Three-Way, Eleven-Player, Rebuilds!

Using some advanced metrics and fancy spreadsheeting, while on SlamNation retreat in San Diego, GMs Brandon and Jon adjourned to Souplantation for a brainstorm. "How to make two failing teams into two semi-okay teams?" In the end, it was determined that they needed a third partner, so Fob Stars was drawn in to use his glut of shooting to even out Snack Bears and Funk Coalition’s lack of perimeter presence. In the end, a three way deal was hammered out — although it kind of looks like just two separate trades — and we have a total of eleven players changing hands! Let’s see how this trade helps out all three teams, and see if the moves can transform one-and-a-half competitive teams into three powerhouses.

Trade ID#71:

• Funk Coaltion receive D'Angelo Russell, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Derrick Favors, Kent Bazemore, Bismack Biyombo
• Snack Bears receive Andre Drummond, Marcus Smart, Rajon Rondo
• Fob Stars receive DeAndre Jordan, Ricky Rubio, Tyreke Evans

The last Fob Stars and Funk trade worked out great for Jimmy, as Nerlens Noel for Tobias Harris (and a 2018 RD2) has played out in a pretty lopsided manner. With Fob Stars on the brink of a playoff appearance, they were looking to add some more oomph to their plethora of shooters — Kemba Walker, Trevor Ariza, Ryan Anderson, and free agent find James Johnson.

Adding some youth to the frontline will be a big boost, as DeAndre Jordan is just twenty-eight, compared to the ancient Marcin Gortat and Tyson Chandler, who are currently manning the Fob pivot but not expected to last past this season. Now with three double-digit REB guys, this team suddenly gets a lot more competitive on the boards. Plus DeAndre’s 1.8 BLK should help a team that desperately need some rim protection.

Add in Ricky Rubio -- only 7.6 AST but seventh in the league still -- and a now healthy Tyreke Evans to replace D’Angelo Russell's erratic passing production and there should be a healthy boost in AST too, while shedding the excess shooting that FOB doesn’t really need. This should be the push that secures Fob Stars a playoff berth, and gives them the lineup to win a round or two.

The one-win Snack Bears are headed straight to the Toilet Bowl and Brandon knew he needed up bolster his roster if he was looking to compete in the consolidation tournament. Last year, Brandon got into the post-season by playing big ball, and smothering opponents with their front line. This season, they’ve been hamstrung by injuries and dropped to the league’s cellar. While a more balanced approach might have been called for, GM Brandon decided to go more all-in with some big ball, building on their strong FG% and BLK.

Toward that end, Andre Drummond will be a boon, replacing a mostly injured Derrick Favors with his 14.7 PTS, 13.4 REB, 1.5 STL, and 1.3 BLK goodness -- his horrible FT% is mitigated on a team that already is second-to-last in FT%. Plus, Drummond is two years younger than Favors, and is the centerpiece of an up-and-coming Detroit franchise. It can be argued that Drummond was the best player to exchange hands.

On top of that, Snack Bears was missing a huge hole at point guard with Jeremy Lin flitting in and out of the lineup, so Rajon Rondo and Marcus Smart were brought in to brick shots while getting all sorts of other numbers. First off, Rondo is a total mystery, as he’s only just returned from a string of DNPs. If nothing else, Rondo can still AST/REB/STL to a degree, and his horrific shooting percentages won’t hurt on this team. Same thing for Marcus Smart, who is Rondo with more 3PT, but with upside potential as he's been playing well enough to solidify his fantasy status - 12.1 PTS, 4.7 AST, 1.7 STL, 1.4 3PT, 42.9 FG% in the last two weeks. Even if Rondo doesn’t work out, Bears have Michael Carter-Williams sitting in the Bulls' starting role.

Losing out on KCP’s scoring and 3PT won’t be much of an issue as Snack wasn’t good at those categories anyway, and now will add three players who bolster their counting numbers and hopefully give them a better chance to pick up a few wins and make some noise in the Toilet Bowl in what will be a fully loaded 2017-18 NBA draft.

As for Funk Coalition, a total rebuild was in order for a dinosaur team that was assembled to bludgeon teams to death but couldn’t win much aside from some Toilet Bowls. Back in 2013, Celtics superfan Jon made four consecutive trades that completely transformed his roster to work around Rondo and Dwight Howard. Needless to say, that plan flamed out, again and again and again. Now armed with the multi-purpose Karl-Anthony Towns, GM Jon has decided to shift to a non-three category tank strategy. Genius! Gone are twin towers Drummond and DeAndre. Gone are the AST/STL shitty shooting pair of Rubio and Rondo. Gone is Marcus Smart, who was Funk’s second high first-rounder in the 2015 draft — the other was Dante Exum. Farewell guys who can’t shoot, farewell!

