Just Keep Losing

Let's take a look at a group of teams that have yet to win a game. Really? Four weeks in and no wins? Ouch. Interestingly, these four teams reside in just two of the divisions. As usual, the ultra-competitive Transformers division has every team above .500 and the Thundercats got their worst team out of the winless column last week. Here's a quick look at our worst teams so far this young season.

Jedi Knights (0-4)
It's been an ugly start of the season for this decrepit franchise. They are ranked 14th in 3PT, REB, STL, second-to-last in PTS, and last in AST and BLK (not to mention moves made). Their one bright spot? Turnovers, where they are ranked first in the league. All the promise from last year's roster has mostly been swept aside as players like Dorell Wright, Jared Dudley, and OJ Mayo have way underachieved. Perhaps a new arena deal and move is necessary?

Dirk Nowitzki is averaging only 5.4 REB per game, Nene is at only 13.4 PTS, and while there are some promising pieces, it all adds up to a whole lot of nothing. David Lee is back to his double double game and Wesley Matthews has built upon his breakout season. Other than that though, it's looking pretty bleak out there for a Jedi Knight. We think it's time for a focused rebuild, with Dirk being dangled for a brighter future.

Fob Stars (0-4)
While the Fobbies have faced a tough schedule early on -- opponents are 12-4 on the season -- there is still enough to cause concern for their ownership group. For one, they don't have a single player averaging more than 16 PPG. That's fine but there's also a whole lot of key players averaging less than double digits. In fact, the entire front line of Chris Kaman, Joakim Noah, and Emeka Okafor are under 10.0 PPG. Those three aren't rebounding that well either, as not one of them is over double digit rebounds -- which is not what Noah was brought in here for. Of course, the huge injury to Zach Randolph hurt, but Jimmy needs more from his big men.

Some bright spots include Chauncey Billups' 2.3 3PT, Nick Young's 16 PPG, and DJ Augustin's 6.6 AST. The return of Michael Beasley will be much appreciated and high hopes still rest on Evan Turner's all around game. Overall the team ranks last in FG% and STL, is weak in FT%, 3PT, REB, and is ranked 14th in AST and PTS. They are only above average in BLK and TO. We recommend waiting for some of these players to turn the corner and then maybe pursue a trade or two.

So Buckets (0-4)
While their expansion partner NJ All-Stars has zoomed out to a winning record, Josh's team has suffered the indignity of waiting for their first win. Facing off their first three weeks against teams that were a combined 10-2 wasn't helping matters either. A win last week against winless Funk Coalition would have been a nice moral boost but that didn't happen. Right now the So Buckets are looking forward to a big WK6 matchup against NJ All-Stars and then two games against other winless teams to right their season.

Statistically, this team has been average in most of the stat categories, shading stronger in FG% and TO, while being weak in FT% and BLK. Before the season, we loved this roster and there's still a lot to like, but when rookie Kyrie Irving is leading this team in scoring, it's more Cleveland Cavaliers than winning franchise. Pau Gasol should be at more than 15.8 PTS, David West has been really bad at 11.8 PTS, while Andre Igoudala and Gerald Wallace are still contributing across the board, but they are only combining for 27.4 PPG. It's too early to make too many moves here, but there might need to be a shakeup to get this roster a winning team that eschews PTS but does all of the little things.

Slam N' Dragon (0-4)
What a fall to the bottom of the standings for Thien's team. They almost won their first game of the season but since then have won fewer and fewer categories each subsequent matchup. Ovearll they are bad at FG% and turnovers, weak in PTS, and dead last in 3PT. They aren't too shabby in REB and are strong in BLK (Wade and Wall average 2.7 BLK combined) but there's not too many other high points here.

John Wall and Jordan Crawford are doing their best to sink the FG% category, and Wall has been a TO machine. Still, Wall is having a good sophomore season and he's going to be a fantasy gem for years to come. Rudy Gay has returned to the court with 18.9 PTS (but strangely, only 0.6 3PT) and Andrew Bynum is a beast down low. With Paul Pierce and Dwayne Wade rounding into shape and returning from injury, the Dragon has slumbered for awhile but is getting ready to rise up just after the Lunar New Year. The question is with this short regular season, is there enough time to catch up?

