I'm Outta Here

In solidarity with today's surprise announcement that Jerry Sloan will be stepping down as coach of the Utah Jazz after 23 seasons and 1,127 wins, his protege, the coach of the Funk Coalition will also step down after after two seasons and ten wins. We would name the Funk's coach but it appears nobody in the organization knows what his/her name was. Long time Funker, point guard Tony Parker, said, "Attendez que nous avions un entraîneur-chef? Quand? Je m'ennuie de toi Eva!" Translated to the King's English, it means: "Wait we had a head coach? When? I miss you Eva!"

On a one game winning streak, the new Funk Coalition is charging up the charts and only a game out of the playoffs. Carmelo Anthony and Tyreke Evans have been stellar but it's been the emotional return of Kendrick Perkins (averaging 7.0 PTS, 10.7 REB, 2.0 BLK) that has steadied the team. In addition, snubbed by the All Star team, LaMarcus Aldridge is making his case for most pissed off player of the year by dropping two 40+ PTS games after the announcement.

As for former face of the Funk franchise and recently traded Deron Williams, whom ESPN reports was the leading cause of Sloan's retirement, chants of "coach killer" will surely follow him the rest of his career and possibly demoralize his confidence forever.