2015 Championship: Splashing In

Get ready for a lot of superlatives guys because Sour Snails, the undisputed regular season king of SlamNation, has won their second title of the new cycle, thus becoming our first two time champion. And they did it in dominating fashion.

With a six year regular season record of 65-21-1 for a 75.6% winning percentage, Sour Snails has made it into the playoffs every season save one (and that was the year they made the Toilet Bowl finals), won a title in 2010, captured four Silverhawks division titles, and has led SlamNation in regular season wins three times. And they did all this despite trading away LeBron James in his absolute prime.

That trade netted them Kevin Love at the beginning of his fantasy ascendancy, but it’s safe to say that King James would have been better. In fact, the entire core of 2010 championship team basically switched over, with only Steph Curry, a rookie at the time, being the only holdover. So this isn’t an old team eeking out one last win before riding off into the sunset, instead, GM Trieu has retooled as he’s maintained his dominance.

Let’s look at some of the major trades, and hone in on 2013, aka the season where Snails really rebuilt coming off a 4-8 2012 campaign. First, Trieu drafted Damian Lillard at #2 overall. Then, in January they moved Kevin Love and a 2014 RD1 pick for DeMarcus Cousins, Monta Ellis, Andre Drummond, and a 2014 RD3. Love was an injury prone fantasy star and Cousins was coming on, while Ellis was a mainstay for the Snails. Two months before that regular season ended, Trieu packaged Drummond and Josh Smith together to bring in Russell Westbrook. And while Westbrook went through his injury woes the past few seasons, he’s combined with Curry to become the best fantasy backcourt in the land. With Cousins manning the paint with his 24.1 PTS, 12.7 REB, 1.7 BLK, 1.5 STL, 46.7 FG%, Sour Snails trampled the competition this season.

Then there’s the championship swingmen, Rudy Gay and Jimmy Butler, both acquired via trades in the past year. Oh right, did we mention Klay Thompson? The other Splash Brother was acquired off the free agent lists during his rookie season before emerging as a true force this year. The only curious thing is how, aside from the inaugural 2010 draft, Trieu hasn’t really drafted particularly well, instead relying on trades and free agent pickups to keep his roster stocked with talent. Tidbit: Sour Snails has participated in fifteen total trades, including six during the 2013 season!

And speaking of free agents, no championship team would be complete without its role players. Sour Snails used Robert Covington and Taj Gibson to good effect throughout the season, and also had Jordan Clarkson, Jarret Jack, Ed Davis, and Tyler Zeller fill in for useful stretches. Clarkson was especially incredible during championship week with 23.6 PTS, 8.7 AST, 6.7 REB, 1.0 3PT/STL, and 63.6 FG% over three games. Holy Minnesota Lakers!

It’s been an incredible six year stretch for Sour Snails, and we’re happy to see Trieu win another long deserved title. What we fear is that this could evolve into a repeat or a three-peat, and then what will the rest of us in SlamNation do? Cower now before this super Sour Snails team!

As for the loser of the Brother Bowl, High Riser put up a great fight, and could have literally stolen the title with a few more swipes or blocks. Instead, Thien will leave the 2015 Finals as the runner-up, while celebrating their breakthrough post-season performance after years of playoff disappointment.

Franchise cornerstones John Wall and Damian Lillard got a taste of the championship spotlight and let’s not forget that Brandon Knight and Tyreke Evans combined to average 33.6 PTS, 11.7 AST, 9.2 REB, 2.9 3PT, and 2.6 STL this season, to fully stuff the stat sheet. And then there was old man Dwyane Wade, who showed that he’s far from done. The pre-season trades for Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza worked out fantastic for High Riser, and oh yeah, let’s not forget the discovery of Hassan Whiteside -- who missed Sunday’s game, where his BLK could have made the difference.

And then there’s Riser's 2015 draft pick, rookie Julius Randle, who will return to the court after a season spent in rehab. High Riser’s future is certainly bright and after this invigorating championship run they’ll be poised to contend again.

2015 Toilet Bowl: Losers First

Well, it was only fitting that during a Toilet Bowl season where every matchup was won by the underdog, our 2015 Toilet Bowl champions, Funk Coalition, were the worst team in the regular season, and now they’ll be rewarded with the #1 pick in the next draft. (Last season’s Toilet Bowl finals featured both #1 seeds, while this year’s was both #4 seeds.)

After narrowly squeezing by NJ All-Stars in the semi-finals, Funk took advantage of four extra games -- and some timely STL and a barrage of 3PT from DeMarre Carroll and Andre Iguodala -- to squeak out another close victory. For a team that suffered through a seven and six game losing streak this season, this Toilet Bowl was a bright spot as Funk strung together three straight wins for the first time, in well, possibly forever.

Now they’ll get to add a huge piece next season, as they look hard at the young big men currently embroiled in March Madness. Will DeAndre Jordan and Andre Drummond have a Jahlil Okafor or Karl-Anthony Towns to suit up next to them, or could a swingman such as Justise Winslow or Emmanuel Mudiay join Funk? Who knows! Congrats to Funk for their first Toilet Bowl!

As for Fob Stars, they were the second worst team in SlamNation and they’re in dire need of a talent infusion too. Getting another young big man to pair with the explosive Nerlens Noel could really help their perpetual rebuilding project. And perhaps the high pick will attract new ownership? There have been rumors flying that Jimmy is looking to sell if the price is right, but maybe this Toilet Bowl showing will induce them to stick around instead?

