RD1 Toilet Bowl: 2018

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Squirtle Squad (9-10-2) vs #4 LA Buffy (3-16-2)
It’s been three long years out of the playoffs for Squirtle, and despite battling down to a third tie-breaker, they came up short again — a 0-7-1 record from WK10-17 certainly didn’t help matters. However, they’ll have a great shot at adding to their young core in a deep draft. The core of Giannis Antetokounmpo, underrated Nikola Vucevic, and recovering Zach LaVine ain’t bad, and GM Brian was able to find a gem in Bogdan Bogdanovic, MVP of the Rookie Game this year. In addition, signs of life from Mario Hezonja and newly invigorated Larry Nance Jr. are welcome too. Heck, even 2018 #2 overall pick Lonzo Ball has proven to be a worthy selection as he has become a AST/REB/STL monster, along with BLK and 3PT. Given another season, Ball could find his shot and become even more of a triple-double threat. It’s been a steady climb back up from three wins to eight to nine, and next year should put Squirtles back into post-season contention. But first, another blue chip piece...

Once a competitive presence in the division, Buffy has fallen upon hard times and hasn’t sniffed the playoffs since 2013. Since then they’ve had 5/8/9/7/3 wins and 2018 was a new nadir. The good news is that with such a terrible record, Buffy is guaranteed a top four pick in the draft. If they can pull themselves together, they could move up two or three slots. Two pre-playoff trades mean they’ll have Kyle Kuzma and (newly injured) Klay Thompson in the fold but this team is very banged up. With no star on the roster, Buffy desperately needs to draft one or hope that Brandon Ingram can be right on schedule as Lakers’ savior. (Also, did anyone know Jordan Clarkson was half-Filipino and formed an all Asian-American backcourt with Jeremy Lin a few years ago?!) Roger has been to the Toilet Bowl finals before — in 2016 — and he’ll hope to get there again to mine some talent.

#2 Sager’s Suits and Ties (9-11-1) vs #3 IL Conceived (8-12-1)
Just two years removed from a dispersal draft that seemed to tilt heavily in Team Cameltoe’s favor, SST has proven that his team is the one headed on an upward trajectory. Victor Oladipo has emerged as a world wrecking fantasy talent, while Bradley Beal has elevated himself to superstar status as well. The two new foundations for the team usurp Blake Griffin and Draymond Green, but together all four are quite a lovely core for Matt to build around. And let’s not forget Lou Williams, who has been one of the best scorers in the league and has served as the point guard for a team that had been traditionally devoid of one. Add in Steven Adams in the middle, plus a possible high pick next season, and there’s no way SST won’t be right in the thick of a playoff hunt — barring coach Matt’s inattention to the team... (Careful SlamNation watchers noticed that Beal sat on the bench for a month during his explosive post-All Star games.)

Ostensibly building for the future, IL Conceived found themselves on the fast track to success this season as rookie owner Frank hit on rookies Donovan Mitchell, Dennis Smith Jr, Jordan Bell, and more. A mid-season trade may have hampered their Toilet Bowl chances but IL Conceived still find themselves mighty competitive as they went 4-1 over their last five games. The emergence of Boby Portis post-Mirotic trade has been a delight and there seems to be plenty of young talent here for GM Frank to fiddle with and build into. An eight-win season after taking over a team that had won literally nothing for years has to count as a major success. An appearance in the Toilet Bowl finals and a chance to select a top NCAA player? That would just be icing on the cake!

Russell Conference
#1 Swamp Dragons (12-7-2) vs #4 Team Spade (2-19)
With twelve wins, plus another showing in the Toilet Bowl coming off a winning record, Swamp Dragons seems over qualified for the consolation bracket. Last year they won the whole thing and took Markelle Fultz, this year they’ll be heavy favorites to go back-to-back in the Toilet Bowl. A team teeming with depth, led by Paul George and Nikola Jokic, GM Eddie already moved spare pieces for draft picks and consolidated two more players into Gordon Hayward. A 7-1 closing record over the last two months may have left Swamp out of title contention but if they can’t get into the playoffs next year with a seemingly loaded roster, we’ll have to start an investigation. Also, shout out to Taurean “The Prince that was Promised” Prince, who just dumped 38 points twice in the span of a week...

For the first time in franchise history, stretching back two owners, Spade will not make the playoffs. After a two-win season, Spade might as well start researching who to draft next season, as Randall’s team has been rocked by injuries all year. A tight core could soon be up for a revamp. Then again, how do you improve on Kawhi Leonard, Devin Booker, Eric Bledsoe, Kevin Love, Paul Millsap, and Al Horford? We’re going to assume GM Randall has a plan for Spade next year, and maybe this was a strategic tank year, ala Tim Duncan Spurs, and Spade will return  to some glory next season. Maybe fire that training staff first though? (In related news, Randall is in med school….)

#2 Snack Bears (6-15) vs #3 Team Cameltoe (5-15-1)
When the going get tough, the big guy sits down. That’s been the story for Snack Bears over the past two seasons, as Kristaps Porzingis has suffered from injuries during the tail end of his NBA campaigns. With Porzingis out, it’s been all Dwight Howard can do to keep the team alive. In this era of pace and space, can Howard (admittedly a monster this year numbers wise) and Andre Drummond co-exist? There are signs that a young backcourt could be emerging, as Will Barton, Spencer Dinwiddie, and rookie De’Aaron Fox showed they could have keeper potential. Fellow rookies Jonathan Isaac and Bam Adebayo are probably a year or two away, and it looks like a Toilet Bowl run without Evan Fournier, Porzingis, and Marcus Smart could be tough to pull off. We’re curious what GM Brandon will have in mind for his off-season as the Snack Bears look to retool. We Bare Bears!

Is Anthony Davis a fantasy curse? For years, MoRRie’s Pogiboys couldn’t win with Davis in the middle, despite his near MVP-level numbers. The Brow has been incredible this season, staying relatively healthy also, but Cameltoe can’t seem to win much. After coming out of the gates 3-3, they followed that up with a 1-12-1 stretch before beating current Toilet Bowl matchup Snack Bears by one BLK. We want to say more help is coming for Cameltoe but if they can’t get into the TB Finals, the best they can hope for is the #5 pick in the 2019 draft. At least this year’s prize rookie, Joshua Jackson has picked up steam lately, as the athletic swingman is averaging 16.6 PTS, 5.9 REB, 1.3 STL per game over the past month. Fellow rookie Malik Monk is looking bust-like, and it’s an open question if he’ll be a keeper. The last two drafts yielded Jackson and Buddy Hield but more talent will have to come if Felipe wants Davis to reach the playoffs.