One Month: Losers

Last week we looked at the four best teams so far. Now we'll look at the four worst.

Human Amoebas (0-5)
Eric-A's team can't shoot; not from the field, the charity stripe, or the three point line. They have trouble rebounding, they don't pass the ball, and they are dead last in points scored. Hey at least they're leading the league in the TO category! Facing oppponents who were a combined 17-8 has not helped one bit. With Derrick Rose, Eric Gordon, and Dirk Nowitzki with big fat "O's" next to their name, there isn't much light at the end of the tunnel here. Or wait, is there? I mean, We are high on rookies Harrison Barnes and Andre Drummond, but both are at least one year away. Austin Rivers has been disappointing, but he's getting the reps to find out if he has any NBA career ahead of him. Coach Eric-A is living and dying -- mostly the latter -- with Monta Ellis, DeMarcus Cousins, and Paul Milllsap as their replacment stars. Until the Amoebas can get some their actual superstars healthy, they could be in contention for a winless season.

Jedi Knights (0-4-1)
GM Chris hasn't dipped into the free agent pool yet this season, but a lot of pre-season trades, as well as a recent exchange of Wes Matthews for Greivis Vasquez means this team needs time to gel. Currently they are weak in FT%/STL/BLK, and pretty middle of the pack everywhere else, aside from a sterling FG%. They've faced a very tough schedule so far, as four of their first five opponents have had winning records. What's strange is that almost every player on the roster is outperforming their pre-season expectations. O.J. Mayo has been great, Chandler Parsons is dropping in 3PT, DeAndre Jordan is more than serviceable again, Thaddeus Young is emerging Mo Williams is averaging 7.1 AST, David Lee is a double double machine. Even Metta World Peace is useful with his 1.8 STL and 2.3 3PT. The retooled Knights haven't won a game yet, but they are an encouraging winless team, if that's possible. Note: The rest of the Silverhawks division is tied at 3-2, leaving the Knights way behind the eight ball already.

Funk Coalition (1-4)
After an encouraging first win, the reconstructed Funk Coalition have been in a tailspin. Playing a strange brand of fantasy, the Funk dominate in FG%, punt FT% and 3PT, have stellar AST numbers, but can't play enough defense, or score enough to pick up victories. The recent trade of Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans should give th GM Jon more big men to deploy, but something is deeply flawed here, as results have been a headache for fans and front office alike. Dwight Howard has been as good as advertised with 18.8 PTS, 11.5 REB, 2.8 BLK, 59.5 FG% but rumors are that his goofy personality is not sitting well with the stoic leadership provided by Rajon Rondo. Russell Westbrook is back up to 8+ AST but rumors are he could be headed out of town soon. The early season stumble of the gate could have killed the Coalition's playoff hopes already, as they are in a very tough division. Basically, the Funk suck.

Super Shocker (1-3-1)
It could be time to go back to the "Super Horizon" nickname for this franchise. Their current iteration can put the ball in the hole, but are light on the boards and assists, and about average everywhere else. Not having the services of John Wall and Andrew Bynum hurt of course, but there could be more going on here. The front line can't protect the rim, as Tyson Chandler and Nikola Pekovic are averaging only 1.8 BLK per game. Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, and Rudy Gay are still scoring, but their auxiliary stats have dipped a bit, plus Pierce and Gay are shooting horrifically from the field. After starting off 0-3 though, Thien's team picked up a quality win and tie against Squirtle Squad and Half Man Half ImAsian recently, so there is a light at the end of this tunnel. A third straight division title for Super Shocker is not out of the question here, even with the early season hole they've dug themselves into.

Center Moves

In a quiet move, Fat Jubas and Funk Coalition exchanged a trio of big men: Brook Lopez and Marcin Gortat for Marc Gasol and Tyreke Evans.

GM Eric-L was sad to trade away a beloved Sun, but Gortat's low FT% was hurting the balanced Jubas. It was with the same heavy heart that Eric-L cast Lopez off, as Brook was the Jubas' second round pick in our 2009 keeper re-draft. A proper good bye party, complete with cupcakes, was planned for Lopez, but he was unable to attend due to injury.

Gortat started off the season white hot, but has cooled off due to disgruntlement with touches. He is now averaging 11.7 PTS, 8.3 REB, and 2.1 BLK on the season. Lopez, currently injured, has re-found his 2010 form, averaging 18.5 PTS, 6.8 REB, and 2.5 BLK. Gortat and Lopez combined for huge block numbers, which had been a key reason the Jubas were leading the league in that category. However, with Jonas Valanciunas emerging as a rotation player, and with Kevin Garnett still anchoring the front line, the two big bodies were deemed expendable.

What the Jubas get back in return is Marc Gasol, who is averaging 15.8 PTS, 7.3 REB, 1.4 BLK, and an astonishing 4.4 AST from the center position. He's also been lights out from the free throw line (89.7 FT%). As for Tyreke Evans, he of the PG/SG/SF designation, it's been an up and down career but over the past month, he's back to his rookie form, with 21.4 PTS, 4.8 REB, 4.4 AST, 1.4 STL, and even 1.0 3PT on a blistering 52.0 FG%. That likely won't last, but Evans' flexibility fills a lead guard hole for the Jubas -- until Steve Nash comes back.

For Funk Coalition, they now sport four startable centers -- Dwight Howard and Nikola Vucevic -- and will look to play ultimate big ball. After a busy off-season, the Funk stumbled out of the gates with only one win in four tries, so impatient GM Jon is back to the drawing board with his roster. More moves are sure to follow.

One Month: Winners

It's already one month into our young season, and all the weird first few weeks jitters should be off. Let's take a look at some of the teams that are succeeding right out of the gate shall we?

NJ All-Stars (4-0)
Bombing away from everywhere, Eddie's team leads the league in 3PT, is second in PTS, and also an astonishing first in REB. From last year's semi-small ball team, the NJ All-Stars have transformed into a board cleaning monster. J.J. Hickson leads the way with 10.5 REB per, while Lebron James (8.8), Ryan Anderson (7.8), Andrei Kirilenko (7.9), and Luol Deng (7.5) snag a ton from the forward positions. And the outside shooting with Ryan Anderson, Paul George, and the sometimes healthy Kyle Lowry is just hard to beat. Really, if you look at the statistical strengths of NJ All-Stars, this is Ryan Anderson's team, not Lebron's! Eddie's team are feasting on a weak schedule early on -- their first four opponents have just three wins total -- but don't let that disguise the fact that his All-Stars are true contenders.

Chunky Monkeys (4-0)
Right behind the NJ All-Stars in the Thundercats division is the Monkeys, who have jetted off to a white hot start too. They feasted on a similarly weak schedule until WK4's quality win against Fat Jubas. The Monkeys play small ball to perfection, as they are first in PTS, STL, and FT%; second in AST; third in 3PT. Obviously James Harden's trade to Houston pumped this team's PTS up early on, but Jrue Holiday has emerged as a top fantasy talent behind 18.6 PTS, 9.2 AST, 1.4 3PT/STL. I mocked Byron Mullens during the draft but he's putting up 13.4 PTS, 8.3 REB, and 1.6 3PT per game. He really is a perfect small ball PF/C, just like Evan said. An early season trade for Wesley Matthews shored up the roster and now the Monkeys are ready to destroy all challengers. Yikes!

Fat Jubas (3-1)
Even without their leader, Steve Nash, the returning champs are leading the Silverhawks division and winning by shooting a high percentage, protecting the rim and taking care of the ball -- first in FG% and BLK, second in TO. Brook Lopez is back to the tune of 19.2 PTS along with 2.7 BLK, and he pairs with Marcin Gortat's 2.4 BLK to intimidate all shooters facing the Jubas. Nicolas Batum is having his breakout season and he's averaging ridiculous all around numbers of 17.8 PTS, 6.1 REB, 1.6 STL, 1.1 BLK, and 2.5 3PT, plus decent percentages. Batum is the new Matrix! There's a bit of depth problems here, as the backcourt is obviously weak without Nash -- Luke Ridnour and Alexey Shved are clearly not the answer -- but the Jubas have faced a tough schedule early on and have emerged unscathed so far during their championship defense.

