Draft Order 2017

2017 DRAFT ORDER

1. Jedi Knights (1-8)
2. Squirtle Squad (3-15-1)
3. NJ All-Stars (4-14-1)
4. MoRRie's Pogiboys (5-12-2)
5. Funk Coalition (6-13)
6. So Buckets (8-10-1)
7. Silent Crows (9-9-1)
8. LA Buffy (9-9-1)
9. Fob Stars (9-9-1)
10. Soup Dumplings (10-9)
11. Fat Jubas (11-7-1)
12. Death Star (11-6-2)
13. Another Bad Creation (13-6)
14. Chunky Monkeys (13-5-1)
15. Team Spade (15-4) *Runner up
16. Sour Snails (17-1-1) *Champion

Toilet Bowl winner: Funk Coalition
Toilet Bowl runner-up: LA Buffy

Tie breakers:

• 9-9-1: Buffy vs Silent Crows, Buffy was 2-0 in H2H matchups, Note: Fob Stars made playoffs with the same record.

2016 Championship: Best Ever, Bar None

Well, history has been made. An undefeated season, an undefeated post-season, and back-to-back titles for Trieu’s Sour Snails. let’s take a step back and look at that accomplishment. Heck, let’s look at what owner Trieu has been able to do in his seven years since our cycle reset back in 2010 -- and they won a title in 2008. Sour Snails was our first new champion in 2010, and then followed that up by making the finals the following year, losing only to a major upset. They collapsed after that year into the Toilet Bowl, but won Damian Lillard as the #2 overall selection in 2013. That only translated to two spectacular regular seasons — and another two upset playoff appearances — before Snails embarked on its current epic run. 36-1-1 plus 6-0 in the playoffs. Heady stuff.

And it’s not like Trieu has just been sitting idly by while his team dominates. He's been one of most active owners, both on the waiver wire and on the trading lines. And some huge names too. He had LeBron James, traded him. He had pre-Cleveland Kevin Love, traded him. He stole Russell Westbrook for Josh Smith (and Andre Drummond). He moved Lillard. He moved DeMarcus Cousins. He kept on winning and winning and winning through it all. (The trade of Cousins now looks prescient as Boogie missed three of championship week’s games, and that clearly would have had an effect on the title bout.) It’s hard to come up with more superlatives for Sour Snails, except to say that they should consider a name change to “Super Saiyan Snails” or something, because they are anything but sour.

The championship game was close though, and it came down to the last few games on Sunday. Team Spade had an outside shot at an upset but then Jimmy Butler came through with his fifth game of the week, shooting 10/11 from the field to help Snails steal FG%. By the time Stephen Curry stepped out on Sunday afternoon to can nine 3PT on 61.9 FG%, the champagne was already chilling in the Snails’ locker room.

What more is there to say about this team? Trieu not only has proven to have the best team but also shown time and time again that he’s the best GM in the business. Even minor moves like Evan Fournier for Gorgui Dieng turned out well. Getting Jordan Clarkson, Jerami Grant, and Luol Deng during hot streaks pushed Trieu’s super six core even further ahead. Even the move for Dirk Nowitzki, which didn't enhance anything, could pay dividends down the line.

Imagine what could happen next year as Snails owns two first round selections , as a result of the Cousins trade. Can anyone step up and beat Snails?!? Let’s go guys. Let’s not let “Snails” become synonymous with “Bulls” or “Lakers” and get them into three-peat land. For now, congratulations Trieu, for showing the rest of the league what a dedicated, involved, and classy champion looks like.

As for Spade, hopefully Randall is happy with his Finals performance. Taking Snails down to the wire was no small feat. Especially when Jrue Holiday ended up injured as the week went on. Kawhi Leonard came back to post two huge games but his two missed ones truly hurt, thrusting the likes of Patrick Beverley, Brandon Jennings, and Kobe Bryant into service. And since we’re Kobe haters here, we’d argue that Kobe’s 11-28, 39.3 FG% showing on Sunday might have been the one that lost FG% for Spade. Sure, Bryant had a gaudy 34 PTS but that wasn’t enough was it? The upset formula would have taken more 3PT anyway, and Spade fell just two short.

Still, with a perfectly balanced roster, plus the find that is rookie Devin Booker, it’s very possible Spade could make a return showing in next year’s Finals as they’ve gone 12-7, 12-7, 15-4 in owner Randall’s three years with us, along with back-to-back division titles. Let's hope they can rise to the challenge next season!

2016 Toilet Bowl: Big Loser, Again

And just like we had a repeat winner in the Finals, last year’s Toilet Bowl winner took the crown again also. Funk Coalition won the rights to 2016 #1 draft pick Karl-Anthony Towns — who averaged 17.8 PTS, 13.3 REB, 4.5 AST, 1.0 BLK and 1.0 3PT for the week — and will get the chance to add another foundational piece in next year’s draft.

