Ding dong the champ is dead, the champ is dead! Oh wait, no, they aren’t. After fending off a hard week from Funk Coalition — sorry for that bit of fiction, I just had to pretend — Snails are still basically undefeated, with their lone loss coming in a WK7 matchup versus Chunky Monkeys. With only one more tough game on the schedule, it’s likely Snails will go with just one loss (again). Tops in FG%, PTS, and REB. For a change, they are only third in 3PT and AST, and second in STL (and a paltry sixth in BLK and FT%), but that’s more than enough to make them a dominant team.
This version of Snails definitely skews bigger, with Hassan Whiteside, Gorgui Dieng, and JaMychal Green all getting decent GPs. And Trieu is always scouring the waiver wire too, having already used guys like Sean Kilpatrick and the new pickup of Montrell "Trieu's Troll" Harrell to their advantage. And those four guards are still unbeatable, with Russell Westbrook and Jimmy Butler picking up their games another notch, even as Steph Curry and Klay Thompson are having “down” years. Yikes! Add in the breakout year from Avery Bradley — averaging 18.0 PTS, 7.0 REB, 2.1 3PT, 1.3 STL, 47.9 FG% — and the Snails are not just reloaded, but perhaps better than ever. Makes it great that they lost at least once this season, right? See you in the playoffs Snails, where they’ll try to three-peat!
Fat Jubas (8-3)
Looks like Jubas are well on their way to another eleven win season, if not more! Eric’s team started off 4-0 and have only picked up losses against close to elite teams. A WK14 matchup with Chunky Monkeys loom — as well as an end of season WK19 versus Snails — so Jubas will get to gauge how close they are to actual championship contention as the second half of the season moves on. We know the story here: Can Jubas beat Sour Snails (they’ve gotten bounced by them in the past two years)? If not, they could find themselves facing another loss in the Chamberlain Conference Finals yet again...
As always, Chris Paul is a stud, and even though he’s been dinged up, he’s back now. Same with Gordon Hayward, who is working hard toward an All-Star berth. The huge trade off of CJ McCollum for young stud Myles Turner really added to the front line and the emergence of Harrison Barnes as a legit offensive threat has been a big boon to the team. And let’s not sleep on Nicolas Batum, who started off the season horribly but has rebounded nicely of late. And hell, the early-draft trade of Pau Gasol has even worked out pretty well, even if Gasol has taken a slight step back in the Spurs system. Overall, Jubas are like they always are: great percentages, excellent on the boards, and very steady everywhere else. This team is exactly like CP3’s Clippers, close but ultimately maybe not a cigar?
Fob Stars (6-5)Having never finished with a 0.500 record, Jimmy’s Fobs are actually right there, with a chance to hit the postseason in back-to-back years. That’s not bad! Sure, most of their wins have come agains inferior teams, but a WK9 victory over Dragon Warriors suggest this team has fighter potential. With an offensive boost from the draft, these Fob Stars have transitioned very nicely from their past history of a big man dominated roster. First off, the trade for Tobias Harris has paid handsome dividends, as Harris has continued being a steady wing with excellent percentages. Much better than having Nerlens Noel on Fob’s bench eh?
With Harris and Ryan Anderson, Fobs can play some excellent small ball around the no-joke Kemba Walker, and that includes the deep shooting of Trevor Ariza, and lately James Johnson. And heck, even rookie Jamal Murray has shown flashes of a possible last season surge. It’s unfortunate that Jimmy dropped Will Barton too early, and that Allen Crabbe (and to a lesser extend, Kent Bazemore) didn’t work out, but still, these Stars are looking good and have the inside track for a playoff showing. They have the oldest big man duo in the league, behind Marcin Gortat and Tyson Chandler, but that’s fine as both are rebounding the shit out of the ball. The big question going down the stretch is if D’Angelo Russell can pick it up, and help this team that is horrible in AST.
Jedi Knights (0-11)
At one point mid-week, Jedi was leading in the matchup against fellow winless 0-10 team Snack Bears, but at the end of the day, they still lost, coming up short in 3PT and STL. We’ve already covered the Jedis' futility this season, so we’re not gonna harp on those points. We’re gonna instead look for solutions here, so that Knights can maybe get a win this year, or at least have a plan for the future. Okay, here we go!
First, put together an advisory board for all trades. After the Otto Porter for Joakim Noah fiasco, that’s a must. Haha. Okay, just kidding. Maybe not. Anyway, while Jedis are bereft of talent, they are not totally without assets. For one, Thaddeus Young and his high steals and well-rounded line has to be useful to somebody. Same could be said for Jeff Teague, who is averaging 15.6 PTS, 7.9 AST, and 1.7 STL. Could they be packaged together to a near contender for some younger player? It’s possible Markieff Morris and Brandon Knight have some limited value too. Moving either for younger players could be good. Sense a theme here? Just go younger younger younger, and more upside! Cut Noah, cut Andrew Bogut, cut Luol Deng, maybe cut Monta Ellis.
Jedi won’t be competitive any time soon but they can at least try to be competitive in upcoming Toilet Bowls. And in a few years, if Kris Dunn and Emmanuel Mudiay, and whoever else can get better, there might be some hope here. Instead of getting veterans, GM Chris needs to work that waiver wire and snatch up guys to remain competitive in the short term, but also take swings on some young guys who aren’t getting major minutes now, but are clearly headed for big things. For example: Thon Maker. Again, joke but no joke.
Basically our suggestion is to just work that waiver wire, hard! With only four moves total, Jedi ranks second-to-last in that category, and that won’t cut it. They should be streaming the last two spots on their roster, just fishing for guys. And then just use the rest of the bench to hold players. Guys like Trey Lyles, who was on this team right as the season started, but then got cut. Same with rookie Caris LeVert, who was on the roster but is now gone -- and now on the upswing. These are guys Jedi just needs to sit on and hope they grow, or gain some trade value eventually. The Jedis need to be prospectors, and dig dig dig!
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