Heroes and Zeros

I know it’s early but we’ve already got a few frontrunners and a few teams who have stumbled out of the gate. Fat Jubas and Spade, the past two champions, are both sitting pretty at 3-0 while Jedi Knights, Fob Stars, and So Buckets have yet to pick up a win. Let’s take a look.

Fat Jubas (3-0)
Coming off of a huge trade for Chris Paul, it must comfort Eric to know that his team hasn’t had any trouble continuing their winning ways. They haven’t really faced a challenge yet so far this season and the trio of CP3, Gordon Hayward, and Nicolas Batum have been adding contributions across the board. Gordon, especially, is in the midst of a breakout season with 19.3 PTS, 5.9 REB, 4.5 AST, 1.5 3PT and 1.3 STL. While this team isn’t strong on scoring, they are first in FT% and AST, plus strong in REB and BLK. The front line of Jonas Valanciunas, David West, and Brandon Bass aren’t flashy but they’ve been obviously effective. If would be nice if swingman Tyreke Evans could find his game, but so far he’s been slow to integrate himself in New Orleans. Also: Steve Blake is averaging 7.3 AST to Steve Nash’s 4.8. Ouch. We’re pretty sure Fat Jubas will be one of the season long contenders, and with Paul vying for a MVP award, it’ll be hard for anyone to take down this team.
Weakness: Pushing the pace on this disciplined team is the way to go, as a sharpshooting team can outscore them in bunches, capitalize on this team's lack of 3PT, and maybe take them out in STL.

Spade (3-0)
We warned you before the season didn’t we? Spade is here to play and now that we’ve got a few weeks of stats to look into, they are proving to be just as awesome as feared. This team is top five in seven categories, with a top three ranking in PTS, FG%, 3PT, and REB. Their only weakness is a below average ranking in BLK, and the nastiest thing is that all this production isn’t coming at the expense of TOs, as they are ranked middle of the pack there. Aside from the strong keeper core, GM Randall also unearthed Kevin Martin, Arron Afflalo, and Kyle Korver in the draft. Those three combine for 59.3 PTS and 9.0 3PT per outing. It’s hard to pick who is having the better start of the season, Martin with 24.4 PTS or Afflalo with 21.7 PTS and almost five REB/AST per game. Also lurking is the soon to return Kobe Bryant. Plus, whoever thought Eric Bledsoe might flop with more minutes is way wrong. Bledsoe is killing it!
Weakness: We’re not sure, but Chunky Monkeys almost took them down this past week by out AST/STL/PTS and tying them for BLK. Then again, “almost” meant a 5-3-1 win anyway.

Fob Stars (0-3)
Jimmy’s team was 0.500 last year but they’ve sunk down to the bottom again, even after a good draft. What gives? Marcin Gortat has been good with 12.7 PTS, 9.9 REB, 1.8 BLK in his new Wizardy home, and Shawn Marion is quietly having a throwback season with 8.1 REB, 1.4 STL, 1.1 BLK. Heck, even Isaiah Thomas is contributing with 17.8 PTS, 4.9 AST, and 1.7 3PT. The problem seems to be a lack of identity on this team, and no star power. Gortat, Zach Randolph, and Joakim Noah sound like an imposing frontline but Fob Stars is nowhere near the league leaders in any big men stats. In fact, they are absolutely last in FG%. That is mostly attributed to Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson’s combined 29.0 shots per game on about 35.0 FG%. This team can’t shoot at all. And it’s not like they are getting production for all those shots either, as they are second in last for 3PT, sixth in TO, and fifth in STL. Fob Stars will get Louis Williams — and eventually Trey Burke — back, but those two would seem to exarcebate the problem. And let’s not talk about Dion Waiters, who has been good, but his minutes could be slashed after an immature outburst. Maybe this team needs to have a players only meeting?
Solution: Keep plugging away and try to get a superstar via the Toilet Bowl. Or blow it all up and move the bigs and try to play small ball with a roster that deathly in need of some type of vision.