In return, Funk pairs Towns together with his 2016 draftmate, #2 overall D’Angelo Russell — and incredibly, a Laker! While erratic and in-and-out of the lineup, Russell has proven that he can at least bomb from beyond the arc, a pre-requisite for the new look Funk. Joining Russell in the backcourt will be Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, who has also mostly shown flashes while contributing in the 3PT department. And then there’s Derrick Favors, who is just twenty-five but has somehow seemingly already peaked, and is nowhere near last year’s breakout numbers of 16.4 PTS, 8.1 REB, 1.5 BLK. It’s a mystery how Favors will fair now that he’s back from early season injury, but early returns have been very, um, unfavorable. Trade throw-ins Kent Bazemore and Bismack Biyombo have both been underwhelming compared to last season, but there’s hope Bazemore could get some more minutes with Kyle Korver out of Atlanta.

Overall, re-Funk at least won’t be so tanky the rest of this season, even as coach Jon was confident he could win yet another Toilet Bowl. “Sure, back-to-back-to-back has never been done before, but we’re just sick of this flawed team. And we don’t care how many #1 picks we could have acquired. This wasn’t our quote-unquote process, we were actually trying to win!” With a Toilet Bowl appearance all but assured this year, Funk will get another shot at the consolidation prize before they can begin to build a proper challenge next season.

At least the lineup is ridiculously young, with Towns (21) surrounded by Ben Simmons (20), D’Angelo Russell (20), Caldwell-Pope (23), Noel (22), and the newly grab-and-stashed Justise Winslow (20). Only Favors is pushing his prime, and there’s talk that more trades could be upon the horizon to get this team all under drinking age. Let’s just hope Funk’s future is brighter than their past.

So what do you think, any more mega-trades as we dip into the second half of the season? Let's make it happen!

Mid-Season 2017: Thundercats

We’ve saved the best for last, as Thundercats boasts our lone undefeated team and feature three teams playing 0.500+ ball. There’s a chance we have three contenders coming out of here, and so far this season, Thundercats have proven to be the best division in SlamNation. [2017 Preview | 2016 Mid-Season]

Chunky Monkeys (11-0)
First, a thank you to Monkey for insuring that Snails doesn’t have another undefeated season, in a 8-1 pounding no less. We’re more than happy to welcome two juggernauts this year, mirroring the real life NBA. If we could somehow just get Durant to Snails and Kyrie to Monkeys, this would practically be the 2016-7 NBA Finals matchup right? Let’s look at where Monkeys stack up: they are third in REB and STL, second in PTS, FG%, BLKS, and first in 3PT and AST (both by wide margins). Impressive stuff. The uptick in AST is especially notable because James Harden is one-man wrecking machine and is throwing up 28.2 PTS, 11.8 AST, and 8.2 REB on the year. I won’t even mention his 3 3.0PT either. But it’s to see that Evan’s got a humming offense.

And now he’s got a frontline too, as Marc Gasol has been scoring well — albeit with 5.9 REB — and also tossing in 3PT, just like front court mate Serge Ibaka. It’s a shame Clint Capela went down for a few weeks, as he was breakout out with a near double-double and 1.6 BLK per. And then we add Otto Porter to the mix, to match alongside Jae Crowder as do-everything SF/PFs, and this juggernaut assembled is almost fated for a Finals appearance. And then if Harden, LeBron James, Kyle Lowry, and a deep collection of guys can’t take out Snails, is there anybody who can?!

Swamp Dragons (6-5)
After 6-13 and 4-14-1 records the past two seasons, we thought Swamp Dragons were still rebuilding. Instead, Eddie’s team is right back in the postseason hunt and while a little erratic, still have the goods to cause noise this season. It’s not easy to trade off LeBron James and Kyle Lowry and then bounce back just a year later. We were a little worried if Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker would return value for The King, but now both of them have added a three point shot, and Parker has really emerged to score almost as much as Wiggins. With two matchups against cousin Evan still looming ahead, Swamp will get to find out how close they are to being a contender again.

