New Owner: Cure for All?

As Jedi Knights walks out the door to pursue additional Force training, welcome Frank into the fold! An old fantasy basketball player from our middle school days, Frank still boasts about calling Hakeem Olajuwon’s dominance in the mid-90s fantasy scene. Of course, since then Frank has been more focused on football — not to mention the many years it took to become a doctor — and hasn’t kept up on all of the NBA’s intricacies. Well, it’s time to put that big brain to use as Frank has a big rebuild job ahead of him!

Without the benefit of a two team dispersal, similar to Snack Bears two years ago, Frank had to rely on the leftovers from Jedi Knights roster and non-keepers. As it turned out, not a single player on Knights was worth keeping around, as the likes of Patty Mills, Monta Ellis, Thaddeus Young, recent high draft picks Emmanuel Mudiay and Kris Dunn were dumped overboard. Oh but wait! Jeff Teague was one of the selected new keepers, and he’ll be the new face of the franchise.

As it turned out, Frank’s six man crew will be Jeff Teague, Jrue Holiday, Tim Hardaway Jr, Willie Cauley-Stein, Aaron Gordon, and Justise Winslow. With the 2017 #3 overall pick on the way, Frank wisely decided to draft (mostly) young and start fresh. Let’s see if our Chinese school / middle school quarterback can take ILConceived to the top! (Note: Frank was not born in Illinois but I guess he just wished he had been -- he's currently in Houston but from San Diego.) Let’s welcome Frank and see what he’s got in store for SlamNation!

Keepers: 2018

Draft Order 2018

2018 DRAFT ORDER

1. Jedi Knights (0-18-1)
2. Snack Bears (4-15)
3. Sager's Suits and Ties (4-15)
4. Team Cameltoe (7-12)
5. Funk Coalition (7-12)
6. LA Buffy (7-11-1)
7. Squirtle Squad (8-11)
8. Swamp Dragons (10-9)
9. Fob Stars (9-10)
10. Another Bad Creation (9-10)
11. So Buckets (11-8)
12. Team Spade (12-7)
13. Fat Jubas (13-5-1)
14. Young Gunn's (14-5)
15. Chunky Monkeys (18-1) *Runner up
16. Sour Snails (17-1-1) *Champion

Toilet Bowl winner: Swamp Dragons
Toilet Bowl runner-up: Squirtle Squad

Tie breakers:

• 4-15: Snack Bears and Sager's Suits and Ties had no regular season H2H so we move on to Most Categories won for the season -- via the power ranking rules. Sager's had 70 total categories won, while Snack had 68. Higher pick goes to Snack for less "power."
• 7-12: Team Cameltoe lost to Funk Coalition H2H, WK10. Higher pick to Cameltoe.
• 9-10: Fob Stars versus Another Bad Creation: Tied 1-1 for H2H so also moving on to Most Categories won for the season -- despite ABC winning a division. ABC won 89 categories to Fob Stars' 82. So higher pick goes to Fob. [See results]

2017 Championship: Triple Threat!

Every dynasty needs a three-peat to become official and here we are: Sour Snails is SlamNation’s first undisputed dynasty. I know I know, old news, as Sour Snails has been our most successful franchise ever, but slapping up back-to-back-to-back championships may take awhile to equal and Trieu’s team is showing no signs of slowing down.

I mean, when you have the balls to trade away four core players, lose Kevin Durant after one game, AND win the title? Wow. Plus Snails was semi-vulnerable this season as they actually lost ag ame and tied a game this year, which was a downgrade after an undefeated 2016 campaign. At least the championship game was a bit closer than anyone anticipated, with brother Thien’s Young Gunn’s really pushing Sour Snails to their limit before eventually falling 5-3-1. Heading into Sunday’s games, both percentage categories were still tight and 3PT, REB, STL, and PTS were up for grabs.

But then Chef Curry came to the rescue. During last Finals’ close matchup, Curry hit nine 3PT on a Sunday evening as part of the celebration, having already secured the title earlier that afternoon. This time out, Snails needed Curry’s nine threes (again!) and 42 PTS to help secure the victory. C’mon Steph, give SlamNation a break eh? And there were a lot of other heroes for Snails too. Without Durant in play, depth guys like Rishaun Holmes (15.3 PTS, 7 REB, 57.1 FG%) and Nerlens Noel (9 STLs total) were crucial in fending off Young Gunn’s.

