And now onto the Russell Conference for our 2024 team previews! [ 2023 Midseason: Top Eight | Bottom Eight ]
TeamID - Abbrev - Name (2023 Record, 2022 Record)
It’s hard to be much better than FJUB have been in the regular season. Nine straight years of double-digit wins, thirteen of fourteen playoff seasons, three Finals appearances and two titles. FJUB only plays for championships and they came very close to their third one last year. A track record of this kind of success has led to an institutional wisdom.
And here is a shocking tidbit: Almost every Slam team—contender or not—has had to suffer ups and downs, and benefitted from high draft picks. However, due to their continued regular season success, FJUB has never picked higher than RD1.9, ever.
Here is a list of FJUB’s first round picks from 2010 on: Markelle Fultz (2024), PJ Washington, Kyle Lowry, Brook Lopez, Joe Ingles, Willie Cauley-Stein, Jae Crowder, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, CJ McCollum, Steve Nash, Jonas Valanciunas, Arron Afflalo, Robin Lopez, Steve Nash (2010).
See any All-Stars on there? (Excluding Steve Nash, which came in the first SlamNation draft, and again in 2014 when Nash was washed. Also, the one time FJUB made the Toilet Bowl Finals, in 2014, their first round pick was already owned by CHMK, so they didn’t get to make that pick.) Didn’t think so. So we applaud FJUB for never taking the tank mentality and still emerging with success season after successful season.
So what does FJUB look like now? After nine years of service, Chris Paul was finally left to dangle off the keeper roster, supplanted by the immortal Terry Rozier. And thirty-five year old Brook Lopez is back as keeper, after making his first stint on FJUB over ten years ago—Lopez was on the first three FJUB keeper rosters. The other new face is Jerami Grant, acquired in a pre-draft trade. Other than that, it’s Fred VanVleet, Devin Vassell, and Myles Turner in the middle.
Their most recent draft brings in Fultz and Herbert Jones, plus the tenacity of Alex Caruso. That’s a stalwart defense. And FJUB will be the next team to take a flier on Patrick Williams and his potential, same with Zach Collins. If either can stay healthy, they could be contributors. And then the last round brought in rookie Finals hero Christian Braun, who is slated for a bigger role in Denver this season.
All in all, this is a FJUB team that looks like all the other FJUB teams: a winner!
#2 CHMK Chunky Monkeys (8-12, 10-10)
One of the few other teams that could boast a similar success rate to FJUB in Russell Conference, CHMK has hit its roughest patch in the past two years, after earning postseason spots in ten of the previous twelve seasons and winning a title in 2018.
Unlike FJUB though, CHMK has benefitted from slipping, as they’ve nearly always come out of the Toilet Bowl with a coveted prize, whether it be the dual #1/#2 picks of Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker in 2015, or the first overall pick of Jabari Smith Jr. last season. Note: Both the Jabaris were prescient trades by GM Evan that led to owning those high selections.
Coming off their back-to-back Toilet Bowl win this past season, CHMK didn’t get to select first due to the SWMP Rule, but did get to draft Amen Thompson (2024 RD1.3), which should add to their rebuild—and get them out of the losers bracket.
After trading away James Harden early in the 2023 season, CHMK was in full rebuild mode. As it turned out, that rebuild was completed in under a year as CHMK hit on rookie Jalen Williams—through free agency no less— and then traded away Smith Jr. pre-draft—along with Jordan Poole and Nic Claxton—for Jamal Murray. One more move was in the cards as Desmond Bane—another of CHMK’s great free agent finds—was moved during the draft for Jalen Brunson. That leaves the revamped CHMK with a backcourt of Brunson, Murray, and Williams, alongside Mikal Bridges, Evan Mobley, and Bam Adebayo.
If you’re watching at home, that is a picture perfect way to rebuild quickly through the draft, free agency, and trades. Now it’s time for CHMK to climb back into contention and set their sights on another title.
A franchise that isn’t a stranger to revamps themselves, FUNK is riding a wave of six straight playoff appearances but without much sustained postseason success to show for it, with only one playoff victory to boast about in their entire history.
After years of waiting for the Karl-Anthony Towns and Jayson Tatum duo to lead to a title run, Towns was unceremoniously shipped out last season, in a huge nine-player trade that mainly resulted in Towns and DeMar DeRozan for Dejounte Murray and OG Anunoby. Two smaller trades near the end of 2023 brought in Trey Murphy III and PJ Washington, who were both kept—at the expense of John Collins and Clint Capela. With a clear shift toward wing depth, the new-FUNK will have Tatum and Trae Young surrounded by length and plenty of shooting.
The 2024 draft was a mishmash of plug-ins, with Tyus Jones and Josh Hart filling in for the backcourt, Caris LeVert as an extra wing, and then Ivica Zubac and Kelly Olynyk for two different looks in the middle. Can FUNK take this new direction into a championship direction? We’ll have to see!
#4 UFOS Uncalled Flopping Objects (3-16-1, 3-15-2)
It won’t take much for UFOS to do better than the losingest owner of SlamNation history, and we’re guessing they can pull off at least four wins to surpass FOBS’ last two seasons. The biggest offseason question for UFOS was if Damian Lillard would be moved, but it looks like thirty-three year old will be on-hand to give UFOS some competitive punch.
The post-dispersal roster—including two trades—will be Lillard and Jordan Poole for offensive punch, Jarret Allen and Nic Claxton to swat away shots, and then Jabari Smith Jr. and Cameron Johnson to provide lots of spacing. That looks like a pretty winning formula actually!
