Keepers: Russell Conference

Out of the sixteen first round picks last season, only six became keepers the following year. Here's the full list: Anthony Davis, Damian Lillard, Dion Waiters, Kenneth Faried*, Andre Drummond, Jonas Valanciunas. The * for Faried is assuming he gets kept by one of the new owners. Does that help value the strength of a first round pick? Who's the say really, as seven second rounders last year were on this year's keeper rosters: Kemba Walker, Thaddeus Young, Jeff Green, Jameer Nelson, J.R. Smith, Bradley Beal, Greivis Vasquez. Maybe even Harrison Barnes and George Hill pending new ownership decisions. [ 2013 Voltron | Thundercats ]

Voltron Division
So Buckets
Josh has slowly acquired some fantastic assets while rebuilding from his expansion season. Kyrie Irving is here to lead the way and last year resulted in LARRY SANDERS! being discovered. He's not the only new face as Moe Harkless will be kept too -- out goes Gerald Wallace and Darren Collison. Pau Gasol, Andre Igoudala, and Evan Turner remain from the previous season.

Super Ninja
There's something to be said for consistency. For the second year in a row, Thien is keeping the same six guys: Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, Andrew Bynum, Rudy Gay, John Wall, and Tyson Chandler. (The last players to break that up was Chris Kaman and Raymond Felton in 2011.) We could make an argument for DeMar DeRozan or Nikola Pekovic as keepers, but who would they replace? Now let's see if Thien can keep one team name for the whole season...

MoRRie's Pogiboys
Brandon Jennings, Mike Conley, and Roy Hibbert are back while Tristan Thompson, Marcus Thornton, and Brandon Knight are gone. Last year's overall number one pick, Anthony Davis, is a huge upgrade obviously, and we like a late move for Brook Lopez -- Alvin gave up 2014 RD3, 2015 RD6. New Sixth Man of the Year J.R. Smith is better than Marcus Thornton ever was, and we think Pogiboys will be able to add another special piece with their #2 overall pick in this year's upcoming draft.

Human Amoebas
This former champ, who looked absolutely unbeatable as recently as 2011, is now going to be sent to the meatpacker. Eric-A's team was never short on talent but injuries ground this team to dust recently. A huge trade for Kevin Love last season -- losing DeMarcus Cousins, Monta Ellis, Andre Drummond, Metta World Peace -- brought in another franchise piece to pair with Derrick Rose. We think the 2014 keeper core could have looked like this: Rose, Love, Dirk Nowitzski, Eric Bledsoe, Paul Millsap, and either Eric Gordon or Harrison Barnes. That would've been something. Instead the Amoebas are no more and the franchise awaits a new owner and keeper core!


Thundercats Division
NJ All-Stars
Lebron James is flanked by Paul George, Kyle Lowry, and Ryan Anderson again. Replacing Isaiah Thomas and Luol Deng as keepers will be Jose Calderon and Spencer Hawes. We are interested in GM Eddie's thinking as he tinkers with the perfect pieces to keep around an incredible forward combo of James and George. When you have King James onboard, there's not a lot else you need!

Chunky Monkeys
One of our die-hard small ball teams, the Monkeys are powered by Chris Paul, James Harden, Goran Dragic, and Jrue Holiday. A trade brought in sharpshooter Wesley Matthews last season, and he will take Aaron Afflalo's spot. The interesting thing is that Andrea Bargnani has been dumped in favor of Markieff Morris, a move we can't quite make a positive or negative call on yet. Strong man David West never fit on this team last year, and will be left to dangle.

100 Acre Wood Heffalumps
The returning champs abdicated the throne and would have left behind a keeper core built around an injured Kobe Bryant. It's safe to say that Al Horford, Kawhi Leonard, and possibly Kevin Martin would have been kept, but after that it would have probably been a combo of Kenneth Faried, Jamal Crawford, and maybe George Hill to displace Kris Humphries and Bismack Biyombo. All that is academic now as this team will be re-drafted.

