foye, Nate Robinson, and one game of Mario Chalmers. That’s not good. Tony Allen and rookie Ben McLemore share the shooting guard and backup guard positions but with J.J. Redick out, both have been pressed into service. There's no easy way to say this: McLemore has been quite disappointing. Could Oliver already be regretting drafting McLemore #1 overall ahead of Victor Oladipo, Michael Carter-Williams, and Trey Burke?

The good news is that Amir Johnson has been throwing up some eye popping stat lines during his last seven games: 17.1 PTS, 8.1 REB, 1.6 BLK. Along with Anderson Varejao, Johnson has helped mitigate the loss of JaVale McGee. And of course, Ersan Ilyasova won’t heat up till March or April as has now become tradition. All in all, Half Man Half ImAsian has become an intriguing semi-big ball team with Aldridge having a career year, plus the Monroe, Varejao, Johnson trio punishing front lines. Coming off a seven win season last year, they are just happy to be trending upward. However, how far can this team go with such a weak backcourt? Seriously, Randy Foye has played a team leading seven games at lead guard. Someone trade this team a point guard!

Squirtle Squad (3-4)
We thought Squirtle Squad would have their typical stroll into the playoffs but it looks like they’ve lost too many pieces this off-season and are struggling to stay around 0.500. Some of the regression has been by design, as Brian went heavy on young additions. However, Tobias Harris has been injured, Patrick Beverly averages nice STL but is stuck in a time share, rookie Kelly Olynyk hasn’t been near ready, and Brandan Wright is averaging 19.0 PTS but he’s only suited up for one game. Add in injury plagued Deron Williams and Bradley Beal and it’s easy to see why Squirtles have been hurting, and have gone 1-3 over their past four weeks.

So far Squirtles are ranked low in FG% and FT%, can’t REB or STL, and are absolute last in PTS. They have Serge Ibaka keeping them average in BLK but he needs more help than Nikola Vucevic can provide him with. Vucevic has been a 14.1 PTS, 11.4 REB, 1.1 STL, 1.0 BLK, 53.1 FG% monster so far though. (It would have been intersting to see this frontline with Brook Lopez and/or Greg Monroe still on board.) There is a silver lining to all this though. Williams, Harris, and Beal are all back from injury. The Greek Freak, Giannis Antetokounmpo, has been getting some playing time and that could prove very interesting very soon. With all his pieces back, Brian could soon pilot his slow starting team back to the top. We wouldn’t bet any money against that happening certainly. Greeeeek Freeeeeak!

LA Buffy (2-5)
We tried to say that Buffy was over the hill two years ago. They subsequently went 13-6 the following year and almost won a championship. Now they’ve lost four of their last five and are about to go three rounds against teams that are currently 17-4 on the season. They are last in FG%, last in STL, don’t have any areas of strengths save slightly above average in REB/BLK, and have suffered nagging or long term injuries to seven players who have suited up for them. Currently I see four players with “O” next to their Active Stats page.

There isn’t a 20.0 ppg scorer in sight. Heck, Joe Johnson leads this team in GP and points per game with 15.5 per game. Tim Duncan, Carlos Boozer, and Chris Bosh are all taking it easy so far this season for a variety of reasons -- and none of them are young. The only bright spot has been Tristan Thompson, who has been a nice surprise with 11.4 PTS, 10.0 REB, and um, 43.3 FG%. For a team of mostly big men, ranking last in FG% is embarrassing. Jeremy Lin has found his NBA game returned to him but quite frankly, Jameer Nelson has probably been a better fantasy point guard. Kirk Hinrich and Raymond Felton have been thrown into the fire, but both are, as you guessed: injured. Buffy isn’t headed toward a lost season necessarily but it could be time for a revamp or perhaps a reevaluation at least. Then again, last time we doubted Roger he came back strong so it's probably time to shut my mouth. Go Buffy!