LA Buffy (3-1)
Roger's team was left for dead by our prognosticators during pre-season but he has come charging out of the gate to lead the Transformers division. Much of that success can be pinned on the back of that young dog, Tim Duncan, who is averaging 18.7 PTS, 10.1 REB, and 2.3 BLK. Even with Duncan's notoriously poor FT shooting, Buffy is first in FT%, and fourth in REB and BLK. The new Buffy backcourt of Jeremy Lin, J.J. Redick, and Kirk Hinrich have been just useful enough but having Jameer Nelson back in the lineup post-injury will help a lot for the guard stats. With Andrew Bogut set to return soon/eventually, Buffy could be even stronger going forward.

Shifting Some Pieces

With feelers sent to the rest of the league earlier in the week, Chunky Monkeys finally landed the player they were looking for. Welcome, Wes Matthews, the team's new small forward! The full trade is Chunky Monkeys ship out Greivis Vasquez and a 2014 RD3 to Jedi Knights for Wesley Matthews and a 2014 RD6 in return.

Despite having a glut of premiere point guards entering the draft -- Chris Paul, Jrue Holiday and Goran Dragic -- the Monkeys picked up Greivis Vasquez in the draft and E'Twaun Moore from free agency and found themselves with too many guards.

After a quick round of proposals via email, the Monkeys got their man in Matthews. Despite picking up a gem at the SF spot with Al-Farouq Aminu, the Monkeys knew they needed depth at the position.  They got that and more with Matthews. Matthews will be the presumptive starter and is expected to contribute in threes, steals and overall scoring. More importantly, he'll now be the new anchor at the swing position for the new look Monkeys.

As for Greivis, his hot start has now likely earned him a starting slot with the Jedi Knights alongside Mo Williams. Analysts at ESPN thought it was a win win for both teams. "Vazquez will now have a chance to be the undisputed starting point guard for his team. He was never going to have that chance with the Monkeys. For the Monkeys, we anticipate that Wes will be a really strong player in the Monkey's rotation. Similar to James Harden, we expect to him provide strong scoring, three pointers while shoring up the steals category for the already small-ball minded Monkeys", said ESPN analyst Ric Bucher.

(Russell Conference) Voltron

Super Horizon (8-4)
Thien's team loves to change its name so this year they went from simply "The Horizon" to "Super Horizon." Very gosu! With the exact same keepers from a year ago, Thien's team is a model of stability. Heading into 2013, Dwayne Wade is fully healthy, which is a nice change. The problem is, John Wall is out for two months. Paul Pierce and Rudy Gay are a devastating combo of swingmen but Tyson Chandler and Andrew Bynum start off the season dinged up so The Horizon are quite undermanned at the moment. After two straight division championships, can they three-peat? First round pick Nikola Pekovic will have to step up, along with late rounder Jason Thompson to fill the Bynum/Chandler void. After narrowly missing a SlamNation Finals appearance last season, Thien is hungry for the season to start, even if his team will have an uphill battle staying healthy. Ben Gordon will find all the shots he can handle in Charlotte and maybe DeMar DeRozan will fulfill his potential. Both will add plenty of PTS though, and be mentored by Jason Richardson, who probably won't find enough time in Philly to be a starter. Same with Aaron Brooks in Sacramento. The Horizon are traditionally the leaders of the Voltron division but they have some competition nipping at their heels.
Biggest Roadblock: Finding a team doctor who can keep his players in one piece

MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4)
The most excited owner heading into this season? Alvin! After winning the Toilet Bowl and snagging the top two 2012 NBA Draft picks in Anthony Davis and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, the Pogiboys are reloaded and ready for a bright future. Mike Conley, Brandon Jennings, and Brandon Knight are a nice young guard trio, and Marcus Thornton will continue his 3PT and STL barrage. MKG will start at small forward immediately and Anthony Davis will team up with Roy Hibbert to clean glass and destroy shots. Young Tristan Thompson was a keeper -- while Amare Stoudemire was traded -- and if he emerges too, this team could officially be the team on the verge. The 2013 draft also brought in J.R. Smith, Brandon Bass, Tobias Harris, Kevin Seraphin, and Jerryd Bayless but we don't even envision anyone aside from maybe Smith and Bass getting much playing time if the Pogiboys stay healthy. What we do envision is their first playoff appearance soon -- possibly this year -- and championship contention around the corner if Davis is all he's cracked up to be. Like we said, Alvin's excited!
Biggest Roadblock: Forgoing Movember to grow a unibrow all year long

Human Amoebas (5-7)
After winning a stunning 2011 championship with one of the youngest SlamNation teams, we thought we'd have to fend off Eric-A's team for the next decade. Instead, Derrick Rose and Eric Gordon were mostly injured last season and Human Amoebas slumped to a losing record.  Here's the thing: once Rose returns, they're going to contend again. Gordon and Monta Ellis are still a great scoring backcourt, DeMarcus Cousins is a top center, Paul Millsap is a solid power forward, and the late season theft of Dirk Nowitzski gives this team another franchise player. Seriously, who's top six matches up on paper? Eric-A is all about youth and potential and similar to first draft in 2010, they went super upside in 2013. Rookies Harrison Barnes, Andre Drummond, and Austin Rivers were scooped up, along with sophomores Daniel Green and Alonzo Gee. J.J. Barea is going to get some minutes until Ricky Rubio returns. We're not sure who's going to start out of top six group but we're not doubting Eric-A anymore. He went from last-to-first once before and he could do it again soon. Who's scared?
Biggest Roadblock: Waiting for Rose's triumphant return

So Buckets (3-9)
Josh had a choice last season: Lebron or no Lebron. He went with the non-LBJ side and picked up Pau Gasol, Andre Iguodala, and Gerald Wallace instead of James in last year's new owner dispersal draft. David West never panned out, Darren Collison wasn't as good as Kyle Lowry (who was passed up in the dispersal draft), and So Buckets emerged from their first season with a losing record. With some experience under his belt, Josh is ready to turn this ship around. We think Gasol, Iggy, Crash, and Collison are all going to have better years than last season. Kyrie Irving is gonna straight blow up this season and Evan Turner will have every opportunity to take over for Igoudala in Philadelphia. Nene and Brandon Roy will team up with those six to start, giving So Buckets a solid foundation. Jarrett Jack will fill in as third guard if Roy stumbles, while young forwards Derrick Williams, Enes Kantor, and rookie Royce White will be stashed on the bench. We think So Buckets has a puncher's chance of hitting the post-season but this could be a tough division to emerge. Still, this team looks like it'll be good in all the big man categories, while lacking only in 3PT and maybe AST. With Irving to build around, So Buckets have nowhere to go but up!
Biggest Roadblock: Watching the Kyrie Irving as old man video over and over

(Chamberlain Conference) Transformers

Squirtle Squad (10-2)
One year after missing the playoffs with a winning record, Brian's team came back strong and looked poised to win a championship as they were the only double digit win team during a lockout shortened season. Instead, the Squirtles were unceremoniously upset by eventual champion Fat Jubas. That loss was mostly due to poor free throw shooting so during the off-season, FT% black hole Blake Griffin (along with Jeremy Lin) was traded for Al Jefferson, a smooth shooting big man from the charity stripe. Jefferson will also secure BLK alongside Serge Ibaka and Greg Monroe. With real life teammates Deron Williams and Joe Johnson, along with fantasy sensation Ty Lawson manning the backcourt, the top six is looking championship ready indeed. The starting small forward will likely be Steve Novak or Carlos Delfino, who will provide great floor spacing with their shooting. Chauncey Billups could bring more 3PT if needed but mostly he's around to cheer from the Squirtles' bench. Spencer Hawes should be the first big man sub and behind him, Markieff Morris will wait to earn some minutes. If rookie Bradley Beal is really the next Ray Allen, Brian's team would be more than stacked. Last round pick Mirza Teletovic is a big swing forward from Bosnia, and is a Brooklyn Net. Just in case you didn't know.
Biggest Roadblock: Nothing, this team is primed for a SlamNation Finals showing

Half Man Half ImAsian (8-4)
Oliver's squad lost in the first round of the playoffs last year and they are hungry for post-season success. They are returning with five of their keepers from 2012 -- Andrew Bogut is out and Ersan Ilyasova is in. Led by Kevin Durant and LaMarcus Aldridge, Oliver's team is always a contender. JaVale McGee is going to have a make or break season as the center spot is all his in Denver. It's clear that Detroit's Rodney Stuckey is not a point guard but he's still a useful piece. Ilysova is an incredible fantasy player and Anderson Varejao provides nightly double doubles with a STL/BLK a game. Half Man Half ImAsian's draft was dedicated to defense as Tony Allen, Mario Chalmers, Courtney Lee are all STL guys. Chalmers and Lee will drop in 3PT alongside Durant, giving this team everything except AST. Recently traded Jeremy Lamb is probably too raw to help now, and project rookie Andrew Nicholson is 7'4". That's all I know. Another thing I know: Oliver's team will compete for a championship, as usual.
Biggest Roadblock: Is JaVale ready or will insanity hold him back?