Smooth Moves

With the owners jockeying to take advantage of the short season, trades have been abundant in this young SlamNation season. Last week, old friends Eric-L of the Fat Jubas and Evanof the Chunky Monkeys put together a small deal aimed at shoring up category needs.

The Monkeys shipped off DeMar DeRozan for 3 point shooter Aaron Afflalo and the versatile Austin Daye. Derozan will give Eric some much needed youth and should provides high volume scoring. For the Monkeys, the key to this deal was Afflalo and his long range capability as well as his defensive prowess. Austin Daye was seen somewhat as a project though his recent slate of starts have thrusted him into the Monkeys lineup.

According to the Monkeys' GM, Evan, "It was tough to give up DeMar - the kid was the most athletic guy we had in our lineup. I wish him all the luck with his new team. We're very happy to have Afflalo and Austin on our squad though. Aaron will be an immediate starter and we'll look for him to be that spot up shooter we're always looking for. Austin is the sleeper of this transaction. We love his upside, his versatility to play that PF position and his ability to hit the 3. We'll need coach to find him more minutes but we're looking forward to seeing him in more and more games."

(Chamberlain Conference) Silverhawks

Fat Jubas (15-4)
Eric-L's team has won the Silverhawks division two years running -- while tying for most regular season wins last season -- and they look like they have one more solid run in them. The veteran core of Steve Nash, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett are incredibly efficient but they'll need some help this season. Brook Lopez regressed last year but could scoop up more REB this season. Oh wait, he's gone for two months, ouch. Marcin Gortat will have to pick up the slack then, and give the Jubas as much as he can. Nicolas Batum, Landry Fields, and Aaron Afflalo will add some young legs and athleticism and help the old guys stay alive for a deep post-season run. As currently constructed, the bench doesn't offer much -- Austin Daye, Beno Udrih, Brandon Bass, Ramon Sessions -- but they may need to step in when the veterans take some of those back-to-back-to-backs off. This team is outstanding in the percentage categories, as well as 3PT and TOs but don't offer much in the way of STL or BLK. And the only player slated to average more than 2.5 AST per game is Steve Nash.

Sour Snails (14-5)
Two Finals appearances, one championship, and the balls to trade off Lebron James. Having only lost seven total games during their franchises' history -- including the playoffs -- Trieu's team squad is the most dangerous team in the land. Back in the day, the Snails used to small ball with LBJ, Gerald Wallace, and Josh Smith providing insane REB/BLK numbers anyway, but now they are a much more traditional team. James and Wallace are gone, and it's up to Smith and Kevin Love to provide the rebounds for a team that loves to run. DeJuan Blair will help a bit here, but there's not much on the front line behind these three. On the other hand, the two Stephens (Curry and Jackson) will lead a free shooting offense of Danilo Gallinari, Raymond Felton, Rip Hamilton, rookie Jimmer Fredette, and Mo Williams -- trapped in China Aaron Brooks will hardly be missed. Few can compete with this team's 3PT, FT%, and STL numbers, but they could be a bit vulnerable on the glass or possibly in the PTS department. Still, until someone stops him, Trieu is the odds on favorite for another Finals appearance.

Fob Stars (6-13)
There's always a lot of high hopes for this franchise, at least on paper, but when the games get started, they invariably falter. With just ten regular season wins in their two seasons, Jimmy's team needed a big turnaround soon. Fortunately, it seems like they're headed that way this season. Their frontline is solid, with Zach Randolph, Joakim Noah, Emeka Okafor, and Chris Kaman dominating the REB and BLK categories. New acquisitions Michael Beasley and Nick Young will add some badly needed scoring punch while Evan Turner has to be better, right? We aren't sure if Chauncey Billups, DJ Augustin, and Lou Williams are the long term answers in the backcourt but they can pass a little and chuck up 3PT at least. With a bit of luck and tinkering, the Fob Stars should be strong enough in most categories to get to 0.500, despite competing in the same division as juggernaut teams such as the Sour Snails and Fat Jubas.