Everyone is a Winner/Loser

Well this is exciting. The entire Voltron division is 2-4, with no clear winners or losers. While it’s great that everyone in SlamNation has gotten out of the winless column, I’m real intrigued by what’s happening in Voltron as it’s turning out to be our version of the putrid Atlantic division. Let’s take a peek. [Pre-season Voltron look]

Inept Henchmen
We weren’t entirely sure where Henchmen were headed before the season, with a dispersal roster and a draft that was veteran heavy. Well, now we know: They’re headed down and are near the bottom in PTS, REB, AST, and STL, with only an above average ranking in TO. Still, they nominally lead the division right now and that puts them in playoff contention! The bad news is that first round pick Kevin Garnett has only averaged 6.5 PTS and 7.5 REB in his way way over the hill season — and he’s still played 17 games for Henchmen, out of necessity. Also, Kenneth Faried has taken a step back statistically, along with his Nuggets. The really awful news is that franchise player Derrick Rose has been relegated to the bench for the entire season, setting this team back even more.

At least Dirk Nowitzki has returned to semi-franchise status, albeit with much lower REB than we're used to, and gunners Jamal Crawford and Eric Gordon (averaging a sneaky 1.7 STL) have been about as good advertised. Andrew Bogut has put up some monster rebounding numbers of late, and his 1.7 BLK are encouraging. Also, Harrison Barnes could be poised for a lot more playing time with Andre Iguodala out indefinitely. We’re not sure why Gerald Wallace and Thabo Sefolosha are still on this team, but a rebuild is in order here. We hope Trevor is ready to tackle this big feat, but it’ll be an exciting push for either the playoffs or the Toilet Bowl either way. Also: There's an empty roster spot on the bench, pick someone up man!
Advice: Tank hard, trade all remaining assets, and go for the full rebuild.

MoRRie’s Pogiboys
At this point we have to consider the idea that Alvin is tanking every season just to get all the assets. I mean, he’s got a newly acquired Brook Lopez (20.5 PTS, 1.9 BLK), Roy Hibbert annihilating the boards and opponents’ shots (3.0 BLK), plus the insane sophomore year emergence of Anthony Davis, and he’s still only 2-4. I mean, that frontline is amazing! Plus he’s got ROY candidate Victor Oladipo — 14.1 PTS, 5.0 REB, 3.6 AST, 1.8 STL, 0.9 BLK/3PT over the past month — and the surprise near double double emergence of Miles Plumlee. In addition to all that, John Henson could be on the way to becoming JOHN HENSON! if he keeps his 2.1 BLK up. Sure, Otto Porter Jr. could be a bust, J.R. Smith has regressed, but the pluses should outweigh the negatives right? We honestly have no idea how Alvin isn’t tearing up the league right now, maybe he hired Jason Kidd to be the coach or something. Heck, Mike Conley and Brandon Jennings (17.5 PTS, 7.8 AST, 1.8 STL, 1.9 3PT, 40.4 FG%) haven't even been mentioned yet!

Pogiboys is bottom four in 3PT, tops in BLK (by a HUGE margin), and just about average everywhere else. With assets everywhere, this team should be way better, but maybe locker room chemistry or behind the scenes shenanigans is weighing the team down. Or Alvin is tanking to get another high draft pick in the upcoming loaded draft. Come on, fess up before we expose your not-so-secret scheme!
Advice: Move some of those excess BLK for other pieces, or figure out exactly why all this talent can’t mesh together. Or just wait it out and see if this group can start winning eventually.

Beast Brawlers
Pre-season, we said that Thien’s team was "consistent winners but treading water without playoff success.” It looks like that could change now as he’s been aggressive in pursuing trades to reshape his roster. Moving Rudy Gay and Tyson Chandler for Damian Lillard has resulted in a nice 1-2 punch with Lillard and John Wall in the backcourt. Beast Brawlers is top five in AST/3PT/STL, and first in FT%. They have the makeup of a small ball team while also being respectable in TO/PTS, and are even top three in BLK — although losing Chandler will drop that some. This fast paced team even has Andrea Bargnani gunning away with his 1.0 3PT and 1.4 BLK average. It all makes for a very interesting, and theoretically competitive team.