Eron, Joven and Chandler (6-6)
For a fuller look at our newest owner, feel free to look at their individual article. After moving Dwight Howard, the focus of this team has changed quite a bit. The old team was clearly on the verge of hitting rock bottom but new owner Chris did a complete rebuild. Carmelo Anthony and Blake Griffin will provide PTS, REB, and FG%, but Griffin will likely cause this team's FT% to tumble. Ricky Rubio, Jeff Teague, and Manu Ginobili are an underrated backcourt, but they have to stay healthy. What this team won't have is BLK, as a plethora of power forwards -- Glen Davis, Antawn Jamison, rookie Thomas Robinson -- provide scoring but not much rim protection. Swing forward Gerald Henderson will sit the bench. It's hard to gauge how this team will shape up with so many new pieces but we think it'll be strong in PTS, REB, STL, while lacking big time in BLK and TO. We're excited to see what Run EJC has in store for their first season.
Biggest Roadblock: Learning how to use ESPN to max out the games

LA Buffy (5-7)
Speaking of old teams, Buffy is on its last legs. After going 13-6 in 2011, Roger's team fell to 5-7 last year. They had a top seed in the Toilet Bowl but got upended by Sour Snails. Power forwards Tim Duncan, Carlos Boozer, and Elton Brand have all seen better days -- not to mention Danny Granger, who is no longer a top fantasy talent. With that in mind, Buffy has imported Linsanity to electrify the fan base! Moving Marc Gasol for Jeremy Lin and Chris Bosh, Roger finally got a guard to take over the reins from Baron Davis (mirroring Lin's real life NBA ascent) and then he moved fast during the draft on Jameer Nelson, who could have a resurgent season. Buffy loves his big men though, so Andrew Bogut is on board, and if he's healthy he'll help make this team competitive again. Old fave Wilson Chandler will swing to wherever Granger isn't while Kirk Hinrich and Tiago Splitter will hang out on the bench. Also, Swaggy P in the house! Buffy will dominate the big men categories but we're not sure if Lin and Nick Young are enough to get some guard balance. Can this team dig up one more winning season before the front line collapses?
Biggest Roadblock: Age, age, age

(Russell Conference) Thundercats

NJ All-Stars (8-4)
Whew, what a first season in SlamNation for Eddie! After fighting hard all season, they nudged into the playoffs and then proceeded to upset their way to the Finals -- including beating his cousin on the way there. All this after inheriting a team that went just 5-14 the year before. What will NJ All-Stars do for an encore? Who will hold it down for the Garden State with the Nets gone? Well, owning Lebron James probably will heal that gaping wound a little bit. Surrounding King James are two well balanced point guards in Kyle Lowry and Isaiah Thomas, efficiency swingmen Paul George and Luol Deng, plus smooth shooting Ryan Anderson. Taking a page from the real Miami Heat, the NJ All-Stars are probably strongest playing small ball. Their draft brought Jared Dudley and Jose Calderon on-board, along with the rejuvenated Andrei Kirilenko, who could add enough STL/BLK to help out quite a bit. James Johnson is an intriguing mini-AK47 if he can get the minutes. JJ Hickson or Gustavo Ayon could be this team's bigs but we think Eddie would be best served running and gunning with Lebron and his mighty mites.
Biggest Roadblock: Proving last year wasn't a fluke

Chunky Monkeys (8-4)
Relegated to famiy black sheep status, Evan must be fuming inside at having his little cousin upsurp his surprise Finals run from a few years ago. With Chris Paul back on the court, the Monkeys are moving off small ball with this year's draft. Well, maybe. We don't know what drafting Byron Mullens, David West, and Taj Gibson mean. Small forward Al-Farouq Aminu could bring some STL and Chase Budinger will shoot 3PT but those other three seem miscast. The good news is that James Harden will now become a franchise caliber player in Houston, while Goran Dragic also gets his own team to run in Phoenix. Actually, Jrue Holiday and Arron Afflalo will also see a lot more playing time, and that means the Monkeys are probably going to keep winning. With Andrea Bargnani in the middle, this team can only small ball. That being the case, most teams will have a hard time matching up with so many shooter and guards. If CP3 stays healthy, another playoff trip could be in order for the Monkeys.
Biggest Roadblock: Family holiday gatherings with Eddie

100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (8-4)
Last year, Jose didn't draft his last three rounds. This year he gathered so many extra picks he essentially won't draft his last three either. This must be the secret to continued success because the Heffalumps are consistently one of the best teams in the league. They were done filling out their starting lineup by the top of round two and grabbed Omer Asik, Kenneth Faried, and Jason Terry to go along with his six keepers. After trading Rajon Rondo for picks, Kobe Bryant is the sole superstar on board. J's team is constructed with lots of shooting guards in mind -- Bryant, Terry, Kevin Martin, -- and will be strong on the front lines with Al Horford, Kris Humphries, Asik, Faried, and Bismack Biyombo. Kawhi Leonard has three position eligibility and will be the Swiss knife on this team, with Shawn Marion or Al Harrington ready to spell him if necessary. George Hill and Jamal Crawford can also come off the bench to add additional shooting. Losing Rondo will hurt on the AST/STL standpoint but losing his high TO and low FT% will be a boon for this well constructed and deep team.
Biggest Roadblock: Having too many players, and getting them ready for a deep post-season run

Funk Coalition (3-9)
After a very busy off-season, the Funk is back, but looking entirely different. We've already chronicled how Dwight Howard, Rajon Rondo, and Marc Gasol have come on-board. With Russell Westbrook, Rondo, and Tony Parker, there's nary a 3PT to be found so this team will be an unconventional guard heavy team. Howard and Gasol should give this team some defensive oomph and control the boards while question mark Tyreke Evans will either be the glue that holds it all together or a piece waiting to be dumped. Having mortgaged most of his 2013 draft, Jon grabbed Nikola Vucevic, Samuel Dalembert, and Ed Davis to be complementary big men off the bench, and will be scrounging off the free agent scrap heap for a swingman. In a tough division where all three of the other teams made the post-season, Funk Coalition needed a major shake up and they got it. Now to see if that will result in more wins.
Biggest Roadblock: Bad karma from having a Laker on the team

(Chamberlain Conference) Silverhawks

Fat Jubas (9-3)
"Hail to the champions, hail to the champions, hail hail hail!" Oh wait, wrong song. What is the Stanford fight song? Has anyone ever heard it? Whatever it is, Eric-L should hear it whenever he steps onto the SlamNation court because after a few disappointing years, they had a dream season in 2012. With a team aging by the millisecond, Eric-L won the Silverhawks division for a third time, tore their way to the Finals, and mostly waltzed their way to a championship. Can Steve Nash, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen (not a keeper but re-drafted) do it again? Keep in mind that original second round pick Brook Lopez didn't even play most of last season. The Jubas are going to get a chance to repeat because they just know how to play the game. Nicolas Batum and Gordon Hayward are quiet but efficient swingmen, Marcin Gortat is a defensive anchor alongside Garnett, and rookie Jonas Valanciunas could be quite a find. The bench will consist of Luke Ridnour, Brandon Rush, Landry Fields, and Carl Landry, typical efficient Eric-L selections. The only thing that might bring this team down is the sickening real life NBA trade of Steve Nash to the Lakers. Rumors are that Eric-L can't stomach this betrayal and will be looking to offload Nash, even at the expense of the Fat Jubas' championship defense.
Biggest Roadblock: Seeing Nash in purple and gold..

