One Month: Losers

Last week we looked at the four best teams so far. Now we'll look at the four worst.

Human Amoebas (0-5)
Eric-A's team can't shoot; not from the field, the charity stripe, or the three point line. They have trouble rebounding, they don't pass the ball, and they are dead last in points scored. Hey at least they're leading the league in the TO category! Facing oppponents who were a combined 17-8 has not helped one bit. With Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, and Dirk Nowitzki with big fat "O's" next to their name, there isn't much light at the end of the tunnel here. Or wait, is there? I mean, We are high on rookies Harrison Barnes and Andre Drummond, but both are at least one year away. Austin Rivers has been disappointing, but he's getting the reps to find out if he has any NBA career ahead of him. Coach Eric-A is living and dying -- mostly the latter -- with Monta Ellis, DeMarcus Cousins, and Paul Milllsap as their replacment stars. Until the Amoebas can get some their actual superstars healthy, they could be in contention for a winless season.

Jedi Knights (0-4-1)
GM Chris hasn't dipped into the free agent pool yet this season, but a lot of pre-season trades, as well as a recent exchange of Wes Matthews for Greivis Vasquez means this team needs time to gel. Currently they are weak in FT%/STL/BLK, and pretty middle of the pack everywhere else, aside from a sterling FG%. They've faced a very tough schedule so far, as four of their first five opponents have had winning records. What's strange is that almost every player on the roster is outperforming their pre-season expectations. O.J. Mayo has been great, Chandler Parsons is dropping in 3PT, DeAndre Jordan is more than serviceable again, Thaddeus Young is emerging Mo Williams is averaging 7.1 AST, David Lee is a double double machine. Even Metta World Peace is useful with his 1.8 STL and 2.3 3PT. The retooled Knights haven't won a game yet, but they are an encouraging winless team, if that's possible. Note: The rest of the Silverhawks division is tied at 3-2, leaving the Knights way behind the eight ball already.

Funk Coalition (1-4)
After an encouraging first win, the reconstructed Funk Coalition have been in a tailspin. Playing a strange brand of fantasy, the Funk dominate in FG%, punt FT% and 3PT, have stellar AST numbers, but can't play enough defense, or score enough to pick up victories. The recent trade of Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans should give th GM Jon more big men to deploy, but something is deeply flawed here, as results have been a headache for fans and front office alike. Dwight Howard has been as good as advertised with 18.8 PTS, 11.5 REB, 2.8 BLK, 59.5 FG% but rumors are that his goofy personality is not sitting well with the stoic leadership provided by Rajon Rondo. Russell Westbrook is back up to 8+ AST but rumors are he could be headed out of town soon. The early season stumble of the gate could have killed the Coalition's playoff hopes already, as they are in a very tough division. Basically, the Funk suck.

Super Shocker (1-3-1)
It could be time to go back to the "Super Horizon" nickname for this franchise. Their current iteration can put the ball in the hole, but are light on the boards and assists, and about average everywhere else. Not having the services of John Wall and Andrew Bynum hurt of course, but there could be more going on here. The front line can't protect the rim, as Tyson Chandler and Nikola Pekovic are averaging only 1.8 BLK per game. Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, and Rudy Gay are still scoring, but their auxiliary stats have dipped a bit, plus Pierce and Gay are shooting horrifically from the field. After starting off 0-3 though, Thien's team picked up a quality win and tie against Squirtle Squad and Half Man Half ImAsian recently, so there is a light at the end of this tunnel. A third straight division title for Super Shocker is not out of the question here, even with the early season hole they've dug themselves into.

Center Moves

In a quiet move, Fat Jubas and Funk Coalition exchanged a trio of big men: Brook Lopez and Marcin Gortat for Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans.

GM Eric-L was sad to trade away a beloved Sun, but Gortat's low FT% was hurting the balanced Jubas. It was with the same heavy heart that Eric-L cast Lopez off, as Brook was the Jubas' second round pick in our 2009 keeper re-draft. A proper good bye party, complete with cupcakes, was planned for Lopez, but he was unable to attend due to injury.

Gortat started off the season white hot, but has cooled off due to disgruntlement with touches. He is now averaging 11.7 PTS, 8.3 REB, and 2.1 BLK on the season. Lopez, currently injured, has re-found his 2010 form, averaging 18.5 PTS, 6.8 REB, and 2.5 BLK. Gortat and Lopez combined for huge block numbers, which had been a key reason the Jubas were leading the league in that category. However, with Jonas Valanciunas emerging as a rotation player, and with Kevin Garnett still anchoring the front line, the two big bodies were deemed expendable.

What the Jubas get back in return is Marc Gasol, who is averaging 15.8 PTS, 7.3 REB, 1.4 BLK, and an astonishing 4.4 AST from the center position. He's also been lights out from the free throw line (89.7 FT%). As for Tyreke Evans, he of the PG/SG/SF designation, it's been an up and down career but over the past month, he's back to his rookie form, with 21.4 PTS, 4.8 REB, 4.4 AST, 1.4 STL, and even 1.0 3PT on a blistering 52.0 FG%. That likely won't last, but Evans' flexibility fills a lead guard hole for the Jubas -- until Steve Nash comes back.