Funk started off the week hot and kept up the pressure from there, eventually taking FG% from Buffy, which was likely their category to lose. It was a big week for the Detroit Pistons and Funk cashed in with Marcus Morris (9 3PT), Andre Drummond, and Tobias Harris all contributing across the board. At the end of the day, coach Jon cruised to an easy victory and will be excited to transform his loser team into a so-so team with the help of two #1 overall selections.

Note: Pogiboys nearly pulled back-to-back Toilet Bowl victories in 2013-4, but even with the addition of Anthony Davis and Victor Oladipo, have only managed to regress since a stellar 2015.

As for Buffy, they’ll have to face the off-season knowing that they’ll get a great college guy to pair with Isaiah Thomas and Khris Middleton. It was an impressive coaching job by Buffy during their Toilet Bowl run but in the end they just couldn’t quite avoid the upset. Still, getting the #2 overall draft could result in Ben Simmons or Brandon Ingraham, coinciding with one of the two likely to become a Laker too. Owner Roger must be overjoyed at the prospect.

2016 Finals Previews

Well, it wasn’t exactly an exciting semi-final week as every winner took the matchup in a blow out. We almost had a super rare 9-0 victory too, and the one category that ended up being lost by Spade wasn’t TOs but AST! Let’s take a look at the remaining two games for the 2016 season.

Finals
#1 Sour Snails (19-0) vs Team Spade (15-4)
In two seasons, Snails has gone 36-1-1 during the regular season and is threatening to dominate their way to another title. Check this, the last time Snails lost a game was in late November 2014. (Their tie was in late Jan 2015.) And while things seem like an inevitability right now, GM Trieu has worked hard to construct this almost perfect roster. Each year Trieu tinkers and right now he’s exactly like the Golden State Warriors: breaking records. And minds. Needless to say, their opponent, Russell Conference’s #1 seed Team Spade, has a big uphill battle ahead of them.

For Randall, this will be Spade’s first SlamNation Finals appearance after joining the league three seasons ago. There was concern that Spade would actually become Slam’s dominant team after a stellar dispersal draft. But injuries derailed those aspirations two years in a row. But now, Spade has arrived. And relatively healthy too. Well, Eric Bledsoe is on IR and out for the season, and Kawhi Leonard suffered a missed game already, but for the most part, this is the deepest — and healthiest — Spade has been during the post-season. Rookie Devin Booker has emerged as the leader of the backcourt and he has a rejuvenated Jrue Holiday and waiver wire surprise Ish Smith helping him along the way. The perfectly balanced front court Al Horford, Paul Millsap, and Kevin Love is tough to beat, and if Leonard can play, he’s got the across the board numbers to give Spade the type of team that can beat a strong contender like Death Star 8-1.

Then again, for all of Spade’s amazing team balance and construction, it’s tough to deal with Snails’ backcourt of Stephen Curry, Russell Westbrook, Jimmy Butler, and Klay Thompson. And now they have Hassan Whiteside and Gorgui Dieng monstering it up in the middle, and then there’s Dirk Nowitzki’s shooting to add even more offensive firepower to the mix. dSnails wiped the floor with Fat Jubas in the Chamberlain Conference Finals and if we look at how Snails versus Spade would have fare last week, Trieu’s team would have won 6-3, losing by only a handful each in REB, STL, and TOs. The optimist in us wants to say that Spade has a chance to upset Snails this week, but the realist says that barring injury, Snails is going to repeat.

Then again, the fates wouldn’t let a team go undefeated all the way right? In a sixteen team league that wants to remain competitive? It's hard to say if we want to see history, and a back-to-back champion, crowned. Or if we want to see Spade take out Snails for a major upset. I guess let's see where this matchup goes and celebrate the owner either way as this is our first #1 vs #1 Finals since, well, since ever! We've never had the two best teams face off for the title so this is history in the making already! Good luck to Trieu and Randall!


Toilet Bowl Finals
#1 LA Buffy (9-9-1) vs #3 Funk Coalition (6-13)
Last year, Funk Coalition handily took a Toilet Bowl win despite being 3-16 during the regular season and the lowly #4 seed in the Russell Conference. This year, they threaten to win back-to-back Toilet Bowls as the #3 seed. Their opponent, Buffy, almost made the playoffs on the strength of a 0.500 record but was relegated to the losers bracket. Instead they'll be in their second Toilet Bowl finals, but Roger is looking for his first consolation win after his loss six years ago. Buffy should be the favorite heading into this matchup but it’s likely that their big man heavy team may be running into Funk’s giant sized squad at just the wrong time.

Neither Buffy nor Funk can PTS or 3PT much, and it’s possible that last place PTS/3PT Funk could take both categories as they have inexplicably become average-ish at both for the Toilet Bowl run. From there, it’s likely REB and AST will go to Funk while Buffy will have the edge in FG%, FT%, and TOs. That leaves STL and BLK up for debate, and it’ll be a challenge to see if Tristan Thompson, Robin Lopez, Tim Duncan, and Taj Gibson can fend off Karl-Anthony Towns, Andre Drummond, and DeAndre Jordan. Or maybe the battle will revolve around the outside shooting of Marcus Morris, Tobias Harris, and CJ Miles for Funk versus Isaiah Thomas, Khris Middleton, and George Hill for Buffy. Either way, the battle for likely 2017 overall #1 pick Ben Simmons is coming down to a Lakers (fan) versus a Celtics (fan)!