Sour Snails (4-8)
The Snails made the Finals two straight times, winning once, before imploding last year. They lost more games in 2012 (8) than in 2010-11 combined (7). What's next? We hate to tell you this, but that losing season is probably a blip on the radar. Trieu can't help not being in the finals of something and he made it to the Toilet Bowl finals last season, emerging with rookie point guard Damian Lillard as his prize. Lillard is exactly what the Snails need and teamed with Golden State's Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, Trieu's backcourt will rain points on everyone. Sure Kevin Love is out for six weeks but that hardly matters. The Snails have been trying to get away from small ball over the past season or so -- despite having Josh Smith -- and they did some draft day maneuvering to add Andray Blatche and Robin Lopez. The rest of this team is all small though, with Danilo Gallinari, Raymond Felton, and non-rebounding swing forward Jeff Green. Marvin Williams and rookie Jae Crowder are also around to play SF. We can't imagine the Snails getting only four wins again this season, but there seems to be a bit of identity crisis here.
Biggest Roadblock: Stephen Curry's precious precious ankles

Jedi Knights (2-10)
A huge off-season has transformed this team. After winning only ten games in three years, the Jedi Knights needed a facelift. Gone are Dirk Nowitzki and Nene, in are Amare Stoudemire, DeAndre Jordan, and Luis Scola. The Nowitzki trade so far has netted Andray Blatche (not kept), Amare, and whoever shows up in 2014 RD1. We are bullish on the offensive capability of this team, as Wesley Matthews, OJ Mayo, and David Lee can certainly all fill it up. New additions Mo Williams and Gerald Green can do the same. Both Thaddeus Young and Chandler Parsons have some intriguing upside but they'll need minutes to perform. Late rounders C.J. Miles and rookie Jared Sullinger will mostly wait for an injury. The old Republic Knights were going nowhere so the new look Knights were very necessary. We're not sure how this team will gel entirely, but there seems to be a lot of shooting, scoring, and enough REB/BLK and make this team competitive.
Biggest Roadblock: There's no "D" in "Force"

Fob Stars (1-11)
I gotta stop inviting Jimmy to fantasy leagues. A few years after going winless in our football league, he sets the new bar for futility here with one win. We thought they were on the way up after last season's 6-13 campaign but that was obviously not the case. In his defense, it's not all his fault. Zach Randolph, Joakim Noah, Chris Kaman, and Emeka Okafor all played less than half a season each. That's the entire front line basically. Add in the loss of Chauncey Billups, who lost his entire 2012 season and that left Michael Beasley, Evan Turner, and D.J. Augustin to fend for themselves. Now Turner and Augustin are gone, and the big men are back, plus Lou Williams.

Jimmy wisely went young with his draft, scooping up Dion Waiters, Tyler Zeller, and Kemba Walker. Waiters and Walker need to become the backcourt of the near future for the Fob Stars to have a chance to be semi-competitive. Dorell Wright adds 3PT and STL to the small forward position, which is good because Beasley will only chuck in PTS. Washington teammates Trevor Booker and A.J. Price can share time on the pine together. Overall, the Fob Stars should have the sort of front court to win all the big men stats, but the guard and wing positions are very unsteady. Still, more than one win is guaranteed, we hope.
Biggest Roadblock: Getting that first win early to prevent another downward spiral

Another new owner!

After adding two new owners last year, we have another one this year. We bid farewell to the creaky 2005 NBA All-Star Team, which was built for a short championship run, and then deemed too old once the chips got down. Way to ditch you team Steve! Over three seasons, 2005 NBA All-Star Team compiled a 27-22 record and won the Transformers division back in 2010. It will be a real loss to lose Steve, who was the consensus #1 pick for the mock draft of the owners, but we feel confident our new owner can step up to the plate.

Introducing Chris*, who is actually an old SlamNation owner from years ago. He's back after a bit of a hiatus and is now tuning in from Korea. Which is a nice tidbit since 2005 NBA All-Star Team used to be called Korea! Korea! during their first season. After just a few days on the job, Chris has already upended his roster to dramatic results.

*I have no idea how I'm going to differentiate between the two Chris', both are "Chris L's" and I can't use last names. Should we just go with last names as first names? Yes, it'll be Lum and Lucas from now on, unless they want me to article them under a different name.

Three years ago, Korea! Korea! took Dwight Howard, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, Jason Richardson, Antawn Jamison, and Manu Ginobili during our inaugural draft. Since then, their best move was to trade for Ricky Rubio during before the 2012 draft.

While Steve showed a predilection for veterans, it's clear Chris has a different agenda. Left with the carcass of a roster, Chris set about rebuilding by moving Dwight Howard for Blake Griffin, Carmelo Anthony, and Kenneth Faried. Declining to keep Faried, Chris then tapped Derrick Favors, Rubio, Ginobili, and free agent non-keeper Jeff Teague to form the core of his new squad.

Then, during the 2013 draft, Chris took Glen Davis, Antawn Jamison, Thomas Robinson, C.J. Watson and Gerald Henderson. A 2013 RD2 pick was pre-ordained for another team too, as that was the pick exchanged for Rubio. With everyone on board, we can imagine where this team is headed for the upcoming season.

Jeff Teague will run point to start and he'll have savvy veteran Ginobili beside him. Teague is an up and comer and will be the only source of AST on this team until Rubio returns. C.J. Watson will be pressed into duty as the third guard, a role that's perhaps overeaching for him but he'll likely add a three and a steal each game. Carmelo Anthony and Blake Griffin will form the highest scoring forward tandem in the league, and that will give Chris' team a chance to be highly competitive in FG% and PTS. Manning the middle will be undersized Glen Davis, who can't protect the rim but could provide some scoring and a touch of rebounding.

Filling out the frontline will be three power forwards. Derrick Favors could be a future star but he'll need more minutes to break out. Rookie Thomas Robinson is a shoot first project that will also have a crowded real life logjam in front of him. Old boy Antawn Jamison is back for another spin, and he could be a nice scoring boost but his best fantasy days are clearly over. With the exception of Favors, there's not a lot of BLK on this roster, so this team will likely be offensive first and defense second, which will make for great highlights.

In general, we're looking at a team that has quite a few holes, especially with Rubio injured, but this is a roster that is rebuilding and already looking infinitely better than where it was left at the end of last season. So everyone, please (re-)welcome Chris and his new franchise: Eron, Joven and Chandler! "The prized Ebony Rhino was stolen from Eron by Chandler and Joven, and had yet to be retrieved the last time Ulgrotha was seen."

Weekly Games Cap: An Explanation

Not naming any names, some people have asked how to maximize our games despite being in the league for three years. See the little "Game Limits (Cur/Max)* --/22 games played" thing during your head-to-head matchups? That's where you can see games played each week. A quick primer for the rest.

Why have a weekly games limit cap?
The idea around having a cap is to prevent streaming free agents and making fantasy basketball just about who gets to play more guys.

What is the soft versus hard cap?
The soft cap is 22, while the hard cap is 29. This is because it's possible to exceed the soft cap by remaining one game under 22 and then putting in up to eight players the next day, to get to 29 total (21+8). The hard cap is the real number of games counted each week, while the soft cap is just what we have to use because ESPN's system is weird like that. [Changed to 21 soft, 28 hard, in 2019]

The reason ESPN doesn't count individual games that last day is because who's to say which games are worth more on that final day so ESPN counts them all. Power tip: As a savvy coach, you're supposed to try to get to 29 games played.

How do I use the soft cap to my advantage?
As long as you are under the 22 game cap, you can throw in all of the next day's games. So ideally you want to hit Saturday night at 21 games, then put in eight players for Sunday's games. That gives you 21+8 to equal 29 games total. You'll see 29/22 games played. Success!