Funk Coalition
After a year of rebuilding -- with a ton of trades -- Jon has the makings of a team that finally makes thematic sense. Russell Westbrook, Marc Gasol, and Tyreke Evans were moved aside for Al Jefferson, Josh Smith, and Andre Drummond. Those three will flank Dwight Howard to form a gigantic front line -- with Marcin Gortat left to dangle -- while Tony Parker and Rajon Rondo will collectively shoot the fewest 3PT out of any point guard tandem.

2014 Keepers

We've got two new expansion owners this year taking over for defending champion 100 Acre Heffalumps and former champ Human Amoebas. Sad day!

2014 Draft Positions

1. Human Amoebas (1-17-1)
2. Jedi Knights (3-14-2)
3. Eron, Joven and Chandler (6-13)
4. Half Man Half ImAsian (7-10-2)
5. MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-10-1)
6. Funk Coalition (8-9-2)
7. Super Ninja (9-9-1)
8. Fob Stars (9-9-1) *Tie-break
9. Fat Jubas (10-9)
10. So Buckets (10-9) *Tie-break
11. Chunky Monkeys (11-7-1)
12. Squirtle Squad (12-6-1)
13. Sour Snails (14-5)
14. NJ All-Stars (15-4)
15. LA Buffy (13-6) *Runner-up
16. 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (9-8-2) *Champion

Tie-Breaks
9-9-1, Fob Stars beat Super Ninja, WK7
10-9, So Buckets beat Fat Jubas, WK5

Toilet Bowl winner: Half Man Half ImAsian
Toilet Bowl runner-up: MoRRie's Pogiboys


Odds and Ends
In 2012 we took at look at some draft trends, so let's do it again. Also, here is our draft pick history tab from our league spreadsheet.

• Jedi Knights, after drafting #9 in our inaugural draft, has never had lower than a top three overall pick, but with no Toilet Bowl wins. Those picks were: John Salmons (2011), Jared Dudley (2012), and Michael Kidd-Gilhrist (2013, selected by Pogiboys), plus whoever they select this year. In 2014, they'll have two early first round picks, thanks to their 2012 Dirk Nowitski trade with Human Amoebas, who had the worst record in the league last season. So the Jedi Knights will enjoy the #3 and #4 overall picks this year. Let's make those count!
• Three teams with the best draft positions: Jedi Knights, Fob Stars, MoRRie's Pogiboys. The highest they have ever drafted is #8 overall -- in 2013 for Pogiboys and 2014 for Fob Stars. Obviously this means these are the three teams with the worst losing traditions. It goes without saying that none of these teams have made a post-season appearance. Heck, Pogiboys' 8-4 2012 season was is the only winning record any of them have had. At least Fob Stars went 0.500 in 2013!
• Three teams with the highest average draft positions: Sour Snails, Fat Jubas, NJ All-Stars. Strangely, all three had an aberration year, as the Sour Snails drafted #5 in 2013, Fat Jubas #9 in 2014, and NJ All-Stars had the #2 pick in 2012. The Snails was runner up in the 2013 Toilet Bowl so they actually won Damian Lillard at number two overall.
• Eron, Joven, and Chandler has been in a slow free fall since drafting #5 overall in 2010. They have selected 13, 7, 9, 3 in the four ensuing seasons. This follows the trajectory of an old team -- Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, Jason Richardson, Antawn Jamison, Manu Ginobili were picks two through six -- as it has slowly descended out of contention status. This is not current GM Lucas' fault though, as he only took over the franchise last season.
• Buffy has the wildest swings, going from 7 to 12 (2011-12) and then 6 to 16 (2013-14) in subsequent seasons. We haven't been able to discern any patterns, except perhaps the injury bug, which has hit hard sometimes. Or perhaps Buffy is just a middle of the road team, but feasting off each year's swing in strength adjusted schedule? It's tough to say.
• The most steady regular team overall? 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps, who have never drafted higher than #11 (2013). Note: They had the #7 pick in our inaugural draft. No other team has consistently drafted so low, at 12, 14, 11 and now 16 after winning last year's Finals. Half Man Half ImAsian comes close, with draft positions of 10, 11, 11, until this year's rise/collapse to #4 pick -- but Oliver won the Toilet Bowl!
• Chunky Monkeys, NJ All-Stars, and Sour Snails have all drafted very low, aside from one outlier season when they collapsed. It was 2012 for Monkeys and All-Stars, while Sour Snails slipped in 2013. All three are back in contender status, as they draft 11, 13, 14 in our upcoming 2014 draft.
• A nice trend for Squirtle Squad, as they drafted #6 and #8 in their first two seasons, but have recovered to become #14 and #12 in recent years. That must mean they've used those picks to trend consistently upward. Or have they? Of those picks, they moved their 2012 first round pick to Funk Coalition (who moved it to Fob Stars, eventually being used on Nick Young) and then their 2013 first rounder to Human Amoebas (eventually Andre Drummond) in exchange for Ty Lawson. It seems like GM Brian built his success in other ways, not just by assets acquired in the early draft.