Keeping an eye toward the future, GM Victor drafted young with every pick, starting off with young vets like Onyeka Okongwu, Gary Trent Jr., Deni Avdija, and Cole Anthony. Their second rounder was spent on Pacers rookie Jarace Walker, while their fifth was Magic rookie Anthony Black. Even if one of these picks hit as a future keeper, UFOS will be in great position moving forward. We’re excited to see what Victor can do in SlamNation, and a warm welcome to UFOS!
Things are looking bleak for TRUO as they’ve now had four straight seasons of under 0.300 ball, and a total of sixteen wins in four years. Their successful run of seven playoff seasons in the first nine is far in the rearview mirror and fans are no longer sure what direction TRUO is going in.
And it’s not like TRUO hasn’t been able to get their hands on some talent. Jalen Green was a good grab at 2022 RD1.2, and however you feel about Julius Randle in real life, his fantasy stats speak for themselves. Last season’s 2023 RD1.4 pick, Keegan Murray, looks to be a long term keeper, and moving Scottie Barnes and RJ Barrett pre-draft for De’Aaron Fox and Austin Reaves gives TRUO an excellent backcourt. With additional keeper Wendell Carter Jr., TRUO has all the parts of at least elevate themselves out of the cellar.
Their 2024 draft was promising too, as they lucked into rookie Ausar Thompson (RD1.6) and then grabbed another high-upside rookie in Keyonte George (RD3.2). Forgoing drafting any long-toothed vets, TRUO focused on taking Quentin Grimes, Cam Thomas, Coby White, and De’Andre Hunter with the rest of their draft. While that’s a lot of offense-first players, the key for TRUO moving forward is to establish a baseline of talent to grow from. This franchise has seen better days and we hope that they’ll find them again soon.
#6 SWMP Swamp Dragons (12-8, 14-5-1)
A constant presence in the championship conversation, SWMP is still looking for their first title after three Finals appearances and no rings. Nikola Jokic got his last season, will SWMP now follow suit?
The keeper core here has been steady, with the core of Jokic, Paul George, Zach LaVine, Deandre Ayton, and last year’s keeper addition Alperen Sengun re-upping for another season. Right before the draft, GM Eddie made the move to upgrade from Khris Middleton to Bradley Beal, at the cost of a future round three pick. Both players are constant threats to be injured, but Beal should be a boost to the lineup.
Most of what SWMP needs is health, and some scoring punch. They were one the stronger teams last season but was taken out by eventual champs SOUR in round one. We’ll see if 2024 draftees Tre Jones, Obi Toppin, De’Anthony Melton, Aaron Gordon, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, and Talen Horton-Tucker can help push them back into true contention. On paper, those additions seem to be less offensive-focused, but the thinking has to be that with Jokic, George, LaVine, and Beal, the offense should be taken care of.
There’s not much for SWMP to do but play out the regular season with an eye toward a long postseason run. They’ve been near the top before and will likely be there again. Let’s hope for some Serbian magic for SWMP this season!
Despite finishing with a bottom-three owner rating two years running, MELO actually had a 0.500 season last year, which speaks to the strength of their roster. If they can get a handle on their Games Played issues, they could challenge for a playoff spot—like they achieved in their first year in Slam, 2021.
Having the wing duo of Kevin Durant and Jaylen Brown is a good baseline for any team, and with Lauri Markannen now shipped off for Pascal Siakam in a pre-draft trade, that’s a sideways one-for-one that should at least give MELO a strong core three to build from. An injury plagued season from Andrew Wiggins should be rectified, while the center duo of Nikola Vucevic and James Wiseman are an even mix of fantasy production and upside.
GM Jack was ecstatic to draft rookie Brandon Miller at 2024 RD1.4 and collected the underrated RJ Barrett in the third round as well. Adding Marcus Smart, Kevon Looney, and Rui Hachimura will fill in some starter spots, and of course there’s Jonathan Isaac here, making his seasonal make-a-wish truthers pray for his health. We don’t see a lot of guard depth here but all these wings and forwards could add up to a better season for MELO, given Jack keeps his eyes on the cap limits!
#8 KSKT Kristy Kreme Team (16-4, 10-10)
A team that has risen incredibly fast during their short three-year tenure in SlamNation, KSKT took the regular season crown last season behind sixteen wins and solidified themselves as a bonafide contender for years to come with a roster that is both young and flexible.
The scary thing is that the two of the best players on KSKT didn’t even suit up most of last season, as Cade Cunningham (2022 RD1.1) and Zion Williamson (2020 RD1.1) were on the sidelines. Having drafted impeccably, KSKT has dropped more young assets than most teams have taken in recent years—Jalen Williams, Shaedon Sharpe, Jeremy Sochan were all picks by KSKT originally.
The biggest reason for KSKT’s ascension has been Tyrese Haliburton (2021 RD1.4), who is now a top-three fantasy talent as the prototypical fantasy point guard. Flanked by Anfernee Simons—and Cunningham, in theory—that is likely the best young backcourt in the game. And while Zion can’t be counted on to play a full season, his compatriots in the frontcourt, Kristaps Porzingis and Michael Porter Jr., also both have their scary injury histories. If even two of three get sixty-plus games however, that’s still a winning formula.
With the luxury of eight draft picks, KSKT filled in the edges of their roster by taking on proven assets like D’Angelo Russell, Clint Capela, Derrick White, Kyle Anderson, and Malik Beasley. Fifth rounder Andrew Nembhard was the only selection that won’t have a surefire NBA role. (Sixth round draftees Malaki Branham and MarJon Beauchamp had to be cut for roster reasons. Smart rival GMs might want to rush to grab them, as GM Matt has a proven eye for young talent.)
In their fourth season, KSKT is looking to coalesce into a champion—not a contender mind you, they’ve already cemented their position there—but a champion!
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