Also, it doesn't have to be Saturday that you try to be one under the cap. If you don't have a lot of games coming up on a Sunday, sometimes you'll go for under the cap on Friday and then jam in all the games on Saturday. Make sense?

What's the easiest way to do this?
Just count each week how many games your top eight are going to play. I like to start on Saturday and count back to twenty one, then jam in everyone I can on Sunday. Figure out whatever method works for you.

In its conception, SlamNation should mirror a NBA team, with eight players in the playing rotation -- five starters and three subs -- and the four bench spots are mostly unused bench players. That's why our game limits cap is so low. 29 games per week works out to about 3.625 games for each of the eight main players, which is about how many games each NBA player averages per week during their regular season. Note: Last year we adjusted the games max cap higher because of the compressed lockout schedule.

In theory you don't have to touch your lineup each week because the bench can just sit there, but injuries, players' ups and downs, and weekly matchups will affect your actual playing rotation.

2013 Schedule

As you know, Alvin makes the schedule each year and it features a custom strength of schedule, tailored to how bad -- or good -- your team did last year. We're all about parity here at SlamNation, even if somehow I never seem to win. Take a look at the scheduling matrix and if it's off, please tell one of the commishes.

Some scheduling and rules notes for this upcoming 2013 season.

• We adjusted the max games per week back to 22, as we had raised it last season due to the compressed lockout schedule.
• The schedule matrix displays Home/Away teams, but the ESPN site is not accurate in that way because we just arbitrarily entered in the home team.
• WK1 is a max of 19 games, as it starts on Tuesday and is only a six day matchup.
• WK16 is a max of 44 games, as it spans All Star weekend and runs from Feb 11-24 for a fourteen day matchup.
• There are 19 regular season games this season, with the last week being March 11-17.

Off-Season Rebuilds

We're used to a lot of movement before keeper declarations due to teams trying to dump their "extra" players for draft picks. Often that has resulted in spectacular value deals, such as last year's pre-keeper pickup of Ty Lawson and Ricky Rubio for mere draft picks. This year had plenty of moves too, but all through two teams, Funk Coalition and Jedi Knights, as they completely revamped their keeper cores.

• Jedi Knights trade 2013 RD1, 2014 RD4 to Pogiboys for Amare Stoudemire
• Jedi Knights trade 2013 RD3, 2014 RD2 to NJ All Stars for Luis Scola, DeAndre Jordan

Coming off the heels of last year's controversial Dirk Nowitzki trade, GM Chris was looking to shore up his keeper roster. (Considering Andray Blatche wasn't even kept, Dirk will have essentially be moved for two first rounders.) Jedi Knights moved early for Amare Stoudemire, bringing a star back in the fold. Even still, his top six included Alonzo Gee and Jerryd Bayless, neither of whom starts for their NBA teams. After pursuing a few other avenues, Chris sent off another pair of picks for Luis Scola and DeAndre Jordan, who will provide some REB/BLK and shore up the roster. Now Chris' keepers look like this: Amare Stoudemire, David Lee, Wesley Matthews, OJ Mayo, Luis Scola, DeAndre Jordan.

As for Funk Coalition, GM Jon woke up one morning to news that Rajon Rondo was available from 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps. Springing into action, he quickly secured Rondo's services and then set about building his team around the mercurial guard. After much discussion and some internal dissension, it was decided to punt FT%, ditch 3PT, and go all out Rondo-style. With that in mind, GM Jon set off to acquire Dwight Howard and Blake Griffin, and any other star who can't hit the rim from fifteen feet away.

After a lot of finagling, Funk Coalition pulled off three trades post-Rondo, and almost came away with both Dwight and Blake. While that didn't quite happen, Jon did secure the services of Marc Gasol to pair with Dwight on the front line. Funk Coalition's new top six looks like this: Russell Westbrook, Dwight Howard, Rajon Rondo, Marc Gasol, Tony Parker, Tyreke Evans.

• Funk Coalition trade 2013 RD1, 2013 RD2, 2014 RD3 to 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps for Rajon Rondo
• Funk Coalition trade Al Jefferson, 2013 RD4 to Squirtle Squad for Blake Griffin, Jeremy Lin
• Funk Coalition trade Blake Griffin, Carmelo Anthony, Kenneth Faried to 2005 NBA All Stars for Dwight Howard
• Funk Coalition trade Chris Bosh, Jeremy Lin to LA Buffy for Marc Gasol

In the end, Funk Coalition paid a hefty price -- many would say way overpaid -- for this new team, but GM Jon is delighted to have Rondo forever, even if it means having to pair him up with a gross Laker. Rumors already abound about locker room tension and Dwight's people have been exploring trade opportunities. How does that adage go? Never trust a Laker?

2013 Keepers

We got started declaring a little late, and we pulled in a new owner (farewell Steve and 2005 All Star Team), so here it is, the keepers heading into the 2013 season!

2013 Draft Positions

2013 DRAFT ORDER

1. Fob Stars (1-11)
2. Jedi Knights (2-10)
3. So Buckets (3-9)
4. Fob Stars (3-9)
5. Sour Snails (4-8)
6. Human Amoebas (5-7)
7. LA Buffy (5-7)
8. MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4) *Missed playoffs despite winning record
9. 2005 NBA All Star Team (6-6)
10. Chunky Monkeys (8-4)
11. The Horizon (8-4)
12. 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (8-4)
13. Half Man Half ImAsian (8-4)
14. Squirtle Squad (10-2)
15. NJ All Stars (8-4) *Runner-up
16. Fat Jubas (9-3) *Champion

Toilet Bowl winner: MoRRie's Pogiboys
Toilet Bowl runner-up: Sour Snails

2012 Championship: Anything Is Possible

As the confetti fell after championship Sunday, a giddy Kevin Garnett hugged Steve Nash and screamed "All power is mine! I do the impossible! I'm gonna tear the roof off and eat all your babies! Argh argh argh!" Wiping a tear from his pale face, Nash, two time NBA MVP, was delirious from finally achieving his ultimate dream: a basketball championship. Collapsing to the ground, Nash kept saying in Canadian (translated), "Now I can move on from the Suns, I've given them my all and I can't wait to go to Miami. Or the Lakers. Or the Nets. Anywhere but Phoenix."

The rest of SlamNation can't say we didn't see this coming. The Fat Jubas won two division titles in a row, proved themselves as contenders, and was always in the mix for that elusive championship. Tearing apart the competition over the back half of the regular season, Jubas went 7-1 and then rode a seven game win streak all the way to the top. Their only challenge was last week in the conference finals, when they upset Squirtle Squad by a narrow margin. Now the Fat Jubas are the 2012 champs, and the second winners from the Silverhawks division.

Facing off against a young and hungry NJ All-Stars, the Jubas crushed Lebron and Co. by playing a better all around game. Despite LBJ's 28.5 PTS, 8.0 REB, 5.0 AST, and 1.5 STL, there just wasn't enough help for the "King." GM Eddie really needed his team to show up but they wilted a little under the pressure as Luol Deng, Paul George, and Ryan Anderson really came out flat. Isaiah Thomas, Luis Scola, and Jameer Nelson did their best but they weren't enough.

Heck, little J.J. Barea was the second best player for NJ All-Stars this week, as he had three double-doubles. In the end, Eddie's dream run was put to a fast halt as the game wasn't quite as close as the score indicated. This was pretty much a blow out. Still, a thrilling post-season run for a wild card team and owner Eddie has to be very proud of his first season in SlamNation.

Now for the accolades. As proven again and again, teams win games. And when your team features savvy veterans like Nash, Garnett, and Ray Allen, everyone else will step in line and play their role. For Nash, that meant lying down on the floor when his back hurt, excusing himself from one of this week's matchups. Good work Steve, thanks for those 11.3 PTS and 6.3 AST per. Ray Allen, he of the smooth stroke, beautiful soul, and star of low-budget commercials about juvenile diabetes basically took the entire week off, playing just once before resting his ankle.

