A little late but sort of on time, part one of our 2021 preseason preview. These were done in order of our new-ish franchise ID numbers, and not ordered by last year’s finish or projected finish. The NBA is back! [ 2020 Russell | Recap | 2020 Chamberlain | Recap ]
TeamID - Abbrev - Name (2020 Record, 2019 Record)
Since being shifted over to Russell Conference two years ago, FJUB has racked up a 24-15 cumulative record, continuing their streak of six double-digit regular season wins and playoff appearances. They finished as the sixth Power Ranked team last season, and could’ve been a dark horse title contender. There’s no question FJUB’s a winning team, but some doubts remain as to their true contender status.
Returning a core of Chris Paul, Jrue Holiday, Myles Turner, Robert Covington, and Jonas Valanciunas, FJUB finished last season as the best defensive team in Slam by ODE rating. Last year’s RD3.10 pick, Fred VanVleet elevated his game and made the keeper roster — replacing Gary Harris — and should continue to elevate FJUB’s offensive punch this season. Can the twenty-six year old become the new face of FJUB? He may have to, as VanVleet seems like the heir apparent to Paul in the backcourt.
Eric’s 2021 draft was a grab bag, with Brook Lopez (RD1.13) coming in to provide his usual Splash Mountain stats, and then defensive upside selection Darius Bagley (2.6) right afterwards. Elfrid Payton, Maxi Kleber, Cam Johnson, and Jeff Teague filled out the rest of the draft roster — although Kleber and Teague have already been replaced by Nicolas Batum ($2 FAAB) and Tyus Jones ($2). All in all, we know FJUB can win regular season games, but will they truly enter the championship conversation this season?
2 CHMK Chunky Monkeys (14-4-1, 14-5-1)
Back-to-back fourteen win seasons have actually been a bit of a step back for CHMK, as they’re used to leading the league in regular season wins. However, CHMK only finished third in Power Ranking in both 2019 and 2020, and with a keeper core that’s aging — yet still uber productive — changes were afoot this offseason.
After five years with the Monkeys, LeBron James is out the door after delivering a single championship. Thanks for the memories King, but weren't more rings expected? Also following King James toward the exit is Otto Porter, having served four years in Chunky-ville. Replacing them is new trade acquisition Bam Adebayo and 2020 RD1.15 Marcus Smart. That leaves James Harden, Kyle Lowry, and Clint Capela as the only remaining pieces from CHMK’s 2018 title team. Completing the semi-new core is Collin Sexton, who had a promising sophomore year and could hit a third year power spike if things go well.
After finishing 2020 as the top ranked offensive team — and sporting a top five defense as well — we’re curious how the loss of LeBron will affect things for CHMK on the floor, especially since they leaned heavily into defense for their 2021 draft, taking Thomas Bryant (1.10) and Mikal Bridges (2.3) as their first two selections and then also Larry Nance Jr. and Jakob Poeltl in following rounds. The only offense they brought in was Tim Hardaway Jr. (4.14) and Shake Milton (5.14), but both have already been cut -- along with Poeltl too.
GM Evan has been quick on the trigger button already, adding Keldon Johnson ($11), Luguentz Dort ($2), and Robert Williams III ($3) to flesh out their early season roster. While we like most of these moves, we’re not sure who’s going to replace LeBron’s steadying hand, and a top finish in offensive ODE would seem near miraculous. Having said that, our new secret predictions formula has CHMK projected as a top two team this year, so all is well in Monkeyland!
After years of ineptitude, FUNK has now strung together three straight 0.500+ seasons and are slowly trodding up championship mountain. Mostly injured 2020 seasons from Karl-Anthony Towns and Jonathan Isaac left FUNK squeaking into the no-playoffs last season as the seventh Power Ranked team, but the emergence of Jayson Tatum and the continued sophomore success of Trae Young still pushed FUNK to a top five offensive ODE finish.
Feeling like a title run was possible, GM Jon exchanged the twenty-three year old Isaac — once again out of the year — for thirty-one year old DeMar DeRozan and retained new thirty million dollar man Gordon Hayward as a keeper over younger possibilities. With five NBA top scoring options on-board, FUNK should be able to challenge for the scoring title and the hope is that Brandon Clarke — acquired last year via trade — can continue his efficient ways during his second season.