2013 Championship: Pooh and Heffa Forever

Whew, what a Finals! How about a game that came right down to the wire and featured quite a few lead changes as we headed into the homestretch. Early Sunday afternoon, Buffy clung to a tenuous lead as their seven players were facing off against Heffalumps' five. With most of the categories squared away, it was likely down to PTS and STL for who would take the 2013 crown. Despite Kobe Bryant and Jamal Crawford putting up their regular 20+ points, it looked like Buffy would take the win as they had a plethora of players left to go. But John Salmons put up a two point clunker, and Elton Brand and Jameer Nelson remained on the bench due to injury. After a hard fought week, 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps emerged with a 5-4 victory, winning by a mere 4 PTS (404 to 401). What?! This has to be our closest Finals matchup ever

We told you last week that this game could come down to PTS, STL and TO, and on this we were right. Heffalumps big men -- Al Horford, Kenneth Faried, Omer Asik, Shawn Marion -- secured the REB and BLK categories early on, even with a huge week by Buffy's Tim Duncan (20.0 PTS, 9.7 REB, 2.3 BLK). The Big Fundamental missed an early week game at Memphis, and clearly he would have pushed Buffy to a win. Alas, Chris Bosh also missed a crucial mid-week matchup with a sore knee, and his fantastic scoring numbers were missed. Carlos Boozer, Jeremy Lin, and Raymond Felton played the bulk of the minutes for Buffy, and while all three had some stellar numbers, it just wasn't quite enough. Buffy won FT% and AST pretty easily, but those came at the cost of higher TOs. Our embedded reporter was brought to tears after witnessing Roger's shock at his close loss. Shed a tear for denizens of Buffyland, better luck next year.

As for our champions, 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps won with a low scoring squad that is likely unique in Finals history. They shot the ball well, avoided turnovers, and played tough defense throughout. There were a lot of heroes during this championship week.

Omer Asik averaged 12.0 REB over four games, while Kenneth Faried had 11.0 REB and 3.0 BLK over his three games. Kawhi Leonard missed half the week but came out huge, averaging 24.0 PTS, 10.0 REB, 5.0 AST, 1.5 STL, and 1.0 BLK in his two games. Jamal Crawford, a Sixth Man of the Year candidate, put up 19.3 PTS on 45.2 FG%. Kobe Bryant only shot forty percent from the field but his 24.0 PTS, 7.7 REB, 10.0 AST, and 1.7 STL were obviously MVP-worthy.

However, the real hero might just be Shawn Marion -- an original Heffalumps / Pooh Bears draft pick, and number three overall, dating back to our old cycle. With a season average of only 11.8 PTS, Marion threw up 25 and 20 points on back to back nights, and his solid play on Sunday afternoon turned out to be the difference between a trophy and a "good try."