Wait, did anybody play for Jubas? Oh yes, Kevin Garnett! KG, who has found the fountain of youth, ripped off a Finals stat line of 20.0 PTS, 10.8 REB, 1.3 STL, 1.0 BLK, 50.0 FG%, and 93.3 FT% over five games. He even inspired his Celtics' buddy Brandon Bass to 16.6 PTS and 8.6 REB of his own. The sweet shooting duo killed it this week, combining with Marcin Gortat to anchor the front line and pave the way to victory.

But they were not alone. Nicolas Batum tossed in 16.0 PTS, 5.7 REB, 1.3 STL/BLK, and 3.0 3PT for the week to cement his keeper status. Recent free agent addition Kevin Seraphin rejected 13 shots in his four games, single-handedly out blocking the NJ All-Stars. In addition, Gordon Hayward and DeMar DeRozan combined to go to the free throw line 12.3 times each outting, knocking down their freebies at a uber-efficient clip. This win was a true team effort, even as Nash and Allen cheered from the sidelines.

Overall, the Fat Jubas were just too much this season. While they may lack the (young) star power of some of the other teams in SlamNation, Eric-L has carefully assembled a roster that fits together perfectly. Remember that this championship was won with Brook Lopez basically out all year, and that as recently as the beginning of the 2011 season Jeff Green and Boris Diaw were keepers on this team. Yes, Jeff Green and Boris Diaw...

In addition, Eric-L has always drafted near the bottom -- starting with the #16 position in our first reset keeper year -- and over three seasons has truly built the Jubas to championship level. And it wasn't done through blockbuster trades either, unless you count this 2010 move for Beno Udrih or the 2012 deal for DeMar DeRozan. Impressive craftsmanship no?

I mean, this team didn't even have a 20.0+ points per game guy. The Jubas were led all season long in points by DeRozan (16.9 PTS), rebounds and blocks by Gortat (9.8 REB/1.5 BLK), assists by Nash (10.9 AST), Ray Allen's 2.3 3PT, and just two players averaging even 1.0+ STL per game. In fact, looking at the 2012 season stats, the only category Fat Jubas ranked in the top three in were FG% and FT%. However, they also had no real weaknesses -- except bottom two in STL -- and adjusted well to every matchup. What a winning blueprint!

We had this to say about Eric-L's team from their pre-season preview in 2010: "The veteran laden team is headed by Steven Nash, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen. All three are past their primes (although Nash isn't slipping much) but will likely remain very effective players for at least another two seasons." It looks like the Jubas had everything go right just in time. Will they keep the veterans together for a championship defense, or will Nash, Garnett, and Allen ride off into the sunset? Only time will tell but for now, congrats to Eric-L for a truly outstanding season!

Post-script: Kevin Seraphin was seen leaving the building mid-celebration, escorted by security. Overheard was this farewell speech by GM Eric-L as they all walked out: "Thanks for all your hard work Kevin, we'll probably never see you this fantasy relevant again. Your monster April was awesome -- 15.7 PTS, 7.1 REB, 1.8 BLK, 52.5 FG% -- but there's no way you're gonna be worth more than you are now. Don't call us next year, the championship ring will be mailed to you. Thanks a lot bro!"

(Full Box Score)

2012 Toilet Bowl: Fear the Pogi

In a game that came right down to the wire, heavily favored MoRRie's Pogiboys won the 2012 Toilet Bowl and the right to draft Anthony Davis. Or you know, someone else, since GM Alvin isn't ready to tip his hand yet. Even though the Pogiboys were facing off against an injury riddled Sour Snails team, this Toilet Bowl was the closest one we've ever had.

As predicted last week, Trieu's team won REB/BLK while Alvin won the two percentage categories. That left 3PT, AST, ST, TO, and PTS up in the air. The Snails won by close margins in 3PT and STL, while getting slammed in AST and TO. Most importantly, they came 16 PTS shy of upsetting Pogiboys. Sixteen points!

A closer look at the matchup reveals that franchise power forward Kevin Love contributed zero points on April 11th, in a matchup against the Denver Nuggets that started with him getting knocked out of the action by a concussion. It's pretty likely Love would have scored at least sixteen points had he stuck around for the game. Already ailing from a team that had trouble staying healthy -- Grant Hill got a DNP this week and Wilson Chandler came back for a lackluster seven minutes -- Trieu put up a mighty fight but couldn't quite pull off an upset in the end.

As for Alvin's team, he must be ecstatic. Going from 5-14 a year ago to 8-4 this year and barely missing out on a playoff spot -- then winning the Toilet Bowl -- will set them up for years of success. And it's not like Alvin didn't earn it, as his franchise guy, Amare Stoudemire, was out for this matchup. Led by Brandon Jennings, the Pogiboys didn't have many huge individual scoring games but overall his lineup shot well, controlled their turnovers, and gutted out a big win. A guard rotation of Jennings, Devin Harris, Mike Conley, and Brandon Knight really stepped up to counter the Snails' swirling guards.

Next year Pogiboys fans will get to see Stoudemire, Roy Hibbert, and The Unibrow together on a front line that could be truly scary. (I mean, if Alvin wants to take Anthony Davis.) Congrats MoRRie's Pogiboys!

Conference Round Recap

What a semi-finals! Both games came down to Sunday, with hotly contested categories all around. Over in the Chamberlain Conference, the Fat Jubas upset Squirtle Squad by the smallest 3PT margin. The golden oldies used grit and grunts to lock up the REB category, hit all their free throws, and barely outscored the top ranked Squirtles.

For Brian, it really hurts that they keep getting upset in the playoffs with no Finals appearances to show for it. This time it was their FT%, a scintillating 61.25 FT% showing that doomed them. While big men Blake Griffin and Greg Monroe are excellent elsewhere, they combined to hit only 16/43 free throws, with Griffin shooting 23.8% from the charity stripe. Ouch.

Eric-L used a team effort from Kevin Garnett, Steve Nash, Nicolas Batum, Marcin Gortat, and even a solid Gordon Hayward to seal the win. Most surprising of all, Kevin Seraphin (who?) might have been the hero as he pretty much averaged a double double all week. The Jubas are riding a six game winning streak and are looking to crush their way to a first SlamNation championship. Standing in their way will be a young upstart, making this a true old versus new matchup.

In the Russell Conference, it was a bloodbath between two teams who share good/bad blood. Cousins Evan and Eddie faced off and got their families involved in the trash talking but in the end, it was upstart Eddie who squeezed into the Finals. With both owners hawking their lineups all week, the record book will show that NJ All-Stars defeated the Chunky Monkeys by a mere five PTS, four STL, or 0.22 difference in FG%. Oh and the two teams also tied in 3PT.

Usually Evan's small ball team does well in particular matchups, but even with Chris Paul really picking pockets (13 STL), the Monkeys were outstolen by the All-Stars quick hands. That's pretty hard to do. I mean, both teams put up over 40+ STL. Looking closer at the stats, it seems like Andrea Bargnani's injury on Sunday could have been the difference maker, as it's hard to argue that Barg couldn't have contributed more than seven total points, and at least hit another three to break the deadlock.

For Eddie, flush with first season owner pride, his team isn't just going to be happy to be here. Sure they are a little wilted after many battles but they are focused on getting a huge upset -- and the 2012 crown. Ryan Anderson needs to return soon, DeAndre Jordan needs to be amnestied from his fat contract, and Jameer Nelson and J.J. Barea need to make up for the loss of Kyle Lowry. Well, unless Lowry comes back this week, which he could. Can LeBron James win a fantasy championship with rookie Isaiah Thomas as his second leading scorer? It sure looks like it's possible. Thomas is peaking at exactly the right time and is fast displacing Luol Deng as the Robin to LBJ's Batman. "I believe the children are our future / Teach them well and let them lead the way!"

Still, the Fat Jubas are the heavy favorite here and will likely win both percentages and TO, while NJ All-Stars has the edge in AST and STL. The question will be who can hit more 3PT and who can score more PTS. It's gonna be a fascinating championship week, best of luck to Eric-A and Eddie.

