(Russell Conference) Thundercats

Nande? ReBuRonSAN - Mikey (13-5)
Mikey's team jumped out to a 9-2 record last season and didn't really let up, finishing with the second best regular season record in the league and cementing themselevs as a top contender. Of course, we're not entirely sure how that happened as they really displayed no discernible strengths (aside from top three in STL) and few weaknesses (third to last FG%, fourth to last FT%). Franchise player Gilbert Arenas only played 32 games due to injury and bringing a gun into the locker room, further clouding the issue of how Mikey got his team to achieve such great heights. We can only attribute last season's success to Coach of the Year Mikey, who got the absolute maximum out of his squad. At least until the playoffs, which resulted in a first round mega-upset by lightly regarded divison foe, Chunky Monkeys. But that was last season and Nande is looking forward to more butt kicking this year and revenge on the Monkeys.

With Arenas gone most of the season, Stephen Jackson stepped up his game and delivered explosive performances all across the board. Captain Jack took all the big shots, talked all the smack Gilbert couldn't do, and probably brought a few handguns to the locker room too. Bulldozer Corey Maggette stepped up alongside Jackson, and contributed 20 ppg despite being selected in the last round of the draft. An absolute steal wouldn't you say? Swingman Andre Iguodala was the heartbeat of the team as he contributed positive numbers across the board, and he's coming off a great summer, as is power forward Kevin Love, who will now have all the rebounds in Minnesota to himself. A nifty little trade gave Mikey some extra picks up top during this draft and he used to them to select Vince Carter, Josh McRoberts, and rookie scorer Jordan Crawford. While Carter is hardly Vinsanity anymore, he's a great value in the redraft and will be a very nice addition to the backcourt. We literally don't know who Josh McRoberts is but he's the first big man off the bench for better or worse. He plays in Indiana so maybe he'll be Troy Murphy-lite?

Actually, there is a lack of bigs on this team, making us think we'll see some small ball from Nande this season. Last year the corpses of Jermaine O'Neal and Ben Wallace manned the middle but Mikey has smartly decided to find some living players to plug in at the PF and C positions. DeJuan Blair will be the starting center as management waits on either Spencer Hawes or Timofey Mozgov to emerge. We're high on Timofey, if only because his name is fun to say. There's no reason to doubt Mikey's talents this season and the addition of Gilbert Arenas is like getting an All Star back, provided he doesn't do anything else crazy.
NBA Team: Denver Nuggets

100 Acre Wood Heffalumps - Jose (12-6)
The case could be made that the Heffalumps should have earned a higher seed based on their superior regular season record. However, they were demoted to the third seed because Pierre's Bombardiers won their division while Jose's team were the runners up. Unfair? Maybe, but this classy organization didn't complain. I know this is technically Kobe Bryant's team but the Heffalumps played more like an extension of their point guard, Rajon Rondo. They were ranked second in AST and STL, fourth in FG%/AST/TO, weak in 3PT, and third to last in PTS. That's a franchise that plays like Rondo right?

For a team loaded with shooters, it's strange that they are ranked fourth to last in 3PT actually. Between Kobe, Kevin Martin, and Jason Terry, there should plenty of threes raining down. I guess Martin was hurt much of last season. Long time Heffa favorite, Andrei Kirilenko didn't make the cut this season, as Jose brought in Channing Frye and Mehmet Okur to add some 3PT shooting to the frontcourt, a nice wrinkle to the offense. Frye and Okur represents a change of direction for this team as last year they had Kirilenko and bruisers Anderson Varejao and DeJuan Blair manning the power forward spot. Now all the rebounding will be left up to Al Horford and Marcus Camby. And if you believe in Greg Oden, he's here too, waiting his turn for the IR slot to open. There's also a backup big, Minnesota's Anthony Tolliver, on this team but I literally know nothing about him. Is Anthony Tolliver Darko Milicic's new American name?

