Toilet Bowl: 2015 RD2

Last year, there wasn’t a single upset in the Toilet Bowl as both #1 seeds got to the Toilet Bowl Finals and then that matchup ended up in a virtual tie as Chunky Monkeys took home both picks. This year, in a case of karma, every top seed lost to a lower seed! That means regardless who gets the top picks this year, they’ll likely go to a team that desperately needs the talent infusion. Let’s take a quick look at the remaining Toilet Bowl matchups as well as the teams that lost last week. [2014 TB Preview: Russell | Chamberlain]

Chamberlain Conference
#3 Jedi Knights (5-14) vs #4 Fob Stars (4-14-1)
These two perennial Silverhawks bottom dwellers meet for the second time in the Toilet Bowl, with their last face off in 2013 resulting in a win for Fob Stars. Of course, neither team has ever won the Toilet Bowl, but this seems like a prime year to do it. Both teams are shockingly devoid of superstar talent although Fob's Nerlens Noel is making a late breaking case for R.O.Y. with his recent insane month of 13.0 PTS, 10.8 REB, 2.4 STL, 2.4 BLK, 49.1 FG%. Noel is basically the closest thing to Anthony Davis right now, minus the scoring. Fob also had Kemba Walker with some great games this year, and Marcin Gortat and Zach Randolph continuing to pound foes, but guys like Trey Burke and Ryan Anderson are bubble keepers at best. A roster makeover would be great for this team.

On the flip side, Jedi Knights have already turned over their roster completely this season, as documented by their many many trades. They were rewarded with tying their franchise record for regular season wins, five, and also getting their first “post-season” victory. We’d love to see Lum manage his way to a Toilet Bowl win to reward himself amply for all the big moves he’s made this season. Adding the top rookie to his lineup would surely take the Jedi another big step toward respectability. Luuuuuummmm for the win!

Russell Conference
#3 NJ All-Stars (6-13) vs #4 Funk Coalition (3-16)
What’s it like to commish a league and be the worst team (again)? Let Jon tell you, he knows! This is Funk’s fourth straight year in the Toilet Bowl and they haven’t won it once. Each major rebuild seems to have set the team further and further back and the new core of Rajon Rondo, Michael Carter-Williams, Ricky Rubio, DeAndre Jordan, and Andre Drummond have yet to take the court together once — Josh Smith was Funk’s leader in Games Played, not to mention their second-leading scorer. The good news is 2014 #3 overall draft pick Dante Exum has been a total rookie bust. Oh wait. Basically, Funk needs this Toilet Bowl win, they deserve this Toilet Bowl win…

Since taking over three years ago, Eddie has never missed the playoffs, made one Finals, and guided NJ All-Stars to a 37-13 regular season record. However, this was the year everything fell apart. Paul George, leg destroyed. Lance Stephenson, everything destroyed. Reggie Jackson, value destroyed until his trade to Detroit. Plus, LeBron James took his sweet time getting into top form. Eddie’s team suffered through a 1-9 end of year swoon so their upset victory over Inept Henchmen was a nice surprise. And All-Stars could have enough to take a Toilet Bowl win. Even if they don’t advance any further, there’s still the emergence of Tobias Harris and Jusuf Nurkic to make next year interesting. (Again, we petition Eddie for a rebrand, as “All-Stars” is just not fun! Maybe adopt the "Nets" moniker, or perhaps the "NJ Derrick Colemans?")


TOILET BOWL LOSERS:

Buffy (8-10-1)
As a top seed entering the loser’s bracket, Buffy had to be upset by another loss to Fob Stars in the Toilet Bowl — they are 1-2 in that matchup. It was super close, just a few STL, BLK, TO, PTS away from turning the tide, but Buffy couldn’t quite win out. With Chris Bosh out for the season, it was going to be an uphill battle anyway and Roger did well to patch in the likes of Mo Williams, Evan Turner, a healthy George Hill, and Donatas Motiejunas for the stretch run. Winning a shiny young star would have really helped here, as this aging roster continues to petrify. When does iron man Tim Duncan retire? He still led Buffy in PTS, BLK, GP, and was second in STL and third in AST so Roger had better hope not next year. After back-to-back losing seasons, the contender window may have closed for Buffy, and a major rebuild could soon be around the corner.

Half Man Half ImAsian (6-13)
Oliver’s team lost their matchup to Jedi by a single STL or BLK. There’s no question that a healthy Kevin Durant or Greg Monroe would have won the week, but both were out last week. LaMarcus Aldridge gave it his all this year despite an injured hand, but needless to say, this team can’t win consistently without Durant — even with J.J. Redick doing his best to score everything. Moving forward, the bottom end of the keeper roster is questionable at best with Mario Chalmers and Amir Johnson. How can Half Man upgrade their talent base (their 2013 Toilet Bowl win and then failure of Ben McLemore to emerge really hurt)? Then again, Half Man Half ImAsian was a playoff team just a year ago so this could be just a one season dip caused by a lack of Durant since GM Oliver has proven to be a virtual magician and cannot be doubted to keep his winning ways.

So Buckets (8-10-1)
After two straight Voltron division titles, So Buckets were shoved aside this year as MoRRie’s Pogiboys and High Riser suddenly took center stage. Josh’s team certainly didn’t have a bad season, but they weren’t quite good enough to make it three for three in playoff appearances since taking over the franchise. A first round loss to Funk Coalition probably wasn’t the result Josh wanted, but overall So Buckets had a pretty good year despite injuries to much of the roster (DeMar DeRozan, Nikola Pekovic, Jaared Sullinger). For example, Pau Gasol led the team in GP and re-established his fantasy stardom. Kyrie Irving hasn’t lost much next to LeBron James, and most of all, Rudy Gobert! The tall Frenchie is averaging 10.7 PTS, 14.4 REB, 2.5 BLK, 56.5 FG% over the last month and is only getting better. That’s like winning a top pick right there. Plus, 2016 will mark the debut of Joel Embiid, whom GM Josh brilliantly stashed away during last year’s draft. Buckets may have taken a step back from contention this season, but they’ll likely vault right back next year!

Inept Henchmen (8-11)
Discounting a four game swoon in WK6-9, Henchmen played 0.500 ball most of the year and had a strong second season in SlamNation, improving on their six wins last year. For a franchise that has never finished a regular season with a winning record, and with a high wins mark of only nine, new-ish GM Trevor is already energizing his fan base. The big story for Henchmen was Derrick Favors, acquired mid-season last year and now averaging 18.8 PTS, 8.8 REB, 1.9 BLK, 0.9 STL, 54.0 FG% over his last thirty games. And the other guy from that trade, Jeff Green, was having a career year until getting shipped to Memphis mid-season. The Derrick Rose for Dwight Howard trade from last year around this time turned out to be peachy, even with Dwight dinged up this season. In a twist from that deal, Eric Gordon returned to the fold after getting cut by Funk Coalition, and Gordon has been a nice 3PT complement to Kyle Korver. Trevor is building to respectability behind a strong frontline and with a few more savvy moves, could push right into the playoff picture soon.