Thien’s team put up quite a fight behind John Wall, a monstrous DeMarcus Cousins week (although he missed a game, which might have been the difference), and two 31 point outings from Damian Lillard. And to be honest, a Sunday injury to Jameer Nelson could have also been crucial as Nelson was playing quite well recently. So yeah, Brother Bowl II was much closer than the first one, but still not quite enough.

In the end, the game came down to literally Steph Curry versus John Wall head-to-head in NBA and fantasy, and Wall came up short by shooting poorly and not managing to get two steals, thus sealing Young Gunn’s fate. Oh right, it also helped that all of Snails’ big guns came out on Sunday, with Steph dropping the aforementioned 42 PTS, 9 3PT, 68.2 FG%, and Jimmy Butler -- 39 PTS, 53.8 FG% -- and Brook Lopez -- 29 PTS, 60.0 FG%, 2 STL -- coming through in a huge way. All in all, it was a valiant effort from Thien, who came up just a little bit short in a nail-biter.

So there it is, our three-peat champions: Sour Snails!

How did all those new acquisitions work out for GM Trieu, minus the Durant injury? Well, pretty damn well I’d say! Mike Conley ended up posting 26.5 PTS, 8.25 AST, 3.3 3PT on the week, second to only Steph in those categories. Noel has been very up and down since he was acquired but he came through with a huge week of STL to get the category tie. And Brook Lopez was stellar in his four games, including dropping in 8 3PT on the week. It truly was a team effort wasn’t it?

And we haven’t even mentioned the one game cameos from Avery Bradley (12 PTS, 10 REB, 2 STL) and Gorgui Dieng (19 PTS, 7 REB, 2 3PT) which helped keep Gunn’s at bay. And it could be argued that there's no way Snails would have won FG% if they still had Russell Westbrook on the team. Then again, all those triple doubles might have helped just a little...

We were going to recap all of Trieu's tremendous championship moves but those are already in the history books. The question is what will happen next as he moves forward. Rumors are that he agreed to a post-championship deal to dump Durant for a box of saltines and Derrick Rose... Now that would be a team blowing up exercise wouldn't it?!

Anyway, with the best team in the league, the best keepers in the league, the best historical record in the league, and now four total titles, it’s really time for the rest of SlamNation to come together to fend off the threat of a four-peat! We know the 2015 trade of Jimmy Butler really started Trieu's dominance, so maybe it's time to give him back?!? Congrats Trieu, and may your team never reach the victory podium again!

2017 Toilet Bowl: Swamp Kings

Well, it looks like the Swamp Dragons rebuild is about to approach finished! With a Toilet Bowl win, Eddie will get to select from a bumper crop of rookies next season and his team is exactly in need of a star point guard. Sure, Dennis Schroder is a nice piece but he’s not going to be a franchise cornerstone, not like a Markelle Fultz or Lonzo Ball! We predicted a romp through the consolidation tournament for Swamp Dragons and that’s exactly what happened, even as they had three less GP than their opponent, Squirtle Squad.

Paul George balled out with 32.0 PTS, 6.5 REB, 4.8 AST, 2.0 STL, and an astonishing 4.5 3PT during the week. Helped by fantastic weeks from Nikola Jokic and Andrew Wiggins, this team didn’t even really need extra contributions, which was nice because not only was Jabari Parker unavailable on IR, Reggie Jackson and Robert Covington were unavailable too. Plus, Jusuf Nurkic only logged one game while Malcolm Brogdon was similarly hurt. So yeah, Swamp Dragons basically won the #1 pick with half a squad, and that doesn’t bode well for their foes next year as they’ll get even better with a top pick. Congrats Eddie!

As for Squirtle Squad, a runner-up showing in Toilet Bowl is still the most success they’ve had in a post-season (albeit the losing side). And what a year to do it, as there are many franchise quality players to choose from, and if they get Fultz or Ball, they’ll add a tremendous piece to their championship hopes. While Giannis Antetokounmpo, Goran Dragic, and Nikola Vucevic tried their best to keep pace, the young Squirtles just couldn’t keep up with Swamp. That’s okay though as Brian has stocked his roster with plenty of upside players and we’re looking for big things from them next year, especially armed with a delicious #2 2018 pick!