The Trade Machine

It’s been a semi-quiet SlamNation season, especially after the blockbuster moves earlier this year.
As a league, I think we have at least three more trades in us before the regular season ends. Am I going to personally push everyone to get on the trade chatter? YES! Feel free to email, text, AIM chat, GroupMe, whatever. Let’s get some trades in! For my part, I will present some suggestions, ideas, and basically some ready-to-go trades that should happen. Like right now. Just unwrap, heat up in the microwave, and they’re good to eat.

Big for Small
There’s a few teams who are just overloaded on the front line, or the backcourt. We’ve heard that Sour Snails and Chunky Monkeys are both looking to shed some guards for big men to pair with their solitary men in the middle — DeMarcus Cousins for Snails, Marc Gasol for Monkeys. With plenty of shooting and smaller types to spare, teams such as Fob Stars, Buffy, Half Man Half ImAsian, Funk Coalition, MoRRie’s Pogiboys should hook up with Snails, Monkeys, and Beast Brawlers.

Pogiboys in particular have way too many BLK, almost 40% more than their next closest competitor. Any of the bottom five BLK teams want to pony up for Miles Plumlee, John Henson, or even Brook Lopez? Pogiboys could have seven to eight keepers on their hands, why not move a few pieces now for draft picks? Perhaps John Henson (or Roy Hibbert) for Nicolas Batum or an injured Ryan Anderson? Another big for small move: Eron, Joven, Chandler has five PF types -- Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, Derrick Favors, Jeff Green, Enes Kanter -- but a hole at guard. Who says no to Brandon Knight for Enes Kanter and pieces?

Here’s a most logical trade. Half Man Half ImAsian already have LaMarcus Aldridge, Greg Monroe, Anderson Varejao, and an injured Javale McGee while ranking overboard in REB. They need some 3PT/AST and basically a point guard who is better than Mario Chalmers. Couldn’t Chunky Monkeys swap Jeff Teague, Jrue Holiday, or Goran Dragic over there for a big? Sure they could! Greg Monroe and Mario Chalmers for Jrue Holiday? Who says no!

Category Flips and Flops
A savvy owner told me that it takes about thirty 3PT to win in that category per week. Using 330 3PTs as the cutoff, that leaves LA Buffy and Squirtle Squad as the teams with just the right amount of outside shooting. They are sixth and seventh ranked in 3PT, respectively. Jedi Knights, Half Man Half ImAsian, Fob Stars, and Funk Coalition fall far beneath that standard. Should they target some tasty treats like Ryan Anderson, Jose Calderon, Channing Frye (NJ All-Stars), Klay Thompson, Trevor Ariza (Sour Snails), Kyle Korver (Spade), and our most recent fifty point scorer, Terrence Ross (Beast Brawlers)? I fail to believe that all four top 3PT teams need so much shooting on their roster.

The same goes for every non-percentage category! Beast Brawlers should trade in some of that excess 3PT for REB, where they are ranked third-to-last. And Fat Jubas, why hold all the AST when you can easily give some to Inept Henchmen, who are just dying for a serviceable point guard in Derrick Rose’s absence. Sample: Jamal Crawford for Kendall Marshall, who says no?

Jedi has some extra STL with Thaddeus Young (2.1) and Jimmy Butler (2.0). Is Chris Bosh for Thad Young crazy? Would Young for Squirtle Squad’s Bradley Beal make sense? Speaking of, Squirtles need some scoring. They’re ranked second-to-last. Plus they would welcome some REB and STL too. They’ve got the Greek Freak but he’s likely not for sale. How about Wilson Chandler though? He’s averaging 14.2 PTS, 4.9 REB, and 2.0 3PT, as well as a smattering of BLK/STL for Squirtles. I think we have an Evan Turner destination! Alert So Buckets. Or could we get fancy with Bradley Beal for DeMar DeRozan? A slight uptick in ancillary stuff from DeRozan in exchange for some 3PT from Beal? Sounds good to me.

Categories is the easiest place to find potential trades, as it’s simple to see what you’re lacking. C’mon guys, moving sideways is a great way to be! Let's try some position for position trades...

Old for Young
There are some useful veterans that have no place on a rebuilding roster. Number one, Inept Henchmen is 4-8-1 and looking for future assets. Nobody can use Dirk Nowitzki’s 21.2 PTS, 6.0 REB, 1.6 3PT, 1.0 STL, 0.7 BLK, and sterling percentages? How about Tim Duncan? A very useful 14.8 PTS, 9.8 REB, and 2.0 BLK. Dirk and Duncan are 35 and 37 year old respectively but they’ve got another year or two left right?

