Making Moves

Since it's early in the season, everyone's looking for the waiver wire gems sitting out there ready to help our team. Here's a quick look at what's been happening on the add/drop side of things.

West
The Sour Snails have been busy busy men, doing their very best to find the right pieces for their explosive lineup. Already they've made five waiver moves and have cut Fred Jones, Ruben Patterson, and Luther Head from their initial draft class. Head was replaced by Hakim Warrick (big upgrade) while Jones and Patterson's spots had been given away to Tim Thomas and Martell Webster. Since Timmy-T has cooled off signifcantly, management cut his ass in order to bulk up with 11-for-11 Fabricio Oberto.



All other teams in the West have made at least two waiver moves. Funk Coalition cut a beloved Celtic (Delonte West) and gained a Laker, Andrew Bynum. Darius Miles was released before the first game of the season for conduct unbecoming a basketball player. Rounding out the Funk roster is rookie Randy Foye, who has already been on the rosters of three teams (just like in real life!). It's not that we don't love you Randy, just get some damn playing time already. Rumors swirl daily that GM Yang is looking to cut some more dead weight very soon -- and oop, there goes Eddie Jones for Chucky Atkins.

The Jubas released the Pride of Puerto Rico, Carlos Arroyo, early on for Bulls rookie Thabo Sefolosha. However, he soon realized that there were more Puerto Ricans in his fan base than Swiss, so he let plain jane American Shelden Williams go (the fan base for undersized Duke power players is currently in Utah cheering on C Boozer) and snatched up Arroyo again. Viva le Puerto Rico! Andale andale!

Buffy was one of the previous owners of Randy Foye but he was quickly dropped for Luke Walton, the pride of San Diego. Despite one of the NBA's least intimidating tattoos ever (outside of Greg Ostertag's Fred Flintstone tattoo), Luke has proven his worth and taken the spot of unknown 76ers rookie Rodney Carney. Who? Exactly. American-European star Anthony Parker has come across the big ocean to replace Jarvis Hayes, who's real claim to fame is that he's currently the sixth-or-seventh best player on the Wizard's "Big Three" lineup. We'd say upgrade on both moves.

Finally, Evan dumped the ever underachieving Eddie Griffin for solid but unspectacular Kenny Thomas, pushed Donyell Marshall out the door (for Sasha Pavlovic) and then stole Andris Biedrins -- and his many blocks -- right out from under the rest of the league's owners' noses. See ya Martell Webster, hello Andris! If only Biedrins (who is from Latvia) would wear a mask like his teammate Troy Murphy, we could dub him "Dr Doom!" Actually, his countrymen just call him "Richie Rich." Biedrins is currently the youngest millionaire in his country -- and already an inspiration to young ballplayers, Latvian IRS agents, and career criminals everywhere.

East
You know who used to own Andris Biedrins? The Pogiboys. They picked him up to replace Joel Pryzbilla early on but decided that no Latvians would ultimately allowed on their team. The aging Kurt Thomas was brought on board but Biedrins' play might make that a bad move. Either way, K Thomas was released to make room for Tyronn Lue. Lue's breakout day last week showed the Pogiboy's Speedy Claxton the way to the Hawks bench. My question is, who gets to don Spud's jersey for special occassions? Lue or Claxton? (And no, Nate Robinson doesn't get to wear it unless he's traded to Atlanta).

One guy that Alvin wanted to draft, but never did, all-around talent Jalen Rose (always a Pogiboy in years past) was snatched up by The Poobic Heirs. Was there any doubt that Rose would at some point in his career play for a team with the name "Poobic Heirs?" None in my mind. Safe, and vanilla, shooter JJ Redick was unceremoniously cut by Oliver and with a wink and a laugh, new Phoenix Sun Jalen Rose was added to the roster.


Which player would you rather have? Up-and-coming Etan Thomas? Or up-and-down Kendrick Perkins? Well, Thomas is doubling up Kendrick's season stats in PTS, REB and BLK, so it looks pretty easy. Of course, it's really a crapshoot which one will be better in the long run but when in doubt, go with the Brian Grant clone (hair wise anyway) -- which the Squirtle Squad did.

The big mover and shaker from across the Rockies? It's Reno, who's really a Californian by now, as he's shown by his willingness to bring down the axe on Jordan Farmar, Kyle Lowry, and Randy Foye -- thus setting Foye toward his path of one night stands. In return, the Rhythm Drive has taken on the unguaranteed contracts for Sarunas Jasikevicius, Nate Robinson, and Ronnie Turiaff (who unseated Juan Dixon recently). What Reno should have done was to draft a doctor, as Brad Miller and Kenyon are undergoing what might prove to be difficult surgeries. Someone get this team an ambulance.


Three teams have decided that they need no help whatsoever: The Pooh Bears, the Human Amoebas, and the Phanatics. With no waiver moves, all three of these teams are declaring that they are ready to play with what they drafted. Showing tremendous patience and the rock steady hand of a true gambler, Jose, Eric-A, and Ping are going for team chemistry. Will names like Michael Finley, Ronnie Brewer, and Nene hit the wavier wire soon? Can any of these teams go through the season without making any roster moves? Only time will tell.