Along with that, Nikola Jokic has solidified his game after a horrific early season and has pushed Jusuf Nurkic aside to averages of 20.5 PTS, 9.3 REB, 5.7 AST, 1.0 STL and 61.3 FG% over his last two weeks. (Also: look at this Jokic pass, it's insane!) That’s the Jokic Eddie wanted to see, and he finally got him. Dennis Schroder has also, as expected, come up big in a starting role, and Eddie might have even nabbed another fine point guard prospect in rookie Malcolm Brogdon, who has come out of nowhere to average 7.0 AST. And with Reggie Jackson back, plus Robert Covington and DeMarre Carroll on the wings, all anchored by Paul George, it’s a nice mix. The Dragons aren’t quite back to full competition though, as they are pretty low in FG%, REB, and BLK. Even Super Jokic can’t do it alone on the front lines and all the other big guys on here are definitely small ball types.

Team Spade (6-5)
We power ranked Spade as the #2 franchise in SlamNation this summer, and they’ve had a long history of success. So it’s strange to see them struggling near 0.500 mark, after starting off 1-3. Already they’ve lost more games they did than all of last year, and they find themselves fighting with Swamp Dragons and So Buckets for a playoff spot. What gives? For one, Spade is ranked a disastrous last in FG%. Sure, they are first in FT%, but being unable to shoot has not been a hallmark of this team. Unfortunately, the fall guy may be sophomore Devin Booker, who is leading the team in shots attempted, but only dropping in 40.9% of his field goals. Also, old FG% stalwarts like Kawhi Leonard and Paul Millsap aren’t quite as otherworldly as before. Albeit, all those shots are getting Spade to fifth in PTS and second in 3PT. Plus they are a healthy fourth in AST and STL. So maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

Plus, look at all the good news Spade has: a healthy Eric Bledsoe, a return from family time off Jrue Holiday, a resurgent fantasy monster in Kevin Love, plus career highs in BLK/3PT from Al Horford. So what’s to worry about here? Well, that 6-5 record, that’s what. For a team with such talent and cohesiveness, six wins is a mystery, as Randall has suffered losses against not only the top tier teams in the league but also a few against lesser foes. For our back-to-back division champs, this could be the year they somehow backslide into the Toilet Bowl!

Funk Coalition (4-7)
After a lot of talk and bluster, Funk Coalition found themselves at the bottom of the barrel after a spanking by Sour Snails, and now face a total rebuild. The talk of the town is that every player is available, save Karl-Anthony Towns. Every. Single. Player. And for cheap! And even though they’ve picked up another two wins since being highlighted as one of the worst teams in the league, GM Jon knows the big ball experiment is over. Forget dominating the big man categories, as Funk is an atrocious twelfth in FG%, and can’t even get to first in REB. Meanwhile, their AST, STL, BLK, and TO are all average, which means they aren’t winning the categories they need to win. Sure, they could three-peat in the Toilet Bowl, but the Toilet Bowl is for losers!

The main problem this season has been the lack of AST coming from Ricky Rubio and Rajon Rondo. Rubio has been erratic and hurt, and scoring less than ever. And Rondo, Rondo isn’t even playing for the Bulls anymore. Draft day trades for Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, Evan Turner, and Nerlens Noel have come up empty — although Noel may be swinging into shape after injury. Things are so desperate for Funk that they just scooped up a player to hoard on IR that’s out of the entire season. Which means 2017 #1 overall pick Ben Simmons gets to the active roster, even though he has no timetable yet. Sigh.

Someone save this team, someone trade with Jon so he can get out of his misery. Otherwise he’ll be forced to stick with this stupid lineup and destroy the Toilet Bowl field once again, and be declared the Biggest Loser Ever. Save me!

Mid-Season 2017: Silverhawks

We have three likely playoff teams in this division, and no undefeated teams for a change. It's basically an open race! Okay, not quite, but we do have Jubas and Fob Stars trending upwards while Sour Snails still sit atop the throne. Any guesses on when someone else might win this division? [2017 Preview | 2016 Mid-Season]

Sour Snails (10-1)
Ding dong the champ is dead, the champ is dead! Oh wait, no, they aren’t. After fending off a hard week from Funk Coalition — sorry for that bit of fiction, I just had to pretend — Snails are still basically undefeated, with their lone loss coming in a WK7 matchup versus Chunky Monkeys. With only one more tough game on the schedule, it’s likely Snails will go with just one loss (again). Tops in FG%, PTS, and REB. For a change, they are only third in 3PT and AST, and second in STL (and a paltry sixth in BLK and FT%), but that’s more than enough to make them a dominant team.