For some lesser pieces, how about Carlos Boozer or Zach Randolph? Both are 32 years old with no upside left but still plenty of production. For example, Randolph is averaging 17.0 PTS and 10.7 REB. Nobody wants that? We’d love to see one of the contenders make a move here. Heck, maybe 36 year old Manu Ginobili and his 12.6 PTS, 4.6 AST, 1.4 3PT, and 1.0 STL could be the piece to put someone over the top? Or the similarly aged Paul Pierce? Actually, Buffy’s entire roster has some old parts that could use replacing. Jameer Nelson’s 6.7 AST, Boozer’s 15.0 PTS/8.4 REB, Vince Carter’s 1.5 3PT?

Also, maybe Eron, Joven and Chandler can fill in a hole at center by moving one of their young bigs for something while chasing a division title and a playoff spot. Again, Enes Kanter and his upside for something? Here’s a beautiful old for new: Dirk Nowitzki for Andre Iguodala, Kawhi Leonard, Klay Thompson, or Tobias Harris. Just throwing some ideas out there. Anyone got other oldies on a roster to trade? Derek Fisher?

Kobe Konundrum
This is a very specific category. Everyone hates Kobe except for Lakers fans. Current Kobe owner Randall isn’t a Lakers fan. (Smart man.) Seeing as Kobe just signed a ridiculous extension, he’s going to be around for at least another two seasons. Would a Lakers fan such as Fob Stars, Beast Brawlers, Buffy, or Sour Snails want to take on Kobe for his twilight years? Of course! Who says no: Buffy trades Joe Johnson and Carlos Boozer to Spade for Kobe Bryant. Spade needs some healthy bodies now while Buffy is out of contention and can hang out with Kobe as he recovers. That's basically what Roger does in real life anyway right?

Some other ideas:

• Should NJ All-Stars cash in on Nerlens Noel now for a useful piece this year? Noel is not going to help in 2014 but Dirk, Duncan, or Randolph could probably give Eddie’s team a boost on the front line. The All-Stars are 9-4 and are one game back in their division, plus they could be poised to be the Russell Conference favorites as Spade stumbles due to injury. Also, they potentially have some extra keepers so it behooves them to trade someone now instead of during the off-season.
• Great idea: Zach Randolph and Dion Waiters for Dwayne Wade and Terrence Ross. A REB boost for Beast Brawlers as they unload Wade and his 75% games played while Fob Stars can get some added 3PT and position versatility from Ross for Waiters.
• Fat Jubas and Buffy should hook up for a trade as Buffy has all sorts of bigs to fill-in Jubas’ hole in the middle. Or maybe Jubas makes a push for Jedi Knight’s DeAndre Jordan with Gordon Hayward as bait? Jordan’s 2.4 BLK either need some support or he could be a spare piece. If support, why not a David Lee for Pau Gasol trade? So Buckets get a younger guy while Jedi Knights get some extra BLK to pair with Jordan. Or flip it the other way and go DeAndre for Pau, so the monstrous BLK pairing of Larry Sanders and DeAndre Jordan can happen.
• Does anyone want to spin the bottle on Derrick Rose? Is Rose cursed forever or could he return to All NBA status? Guess who’s poised to find out? Fob Stars! They have Isaiah Thomas, Kemba Walker, Trey Burke, and Dion Waiters, all promising options in the backcourt. Wouldn’t Trevor take the spin on a 2-for-1 to get Rose? Heck, do a 3-for-1. How about Derrick Rose for Trey Burke, Kemba Walker, and Marcin Gortat (or Zach Randolph). Tell me, who says no?! Fob Stars gambles on getting a top tier star while Inept Henchmen get, well, pieces to flesh out a roster short on pieces. I’m so excited about this deal I could cry.
• Blockbuster alert! How about this doozy: Eron, Joven and Chandler trade Blake Griffin to Squirtle Squad for Serge Ibaka. On the surface it’s maybe a little unfair by name, but hear me out. Griffin averages 22.8 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.1 STL, and shoots 52.7 FG%. Serge Ibaka is only the third best player on his team and averages 14.7 PTS, 8.9 REB, and 2.5 BLK. That BLK number is the key here though. Ibaka can almost win the entire category by himself some weeks, but he’s the lone guy averaging over 1.1 BLK on this team. Squirtle desperately needs a high scorer and Griffin fits the bill despite his lack of BLK and his poor FT%. EJC has a ton of bigs but is lacking another shot blocker, plus they have a bit of excess points. Could this happen? I dunno Lucas and Brian, you guys down?
• Kevin Garnett to Funk Coalition. Done. And I’ll take Paul Pierce too. Thanks. I think we should all do an “over the hill but he's from my favorite team” swap. I have Steve Nash for all you Suns fans out there...