Jedi Knights (4-15)
Two straight years of four wins apiece. Needless to say, this team needs some help. The good news is their keeper core got a lot stronger with the surprising seasons by Dorell Wright and Wesley Matthews. With Dirk Nowitzki, Nene, and David Lee taking care of business in the paint, Chris' team may have finally gotten some balance. Wright, Matthews, OJ Mayo, and first round selection Jared Dudley will have this team raining threes all over the place. The question is if there's any point guards on this roster. We like Jerryd Bayless some, but he's not quite a PG and he's going to time share anyway. Rodrigue Beaubois and Iman Shumpert lend some hope but probably not much production. Still, despite the hole in the backcourt, the Knights shouldn't plateau at four wins again. We hope.

(Russell Conference) Voltron

Slam'N Dragon (11-8)
It could have been Thien's worst to first story last season, as they won John Wall in the Toilet Bowl and went 11-8 after a 9-9 season. Instead they were upset by Human Amoebas and now must regroup to move forward. They still have Wall of course, and Dwayne Wade. Adding Tony Allen as the third guard will lock down STL for them, but we forsee Andre Miller or Baron Davis eventually stepping into the lineup. Paul Pierce and Rudy Gay are pretty much the same statistical players and are a fantastic SF pairing. Thien has also done a fantastic job complementing all this outside talent with Andrew Bynum, Tyson Chandler, and Marcus Camby to clear the glass and protect the rim. All three are notoriously injury prone so young PFs Tyler Hansbrough and Tristan Thompson will be used in relief if one of them does go down. We forsee big things for this team going into the 2012 season. If they can stay healthy.

Human Amoebas (9-10)
Despite being the defending SlamNation champions, Eric-A's team has yet to have a winning regular season record. Going from worst to first from 2010 to 2011 is pretty impressive though. They'll return with their killer backcourt of Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, and Monta Ellis. Those three represent the best young guard trio in the league, and when paired with DeMarcus Cousins, Paul Millsap, and Andray Blatche, they have an incredible core. Omri Casspi will be the new starting SF, taking over for Michael Beasley, and big man Channing Frye will contribute by spreading the floor with his 3PT. Sitting on the bench are more guards, as Eric-A scooped up Jamal Crawford, George Hill, and Gary Neal in the draft. If they wanted to, the Amoebas could field a very strong small ball team against certain matchups. While we think there was more offensive explosion on last year's championship squad, the Amoebas are well positioned to contend again. And to finally get a winning record.

So Buckets (8-11)
The previous owner of this franchise made no roster moves and only one lineup change last season and still won the Toilet Bowl. This time, with a new hand at the helm, So Buckets could return right to the top of their division. The dispersal draft shook up the old roster a little and yielded Pau Gasol, Andre Iguodala, Gerald Wallace, David West, Darren Collison, and Toney Douglas. New GM Josh continued his nice work by drafting Kyrie Irving with the first overall pick to give him So Buckets a much needed franchise quality guard. Irving, Collison, and Douglas will be given the chance to grow together, as will talented starting SG Jordan Crawford. Such a strong frontline probably won't need Shawn Marion or Carl Landry much, but they're around to provide terrible hairstyles. Well, that seems to be Marion's job anyway. A late pickup for the Net-bound Mehmet Okur could be big -- as well as Mt. Biyombo in the last round. This team is well balanced and has no weaknesses except for a dearth of 3PT. However, their nice percentages, fantastic STL, and low TOs should allow them to challenge for a division title immediately.

MoRRie's Pogiboys (5-14)
Alvin won SlamNation right before we reset the rules and went to 16 teams, but since then it's been all downhill. The good news is that there's a lot of nice pieces on board. The young backcourt of Brandon Jennings, Devin Harris, Mike Conley, and Marcus Thornton aren't superstars but are individually promising. These guards average at least 1.0 3PT/STL each and the three PG are above 5.0 AST. Also, rookie Brandon Knight could emerge as another quality point guard option. The frontcourt is anchored by Amare Stoudemire but he'll need Roy Hibbert to step up his game beside him. Perennial tease Tyrus Thomas is Alvin's crack and he's back again. If neither him nor Hibbert step up, Amare is going to be all alone inside, unless you think rookie Enes Kanter is ready to contribute. In theory Andrei Kirilenko will support in STL and BLK but he's injured often and may not beat out Carlos Delfino at the small forward spot. The Pogis are probably looking at another last place finish in Voltron division but coming close to a 0.500 record would be a huge step up.