This version of Snails definitely skews bigger, with Hassan Whiteside, Gorgui Dieng, and JaMychal Green all getting decent GPs. And Trieu is always scouring the waiver wire too, having already used guys like Sean Kilpatrick and the new pickup of Montrell "Trieu's Troll" Harrell to their advantage. And those four guards are still unbeatable, with Russell Westbrook and Jimmy Butler picking up their games another notch, even as Steph Curry and Klay Thompson are having “down” years. Yikes! Add in the breakout year from Avery Bradley — averaging 18.0 PTS, 7.0 REB, 2.1 3PT, 1.3 STL, 47.9 FG% — and the Snails are not just reloaded, but perhaps better than ever. Makes it great that they lost at least once this season, right? See you in the playoffs Snails, where they’ll try to three-peat!

Fat Jubas (8-3)
Looks like Jubas are well on their way to another eleven win season, if not more! Eric’s team started off 4-0 and have only picked up losses against close to elite teams. A WK14 matchup with Chunky Monkeys loom — as well as an end of season WK19 versus Snails — so Jubas will get to gauge how close they are to actual championship contention as the second half of the season moves on. We know the story here: Can Jubas beat Sour Snails (they’ve gotten bounced by them in the past two years)? If not, they could find themselves facing another loss in the Chamberlain Conference Finals yet again...

As always, Chris Paul is a stud, and even though he’s been dinged up, he’s back now. Same with Gordon Hayward, who is working hard toward an All-Star berth. The huge trade off of CJ McCollum for young stud Myles Turner really added to the front line and the emergence of Harrison Barnes as a legit offensive threat has been a big boon to the team. And let’s not sleep on Nicolas Batum, who started off the season horribly but has rebounded nicely of late. And hell, the early-draft trade of Pau Gasol has even worked out pretty well, even if Gasol has taken a slight step back in the Spurs system. Overall, Jubas are like they always are: great percentages, excellent on the boards, and very steady everywhere else. This team is exactly like CP3’s Clippers, close but ultimately maybe not a cigar?

Fob Stars (6-5)
Having never finished with a 0.500 record, Jimmy’s Fobs are actually right there, with a chance to hit the postseason in back-to-back years. That’s not bad! Sure, most of their wins have come agains inferior teams, but a WK9 victory over Dragon Warriors suggest this team has fighter potential. With an offensive boost from the draft, these Fob Stars have transitioned very nicely from their past history of a big man dominated roster. First off, the trade for Tobias Harris has paid handsome dividends, as Harris has continued being a steady wing with excellent percentages. Much better than having Nerlens Noel on Fob’s bench eh?

With Harris and Ryan Anderson, Fobs can play some excellent small ball around the no-joke Kemba Walker, and that includes the deep shooting of Trevor Ariza, and lately James Johnson. And heck, even rookie Jamal Murray has shown flashes of a possible last season surge. It’s unfortunate that Jimmy dropped Will Barton too early, and that Allen Crabbe (and to a lesser extend, Kent Bazemore) didn’t work out, but still, these Stars are looking good and have the inside track for a playoff showing. They have the oldest big man duo in the league, behind Marcin Gortat and Tyson Chandler, but that’s fine as both are rebounding the shit out of the ball. The big question going down the stretch is if D’Angelo Russell can pick it up, and help this team that is horrible in AST.

Jedi Knights (0-11)
At one point mid-week, Jedi was leading in the matchup against fellow winless 0-10 team Snack Bears, but at the end of the day, they still lost, coming up short in 3PT and STL. We’ve already covered the Jedis' futility this season, so we’re not gonna harp on those points. We’re gonna instead look for solutions here, so that Knights can maybe get a win this year, or at least have a plan for the future. Okay, here we go!

First, put together an advisory board for all trades. After the Otto Porter for Joakim Noah fiasco, that’s a must. Haha. Okay, just kidding. Maybe not. Anyway, while Jedis are bereft of talent, they are not totally without assets. For one, Thaddeus Young and his high steals and well-rounded line has to be useful to somebody. Same could be said for Jeff Teague, who is averaging 15.6 PTS, 7.9 AST, and 1.7 STL. Could they be packaged together to a near contender for some younger player? It’s possible Markieff Morris and Brandon Knight have some limited value too. Moving either for younger players could be good. Sense a theme here? Just go younger younger younger, and more upside! Cut Noah, cut Andrew Bogut, cut Luol Deng, maybe cut Monta Ellis.