However, having Bargnani and Robin Lopez be two of your top three in games played probably isn’t a recipe for success. Dwyane Wade has been having a great season but has sat out most back-to-backs, limiting him to sixteen appearances, and there’s rumors that he’s on the trading block. Paul Pierce’s game has calcified and there don’t seem to be a lot of young pieces ready to move into primetime spots here. Maybe Andew Bynum recent mini-resurgence is a sign of bigger things, but his health will always be an issue. There are role players of value here, such as Martell Webster's 3PT and Mario Chalmers' STL, but this team is likely still going somewhere and nowhere at the same time.
Advice: Time for a revamp and rebuild! Wall and Lillard are two huge assets but the rest of this roster is either too old or too ineffective. Still, this team is awfully high ranked in a lot of categories and that could mean there could be some light on the horizon.

So Buckets
Last year’s division winner is not looking great so far this season — they started off 0-3. If they were an NBA team, they would be playing absolutely no defense (second to last in STL/BLK), prone to turning the ball over (bottom three in TOs), and unable to hit their freebies despite being guard heavy. Twenty point scorers Kyrie Irving, Evan Turner, and DeMar DeRozan keep them semi-competitive in PTS, while a group effort fuels decent REB work but it's not enough. Granted, this team has been hit hard by early season injuries. First off, Larry Sanders has been horrible, and is now gone for weeks. (Seen his hilarious slip sliding dance video?) Same with Andre Iguodala. That can’t help the defense.

Pau Gasol is shooting 41.7 FG%, which is only barely offset by his 9.5 REB and 1.2 BLK. Nikola Pekovic has been non-existent as a BLK presence, and while he’s got good center value, he’s not exactly protecting the rim. And it's safe to say that keeper holdover Mo Harkless has been an absolute dud. Still, there are some nice surprises: Evan Turner (20.3 PTS, 6.7 REB), Jodie Meeks (13.5 PTS, 2.2 3PT), and Jared Sullinger (13.3 PTS, 7.0 REB) are all outperforming their expectations. It's too early to give up on anything, but it looks like Josh will have to fight uphill to climb back to league wide competitiveness.
Advice: Wait for Larry Sanders and Andre Iguodala to return and see what happens. Although we suspect this team needs to shore up the STL/BLK categories a bit to return to the top. The good news: 2-4 is tied for the division lead!

Heroes and Zeros

I know it’s early but we’ve already got a few frontrunners and a few teams who have stumbled out of the gate. Fat Jubas and Spade, the past two champions, are both sitting pretty at 3-0 while Jedi Knights, Fob Stars, and So Buckets have yet to pick up a win. Let’s take a look.

Fat Jubas (3-0)
Coming off of a huge trade for Chris Paul, it must comfort Eric to know that his team hasn’t had any trouble continuing their winning ways. They haven’t really faced a challenge yet so far this season and the trio of CP3, Gordon Hayward, and Nicolas Batum have been adding contributions across the board. Gordon, especially, is in the midst of a breakout season with 19.3 PTS, 5.9 REB, 4.5 AST, 1.5 3PT and 1.3 STL. While this team isn’t strong on scoring, they are first in FT% and AST, plus strong in REB and BLK. The front line of Jonas Valanciunas, David West, and Brandon Bass aren’t flashy but they’ve been obviously effective. If would be nice if swingman Tyreke Evans could find his game, but so far he’s been slow to integrate himself in New Orleans. Also: Steve Blake is averaging 7.3 AST to Steve Nash’s 4.8. Ouch. We’re pretty sure Fat Jubas will be one of the season long contenders, and with Paul vying for a MVP award, it’ll be hard for anyone to take down this team.
Weakness: Pushing the pace on this disciplined team is the way to go, as a sharpshooting team can outscore them in bunches, capitalize on this team's lack of 3PT, and maybe take them out in STL.