(Chamberlain Conference) Transformers

LA Buffy (13-6)
After being a runner up in the 2010 Toilet Bowl, Buffy took their game up a level and won the tough Transformers division last year. They were upended by Sour Snails in RD1 but are looking to make a much deeper post-season run this time around. Traditionally stacked with big men, Roger has Marc Gasol, Elton Brand, Carlos Boozer, Lamar Odom, and Tim Duncan manning the paint. Danny Granger is the offensive focal point but he'll have to carry a much heavier load this season. There isn't a lot of backcourt answers here, as rookie Kemba Walker and Vince Carter are the starting PG and SG respectively. At the worst, they'll team with Granger and third guard Wesley Johnson to provide some good 3PT shooting -- losing Wilson Chandler to China didn't help at the swingman position. Buffy favorite Rashard Lewis is also around, happy for another chance. There won't be many AST from this team but they'll compete through FG%, REB, BLK, and low TOs. Oh and that Granger for Brandon Roy trade a few years back looks pretty great now right?

Half Man Half ImAsian (12-7)
Oliver started off 8-0 last season before collapsing a bit and recovering just in time for the playoffs. His team has posted double digit wins in each of their first two seasons and are always contenders. We think Half and Half had a good draft and we like their added depth. Kevin Durant is now the uncontested alpha dog after last season's trade of Russell Westbrook and he'll have LaMarcus Aldridge's inside presence for a full season. Rodney Stuckey and Jarrett Jack will run the backcourt, with Anthony Morrow or Rudy Fernandez coming in to space the floor. A healthy Andrew Bogut and Anderson Varejao will help a lot, as will new King J.J. Hickson. And let's not forget JaVale McGee and his continuing ascent. We're a bit worried about Metta World Peace but this team's good chemistry should keep him on the level. Half Man Half ImAsian will be strong in 3PT, BLK, and FT%, while staying balanced all around. We smell another division win.

Squirtle Squad (11-8)
Showing some good growth, Brian's team has gone from eight wins to eleven last season. The problem is, they are in the toughest division and will likely need to up that number by another or or two wins to secure a playoff berth. The good news is: Lob City! After trading for Deron Williams last season, and having Blake Griffin emerge to rock rims, the fans have bought up every season ticket to the aerial show. Serge Ibaka is twice the defensive menace DeAndre Jordan is, and the three of them will team up with Joe Johnson to give this team a fantastic core. A saavy pre-draft trade brought Ty Lawson aboard (and shifted Ricky Rubio out) and he'll be the perfect third guard here. We also think Hedo Turkoglu, Ben Gordon, and Thaddeus Young were undervalued going into the season and their outside shooting will be much appreciated. If Greg Monroe can help Griffin and Ibaka out, this team is ready to take their first division title. Everyone had to Google Kenneth Faried when Brian drafted him, right?

2005 NBA All-Star Game (9-10)
This team's three letter identifier is "OLD," which is about right. We're not sure who's gonna babysit Derrick Favors and Ricky Rubio (a nice pre-draft grab) but we're thinking Jason Kidd. Although Mr. Kidd hasn't proven to be the greatest domestic partner so maybe that's not a good idea. After a division win in 2010, Steve's team is likely on the decline. Kidd, Jason Richardson, Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison, Manu Ginobili, Corey Maggette, and even Samuel Dalembert have all seen their best days. The veterans still have their productive qualities though, but will that be enough to keep Dwight Howard around? With an aging team, there's a chance Howard could opt-out and look for some teammates he can grow old with. Will Rubio and Favors be enough to convince him that he should stay? Maybe Dwight can babysit his young friends while the other guys keep farting along. Of course, the 2005 NBA All-Stars could be sneaky good this season. They have nice 3PT, great STL, strong BLK if Dalembert pans out, and could even outscore most of the league. Hum, a glorious ride into the sunset perhaps?