Jedi won’t be competitive any time soon but they can at least try to be competitive in upcoming Toilet Bowls. And in a few years, if Kris Dunn and Emmanuel Mudiay, and whoever else can get better, there might be some hope here. Instead of getting veterans, GM Chris needs to work that waiver wire and snatch up guys to remain competitive in the short term, but also take swings on some young guys who aren’t getting major minutes now, but are clearly headed for big things. For example: Thon Maker. Again, joke but no joke.

Basically our suggestion is to just work that waiver wire, hard! With only four moves total, Jedi ranks second-to-last in that category, and that won’t cut it. They should be streaming the last two spots on their roster, just fishing for guys. And then just use the rest of the bench to hold players. Guys like Trey Lyles, who was on this team right as the season started, but then got cut. Same with rookie Caris LeVert, who was on the roster but is now gone -- and now on the upswing. These are guys Jedi just needs to sit on and hope they grow, or gain some trade value eventually. The Jedis need to be prospectors, and dig dig dig!

Mid-Season 2017: Voltron

Our second divisional look focuses on Russell Conference’s Voltron. We got three young and exciting teams here, plus one winless squad going for an epic first win. It's exciting times ahead! [2017 Preview | 2016 Mid-Season]

Dragon Warriors (8-2)
Our defending Voltron champs are once again well on their way to another back-to-back division title (they did it in 2011-12). They started off 8-0 this year, before losing their last two weeks to two strong teams. No matter, a looming regular season face-off against his brother, Sour Snails, is the only matchup left where Thien won't be favored. We figure a two game buffer is good enough here, as Dragon Warriors are always regular season beasts.

And one of the reasons Warriors win so much is their excellence at using plug-and-play guys, as they once again lead the league in moves, with 45 — almost double the next nearest owner. All those moves means coach Thien maximizes his player slots, and with his already talented team, that leads to many many wins. Overall, Dragon Warriors are third in PTS, second in AST, tops in STL and absolute last in TOs. Plus they tend to pound the boards, while surprisingly being a little light from beyond the arc, even with DeMarcus Cousins dropping in 1.8 3PT per game (!).

The core of Cousins, Damian Lillard, and John Wall are fabulous, and now Warriors can add Julius Randle to that list. If you haven’t been paying attention, Randle has been killing it this year, flashing huge AST numbers for a power forward, and averaging 13.6 PTS, 8.7 REB, 3.8 AST, on 50.1 FG% for a unique stat line. Disgruntled Rudy Gay has missed a lot of games this season, but he’s still an all-around asset when he plays. Jordan Clarkson, Mason Plumlee, and TJ Warren are nice hit-or-miss bench options, and once again all those streamed free agents maxes out everything these Dragon Warriors can do!

So Buckets (6-4)
The Buckets are back! After two non-playoff seasons, Josh’s team is in the driver’s seat for a wild card spot, and we love the trade that delivered CJ McCollum — even though they’ve only been 2-2 since acquiring him. Since arriving a month ago, McCollum has upped his scoring to 24.3 PTS on an efficient 49.8 FG%. Clearly, he likes his new home.

And how about that DeMar DeRozan! His career year has resulted in 27.5 PTS, 5.0 REB, 4.0 AST, 1.3 STL, on 47.3 FG%. With McCollum, DeRozan, and Kyrie Irving, this team can sure score. And you’ll notice that we haven’t even talked about likely Rookie of the Year Joel Embiid yet. The Process has been better than advertised is is putting up huge numbers across the board in only twenty-five minutes a game. Embiid has paired with Rudy Gobert to stiffen up Buckets’ interior defense — first in the league — and also gives them a strong low post presence.

On top of all that, old hand Deron Williams is quietly averaging 6.8 AST and 1.7 3PT, picking up a bit of the slack for Jamal Crawford’s erratic season. The only other down note on this team has been Aaron Gordon’s so-so numbers, as he hasn’t received the role nor the minutes to continue last season’s late season domination. Still, we absolutely love this team and this lineup is drool worthy for its upside. There are still two H2H matchups with division leader Dragon Warriors on the block, so there’s an outside chance Buckets could take Voltron, but if not, they’ll still likely charge right back into the playoffs.

