First Quarter

Five weeks in, a quarter of our inaugural season is already over! Sad? I sure am. Now that our teams have had some time to gel, and we've had a chance to match up against some of our opponents for real, what have we learned? The first thing we've learned that any and all pre-season projections mean nothing. You gotta take it to the court to find out who the real winners are. Teams that looked great on paper are suddenl floundering, and as the cream of the crop emerge, certain trends can be divined from their statistics. Let's take a look.

Eastern Conference
The East boast four winning teams but that's weighed down by two 1-4 squads sitting at the bottom. Top East teams Squirtle Squad (Brian) and Rhythm Drive (Reno) are proving that they've got the stuff that champions are made of. Both are undefeated in inter-conference play and have strong lineups that are tough to match up with. The Squirtle Squad lead the league in REB and FG%, while ranking second in AST -- a bit surprising since they only have Deron Williams as a top flight passer. The Rhythm Drive are 3rd in REB and FG%, but a ghastly last in AST and STL and ranked in the bottom third in FT% and 3PT. Talk about Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

The two 3-2 teams in the East, the Human Amoebas (Eric-A) and The Poobic Heirs (Oliver) are both doing great and could have better records if not for a close loss each. The Amoebas are shocking the world with their blend of high octane REB (4th), TO (3rd), FG% (4th) and FT% (1st). It's not sexy, but it's winning time. And if that's not sexy enough for you, Oliver's Poobic Heirs is winning while being ranked 3rd in PTS, 3rd in BLK, and 2nd in both FG% and FT%. So apparently they score a lot by never missing and then protect the rim on defense. Not bad eh?

What do you do if you've only won one game and are only ranked in the top six in BLK (5th) and TO (1st)? You bunker down and hope for the best like the Pogiboys (Alvin) do. With a roster that is massively underachieving all at once, they can only hope that the worst is over. The Pooh Bears (Jose) don't quite have it so bad, since they are ranked 3rd in both STL and FT%, while being pretty strong in AST and TO (4th). What's killing them is that a pre-season strength, BLK, is turning into a so-so category (7th). Blame a wholly underperforming Andrei Kirilenko. When in doubt, and just like the 1980s, blame the Russian!

Western Conference
The other 4-1 team in the league is the Fat Jubas (Eric-L), who seem to represent the type of team that the West fields: teams with huge weaknesses but equally huge strengths. The Jubas are 2nd in BLK and 3rd in AST but atrocious in TO (11th) and 3PT (12th). Despite a concerted effort to keep FG% up, they're only ranked 9th in the league. Still, that's enough to push them to a great early record.

Following that theme, 3-2 Funk Coalition (Jon) and 3-2 Buffy (Roger) are both ranked 1st or 2nd in PTS, STL and 3PT but have had seesaw seasons. Funk additionally ranks 1st in STL but they are atrocious in REB, BLK and TO. Buffy is similarly terrible in BLK and FT%, but highly explosive on the offensive side of the ball.

Even 2-2-1 Chunky Monkeys (Evan) and the 2-3 Phanatics (Ping) suffer from this malady. The Monkeys are great at BLK and 3PT -- ranked 1st and 3rd respectively -- but can't seem to figure out how to score (9th, PTS). Being ranked higher than 10th and 12th in FG% and FT% would probably help there. The Phanatics have the opposite problem. They can shoot fine (6th PTS, 5th FG%, 4th 3PT) but can't seem to pass or steal the ball (11th in both). They're the classic no defense team; with one twist, they rank 2nd overall in REB.

The winless Sour Snails (Trieu) are finding out just how hard it is to win when you're wholly unbalanced. They've had some injury and lineup issues but that's still not the sole reason they haven't won a game. They are pretty good at STL (4th), TO (2nd), FT% (5th) and 3PT (5th), but with such a one-dimensional team, they need to be great, not merely good.

In sum, the two conferences are shaping up to be exactly as we envisioned. The East is winning by grit and strength, with big men pounding the boards, taking care of the ball, and high-percentage shooting. The West puts up flashier offensive numbers, but often falters in execution despite their ability to shoot the lights out from beyond the arc (the top five 3PT teams are from the West, the top four FG% are from the East). It's just the beginning of a long regular season; nobody wins championships in December -- especially when your football team sucks big time like mine did.