One Month: Losers

Last week we looked at the four best teams so far. Now we'll look at the four worst.

Human Amoebas (0-5)
Eric-A's team can't shoot; not from the field, the charity stripe, or the three point line. They have trouble rebounding, they don't pass the ball, and they are dead last in points scored. Hey at least they're leading the league in the TO category! Facing oppponents who were a combined 17-8 has not helped one bit. With Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, and Dirk Nowitzki with big fat "O's" next to their name, there isn't much light at the end of the tunnel here. Or wait, is there? I mean, We are high on rookies Harrison Barnes and Andre Drummond, but both are at least one year away. Austin Rivers has been disappointing, but he's getting the reps to find out if he has any NBA career ahead of him. Coach Eric-A is living and dying -- mostly the latter -- with Monta Ellis, DeMarcus Cousins, and Paul Milllsap as their replacment stars. Until the Amoebas can get some their actual superstars healthy, they could be in contention for a winless season.

Jedi Knights (0-4-1)
GM Chris hasn't dipped into the free agent pool yet this season, but a lot of pre-season trades, as well as a recent exchange of Wes Matthews for Greivis Vasquez means this team needs time to gel. Currently they are weak in FT%/STL/BLK, and pretty middle of the pack everywhere else, aside from a sterling FG%. They've faced a very tough schedule so far, as four of their first five opponents have had winning records. What's strange is that almost every player on the roster is outperforming their pre-season expectations. O.J. Mayo has been great, Chandler Parsons is dropping in 3PT, DeAndre Jordan is more than serviceable again, Thaddeus Young is emerging Mo Williams is averaging 7.1 AST, David Lee is a double double machine. Even Metta World Peace is useful with his 1.8 STL and 2.3 3PT. The retooled Knights haven't won a game yet, but they are an encouraging winless team, if that's possible. Note: The rest of the Silverhawks division is tied at 3-2, leaving the Knights way behind the eight ball already.

Funk Coalition (1-4)
After an encouraging first win, the reconstructed Funk Coalition have been in a tailspin. Playing a strange brand of fantasy, the Funk dominate in FG%, punt FT% and 3PT, have stellar AST numbers, but can't play enough defense, or score enough to pick up victories. The recent trade of Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans should give th GM Jon more big men to deploy, but something is deeply flawed here, as results have been a headache for fans and front office alike. Dwight Howard has been as good as advertised with 18.8 PTS, 11.5 REB, 2.8 BLK, 59.5 FG% but rumors are that his goofy personality is not sitting well with the stoic leadership provided by Rajon Rondo. Russell Westbrook is back up to 8+ AST but rumors are he could be headed out of town soon. The early season stumble of the gate could have killed the Coalition's playoff hopes already, as they are in a very tough division. Basically, the Funk suck.

Super Shocker (1-3-1)
It could be time to go back to the "Super Horizon" nickname for this franchise. Their current iteration can put the ball in the hole, but are light on the boards and assists, and about average everywhere else. Not having the services of John Wall and Andrew Bynum hurt of course, but there could be more going on here. The front line can't protect the rim, as Tyson Chandler and Nikola Pekovic are averaging only 1.8 BLK per game. Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, and Rudy Gay are still scoring, but their auxiliary stats have dipped a bit, plus Pierce and Gay are shooting horrifically from the field. After starting off 0-3 though, Thien's team picked up a quality win and tie against Squirtle Squad and Half Man Half ImAsian recently, so there is a light at the end of this tunnel. A third straight division title for Super Shocker is not out of the question here, even with the early season hole they've dug themselves into.