Over in the Toilet Bowl, things were close too as Funk Coalition threatened a big upset but lost by a handful of 3PT and STL despite playing a few more games. Tyreke Evans had a puncher's chance of sending Pogiboys packing but failed. Now Alvin will have Brandon Jennings leading the way for a shot at the number one overall draft pick in 2013.

His opponent in the Toilet Bowl finals is Trieu, who can't seem to be prevented from getting to any finals, even the losing sides'. This will be a Herculean task though because his entire bench is bascially not suiting up next week: Stephen Curry, Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, and Grant Hill. The Snails barely upset LA Buffy, surviving by a few PTS and one last second 3PT that rimmed out. This time they'll need Kevin Love and crew to really step up to lock up a huge win.

Based on last week's stats, the matchup between Pogiboys and Sour Snails will be very close as they evenly matched in AST/STL, TO, and PTS. The Snails will win REB and BLK most likely, but likely lose both of the percentage categories as Alvin is great there. We hope the Toilet Bowl won't come down to injuries, and wish both teams the best.

PLAYOFFS - THE FINALS
#2 Fat Jubas (9-3)* vs #4 NJ All-Stars (8-4)

TOILET BOWL FINALS
#1 MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4) vs #2 Sour Snails (4-8)

Preview RD2: 2012

What a first weekend of the playoffs, as we had a huge upset over in the Russell Conference. Somehow new coach Eddie took his team up against Thien's mighty The Horizon -- the top seed -- and won by Sunday fueled comeback. Strangely, both teams played only 25/26 games so extra games wasn't a factor. What did help was the outstanding shooting by the NJ All-Stars, who had a scorching 50.62 FG% and won FT% too. The Horizon tried to ride Dwayne Wade, Paul Pierce, Andrew Bynum, and John Wall to victory but they were ultimately unseated by Lebron James and his merry band of pranksters -- Paul George, Isaiah Thomas, Ryan Anderson, and Jose Calderon.

Everything else on the playoff front played out according to plan, as the other favored teams rolled to easy victories.

Over in the Toilet Bowl, defending champ Human Amoebas was eliminated by a lower seed, Funk Coalition, in a minor upset, but Eric-A was without the services of Derrick Rose so maybe it was no upset at all. Top seed MoRRie's Pogiboy sweated out a surprising week from Josh's So Buckets, who could have won if they game managed just a little better. Needing just a handful of 3PT, AST, or STL to win, So Buckets hit the games played limit on Saturday with some useful players ready to steal the win. Too bad, better luck next year!

PLAYOFFS
Chamberlain Conference
#1 Squirtle Squad (10-2)* vs #2 Fat Jubas (9-3)*

Russell Conference
#2 Chunky Monkeys (8-4)* vs #4 NJ All-Stars (8-4)

TOILET BOWL
Chamberlain Conference
#1 LA Buffy (5-7) vs #2 Sour Snails (4-8)

Russell Conference
#1 MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4) vs #3 Funk Coalition (3-9)

Playoff Preview RD1: 2012

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Squirtle Squad (10-2) vs #4 The 2005 NBA All-Star Team (6-6)
After missing the playoffs last year despite a winning record, Brian's back with a vengeance as he secured the best record in league behind a three game win streak to close out the season. The Squirtles are stacked with Deron Williams, Ty Lawson, Joe Johnson, and Jeremy Lin in the backcourt. In addition, their frontcourt boasts Blake Griffin, shot blocking maniac Serge Ibaka, and All-Star snubbed center Greg Monroe. Monroe has been a gem as he's tied for the team lead in games played and has been averaging 16.2 PTS, 9.8 REB, and 51.4 FG%. This team's only weaknesses are turnover and free throw percentages, but they are strong everywhere else.

The Squirtles' first round matchup delivers them The 2005 NBA All-Star Team, who somehow snuck into the playoffs with a 0.500 record while riding a three game losing streak -- all to intra-divison foes. With Dwight Howard and Samuel Dalembert anchoring the team, this is a front line that can win REB and BLK against Squirtle Squad. In fact, despite playing only 22 games to the Squirtle's 32 in WK12, the 2005 All Stars only managed to lose by one category. However, it would take a miracle for an upset here, so Brian probably isn't too worried. Maybe if Coach Steve subbed Manu Ginobili for Ricky Rubio there's a shot here. Ahem.

#2 Fat Jubas (9-3) vs #3 Half Man Half ImAsian (8-4)
Two hot teams getting ready to go ham on each other. Eric-L has repeated as Silverhawks division champs and will be looking to avenge their first round upset loss to Oliver last season. The Jubas have won four games in a row, including seven of their last eight, and are looking for a championship before Steve Nash, Kevin Garnett, and Ray Allen ride off into the sunset. Center Marcin Gortat has been incredible, averaging 16.0 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.5 STL/BLK, and 56.0 FG%. Swingman Nicolas Batum is the new and improved Shane Battier, with 13.8 PTS, 1.7 3PT, and 1.0 STL/BLK a game. The stats don't show how good Eric-L's team is, but their track record speaks for itself. Can they buck their great regular season, disappointing playoffs reputation?

Oliver's team has won four out of his last five and plays a very specific brand of basketball. Led by Kevin Durant and LaMarcus Aldridge, Half Man Half ImAsian scores ultra-efficiently (1st in FG%, 3rd in PTS), protects the rim on defense, and is fantastic on the boards with a team wide effort. Despite losing a ton of players to injury this season -- Andrew Bogut and Anderson Varejao are still out -- GM Oliver has kept this team chugging right along. Jarrett Jack and Rodney Stuckey are holding down the point guard position and now that Ramon Sessions is asserting himself in a big way next to Kobe, Oliver is even more dangerous. Ersan Ilyasova has to be a strong contender for free agent of the year as he's put up 17.6 PTS, 9.0 REB, 0.9 3PT, and 58.2 FG% during his last fourteen games. This is our matchup of the week!

Russell Conference
#1 The Horizon (8-4) vs #4 NJ All-Stars (8-4)
The marketing team seems to change Thien's team name at least once a season. The team formerly known as some variation of "Dragon" has now gone poetic. After starting off the season with four losses, The Horizon has ripped off eight wins in a row and repeats as Voltron winner. Anchored by Andrew Bynum (18.3 PTS, 12.3 REB, 2.0 BLK, 58.5 FG%) and Tyson Chandler in the frontcourt, The Horizon is top of the charts in REB and BLK. Despite the shoddy marksmanship of John Wall and Paul Pierce, this team is also great in FG% as the have Dwayne Wade and Rudy Gay to balance things out. FA pickup Nikola Pekovic went through a stretch where he was throwing up 20-10s like nothing, so if he does that, Thien keep romping all the way to the Finals.

Standing in his way will be the NJ All-Stars -- soon to be Brooklyn? -- who started off 7-2 before losing two of their last three. New owner Eddie has rejuvenated this franchise and made them a dangerous team for years to come. Would you believe that Paul George and Ryan Anderson (15.9 PTS, 7.6 REB, 2.8 3PT) lead this team in games played? Ahead of LeBron James, DeAndre Jordan, and Jose Calderon! A quick glance at the roster will reveal a depth that will be immediately necessary as Kye Lowry has been put on IR and is out for the duration of the fantasy playoffs. The good news is J.J. Barea is here to pick up the slack and if he can continue his double doubles, Lowry won't be missed much. Eddie's team is deadly from beyond the arc, tremendous at swiping the ball, and very good at rebounding and passing. They're going to be a tough out and could have the team to end Thien's championship dreams.

#2 Chunky Monkeys (8-4) vs #3 100 Acre Wood Heffalumps (8-4)
Evan blew out of the gates this season with five straight wins before stumbling back into the pack. A soft schedule fueled that early success so we're not sure what to make of their championship mettle. Small ball to the core, most teams won't be able to compete with the Monkeys in AST/3PT/STL/FT%. The problem is, the Monkeys are only middle of the pack in PTS. In fact, they have only two players who average more than 19.0 ppg -- Chris Paul and Andrea Bargnani -- and not much after that except for James Harden. Still, with CP3 leading the way, Evan's team always has a fighting chance. Especially this week.