Spade (3-0)
We warned you before the season didn’t we? Spade is here to play and now that we’ve got a few weeks of stats to look into, they are proving to be just as awesome as feared. This team is top five in seven categories, with a top three ranking in PTS, FG%, 3PT, and REB. Their only weakness is a below average ranking in BLK, and the nastiest thing is that all this production isn’t coming at the expense of TOs, as they are ranked middle of the pack there. Aside from the strong keeper core, GM Randall also unearthed Kevin Martin, Arron Afflalo, and Kyle Korver in the draft. Those three combine for 59.3 PTS and 9.0 3PT per outing. It’s hard to pick who is having the better start of the season, Martin with 24.4 PTS or Afflalo with 21.7 PTS and almost five REB/AST per game. Also lurking is the soon to return Kobe Bryant. Plus, whoever thought Eric Bledsoe might flop with more minutes is way wrong. Bledsoe is killing it!
Weakness: We’re not sure, but Chunky Monkeys almost took them down this past week by out AST/STL/PTS and tying them for BLK. Then again, “almost” meant a 5-3-1 win anyway.

Fob Stars (0-3)
Jimmy’s team was 0.500 last year but they’ve sunk down to the bottom again, even after a good draft. What gives? Marcin Gortat has been good with 12.7 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.8 BLK in his new Wizardy home, and Shawn Marion is quietly having a throwback season with 8.1 REB, 1.4 STL, 1.1 BLK. Heck, even Isaiah Thomas is contributing with 17.8 PTS, 4.9 AST, and 1.7 3PT. The problem seems to be a lack of identity on this team, and no star power. Gortat, Zach Randolph, and Joakim Noah sound like an imposing frontline but Fob Stars is nowhere near the league leaders in any big men stats. In fact, they are absolutely last in FG%. That is mostly attributed to Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson’s combined 29.0 shots per game on about 35.0 FG%. This team can’t shoot at all. And it’s not like they are getting production for all those shots either, as they are second in last for 3PT, sixth in TO, and fifth in STL. Fob Stars will get Louis Williams — and eventually Trey Burke — back, but those two would seem to exarcebate the problem. And let’s not talk about Dion Waiters, who has been good, but his minutes could be slashed after an immature outburst. Maybe this team needs to have a players only meeting?
Solution: Keep plugging away and try to get a superstar via the Toilet Bowl. Or blow it all up and move the bigs and try to play small ball with a roster that deathly in need of some type of vision.

Jedi Knights (0-3)
It’s a dark time for the Republic. Lum’s team is firmly mired in Empire Strikes Back, mid-movie, when everything is going wrong. These Knights have problems scoring, shooting free throws, and um, just about everything else. The only category the Knights are above average in is TO, which makes sense since there’s a lot of nothing going on here. (Their next best category is STL, in which they are ranked #8 in the league. That is not good.) What’s stranger is that there are a lot of nice pieces on this team. For one, rookie Michael Carter-Williams has busted out of the gates to the tune of 17.4 PTS, 7.6 AST, 5.4 REB, 2.6 STL, 1.9 3PT. That’s star material, even on 38.9 FG%. OJ Mayo, David Lee, Thaddeus Young, Chandler Parsons, and DeAndre Jordan with his 13.2 REB and 2.2 BLK are all doing good things. Sure, Greivis Vasquez could step it up but he’ll get better. In short, we don’t know why the Knights are so bad, but something needs to be revamped. This team is just calling for a Dr. Jack makeover. Fob and Jedi face off in WK5, so one of them will get off the winless column by then. Unless they tie...
Solution: The Jedi need to find a Yoda to come in and mold all these pieces into a winner.

So Buckets (0-3)
It’s not good when your team loses 0-9-0, like So Buckets did to Spade in WK2. Did we mention that Josh is the one who invited Randall into SlamNation? Nice way to pay him back Randall! So far So Buckets haven’t even accrued enough category wins to win one week, much less get an actual win — 1-7-1, 0-9-0, 3-6-0 weekly scores. After a stellar division winning year last season, why have the wheels fallen off so early? Well, for one LARRY SANDERS has transformed into “larry sanders” and was averaging 3.7 REB and 2.0 BLK before getting injured from a nightclub excursion. Pau Gasol and Nikola Pekovic are strong frontcourt presences but Gasol’s days as a 20 ppg scorer look to be done. Heck, he’s at 13.0 this year, less than Pekovic’s 13.7 ppg. The backcourt trio of Kyrie Irving, Evan Turner, and DeMar DeRozan are all big scorers but they haven’t been able to give this enough oomph to push up their small men categories, even with multi-category Andre Iguodala on the wings. So Buckets can score, as evidenced by their #4 ranking in PTS, but they are middle of the pack everywhere else, and very weak in STL and BLK. Also, Maurice Harkless and his 9.6 PTS, 4.5 REB, 1.2 STL could make a case for the most underperforming keeper now that Markieff Morris and Gerald Henderson have proven capable of having some moments.
Solution: Patience, as the team seems to have enough pieces to pull itself out of an early season hole. Well, once Larry Sanders shows up.

