Making Money Moves

There’s always a lot of pre-postseason trades happening and this year was a deadline filled doozie! Let’s not bury the lede here, as Sour Snails, our three time defending champs and suffering from an injury plagued year, looked like they might be headed to the Toilet Bowl. Instead, Trieu got off the mat and swung two huge trades that might have given Snails new life for a proper title defense.

Trade ID#83:
• Sour Snails receive Damian Lillard, Julius Randle
• Team Thien receives Jimmy Butler, Mike Conley

Trade ID#84:
• Sour Snails receive Isaiah Thomas, Markieff Morris
• Buffy receives Kyle Kuzma, Derrick Favors

As if we thought last year’s mega-bomb trades were impressive, Trieu went out and turned all his injured assets into healthy players and maybe even upgraded his keeper core to boot! Damian Lillard has been out of his mind, averaging 29.3 PTS, 6.3 AST, 3.8 3PT in his last month of games. His return to Snail-land means he’ll slide in for the duo of Mike Conley and Jimmy Butler, who were both effectively out for the fantasy playoffs — Conley has only played twelve games total this year. And Julius Randle has been incredibly lately too, with 21.6 PTS, 10.3 REB, 60.2 FG% in his most recent month of playing. That’s two injured stars for one-and-a-half!

As if that wasn’t enough, Trieu swung for the fences again, dealing rookie sensation Kyle Kuzma (and Derrick Favors, the payback from his mid-season deal off of Jason Richardson) for maligned former All-Star Isaiah Thomas and Markieff Morris. While IT4 has had a rough season, t’s inarguable that he’s sort of back to form with his stay on the Lakers, averaging 17.3 PTS, 5.6 AST, 2.3 3PT, albeit on 38.2 FG%, during his past few weeks. While losing Kuzma was painful after stealing him in the draft, GM Trieu decided to gamble on Isaiah’s return to health. After these two deals, Sour Snails are back in title contention with an explosive roster…but first they have to make the playoffs.

As for Team Thien, why do this? A playoff spot was all but locked up, a possible division title, and at first glance this seemed like a deal that was designed to only tank — but with no reward. However, with DeMarcus Cousins tearing an ACL, John Wall sitting pretty on the WAS bench, and even Gary Harris dinged up, GM Thien decided to wisely fold up shop and wait for next year. He gets two star guards in return for Lillard — Butler is 28, Conley is 30 — and will walk away from a title run.

And then we have Buffy, who surprised us all with the IT4 deal which flipped an old Laker for a young one, and gives Roger Brandon Ingram and Kuzma to play with his team. (Is Lonzo Ball next?!?) We like this move for Buffy, as they needed to get younger and IT4’s situation was dicey at best. Kuzma has cooled off considerably but is still averaging a sweet 14.1 PTS, 7.8 REB, 2.3 3PT during his last month. Favors will just be a throw-in, but he’ll get the chance to play in Toilet Bowl action. This leads to our next deal involving Buffy...

Trade ID#85:
• Buffy receive Klay Thompson, Nikola Mirotic
• Funk Coalition receive Khris Middleton

Roger received Klay Thompson (although injured right after) and Mirotic, which bolsters his long range shooting. As one of the steadiest performers in the game, Klay gonna Klay, averaging 19.7 PTS and 3.1 3PT plus sterling percentages across the board. Mirotic had been a minor revelation on the Bulls, and he has been almost as good on New Orleans, making him a possible keeper replacement for the likes of Danilo Gallinari.

Middleton joins the newly competitive Funk Coalition, proving himself healthy with season averages of 20.0 PTS, 5.2 REB, 4.0 AST, and 1.8 3PT. Whether Middleton shines as an NBA All-Star or not, he’ll prove a more versatile part of Funk than Thompson.

Trade ID#87:
• Swamp Dragons receive Chunky Monkeys 2019 RD2 and 2020 RD4
• Chunky Monkeys receive Eric Gordon, Swamp Dragons 2019 RD4

And let’s not forget the current regular season champ’s counterpunch, as Chunky Monkeys added Eric Gordon for the price of a few picks. We’re pretty sure Evan sweated it up after Trieu’s monster moves, and he decided to bolster his roster by adding 18.0 PTS and 3.1 3PT to his playoff team, just to make sure they could keep up with Snails’ new look roster. Will it be enough to topple the champs? We’ll have to find out!