Three-Way, Eleven-Player, Rebuilds!

Using some advanced metrics and fancy spreadsheeting, while on SlamNation retreat in San Diego, GMs Brandon and Jon adjourned to Souplantation for a brainstorm. "How to make two failing teams into two semi-okay teams?" In the end, it was determined that they needed a third partner, so Fob Stars was drawn in to use his glut of shooting to even out Snack Bears and Funk Coalition’s lack of perimeter presence. In the end, a three way deal was hammered out — although it kind of looks like just two separate trades — and we have a total of eleven players changing hands! Let’s see how this trade helps out all three teams, and see if the moves can transform one-and-a-half competitive teams into three powerhouses.

Trade ID#71:

• Funk Coaltion receive D'Angelo Russell, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Derrick Favors, Kent Bazemore, Bismack Biyombo
• Snack Bears receive Andre Drummond, Marcus Smart, Rajon Rondo
• Fob Stars receive DeAndre Jordan, Ricky Rubio, Tyreke Evans

The last Fob Stars and Funk trade worked out great for Jimmy, as Nerlens Noel for Tobias Harris (and a 2018 RD2) has played out in a pretty lopsided manner. With Fob Stars on the brink of a playoff appearance, they were looking to add some more oomph to their plethora of shooters — Kemba Walker, Trevor Ariza, Ryan Anderson, and free agent find James Johnson.

Adding some youth to the frontline will be a big boost, as DeAndre Jordan is just twenty-eight, compared to the ancient Marcin Gortat and Tyson Chandler, who are currently manning the Fob pivot but not expected to last past this season. Now with three double-digit REB guys, this team suddenly gets a lot more competitive on the boards. Plus DeAndre’s 1.8 BLK should help a team that desperately need some rim protection.

Add in Ricky Rubio -- only 7.6 AST but seventh in the league still -- and a now healthy Tyreke Evans to replace D’Angelo Russell's erratic passing production and there should be a healthy boost in AST too, while shedding the excess shooting that FOB doesn’t really need. This should be the push that secures Fob Stars a playoff berth, and gives them the lineup to win a round or two.

The one-win Snack Bears are headed straight to the Toilet Bowl and Brandon knew he needed up bolster his roster if he was looking to compete in the consolidation tournament. Last year, Brandon got into the post-season by playing big ball, and smothering opponents with their front line. This season, they’ve been hamstrung by injuries and dropped to the league’s cellar. While a more balanced approach might have been called for, GM Brandon decided to go more all-in with some big ball, building on their strong FG% and BLK.

Toward that end, Andre Drummond will be a boon, replacing a mostly injured Derrick Favors with his 14.7 PTS, 13.4 REB, 1.5 STL, and 1.3 BLK goodness -- his horrible FT% is mitigated on a team that already is second-to-last in FT%. Plus, Drummond is two years younger than Favors, and is the centerpiece of an up-and-coming Detroit franchise. It can be argued that Drummond was the best player to exchange hands.

On top of that, Snack Bears was missing a huge hole at point guard with Jeremy Lin flitting in and out of the lineup, so Rajon Rondo and Marcus Smart were brought in to brick shots while getting all sorts of other numbers. First off, Rondo is a total mystery, as he’s only just returned from a string of DNPs. If nothing else, Rondo can still AST/REB/STL to a degree, and his horrific shooting percentages won’t hurt on this team. Same thing for Marcus Smart, who is Rondo with more 3PT, but with upside potential as he's been playing well enough to solidify his fantasy status - 12.1 PTS, 4.7 AST, 1.7 STL, 1.4 3PT, 42.9 FG% in the last two weeks. Even if Rondo doesn’t work out, Bears have Michael Carter-Williams sitting in the Bulls' starting role.

Losing out on KCP’s scoring and 3PT won’t be much of an issue as Snack wasn’t good at those categories anyway, and now will add three players who bolster their counting numbers and hopefully give them a better chance to pick up a few wins and make some noise in the Toilet Bowl in what will be a fully loaded 2017-18 NBA draft.

As for Funk Coalition, a total rebuild was in order for a dinosaur team that was assembled to bludgeon teams to death but couldn’t win much aside from some Toilet Bowls. Back in 2013, Celtics superfan Jon made four consecutive trades that completely transformed his roster to work around Rondo and Dwight Howard. Needless to say, that plan flamed out, again and again and again. Now armed with the multi-purpose Karl-Anthony Towns, GM Jon has decided to shift to a non-three category tank strategy. Genius! Gone are twin towers Drummond and DeAndre. Gone are the AST/STL shitty shooting pair of Rubio and Rondo. Gone is Marcus Smart, who was Funk’s second high first-rounder in the 2015 draft — the other was Dante Exum. Farewell guys who can’t shoot, farewell!

In return, Funk pairs Towns together with his 2016 draftmate, #2 overall D’Angelo Russell — and incredibly, a Laker! While erratic and in-and-out of the lineup, Russell has proven that he can at least bomb from beyond the arc, a pre-requisite for the new look Funk. Joining Russell in the backcourt will be Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, who has also mostly shown flashes while contributing in the 3PT department. And then there’s Derrick Favors, who is just twenty-five but has somehow seemingly already peaked, and is nowhere near last year’s breakout numbers of 16.4 PTS, 8.1 REB, 1.5 BLK. It’s a mystery how Favors will fair now that he’s back from early season injury, but early returns have been very, um, unfavorable. Trade throw-ins Kent Bazemore and Bismack Biyombo have both been underwhelming compared to last season, but there’s hope Bazemore could get some more minutes with Kyle Korver out of Atlanta.

Overall, re-Funk at least won’t be so tanky the rest of this season, even as coach Jon was confident he could win yet another Toilet Bowl. “Sure, back-to-back-to-back has never been done before, but we’re just sick of this flawed team. And we don’t care how many #1 picks we could have acquired. This wasn’t our quote-unquote process, we were actually trying to win!” With a Toilet Bowl appearance all but assured this year, Funk will get another shot at the consolidation prize before they can begin to build a proper challenge next season.

At least the lineup is ridiculously young, with Towns (21) surrounded by Ben Simmons (20), D’Angelo Russell (20), Caldwell-Pope (23), Noel (22), and the newly grab-and-stashed Justise Winslow (20). Only Favors is pushing his prime, and there’s talk that more trades could be upon the horizon to get this team all under drinking age. Let’s just hope Funk’s future is brighter than their past.

So what do you think, any more mega-trades as we dip into the second half of the season? Let's make it happen!