One Month: Losers

Last week we looked at the four best teams so far. Now we'll look at the four worst.

Human Amoebas (0-5)
Eric-A's team can't shoot; not from the field, the charity stripe, or the three point line. They have trouble rebounding, they don't pass the ball, and they are dead last in points scored. Hey at least they're leading the league in the TO category! Facing oppponents who were a combined 17-8 has not helped one bit. With Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, and Dirk Nowitzki with big fat "O's" next to their name, there isn't much light at the end of the tunnel here. Or wait, is there? I mean, We are high on rookies Harrison Barnes and Andre Drummond, but both are at least one year away. Austin Rivers has been disappointing, but he's getting the reps to find out if he has any NBA career ahead of him. Coach Eric-A is living and dying -- mostly the latter -- with Monta Ellis, DeMarcus Cousins, and Paul Milllsap as their replacment stars. Until the Amoebas can get some their actual superstars healthy, they could be in contention for a winless season.

Jedi Knights (0-4-1)
GM Chris hasn't dipped into the free agent pool yet this season, but a lot of pre-season trades, as well as a recent exchange of Wes Matthews for Greivis Vasquez means this team needs time to gel. Currently they are weak in FT%/STL/BLK, and pretty middle of the pack everywhere else, aside from a sterling FG%. They've faced a very tough schedule so far, as four of their first five opponents have had winning records. What's strange is that almost every player on the roster is outperforming their pre-season expectations. O.J. Mayo has been great, Chandler Parsons is dropping in 3PT, DeAndre Jordan is more than serviceable again, Thaddeus Young is emerging Mo Williams is averaging 7.1 AST, David Lee is a double double machine. Even Metta World Peace is useful with his 1.8 STL and 2.3 3PT. The retooled Knights haven't won a game yet, but they are an encouraging winless team, if that's possible. Note: The rest of the Silverhawks division is tied at 3-2, leaving the Knights way behind the eight ball already.

Funk Coalition (1-4)
After an encouraging first win, the reconstructed Funk Coalition have been in a tailspin. Playing a strange brand of fantasy, the Funk dominate in FG%, punt FT% and 3PT, have stellar AST numbers, but can't play enough defense, or score enough to pick up victories. The recent trade of Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans should give th GM Jon more big men to deploy, but something is deeply flawed here, as results have been a headache for fans and front office alike. Dwight Howard has been as good as advertised with 18.8 PTS, 11.5 REB, 2.8 BLK, 59.5 FG% but rumors are that his goofy personality is not sitting well with the stoic leadership provided by Rajon Rondo. Russell Westbrook is back up to 8+ AST but rumors are he could be headed out of town soon. The early season stumble of the gate could have killed the Coalition's playoff hopes already, as they are in a very tough division. Basically, the Funk suck.

Super Shocker (1-3-1)
It could be time to go back to the "Super Horizon" nickname for this franchise. Their current iteration can put the ball in the hole, but are light on the boards and assists, and about average everywhere else. Not having the services of John Wall and Andrew Bynum hurt of course, but there could be more going on here. The front line can't protect the rim, as Tyson Chandler and Nikola Pekovic are averaging only 1.8 BLK per game. Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, and Rudy Gay are still scoring, but their auxiliary stats have dipped a bit, plus Pierce and Gay are shooting horrifically from the field. After starting off 0-3 though, Thien's team picked up a quality win and tie against Squirtle Squad and Half Man Half ImAsian recently, so there is a light at the end of this tunnel. A third straight division title for Super Shocker is not out of the question here, even with the early season hole they've dug themselves into.