Jedi Knights (0-3)
It’s a dark time for the Republic. Lum’s team is firmly mired in Empire Strikes Back, mid-movie, when everything is going wrong. These Knights have problems scoring, shooting free throws, and um, just about everything else. The only category the Knights are above average in is TO, which makes sense since there’s a lot of nothing going on here. (Their next best category is STL, in which they are ranked #8 in the league. That is not good.) What’s stranger is that there are a lot of nice pieces on this team. For one, rookie Michael Carter-Williams has busted out of the gates to the tune of 17.4 PTS, 7.6 AST, 5.4 REB, 2.6 STL, 1.9 3PT. That’s star material, even on 38.9 FG%. OJ Mayo, David Lee, Thaddeus Young, Chandler Parsons, and DeAndre Jordan with his 13.2 REB and 2.2 BLK are all doing good things. Sure, Greivis Vasquez could step it up but he’ll get better. In short, we don’t know why the Knights are so bad, but something needs to be revamped. This team is just calling for a Dr. Jack makeover. Fob and Jedi face off in WK5, so one of them will get off the winless column by then. Unless they tie...
Solution: The Jedi need to find a Yoda to come in and mold all these pieces into a winner.

So Buckets (0-3)
It’s not good when your team loses 0-9-0, like So Buckets did to Spade in WK2. Did we mention that Josh is the one who invited Randall into SlamNation? Nice way to pay him back Randall! So far So Buckets haven’t even accrued enough category wins to win one week, much less get an actual win — 1-7-1, 0-9-0, 3-6-0 weekly scores. After a stellar division winning year last season, why have the wheels fallen off so early? Well, for one LARRY SANDERS has transformed into “larry sanders” and was averaging 3.7 REB and 2.0 BLK before getting injured from a nightclub excursion. Pau Gasol and Nikola Pekovic are strong frontcourt presences but Gasol’s days as a 20 ppg scorer look to be done. Heck, he’s at 13.0 this year, less than Pekovic’s 13.7 ppg. The backcourt trio of Kyrie Irving, Evan Turner, and DeMar DeRozan are all big scorers but they haven’t been able to give this enough oomph to push up their small men categories, even with multi-category Andre Iguodala on the wings. So Buckets can score, as evidenced by their #4 ranking in PTS, but they are middle of the pack everywhere else, and very weak in STL and BLK. Also, Maurice Harkless and his 9.6 PTS, 4.5 REB, 1.2 STL could make a case for the most underperforming keeper now that Markieff Morris and Gerald Henderson have proven capable of having some moments.
Solution: Patience, as the team seems to have enough pieces to pull itself out of an early season hole. Well, once Larry Sanders shows up.

Oh Brother!

Just two weeks into the NBA season and we already got another big move! Trieu and Thien combined to move quite an intriguing set of pieces, especially after there were talks of a four way trade being explored. In the end, it was the reigning R.O.Y. Damian Lillard who will exit stage left, in return for Rudy Gay and Tyson Chandler. (The two brothers last combined in a trade for Raymond Felton.)

• ID#39: Sour Snails trade Damian Lillard and Samuel Dalembert to Super Ninja for Rudy Gay and Tyson Chandler

First up, how about Super Ninja, who has already undergone a name change today (currently they are "Revamped Team”) and is likely going through a few more monikers before we’re done this season. Thien’s team is the only one with a win in Voltron division so far but they’re clearly looking to make some major moves as they revamp a steady winner that is good but always falling short of contender status. It seems like owner Thien has demanded some post-season success!

It’s a little too early to look at team stats, but Revamped Team currently leads the league in STL, is fifth in AST, and average or below average everywhere else. It looks like they’ll add more to their strengths with Lillard, who is having an outstanding start of the season and averaging 21.1 PTS, 5.4 AST/REB, and 3.6 3PT. He’ll pair with John Wall and Dwyane Wade to be a powerful backcourt. Paul Pierce will now have the starting small forward position all to himself, with Corey Brewer and his 1.9 STL backing him up in the rotation.