Totally unbiased here... But, go green! Related side note: I am going to be so upset if/when the Lakers get the #1 pick in the lottery. So so upset.

Boogietown

We’re a little behind but we gotta cover the trades that dropped before the deadline because they were huge and have already impacted the playoffs! Two weeks ago we thought it would be a quiet trade deadline as rumors swirled but nothing seemed to happen. The biggest move seemed likely to involve Tobias Harris, just like in the real NBA, but then a huge blockbuster came out a few hours after: DeMarcus Cousins, traded! Then Boogie immediately Boogied and got suspended by the Kings. Haha. But who will have the last laugh on that deal? Could we find out in Brother Bowl II?!?

• ID#61: Funk Coalition receive Tobias Harris from NJ All-Stars in exchange for Funk’s 2017 RD2
• ID#62: Sour Snails receive Hassan Whiteside, Bradley Beal, Luol Deng, Death Star’s 2017 RD1 in exchange for DeMarcus Cousins, Rudy Gay, David Lee, and Snails 2017 RD3
• ID#63: Chunky Monkeys receive Serge Ibaka from Squirtle Squad in exchange for Goran Dragic and Meyers Leonard
• ID#64: Sour Snails receive Dirk Nowitzki from Silent Crows in exchange for Bradley Beal

Let’s take a look at the four pre-deadline moves starting with the biggest of them all, the swap that netted our defending champs Hassan Whiteside, Luol Deng, a first rounder next year, and (eventually) Dirk Nowitzki! With a hefty lead in PTS over every other team, GM Trieu felt he could afford moving the all around awesomeness of Cousins (acquired back in 2013 as part of a mega-deal that shipped out Kevin Love) for Whiteside’s more focused 11.8 REB and 3.7 BLK, not to mention 61.1 FG%. Luol Deng has been balling it up over the past two weeks too, dropping in impressive all around numbers that mitigated losing Rudy Gay.

And then Snails did a quick follow up deal that flipped the injury prone Beal for Nowitzki, further adding juice to a high scoring team that bombs from deep. Dirk ain’t Dirk anymore, but he’s still at 18.8 PTS, 6.7 REB, 1.7 3PT on the season, with sterling percentages. It’s an all-in move by Snails, securing a championship savvy veteran, and all indications point toward Snails not being shy about defending their title. All in all, it’s hard to say if Snails got more or less dominant but gaining a huge uptick in BLK addresses one of their few weaknesses. Good luck SlamNation...

As for Death Star, they have already used Cousins to win a first round battle and even if this season doesn’t end in another Finals appearance or a title, they’ll have 27.1 PTS, 11.6 REB, 3.3 AST, 1.5 STL, 1.4 BLK and 1.1 3PT of Boogie-town to pair with John Wall and Damian Lillard. And let’s not sleep on Rudy Gay’s underrated versatility as a forward who contributes 17.2 PTS, 6.4 REB, 1.3 STL, and 1.1 3PT per game. Gay is back with Death Star after being moved three years ago. Overall we love this trade for Thien because of both its immediate impact and the future implications of having Cousins as the front court anchor. This post-season could see Death Star prove themselves as the definitive cream of Russell Conference after this mega-deal.

Nowitzki was moved as an old-for-young (again) to Silent Crows in exchange for the oft-moved Bradley Beal. It’s a great deal as Crows were out of playoff contention this year and can weather another injured player with Blake Griffin and Carmelo Anthony ailing. Beal is capable of 17.5 PTS, 1.9 3PT per game but he’ll have to stay on the court more often to emerge as a reliable piece. He’s still just twenty-two years old so a long career should still await him. Plus, he’ll have plenty of company in the training room!

Our last deadline deal involved championship hopeful Chunky Monkeys finally pulling the trigger on a big man. They flipped Goran Dragic — attached to at least three other teams — for Serge Ibaka and that gives them the frontline presence they’ve long needed alongside Marc Gasol. Ibaka is having a slightly down year, averaging only 12.6 PTS, 6.8 REB, and most importantly, an “underwhelming” 2.0 BLKs, but he should bounce back to higher numbers next seasons. And next year it’ll have to be because for all of GM Evan’s all-in pushes this season, injuries torn apart his dreams and he’ll have sit on vacation until LeBron and Harden can give it another shot in 2017.

As for Squirtles, they’ll continue their Toilet Bowl run with the newly acquired Dragic, who has been awesome the past few weeks, averaging 16.4 PTS, 7.3 AST, and almost a STL and 3PT per game. Brian’s team has been lacking a true point guard since the rapid decline of Ty Lawson, but Dragic should fit the bill nicely. And if Zach LaVine or Greek Freak really are point guards too, well then...

So, that's another exciting trade deadline in the books, and thank goodness we got a mega-deal to mull over. Toward the offseason and more fireworks gentlemen!