FUNK’s new win-now attitude produced Ricky Rubio (1.14) as backup point guard, along with an assortment of big men — Nerlens Noel (2.7), Daniel Theis, Ivica Zubac — and two sharpshooters in Seth Curry and Terrence Ross to flesh out the roster. Barring more injuries to KAT, it looks like FUNK has the talent to compete for a ring but you never know in this crazy league, right?
4 FOBS Fob Stars (12-7, 11-8-1)
Another team that has been steadily rising over the past few years, FOBS now have five consecutive seasons of playoff worthy campaigns under their belt. Last year’s twelve-win season was FOBS’ franchise best, allowing them to finish a lofty fifth in Power Ranking.
After receiving mockery by this very publication for keeping DeAndre Jordan and Jordan Clarkson as keepers last offseason, FOBS proved the critics wrong through their on-court performance. Now FOBS have gotten both better and younger, jettisoning Jordan, Clarkson, and Ricky Rubio from their core for last year’s top two draft selections — Rui Hacihmura (2020 RD1.12) and Jarrett Allen (2020 RD2.2). Then they added new Laker/traitor Montrezl Harrell pre-draft for a 2021 RD3 selection.
With Damian Lillard as the franchise cornerstone and John Collins exploding last season, FOBS used their league leading efficiency ODE to balance out a strong offense, taking out weaker opponents left and right. It looks like this year’s two rookies, Obi Toppin (1.12) and Precious Achiuwa (6.5), could both be valuable pieces moving forward, and GM Jimmy also drafted old men Bojan Bogdanovic and Goran Dragic for veteran offense. Dillon Brooks and De’Andre Hunter are on-board as well for some defensive backbone.
On paper this is the best team in FOBS history and they’re a few breaks away from elevating themselves to championship level behind Lillard. It’s Fob Time baby!
It’s fair to say that TRUO has hit rock bottom. After nine seasons in a row of 0.500+ ball — and seven postseason appearances — TRUO won only fourteen games in the past two years and finished 2020 in the standings cellar, slugging it out with the non-active owners and a decimated defending champion Sour Snails team. All that landed TRUO at a lowly Power Ranking of thirteenth, after their franchise worst five wins. The good news is that TRUO always has its greatest asset to lean back on: GM Thien!
Jimmy Butler, Lauri Markkanen, Andrew Wiggins, Kemba Walker, and Julius Randle return, along with pre-draft acquisition Kelly Oubre Jr., in exchange for a 2021 RD3 — thus ousting the disappointing Mike Conley from TRUO’s keepers. While this core doesn’t immediately shine as TRUO’s most talented, Thien is on the job and is sure to unearth some gems throughout the season.
For their draft, TRUO scooped up multi-dimensional rookie Deni Avdija (1.5), the always infuriating Aaron Gordon (2.13), and then another rookie, Isaac Okoro (4.13). Jordan Clarkson and Patty Mills were brought in as offensive spark plugs but could soon be churned out, as Thien loves to mine the free agent list. Already in this young season, TRUO has gone through the likes of Pat Beverley, Dwight Powell, Dwight Howard, Bismack Biyombo, Luke Kennard, TJ McConnell, George Hill, Dario Saric, Monte Morris, Tim Hardaway Jr., Desmond Bane, and Monte Morris in new weeks of action.
While TRUO is certainly in a slight rebuild phase, they are most assuredly only temporarily down and always working overtime to grind out the wins. Here’s to seeing TRUO back on the winning side of the ledger!
6 SWMP Swamp Dragons (14-5, 15-3-2)
After finishing the 2020 regular season with the best combined ODE rating — 5/5/2 — it was quite possible that SWMP were headed toward their first Slam title. They were Finals participants the year before, and have won two Toilet Bowls and been to three Finals altogether, but have yet to win the big one. Still, they are always knocking on the championship door and now the rich get richer, as intriguing big man Christian Wood was added to SWMP's keeper core after being scooped off the free agent list last season — shades of GM Eddie acquiring Nikola Jokic as a free agent back in 2015.
