Toilet Bowl Preview RD1: 2013

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Fob Stars (9-9-1) vs #4 Jedi Knights (3-14-2)
Both of these teams were in the Toilet Bowl last year, and both lost in the first round. They've also been the two worst teams in the league -- they accounted for just three wins total in 2012. In fact, these two franchises have finished second to last and dead last in Silverhawks division for four years running. C'mon Jimmy and Lum, get it together! The good news is, there might be some light on the horizon, at least for Fob Stars. They finished a very respectable 0.500 and even led the division at mid-season, before tumbling into the Toilet Bowl on the strength of a 1-4 finish. But the future looks bright as Kemba Walker has emerged as a fantasy star, and rookie Dion Waiters has flashed signs of being a high scoring contributor. With Zach Randolph and Joakim Noah (a career year of  12.0 PTS, 11.5 REB, 4.1 AST, 2.2 BLK, 1.2 STL) anchoring the front line, the Fob Stars could challenge for a postseason berth next year. Hopefully.

As for the Jedi, they started off the season 0-4-1 and finished it on a 0-7-1 tear. Ouch. Before the season, we thought GM Superlum had made some bold moves, but then when he (again) was the bottom dweller in terms of in-season moves, his team failed to fight through a series of injuries. The frontline duo of DeAndre Jordan and David Lee led the team in games played, but aside from OJ Mayo, every other player had time on the injury list. The silver lining to the season has been the return to form by Lee, averaging 18.7 PTS and 11.1 REB, and the nice season put in by Thaddeus Young, Greivis Vasquez, and Chandler Parsons. The trade for Amar'e Stoudemire was a bust, but mainly due to injury. For Jedi Knights to trend upward, we're hoping 2014 brings no sign of another absentee owner season.

#2 Half Man Half ImAsian (7-10-2) vs #3 Eron, Joven and Chandler (6-13)
That these two were headed for the Toilet Bowl was a foregone conclusion at the midpoint of the season. As Transformers division mates, they'll battle it out for supremacy of the bottom. Eron, Joven and Chandler had a rough first season in Slam Nation, but they finished 2-2 against some worthy competition and they can hope to ride Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, Jeff Teague (7.1 AST, 1.5 STL), and the return of Ricky Rubio forward a few rounds. Only Griffin and Teague has managed to play a full slate, so the team has to deal with a lot of injury woes all season. It would be fantastic if Manu Ginobili would step up his game right now, and he's flashed some signs that he might. For GM Chris-L, a top pick in next year's draft would really solidify his roster.

As for Oliver's team, this is all new territory, as they've never been out of the playoffs before -- their 0-6-2 record between WK4 and WK11 did them in. Despite the incredible MVP-esque season by Kevin Durant, the rest of the roster, save LaMarcus Aldridge, has been undependable. Losing Anderson Varejao for the year hurt real bad, and by the time Ersan Ilyasova picked his game back up, it was too late. When JaVale McGee and Mario Chalmers are logging major minutes for your team, that's probably not a good sign. We thought this might be McGee's breakout year but somehow he's only averaging 9.4 PTS and 4.7 REB. If Half Man Half ImAsian can secure a top two pick, that could be just the ticket to return them to contention.

Russell Conference
#1 Super Ninja (9-9-1) vs #4 Human Amoebas (1-17-1)
Despite heading into the Toilet Bowl, Super Ninja must very excited as they're poised to win a high pick (again). They are coming off a six game winning streak and barely missed the post-season. If there's a juggernaut waiting in the consolation ladder, Thien's team is it. The return of John Wall, the gigantic surge by Dwayne Wade (24.3 PTS, 5.7 AST, 5.4 REB, 2.4 STL, 57.5 FG%) over the past month, and Paul Pierce and Rudy Gay both stepping up their fantasy numbers -- the latter has cost DeMar DeRozan lots of minutes however -- has more than made up for the non-return of Andrew Bynum. Tyson Chandler might be out for this round, but the solid Nikola Pekovic is back. There's not a lot to stop Super Ninja from advancing to the next round, as the Human Amoebas don't look capable of doing much damage this season.

Amoebas' GM Eric-A knows that his team is a non-factor this year. But the 2011 champs have also gone from near worst to a trophy before. And they won't be shy about asserting that next season could be a return to prominence. After the mega trade for Kevin Love, Eric-A will just wait for the return of Derrick Rose, while letting his talented roster -- he still has Dirk Nowitzki, Paul Millsap, Eric Gordon on board -- steep a little. A high pick would obviously help those aspirations, but with just one win this season, we can't see that happening. Then again, that one win was a WK13 victory against Super Ninja, so maybe miracles can happen!

#2 Funk Coalition (8-9-2) vs #3 MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-10-1)
These two Voltron foes have met in the Toilet Bowl before, specifically in last year's semi-finals, as the Pogiboys advanced on to win the Anthony Davis sweepstakes. A similar outcome looks likely as the once mighty Funk have gone winless since WK 12, after posting seven straight wins from WK6-12. The obvious culprit was the loss of Rajon Rondo, but additional injuries to Tony Parker and Marcin Gortat didn't help. With that in mind, Jon has manueverd his team for next season, to maximize his unique brand of big ball. Who would have thought that the recently departed Nikola Vucevic would lead this team in games played? Funk is heading into the Toilet Bowl with a roster of retreads and hopefuls.

Meanwhile, Pogiboys could win back to back #1 picks if they get a few things going their way. They finished up the regular season at a 4-2-1 clip and the team is in the best shape its been all season. Brandon Jennings is going buck wild with his passing, Mike Conley Jr. has been invaluable with his 7.1 AST and 2.4 STL over the past month, and wild card J.R. Smith has been putting big numbers on the board. Heck, even Marcus Thornton is back raining threes. The young front line of Roy Hibbert, Anthony Davis, and Tristan Thompson are doing good things in the paint and if the team continues its solid play, Alvin should start scouting during March Madness for his future 2014 selections!