For Funk Coalition, they now sport four startable centers -- Dwight Howard and Nikola Vucevic -- and will look to play ultimate big ball. After a busy off-season, the Funk stumbled out of the gates with only one win in four tries, so impatient GM Jon is back to the drawing board with his roster. More moves are sure to follow.

One Month: Winners

It's already one month into our young season, and all the weird first few weeks jitters should be off. Let's take a look at some of the teams that are succeeding right out of the gate shall we?

NJ All-Stars (4-0)
Bombing away from everywhere, Eddie's team leads the league in 3PT, is second in PTS, and also an astonishing first in REB. From last year's semi-small ball team, the NJ All-Stars have transformed into a board cleaning monster. J.J. Hickson leads the way with 10.5 REB per, while Lebron James (8.8), Ryan Anderson (7.8), Andrei Kirilenko (7.9), and Luol Deng (7.5) snag a ton from the forward positions. And the outside shooting with Ryan Anderson, Paul George, and the sometimes healthy Kyle Lowry is just hard to beat. Really, if you look at the statistical strengths of NJ All-Stars, this is Ryan Anderson's team, not Lebron's! Eddie's team are feasting on a weak schedule early on -- their first four opponents have just three wins total -- but don't let that disguise the fact that his All-Stars are true contenders.

Chunky Monkeys (4-0)
Right behind the NJ All-Stars in the Thundercats division is the Monkeys, who have jetted off to a white hot start too. They feasted on a similarly weak schedule until WK4's quality win against Fat Jubas. The Monkeys play small ball to perfection, as they are first in PTS, STL, and FT%; second in AST; third in 3PT. Obviously James Harden's trade to Houston pumped this team's PTS up early on, but Jrue Holiday has emerged as a top fantasy talent behind 18.6 PTS, 9.2 AST, 1.4 3PT/STL. I mocked Byron Mullens during the draft but he's putting up 13.4 PTS, 8.3 REB, and 1.6 3PT per game. He really is a perfect small ball PF/C, just like Evan said. An early season trade for Wesley Matthews shored up the roster and now the Monkeys are ready to destroy all challengers. Yikes!

Fat Jubas (3-1)
Even without their leader, Steve Nash, the returning champs are leading the Silverhawks division and winning by shooting a high percentage, protecting the rim and taking care of the ball -- first in FG% and BLK, second in TO. Brook Lopez is back to the tune of 19.2 PTS along with 2.7 BLK, and he pairs with Marcin Gortat's 2.4 BLK to intimidate all shooters facing the Jubas. Nicolas Batum is having his breakout season and he's averaging ridiculous all around numbers of 17.8 PTS, 6.1 REB, 1.6 STL, 1.1 BLK, and 2.5 3PT, plus decent percentages. Batum is the new Matrix! There's a bit of depth problems here, as the backcourt is obviously weak without Nash -- Luke Ridnour and Alexey Shved are clearly not the answer -- but the Jubas have faced a tough schedule early on and have emerged unscathed so far during their championship defense.

LA Buffy (3-1)
Roger's team was left for dead by our prognosticators during pre-season but he has come charging out of the gate to lead the Transformers division. Much of that success can be pinned on the back of that young dog, Tim Duncan, who is averaging 18.7 PTS, 10.1 REB, and 2.3 BLK. Even with Duncan's notoriously poor FT shooting, Buffy is first in FT%, and fourth in REB and BLK. The new Buffy backcourt of Jeremy Lin, J.J. Redick, and Kirk Hinrich have been just useful enough but having Jameer Nelson back in the lineup post-injury will help a lot for the guard stats. With Andrew Bogut set to return soon/eventually, Buffy could be even stronger going forward.

Shifting Some Pieces

With feelers sent to the rest of the league earlier in the week, Chunky Monkeys finally landed the player they were looking for. Welcome, Wes Matthews, the team's new small forward! The full trade is Chunky Monkeys ship out Greivis Vasquez and a 2014 RD3 to Jedi Knights for Wesley Matthews and a 2014 RD6 in return.

Despite having a glut of premiere point guards entering the draft -- Chris Paul, Jrue Holiday and Goran Dragic -- the Monkeys picked up Greivis Vasquez in the draft and E'Twaun Moore from free agency and found themselves with too many guards.

After a quick round of proposals via email, the Monkeys got their man in Matthews. Despite picking up a gem at the SF spot with Al-Farouq Aminu, the Monkeys knew they needed depth at the position.  They got that and more with Matthews. Matthews will be the presumptive starter and is expected to contribute in threes, steals and overall scoring. More importantly, he'll now be the new anchor at the swing position for the new look Monkeys.