Team Cameltoe (4-6)
So how’s our other new owner doing? We predicted that Cameltoe would be an immediate playoff contender but perhaps we were too hasty. They started the season off 1-4 (their lone win was versus Jedi Knights) but looking closer, we can see that they were facing off against three current division leaders, plus another likely playoff team. Rough schedule! Since then Felipe’s team has gone a respectable 3-2 and has an outside chance at a post-season berth.

Guess who’s leading this team in GP? How about iron man Eric Gordon, who has been a man born anew in Houston. He’s averaging 17.7 PTS and a league leading 3.8 3PT. No wonder Cameltoe is good from beyond the arc, despite their point guard combo of Elfrid Payton and Derrick Rose not being prolific 3PT shooters. Both have been pressed into duty as Mike Conley has been fighting off injuries all year.

The big three of Anthony Davis, Carmelo Anthony, and Brook Lopez have been all just about as expected, with Davis regaining his almost fantasy MVP form -- 28.9 PTS, 11.8 REB, 4.0 STL/BLK is good right? -- and nobody suffering any debilitating injuries, which has to count as a win. Plus rookie Buddy Hield just won Rookie of the Week behind some fine shooting. Whew, so Hield isn’t a bust!

In general, Cameltoe is good in 3PT and BLK, not so great at FG%, and pretty terrible at REB, ranking second-to-last. Could a big man be added here? Still, overall Felipe’s team looks great on paper, and we foresee plenty of wins coming. Just one more victory will equal Morrie’s Pogiboys win total from last season, and we think Cameltoe can do much better than that. Part of the issue may be a lack of moves, as Felipe is learning the ropes about for our GP cap, but those issues will iron themselves out soon probably.

Snack Bears (0-10)
We already looked at the winless Snack Bears two weeks ago. Since then nothing much has changed. They’re second-to-last in FT%, poor in PTS and 3PT, and can’t really AST or STL for their lives. But at least they’re strong in FG%, BLK, and TOs! More importantly, they’re currently engaged in a 0-10 battle against Jedi Knights, and this represents their best chance at not going winless this season. Have we ever had two 0-10 teams going head-to-head? I doubt it, so this is kind of a historic week for SlamNation. We'll be keeping a close eye on this one...

A Toilet Bowl appearance is already assured for Snack, but Brandon could be making moves to insure a deep consolation run. And they’ll need it because this roster could sure use one of next season’s highly touted rookie point guards — Jeremy Lin is back on the shelf. Other injuries also continue to hound Snack, but Derrick Favors is back at least. And we’ve got flashes of life from rookies Dragan Bender and Jaylen Brown, and Michael Carter-Williams might have just fallen into a starting role. Anyway, let’s just hope we don’t have any winless teams this year, go go Brandon!

Mid-Season 2017: Transformers

We’re at ten weeks in, meaning we’re halfway through and looking toward the playoffs. Now that football is behind us, we can fully focus on fantasy basketball! Let’s take a look at Transformers division, which we had dubbed "officially the most competitive division in SlamNation” just three short months ago… [2017 Preview | 2016 Mid-Season]

Another Bad Creation (6-4)
While our defending division champs have a two game lead on the rest of the pack, ABC is actually only the third best team in Chamberlain conference this year, as they are behind two Silverhawks teams in win/loss. After starting off 2-2, ABC got four wins in a row -- albeit against pretty weak competition -- before dropping their last two games in close matches. And now they’re about to face five of six opponents who are all over 0.500. Get ready Oliver!

So far it’s been the Kevin Durant show, as expected, as he’s averaging 25.7 PTS, 8.7 REB, 4.7 AST, 1.9 3PT, 1.5 BLK, and 1.1 STL on 53.7 FG%. "M-V-P, M-V-P!” Adding a second / double alpha in Dwyane Wade was an excellent move, and let’s not forget LaMarcus Aldridge in the frontcourt too. Other good news includes Wesley Matthews’ return to full health and 3.0 3PT and 1.5 STL per game from him, along with steadying work at point guard from Sergio Rodriguez — now TJ McConnell as Rodriguez recovers.

It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows though, as Greg Monroe, Jahlil Okafor, and old man Dirk Nowitzki hasn’t exactly lived up to preseason promises. Monroe and Okafor aren’t getting more than 20+ minutes of playing time to show their stuff and Dirk is only just now suiting up for work. There is some nice spot shooting help on the bench behind Marcus Morris and Terrence Ross, but this team needs a dose of help on the boards — and FG% — more than anything else. Anyway, if the all offense / no defense big man trio can can pick up their games, Another Bad Creation could capture the first back-to-back division titles in Transformers history!