Either way, with so many potential stars in the upcoming 2015 NBA Draft, both Funk Coalition and Fob Stars are in a good position to build upon lost seasons that ended up in some happiness in the form of a Toilet Bowl finals showing.

2015 Finals Previews

FINALS PREVIEW
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #3 High Riser (13-5-1)
Yes! It’s here, the much anticipated Brother Bowl! Who will Momma T support as Trieu and Thien go head-to-head for the title? There’s a lot on the line here, as Sour Snails is threatening to become the first two title winner since the reset — they won in 2008, and 2010, the first year of the new cycle. And for High Riser, it’s little brother versus big brother, and we know how epic those showdowns can be. This could be bragging rights for years if Thien can pull off the huge upset!

High Riser is equipped to take down Sour Snails too, as one of the few teams that can kind of match up with a high powered Snails backcourt that seems to be good at everything. After years of notching plus 0.500 regular season records but not really being a championship threat, Thien’s team broke out this season with thirteen wins and knocked off division foe Morrie’s Pogiboys in the Conference Finals to advance.

In a way, this High Riser team is a Dr. Frankenstein construct of Sour Snails. There was the Damian Lillard for Rudy Gay trade that set up High Riser’s Double Dragons backcourt. And then the pre-draft acquisitions of Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza — both of whom were huge during last week’s game. (Ariza led the team in rebounding and the helped push Riser to the win.) But GM Thien’s filled out the roster admirably around his shifting pieces. John Wall was the reward for that Toilet Bowl win. Hassan Whiteside was the reward for being diligent on the free agent wire. In fact, Thien is usually the league leader in Moves, and this year he had 108 — almost doubling the next closest competitor, Trieu with 64. (They are usually #1 and #2 in Moves.) It’s great to see Thien make the Finals because it proves that the postseason roster lock isn't a disadvantage to teams that have achieved regular season success due to lineup churn.

It’s gonna be an uphill battle for High Riser though, as Sour Snails is coming into the matchup as a juggernaut. Coming off three straight division titles, Snails is fielding arguably their best team in that run. After dipping down to a 4-8 record in 2012 — but making the Toilet Bowl Finals and emerging with Lillard — Trieu’s team has gone 48-8-1. That’s right, a 85.7% winning percentage. The downside is that they’ve been upset in the Western Conference Finals in both 2013 and 2014, so this is their year of redemption. After going to back-to-back Finals in 2010-11, this marks Snails’ (new cycle) record breaking third SlamNation Finals appearance.

Snails have their own Super Duper Double Dragon backcourt in Stephen Curry and Russell Westbrook, and overall Snails led the league in PTS, 3PT, and STL; was second in AST and FT%; and was also top six in REB and BLK. That's monster dominance across all categories. Their big mid-season move was to acquire Jimmy Butler, and even though Butler was hurt last week in the easy Conference Finals win over Fat Jubas, it looks like he’ll be back in time for the Finals.

On paper, Sour Snails should win this thing. Based on last week’s stats, High Riser would take the two percentage categories and assists, and then walk home with a loss. But all the NBA championship experience is on Riser’s side, as Dwyane Wade could elevate himself to go head-to-head with Westbrook for a spell, and maybe Lillard, Wall, Evans can slow down Curry, Butler, and Klay Thompson. Then it’s Hassan Whiteside versus DeMaarcus Cousins in the middle, aka the craziest big men in the league.

So here we go with the Brother Bowl, with the biggest prize in SlamNation on the line! Good luck to both Trieu and Thien, and let's get it on!

TOILET BOWL FINALS PREVIEW
#4 Fob Stars (4-14-1) vs #4 Funk Coalition (3-16)
And on the other side, it’s a bit of a Brother Bowl II because while Jon and Jimmy aren’t brothers by blood, they sure argue like real brothers! In fact, it’s kind of the San Diego finals week as all four participants grew up in San Diego, often facing off on the basketball court. (For official “who is the best actual basketball player in real life," consult our comprehensive rankings.) And just like in real life, Jimmy and Jon represent the worst in the league, while Trieu and Thien are flying high above the pack. Sigh.

The good news for J&J is that one of them will get the #1 overall pick -- and the other one can’t do worse than #2, even if they tried. I don’t think we’ve ever actually had the two worst teams in the league both make it to the Toilet Bowl Finals, so it’s an achievement of sorts for Funk and Fob to both upset their way through two rounds of loserville. Fob Stars neatly dispatched Jedi Knights last week 7-2, while Funk Coalition sat all his players on Sunday to steal TOs and a dirty come from behind 5-4 win over NJ All-Stars.

Fob Stars feature the Special-K backcourt of Kemba Walker, Kevin Martin, and Khris Middleton while Funk has the Can’t Shoot trio of Rajon Rondo, Michael Carter-Williams, and an injured Ricky Rubio. A key player for Jon could actually be J.R. Smith, as his 3PT will come in very handy versus a Fob team that isn’t so great at long distance shooting either. The battle in the middle will be interesting though, as DeAndre Jordan, Andre Drummond, and Josh Smith are a tough matchup for Nerlens Noel, Zach Randolph, and Marcin Gortat.

Either way, let’s watch these two perpetually loser franchises battle it out in the Poor Man's Brother Bowl, exciting!