A quick free agent trigger has had Thien spin through Kenyon Martin, Zaza Pachulia, Jordan Hamilton, Jeremy Lamb, Steve Blake, Marcus Morris, and Jason Smith already. In fact, they are second in the league with 25 moves — second to Trieu’s 27 moves. It seems like they’ve already dumped Samuel Dalembert and picked up Martell Webster. Dalembert’s 8.1 PTS, 6.6 REB, 1.0 BLK, and 0.9 STL would seem to have some use but he’s already off the roster.

Sour Snails got a nice surprise with a quick return from injury from Russell Westbrook, making Lillard semi-expendable. Trieu has been eager to add another big to pair with DeMarcus Cousins, and it seems like Tyson Chandler will be that answer. A team source said, "Chandler is the key as we can boost our defensive stats with the move and still have stud point guards. We're bringing balance to a small ball core but still have the offensive firepower to take everyone else down! Hahahahaha!" [Some of that quote might be added in by the editor.] Chandler is out for quite a few weeks but upon his return he'll add in a ton of REB/BLK, and Snails can easily play small until he recovers.

The Snails are near the top of the charts in FG%, FT%, 3PT, STL, and PTS and Gay will add to all of that with his 19.3 PTS, 1.9 ST, 1.3 3PT, excellent FT%, plus add in 7.4 REB and almost a BLK per game. It would seem like Gay will take over Klay Thompson’s starter position at SF, and we think this could mean that Thompson’s time with Snails is limited — especially with Trevor Ariza currently going crazy, approximating a pretty dead on impersonation of Gay so far this season.

The backcourt for Snails is still beyond strong with Westbrook, Stephen Curry, Monta Ellis, and Thompson, so it looks like Trieu is trying hard to diversify positionally while finding more bigs to plug into the lineup. Viva Vitor! We know Sour Snails is always gunning for a championship and we're excited to see how both of these teams will revamp on the fly while still racking up wins. Rumors are that Thien and Trieu are ready to move more pieces, so fellow owners, get on those trade channels!

Russell Conference: Voltron Division

#1: Inept Henchmen (1-17-1, 5-7)
Exit Human Amoebas, enter the Henchmen. A team that was literally littered with talent was deconstructed a bit as the dispersal draft cost the former Amoebas some big pieces. Still, Derrick Rose and Dirk Nowitzski are on hand and both are looking for huge rebound years. The fan base here is clamoring for a winner and new owner Trevor is aiming to bring a winning culture to a franchise that won a title just three seasons ago but have sunk to just one win last season. With that in mind, he drafted veteran stalwarts like Kevin Garnett, Jamal Crawford, Mo Williams, and Thabo Sefolosha to blend into his team. We know exactly what we’re getting from those four. All are arguably past their primes but could be overlooked value contributors. Heck, we’ve even started to believe in keeper Gerald Wallace, whom we previously expressed some doubt about. After he ripped into his new Celtics teammates after a pre-season game, we think he’s got the fire to return to glory. Fifth round pick Alex Len now looks like a steal post-Gortat trade, and third rounder Harrison Barnes has a bright future and he’ll get heavy minutes on a top heavy Golden State team. We’re not sure what this team will exactly play like, but it’s safe to say that if Rose, Dirk, and Eric Gordon can stay healthy, this team won’t stay inept for much longer. Also, huge points for the best logo in the league!
Status: Halfway between rebuilding and pushing for relevance. A veteran heavy team is looking to win now.