Twenty three year old rookie Wesley Johnson will be tasked with manning the small forward position immediately, as his all around game has already given him an edge over fan favorite Tayshaun Prince. Johnson will be given a lot of responsibility early on and we like him. The biggest question about this team is health. Oden and Okur are already out for a bit, and Camby and Martin are perpetual injury risks. This team is deep on paper but there always seems to be a few players in street clothes. Also, we still think Kobe is slightly miscast on this team, as his strengths/weaknesses seem to be in contrast with the rest of the team, but clearly Jose knows something the rest of us losers don't after securing one of the best records in the league last season. The 100 Acre Wood is for winners only!
NBA Team: Portland Trailblazers

Chunky Monkeys - Evan (9-9)
Whoa, did a .500 team go all the way to the Finals last season or what? Evan had the second overall pick last season, Chris Paul, but misfired on some of his other choices. Mehmet Okur in Rd4, Leandro Barbosa in Rd5, and a weak rest of the draft that isn't worth mentioning here. To further complicate things, CP3 went down and ended up playing only half a season, and it looked like the Monkeys were headed for the Toilet Bowl. A few mega-trades and some savvy free agent pickups later, those crazy Monkeys not only made the playoffs but shocked opponents and delighted mothers as they rickrolled their way to the championship round. Unfortunately, CP3 didn't come back to full strength until a little too late and Evan didn't quite have enough to fuel the greatest upset of all time. Still, a splendid season.

Having chosen to go small from the beginning, the Monkeys were predictably good in the guard categories (second in 3PT, third in AST, fourth in STL) and bad in the big men stuff (last in FG% and REB, third to last in BLK). The coaching staff isn't going to change anything now so the same small ball philosophy remains. Paul and Brandon Roy are the best one-two duo that fake money can buy and they complement each other perfectly. Third guard Jrue Holiday was absolutely essential during the playoff run and has now established himself as the starter in Philadelphia. Center Andrea Bargnani is the best small ball big man in the land and there doesn't seem to be any limit to his minutes in Toronto now that Bosh is gone. Trevor Ariza is a great swingman for this system with his very high 3PT/STL combination. Luke Ridnour will compete for the starting job in Minnesota but might hop between the starting lineup and the bench.

SG James Harden was a keeper selection but there's a decent chance he'll split time with DeMar DeRozan as it's hard to tell if either of them will emerge enough to be counted on the whole season. Right now the power forward position will be manned by Travis Outlaw, who is a decent long range shooter so maybe he'll work out -- although we think there could be a better option. What we're not about sure about is what JJ Hickson and Darko Milicic are doing on this team. They have some REB and BLK ability but we think they were drafted to provide some form of half time entertainment. Where will the Monkeys end up at the end of this season? Who knows but with CP3 back to full health, we're pretty sure it's going to be better than a .500 record for Evan's team this time around.
NBA Team: Phoenix Suns

Funk Coalition - Jon (5-12-1)
The Funk were hoping for big things season one but came out and fell on their face. While the rest of the Thundercat division finished .500 or above, Jon's team had no offensive output and little defensive intensity, ranking second to last in PTS and FT%, fourth to last in STL and BLK. The lone bright spot was a high rank in TOs, which means they were good at protecting the ball -- but not doing much with it.

The big men on this team failed in every way last year. LaMarcus Aldridge didn't play up to his fourth round selection, Andris Biedrins was a huge bust, Tyson Chandler was injured, and even with the breakout season from Joakim Noah, this cast of characters weren't good. The late season trade of Joe Johnson brought in Al Jefferson, who will have to stay healthy to justify the decision. The same frontcourt returns this season (minus Chandler) and that may either be stupid or loyal. The loss of Johnson in the backcourt means Rodney Stuckey is the new shooting guard, but the real shooting will come from JR Smith, who will man the small forward spot. A big question is where Tony Parker is headed this season, out of town or back to being an All Star? The good news is that Deron Williams is on board and still dropping dimes and running the offense.

There is hardly a bench to speak of here. Jonny Flynn had a rough rookie season and he's currently on the injured list, Reggie Williams and Courtney Lee will spell JR Smith but will likely only be situational matchups. Rookie Derrick Favors is at least a year away according to published reports. The Funk might be in for another long season unless Al Jefferson can dominate and stay off the injured list. A big if.
NBA Team: Minnesota Timberwolves