As for Greivis, his hot start has now likely earned him a starting slot with the Jedi Knights alongside Mo Williams. Analysts at ESPN thought it was a win win for both teams. "Vazquez will now have a chance to be the undisputed starting point guard for his team. He was never going to have that chance with the Monkeys. For the Monkeys, we anticipate that Wes will be a really strong player in the Monkey's rotation. Similar to James Harden, we expect to him provide strong scoring, three pointers while shoring up the steals category for the already small-ball minded Monkeys", said ESPN analyst Ric Bucher.

(Russell Conference) Voltron

Super Horizon (8-4)
Thien's team loves to change its name so this year they went from simply "The Horizon" to "Super Horizon." Very gosu! With the exact same keepers from a year ago, Thien's team is a model of stability. Heading into 2013, Dwayne Wade is fully healthy, which is a nice change. The problem is, John Wall is out for two months. Paul Pierce and Rudy Gay are a devastating combo of swingmen but Tyson Chandler and Andrew Bynum start off the season dinged up so The Horizon are quite undermanned at the moment. After two straight division championships, can they three-peat? First round pick Nikola Pekovic will have to step up, along with late rounder Jason Thompson to fill the Bynum/Chandler void. After narrowly missing a SlamNation Finals appearance last season, Thien is hungry for the season to start, even if his team will have an uphill battle staying healthy. Ben Gordon will find all the shots he can handle in Charlotte and maybe DeMar DeRozan will fulfill his potential. Both will add plenty of PTS though, and be mentored by Jason Richardson, who probably won't find enough time in Philly to be a starter. Same with Aaron Brooks in Sacramento. The Horizon are traditionally the leaders of the Voltron division but they have some competition nipping at their heels.
Biggest Roadblock: Finding a team doctor who can keep his players in one piece

MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4)
The most excited owner heading into this season? Alvin! After winning the Toilet Bowl and snagging the top two 2012 NBA Draft picks in Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, the Pogiboys are reloaded and ready for a bright future. Mike Conley, Brandon Jennings, and Brandon Knight are a nice young guard trio, and Marcus Thornton will continue his 3PT and STL barrage. MKG will start at small forward immediately and Anthony Davis will team up with Roy Hibbert to clean glass and destroy shots. Young Tristan Thompson was a keeper -- while Amare Stoudemire was traded -- and if he emerges too, this team could officially be the team on the verge. The 2013 draft also brought in J.R. Smith, Brandon Bass, Tobias Harris, Kevin Seraphin, and Jerryd Bayless but we don't even envision anyone aside from maybe Smith and Bass getting much playing time if the Pogiboys stay healthy. What we do envision is their first playoff appearance soon -- possibly this year -- and championship contention around the corner if Davis is all he's cracked up to be. Like we said, Alvin's excited!
Biggest Roadblock: Forgoing Movember to grow a unibrow all year long

Human Amoebas (5-7)
After winning a stunning 2011 championship with one of the youngest SlamNation teams, we thought we'd have to fend off Eric-A's team for the next decade. Instead, Derrick Rose and Eric Gordon were mostly injured last season and Human Amoebas slumped to a losing record.  Here's the thing: once Rose returns, they're going to contend again. Gordon and Monta Ellis are still a great scoring backcourt, DeMarcus Cousins is a top center, Paul Millsap is a solid power forward, and the late season theft of Dirk Nowitzski gives this team another franchise player. Seriously, who's top six matches up on paper? Eric-A is all about youth and potential and similar to first draft in 2010, they went super upside in 2013. Rookies Harrison Barnes, Andre Drummond, and Austin Rivers were scooped up, along with sophomores Daniel Green and Alonzo Gee. J.J. Barea is going to get some minutes until Ricky Rubio returns. We're not sure who's going to start out of top six group but we're not doubting Eric-A anymore. He went from last-to-first once before and he could do it again soon. Who's scared?
Biggest Roadblock: Waiting for Rose's triumphant return

So Buckets (3-9)
Josh had a choice last season: Lebron or no Lebron. He went with the non-LBJ side and picked up Pau Gasol, Andre Iguodala, and Gerald Wallace instead of James in last year's new owner dispersal draft. David West never panned out, Darren Collison wasn't as good as Kyle Lowry (who was passed up in the dispersal draft), and So Buckets emerged from their first season with a losing record. With some experience under his belt, Josh is ready to turn this ship around. We think Gasol, Iggy, Crash, and Collison are all going to have better years than last season. Kyrie Irving is gonna straight blow up this season and Evan Turner will have every opportunity to take over for Igoudala in Philadelphia. Nene and Brandon Roy will team up with those six to start, giving So Buckets a solid foundation. Jarrett Jack will fill in as third guard if Roy stumbles, while young forwards Derrick Williams, Enes Kantor, and rookie Royce White will be stashed on the bench. We think So Buckets has a puncher's chance of hitting the post-season but this could be a tough division to emerge. Still, this team looks like it'll be good in all the big man categories, while lacking only in 3PT and maybe AST. With Irving to build around, So Buckets have nowhere to go but up!
Biggest Roadblock: Watching the Kyrie Irving as old man video over and over