The path to the championship wasn't easy though. 100 Acre Wood started off the season 5-1-1 before slipping into six week winless streak. Spirits were low, Kobe was pissed off, and the Manimal was about to maim somebody. It looked like they might slip out of the playoffs, before they righted the ship with a 4-1 streak to nudge into a wildcard spot. Once there, J's team created havoc by upending the #1 seed, NJ All Stars, and then knocking off another higher seed, Chunky Monkeys, in the Russell Conference Finals. Through it all, J quietly managed his team and kept his team focused on the prize. It just goes to show that once you get into the playoffs, anything can happen. For the Heffalumps, 2013 ended in a glorious run to the trophy celebration. Congratulations!

We do have a bit of sad news on this parade worthy day. Heffalumps owner/GM/coach J, after careful consideration, has decided to retire on top. In a heartfelt and open letter to his fanbase, J said that he would be stepping down after almost a decade at the helm. After winning the SlamNation championship, he walked off the court, leaving nothing behind. An excerpt from his final address: "I'm damn proud of winning this league, but my work is done. I'm dropping the microphone. I think that Shawn Marion was my first ever pick in SlamNation and he ended up being the last one on the court to seal the victory for the Heffalumps."

That leaves an opening for a new owner to take over the defending champions. It seems J has taken a cue from his beloved fantasy football league, Maize and Blue, when their owner abdicated the throne after a 2011 championship. Since I was the lucky owner to slide into the defending champion's seat, I can say that it is some big shoes to fill. Thank you J for your many years of SlamNation participation and your always highly competitive skills will be missed!

(Full Box Score)

2013 Toilet Bowl: Half Full, All Win

The Pogiboys were one rebound away from securing back-to-back #1 overall draft picks. Second year breakout candidate Tristan Thompson averaged 11.75 REB over his four games, but that wasn't enough, as a team featuring Roy Hibbert and Anthony Davis on the front line got outrebounded 162-161, for the close one category loss. Congrats to Oliver's Half Man Half ImAsian!

Oliver can thank Ersan Ilyasova's four games, where he grabbed 8.8 REB while playing power forward in a small ball lineup. That's actually lower than the 10.3 REB Ilyasova had been averaging over the past month, but he grabbed the most rebounds on Half Man Half ImAsian for the week. Kevin Durant and LaMarcus Aldridge were also spectacular during the Toilet Bowl, and most of their contributions ended up coming from the free throw line as they, along with Ilyasova, combined to shoot 41/48 from the charity stripe, thus giving Oliver's team the FT% edge.

Half Man Half ImAsian weren't far off from winning 3PT, but ultimately it was an extra rebound that made all the difference. We also shouldn't overlook Tony Allen, Jason Kidd, and Trevor Ariza's combined 22 STL, which were key to generating turnovers. And how about Durantula's seven blocks, as he protected the rim and outpaced everyone else in the Toilet Bowl for the BLK category. The final score was maybe a little closer than predicted, so we're sure Oliver sweated it out till the end.

For Pogiboy, they had some great showings too. But despite the explosive scoring heroics of Mike Conley Jr. and J.R. Smith -- who both matched Durant for PTS over the Finals -- Pogiboys couldn't pull out a win. Smith, a true post-season hero, averaged 21.3 PTS, 6.0 REB, 2.5 3PT over his four games of the Toilet Bowl, and even shot a decent 44.3 FG%. He might be making his case for being keeper worthy after this season. MoRRie's Pogiboys will still enjoy a very high draft pick next year, and with a core that keeps on getting more talent, this might be the last we see of Alvin in the Toilet Bowl for awhile.

As for our winners, Oliver's ready to give his team a fresh new face from the college ranks, and with Anderson Verajao returning to the fold, it's likely Half Man Half ImAsian could be returning to the playoffs soon themselves. Thanks for a great Toilet Bowl guys, now who's gonna draft Trey Burke?!