Squirtle Squad (4-6)
The good news is Squirtles have already outpaced last season’s three wins. The bad news is three of those wins have come against the worst teams in the league. Right now they’re second in Transformers but outside looking in on the playoffs, and they’ll need to pick it up if they hope to get to the postseason. Buuuuut, who cares! Because Dark Giannis has fully arrived! Antetokounmpo is eligible for four ESPN positions, shoots 53.6 FG%, scores 23.8 PTS, grabs 9.0 REB, dishes 5.9 AST, and st(bl)ocks for a combined 3.8!!! On top of that, Zach LaVine has also been dumping in 20.9 PTS and 2.9 3PT, while the two of them provide nightly dunk dunk dunk highlights. Who needs the postseason?!?

Well, GM Brian would probably like to get some better coaching involved — bad FT%, not much ball movement -- he’s been busy scouring the waiver wire for talent and has already shifted through a mass of bodies. Aside from Nikola Vucevic (still underrated) and Goran Dragic (same), there’s not a whole lot going on here. Mo Harkless (keeps auto-correcting to “Mo Harmless”) has emerged as a nice swingman option, and Josh Richardson has been finding his scoring groove post-injury, but otherwise this team is just waiting for rookie Marquese Chriss to get more minutes and for Chandler Parsons to prove that he can stay on the court.

We’re not really sure where Squirtles are headed this season, as a hard schedule awaits, but who cares, Giiiiiiiaaaaannnnis is taking over!

LA Buffy (3-7)
Is Isaiah Thomas a better offensive player than Isiah Thomas, or am I just a heavily biased Celtics fan? I mean, the non-HOF version of Isaiah is throwing up 27.9 PTS, 6.1 AST, and 2.6 3PT on 45.0 FG% this season. For his career the Pistons’ Isiah’s highest scoring season average was 22.9 ppg, and he only shot 29.0% from three… Should Thomas Jr. book his ticket to Springfield?!

At least someone from Buffy will get to travel somewhere nice this season, as Roger’s team isn’t likely to get to their 0.500 record of a year ago. This year’s version of Buffy has a terrible FG%, is second to last in AST, and is dead last to STL. They hit their FTs and take care of the ball though! The four man frontline of Tristan Thompson, Robin Lopez, Kenneth Faried, and Zach Randolph are all kind of having so-so seasons, with none of them close to approaching a double-double. And even as big as they are, they can only get Buffy to slightly below average in REB.

At least Thomas is getting scoring help from Danilo Gallinari and George Hill, who are both having excellent seasons. Hill, especially, has been killing it in Utah to the tune of 18.8 PTS on a shocking 54.7 FG%. That other Utah vet though, Joe Johnson, should be put out to pasture soon. There’s an outside chance Buffy has the firepower to make some noise in the eventual Toilet Bowl, but some of that hope rests on Brandon Ingram showing some more, well, everything. In a not so slight 27.4 minutes per game, the #2 overall pick can’t get many STL or BLK with those long arms. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many consecutive zeros on a player’s steals and blocks scorecard column before! Take a look. But Ingram will get better, and so will Buffy. It’ll just take some time.

Sager’s Suits and Ties (2-8)
We covered the then one-win SST two weeks ago, and since then they’ve gone 0.500! Sure it was a win versus a winless team but as an replacement owner, Matt will take it! The news is bleak however for Blake Griffin, who has now hurt his other knee and could face a few weeks on the IR — just as Victor Oladipo comes off of it. Suits and Ties won’t hit an easy patch in their schedule again, and they’ll have to just get ready for a Toilet Bowl run and a nice bunk in the cellar.

The irony is that huge injury risk Bradley Beal has stayed healthy and is playing great — 22.0 PTS, 2.8 3PT, 45.3 FG% — and he has Oladipo and Louis Williams as his mini-clones, but it would help if someone other than Draymond Green could protect the rim — even Steven Adams only averages 0.9 BLK and is actually better at STLs. We’re not saying Green can’t do it all, but he’s been unhappy with his team’s effort even amid injuries. But still, all in all, Matt has just been feeling out SlamNation before he prepares to crush us all in the near future. Let’s wish him luck in the near future plotting our demise!