#5: MoRRie’s Pogiboys (8-10-1, 8-4)
If Pogiboys hits the Toilet Bowl again, we’ll know Alvin is just trying to win the best rookies year after year instead of gunning for a SlamNation title. Actually, a case could be made that going back into the Toilet Bowl is exactly what Pogiboys is planning to do. Their draft was so aggressive on youth and upside that we think they’re trying to replicate the 2009 Human Amoebas model of drafting. What can you say about a draft that consisted of Victor Oladipo at #2 overall, Otto Porter Jr. in RD2, followed by John Henson, Dennis Schroeder, Luigi Daatome, and Miles Plumlee? We count five rookies and and one second year player who played thirteen minutes a game last year. This is a super youth movement! Free agent pickup Chauncey Billups was snapped up to provide leadership and to buy drinks for all these underaged guys. There’s a balanced keeper core of Brandon Jennings, Mike Conley, J.R. Smith in the backcourt and Anthony David, Roy Hibbert, and new trade acquisition Brook Lopez in the front court, but we’re not sure where Alvin will find two other players to fill out the starting lineup.
Status: Transitioning with an eye toward next year, again. If even two of the young’uns pan out, this team will be explosive soon.

#7: Super Ninja (9-9-1, 8-4)
Thien’s team started off 4-9-1 last season before ripping off five straight wins. Still, they ended up in the Toilet Bowl and then got bounced by Pogiboys, leaving them to draft seventh overall. They used that pick on Brandon Knight, who could have sneaky value as a third guard behind John Wall and Dwyane Wade. Mario Chalmers and Darren Collison will also contend for some backcourt duties. Ravaged by injuries to Tyson Chandler and Andrew Bynum last year, Super Ninja still proved that they are the steadiest team in Voltron division by eeking out a 0.500 record. As covered in the franchise players article, they’ve also shown rare stability by having four of their original players dating back to the 2010 season. Also, in an amazing stat, Thien has never suffered a losing season in four years! Each year he changes his team name, more than once sometimes, and that seems to be the path to success. Look below:

• 2010: Hot Gems (9-9)
• 2011: Slam’N Dragon (11-8)*
• 2012: The Horizon (8-4)*
• 2013: Super Ninja (9-9-1)

That’s two division titles denoted by the asteriks and also a Toilet Bowl win in 2010 that netted them John Wall. That’s a hefty record of success — and lots of fresh jersey sales each year — but with a core that is aging a bit (ie. Paul Pierce and maybe Wade), it’s time to make a push for true contender status. Toward that end, Thien decided to throw his lot in with Andrea Bargnani in RD2, and also brought in Robin Lopez, Corey Brewer, and free agent pickup Marco Belinelli. This is clearly a team looking to win a ring now, damn the torpedos!
Status: Consistent winners but treading water without playoff success.

#10: So Buckets (10-9, 3-9)
In year two of his reign, Josh took his 3-9 team and piloted it to a winning record, a division title, and a playoff run that was only derailed by injuries to Kyrie Irving and Pau Gasol. Not bad for a sophomore campaign. This year So Buckets is gearing up for another division battle and looking for sustained success. Nikola Pekovic and DeMar DeRozan bring exactly what this team needs at C and SG, and there’s hope that Michael Kidd-Gilchrist can grow into a viable forward. Another point guard is sorely needed to keep up with Irving, but last round pick Ramon Sessions is probably not the answer. Then again, this team features two swingmen who average about five assists per game (Evan Turner and Andre Iguodala) and a sweet passing big man in Gasol, all of which helped So Buckets to a top AST ranking last season. If new keeper Moe Harkless can sustain his versatile late season stat line, that will make him a nice complement to a team that has lots of odd pieces but mesh nicely together. Adding Pekovic, DeRozan, Kidd-Gilchrist, Derrick Williams, and Kris Humphries represent a nice haul for a team looking to fill in the pieces. A team that’s stronger on the court than on paper, So Buckets have Irving and Larry Sanders to build around, and they are in an interesting space where they are growing yet already winning. Here’s to more of both!
Status: Division title favorite and trending upward. True contention is still around the corner?