As usual, SWMP had a keeper numbers crunch but after moving Kelly Oubre Jr. for a draft pick to TRUO — ironically, taking Mike Conley (3.4) with the selection. Conley was TRUO’s dumped keeper — SWMP has the frightening core of Paul George, Jokic, D’Angelo Russell, Khris Middleton, and Wood to scare the rest of the league. Unbelievably, SWMP may have found another frontcourt diamond in the rough in Chris Boucher (3.13), which is just gross.
To continue their championship chase, SWMP also added Devonte Graham (1.11), Josh Richardson (2.4), Derrick Jones Jr., Bobby Portis, and Sekou Doumboya in their draft. Our analysts have SWMP rated as the best team in the league this year, so until someone dethrones them, we all bow down and wait to see who can take them on?
Taking over for Snack Bears, new owner Jack had the third pick in the recent dispersal draft and they went with the double barrel snake picks of Bradley Beal and Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Before the ink had dried on his contract however, Gilgeouos-Alexander was out the door via our first ever in-dispersal trade — coming in exchange for De’Aaron Fox and Jaylen Brown. That left the final new MELO keeper core of Beal, Fox, Brown, Nikola Vucevic, Andre Drummond, and Buddy Hield.
Fun note: Fox, Beal, Vucevic were all former SNAC keepers from last season, and Brown was a SNAC draft pick from 2018 (RD1.4) and a re-dispersal pick from 2019. New MELO is four-sixths of old SNAC! Overall that’s a pretty solid looking core and our prognosticators have MELO projected as the fifth best team already, which would be a higher finish than their previous SNAC owner had managed to achieve.
Oh yeah, and let’s not forget that MELO inherited the second overall pick in the 2021 draft as well, which they used to take Warriors rookie James Wiseman (1.2). Jack followed that up with another promising rookie in Cole Anthony (4.10), as well as old hands Jae Crowder, Marc Gasol, Carmelo Anthony, and Derrick Favors for complementary pieces. Despite his newness to fantasy basketball, it looks like Jack could be poised for a pretty successful first season in Slam!
8 KSKT Krispy Kreme Team (5-12-2, 3-17)
The old history of CMTO Cameltoe was not glorious, as they were unable to acquire a winning season during their four year stay in Slam. However, with a new ownership group coming in, KSKT is looking to separate themselves from the past and begin their own legacy of success.
Starting off with second overall dispersal selection Zion Williamson will surely energize the new donut laden fan base, and give KSKT a launchpad to get into playoff contention. Unafraid of injury risks, GM Matt took Williamson, Kristaps Porzingis, and Michael Porter Jr. in succession, giving them an incredibly high ceiling but also a need for a great medical staff. In fact, this whole KSKT roster could use some healing energy. Sophomore Coby White was the only player out of the keeper core who didn’t miss any games last season, as Malcolm Brogdon and Caris LeVert don’t have the healthiest track record either.
Fun fact: Michael Porter Jr. is the lone keeper carryover from the old CMTO regime.
For his first draft, it looks like Matt already acquired a gem, as Tyrese Haliburton (1.4) is being touted early season as a likely Rookie of the Year candidate. Donte DiVincenzo (2.12) was KSKT’s second ever draft pick but he was moved out quickly mid-draft — to dad Squirtle Squad — in exchange for Mason Plumlee (3.16) and a 2020 RD5.15 (Tristan Thompson).
Additional draft picks Otto Porter Jr., Eric Gordon, Kendrick Nunn, and Kevin Huerter filled out the rest of KSKT’s roster, but Matt has already shown that he’s going to be active on the waiver wire, snatching up Dorian Finney-Smith, Naz Reid, Aaron Holiday, and Maxi Kleber — and then subsequently cutting Nunn, Thompson, Finney-Smith, and Reid.
We have no idea if Zion and Porzingis can stay healthy for most of the season but KSKT already has the look of an up-and-comer, just like our youngest owner himself!
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