Their first round opponent is Jose's 100 Acre Heffalumps, who has a bad matchup forthcoming. Jose's team also started off 5-0 -- with wins against very quality competition -- before tailing off. Their loss during the last week of the regular season gave the Thundercats crown to Evan, and a higher seed. The Heffalumps could also be called "Special K" as Kobe Bryant, Kevin Martin, Kris Humphries, and rookie Kawhi Leonard all play integral roles. Rajon Rondo could be a big help if he can rip off some AST to possibly steal the category from the Monkeys. The problem for Team Heffa is that they are actually worse in TO than the Monkeys, and aren't much higher in PTS (unless Black Mamba explodes), which could prove fatal against their small ball opponents. Jose's team does have the distance shooters to compete with Evan however, so that's another category to carefully monitor.

Toilet Bowl Preview RD1: 2012

Russell Conference
#1 MoRRie's Pogiboys (8-4) vs #4 So Buckets (3-9)
It's been a tough season for new owner Josh. It seemed like nothing could go right for the first seven weeks as losses piled up and morale was low. The core of Pau Gasol, Andre Iguodala, and Gerald Wallace wasn't gelling and nothing was working out. However, So Buckets did go 3-2 over their last five games and rookie Kyrie Irving (18.8 PTS, 5.6 AST, 1.3 3PT) is looking like a star. Josh would love to see Evan Turner get more minutes, as he's been proving that he's fantastic with more playing time. David West has been horrific this season, averaging only 12.0 PTS and 6.6 REB. Next year is looking up for So Buckets though, as West will have another year to recover, Crash Wallace will be in Brooklyn, and another top pick could be inserted into the lineup.

What probably won't be happening this year is an upset. I mean, MoRRie's Pogiboys were a few tie-breakers short of the playoffs and are the prohibitive favorites to win the Toilet Bowl. Alvin's team started off 7-2, with a five game winning streak mid-season, before winding down and slipping up. Amare Stoudemire, face of the franchise, has had a disappointing season but his slack has been made up by Roy Hibbert, who came into his own with 13.2 PTS, 9.0 REB, 1.8 BLK, and 50.1 FG%. There are a lot of good things going with the Pogis, with Mike Conley continuing his great AST/STL, Brandon Jennings (mis-)firing from everywhere, Marcus Thornton throwing up 18.8 PTS, 2.1 3PT, and 1.5 STL, and rookie Brandon Knight proving useful. Incredibly, Carlos Delfino has started 42 games this season, anchoring the starting swingman spot. Last week the Pogiboys dispatched So Buckets pretty easily but we're hoping Josh can pull off a huge upset!

#2 Human Amoebas (5-7) vs #3 Funk Coalition (3-9)
A disappointing run for the defending champs. There hasn't been much to smile about after three wins to open the season and a 2-7 record afterwards. Oh wait, there is! The potential heist of the century as magician Eric-A turned Andray Blatche (and draft picks) into Dirk Nowitzki. Every day I struggle with if we should have vetoed that one, especially as Blatche got shut down for the season. Derrick Rose has been a headache all year with his health issues, Eric Gordon never recovered from an early season injury, and depth has been a problem despite the presence of Monta Ellis, DeMarcus Cousins, and Paul Millsap on the roster. Channing Frye (10.4 PTS, 6.1 REB, 1.5 3PT, 1.1 BLK) has been secretly nice though; too bad the Amoebas aren't a small ball team. Next year the Amoebas could have a healthy Derrick Rose, Dirk Nowtizki for a full season, an incredible keeper set, plus a top draft pick. Oh wait, that one will go to the Jedis. Thank goodness.

The Funk Coalition has a shot at stealing a win here, if Rose stays out for this week. Of course, they are coming off a patheic season and was pounded by a division boasting three 8-4 teams. Tony Parker's season has been a revelation, as he put up 19.5 PTS and 8.0 AST. In addition, Al Jefferson has returned to form as a nearly 20-10 center with great percentages but he couldn't keep the Funk from floundering. Carmelo Anthony has been an abomination this season, barely averaging 20.0 PTS. After their top six, nobody played more than 20 games for this squad, as GM Jon was flustered all season long doing the waiver wire shuffle. A big rebuild is rumored for this team and a good run in the Toilet Bowl could calm the fan base.

Chamberlain Conference
#1 LA Buffy (5-7) vs #4 Fob Stars (1-11)
Roger's team collapsed this season. Last year they went 13-6 and were the second seed heading into the playoffs. This time around they started off the season with two losses, seemingly righted the ship with three wins, and then went 2-5 the rest of the way. Traditionally a team with a dominant front line, Buffy fell far behind in REB this season (while still maintaining most of their BLK edge). Carlos Boozer has played every game this season, which is pretty incredible. And Marc Gasol has stepped up his game while Zach Randolph has been out, cementing his top tier center status with 15.5 PTS, 9.6 REB, and 1.8 BLK. Rookie Kemba Walker could mature into a keeper, making him a very necessary addition to a backcourt that boasts the corpse of Vince Carter. With Danny Granger, Tim Duncan, and Elton Brand still contributing, Buffy could make a quick return to the playoffs if they can get some help at either guard position.

In their only matchup this season, the Fob Stars got stomped by Buffy 8-1-0. Yes, the one category they won was turnovers. A closer look into what else Jimmy's squad has been up to. Last in PTS, FG%, STL; second to last in REB and AST; 14th in FT% and BLK. The good news is they are not too far behind the league average in 3PT. Is it any wonder they had only one win this season? (That one was a WK5 thriller against the then winless Jedi Knights.) Sure Zach Randolph has been out most of the season, but was Emeka Okafor, Chris Kaman, and Chauncey Billups crucial to this team's success? Maybe. Players who have notched 30 games or more for this team: Joakim Noah, Lou Williams, Nick Young, DJ Augustin, Michael Beasley. Right now the best player for the Fobbies is Noah -- acquired on draft day in exchange for Chris Bosh -- and he's not even averaging a double double. After going 6-13 last year, we thought the Fob Stars were trending up after a four win season prior to that but instead they have hit rock bottom. We guarantee the #3 pick in next year's draft, as it would take an impossible effort for Jimmy's team to advance past the first round in the Toilet Bowl. The question if this should be written off as an injury plagued season or a time to blow everything up.

#2 Sour Snails (4-8) vs #3 Jedi Knights (2-10)
Foreign territory for Trieu's mighty Sour Snails. After a championship and two straight trips to the Finals, this mighty franchise is suffering from a tough transition. Injuries hit hard too, with Stephen Curry and Danilo Gallinari out for the fantasy season. What's more difficult for this team is redefining an identity. What used to be a powerful semi-small ball team is now devoid of any passing guards except off-season acquired Raymond Felton and his 6.1 AST. Kevin Love (26.3 PTS, 13.8 REB, 1.9 3PT) is an absolute animal but he and Josh Smith (18.2 PTS, 9.7 REB, 1.9 BLK, 1.5 STL) can only do so much. Trieu did unearth rookie Klay Thompson for the stretch run and Jason Thompson is redefining "contract month" with his powerful March play. Given his track record, we'll chalk up this season to just an aberration as Trieu has dominated the last two SlamNation seasons. Now he has the chance to add a top draft pick to his core, which could be just the panacea he needs to contend again.

57 vs 7. That's the difference in moves between these two teams, our league's leader and bottom dweller in that category. GM Trieu has been fighting hard to keep his team in contention while GM Chris has been content with some light fishing. In fact, the Jedi Knights have made a total of nine moves in three seasons (one each in 2010-11). Some owners make more than that in a month. What did Master Yoda say? "Do, or do not. There is no try." Yes, we agree, there is no try. Startingly, Chris' team won their last two games of the season. Of course, upon closer inspection, they only played six players each week and yet somehow eked out wins over Trieu and Jimmy. What gives? Well, we're just happy the Knights escaped a winless season. We're looking at how this rebuild will go, as franchise cornerstone Dirk Nowitzki was deported and there's not a whole lot else on this roster outside of a resurgent David Lee (19.2 PTS, 9.8 REB, 50.2 FG%), injury plagued Nene, and super bombermen Wesley Matthews and Dorell Wright. Use the Force!