Toilet Bowl 2023: Same Simian

Our Toilet Bowl finals didn’t have any draft implications, as SPDE and SQSQ had already locked in the first and second picks for the 2024 draft—thanks SWMP Rule—but there was history at stake, as CHMK could become the third back-to-back Toilet Bowl winner with a victory here, as well as increasing their total Toilet Bowl wins to three. As for SPDE, they’ve already won the Wembanyama sweepstakes so it was already party time in Spade-land!

CHMK escaped a near upset in round one versus TRUO—winning by a mere two assists— but took care of business against SQSQ with a huge defensive effort. The actual Toilet Bowl matchup was an easy win versus the already celebrating SPDE—who had already locked up the 2024 first pick due to the “SWMP Rule”—and overall it was a hugely successful rebuild season for CHMK.

GM Evan traded away James Harden early on, and then stacked talent, unearthing rookie Jalen Williams, the sudden offensive force that was Brooklyn Mikal Bridges, and adding 2023 first overall pick Jabari Smith Jr. to the roster as well. And then there’s that defensive backbone of Bam Adebayo, Nic Claxton, and Evan Mobley. Offensive powerhouses Desmond Bane and Jordan Poole were in the backcourt, giving CHMK good balance all around.

Moving forward, CHMK will be flush with young talent, and another high pick—2024’s RD1.3—to launch them (hopefully) out of the Toilet Bowl. Congrats to CHMK, our third back-to-back Toilet Bowl champion!

SPDE pulled off two upsets on their way to the TB Finals—versus BUFF and MELO—thus securing their first ever number one overall pick. And at just the right time too, as Victor Wembanyama is a generational prospect and now Randall will have Wemby and last year’s RD1.2 Chet Holmgren to jump start his rebuild. Congrats to SPDE!

(Full stats)

Post-Season RD3: 2023

Finals 2023

• 3 SOUR vs 5 FJUB

How did we get here?! I don’t think any prognosticators would have picked this Finals matchup heading into the playoffs but here we are, an epic matchup for the ages. SOUR is the winningest franchise in Slam history while FJUB is the third. SOUR has five titles under their belt--in seven appearances—while FJUB is two for two in their Finals appearances and subsequent wins. This is a true battle for the ages!

FJUB last won the title in 2021, while SOUR’s last ring was in 2019. They’ve never faced off against each other in a Finals before, but SOUR actually has an undefeated record against FJUB in the playoffs, dispatching FJUB in the first round in 2010, 2013, and 2019. As the third seed this season, SOUR may hold the advantage yet again.

If last week’s stats mean anything, SOUR would have won six categories to FJUB’s three—FT%, REB, BLK—so we’ll go ahead and name SOUR the favorites. It’ll be up to FJUB to fend off the quartet of Steph Curry, De’Aaron Fox, Jimmy Butler, and Pascal Siakam. It’ll be a tall task for Fred VanVleet, Chris Paul, Myles Turner, and hopefully new trade acquisition Terry Rozier (currently a tad injured). Good luck gentlemen!

Playoffs Consolation RD3

• 1 KSKT vs 2 SCRM
• 4 ILCN vs 7 FUNK
• 6 SWMP vs 8 SBUK

In the playoff consolation games, FUNK took a clean upset versus SWMP while ILCN took care of business versus SBUK, nudging last year’s champs out with the return of Luka Doncic.

Toilet Bowl Finals

• 10 CHMK vs 13 SPDE

Our Toilet Bowl finals doesn’t have any draft implications, as SPDE and SQSQ have locked in the first and second picks for the 2023 draft—thanks SWMP Rule—but there is history at stake, as CHMK can become the third back-to-back Toilet Bowl winner with a victory here, as well as increasing their total Toilet Bowl wins to three. As for SPDE, they’ve already won the Wembanyama sweepstakes so it’s already party time in Spade-land!

Toilet Bowl Consolation RD3

• 9 MELO vs 11 SQSQ
• 12 BUFF vs 15 TRUO
• 14 ABCX vs 16 FOBS

As for the consolation games, SQSQ put up a good fight versus CHMK--almost putting them into a battle with SPDE for the top 2023 pick--and should secure a victory versus MELO, who only managed a putrid twelve Games Played last week. Going this far does net SQSQ the 2024 RD1.2 selection, which will be a huge boon to this proud franchise. On the other side, BUFF and FOBS also went under the GP cap last week, at twenty-one and fifteen games respectively, so this week's matchups could be a case of teams simply winning if they can get anywhere near a full lineup. C’mon guys, we can do better!

Post-Season RD2: 2023

It was a very exciting first week of playoffs as many matchups came right down to the wire!

Playoff Recap & RD2 Matchups

1 KSKT vs 5 FJUB

Both teams here escaped by narrow margins as a Tyrese Haliburton-less KSKT survived a near upset by just one assist. We don’t know who Spurs center Sandro Mamukelashvili is, but he came up with five huge assists to get KSKT past defending champs SBUK.

As for FJUB, they had to fend off a Luka Doncic-less ILCN team that still threatened to take the win. It was a matchup frenzy on Sunday as FJUB and ILCN both adjusted their rosters multiple times. In the end, it was Devin Vassell’s five threes—not to mention Fred Van Vleet’s seventeen during the week—that helped secure the upset win for FJUB.

Heading into a big matchup, FJUB is cruising along at full health while Haliburton is out at least until mid-week, giving the edge to FJUB in another possible upset victory.

2 SCRM vs 3 SOUR

After a close back and forth for most of the week, SCRM also avoided an upset by taking AST by two and BLK by one over FUNK. In the end, DeMar DeRozan’s ten assists on Saturday was a difference maker—making SCRM happy to have acquired him (I hope). Don’t look now but the Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, James Harden, and Anthony Davis trio might be in the driver’s seat for the title.

In yet another game that came down to the wire, SOUR outlasted SWMP, winning 3PT by one—while tying in STL and BLK. At one point, SOUR versus SWMP had the incredible late Sunday line of 3-3-3 in categories. Instead, Austin “White Kobe” Reaves dropped in thirty-five points on 9/14 FG shooting, and 16/18 FT, along with six key assists. While Jerami Grant is still ailing for SOUR, it’s looking like Steph Curry and crew have just as good a shot at returning to the Slam Finals as any team. This is definitely gonna be the match of the week!

Playoff Consolation

4 ILCN vs 8 SBUK

With all four teams nicked by close victories, the battle for a few draft positions commences. ILCN is looking a little injury ravaged, but SBUK also could be dealing with a dinged up Kyrie Irving and Rudy Gobert. At stake here is a slightly higher draft pick for next season.

6 SWMP vs 7 FUNK

As for SWMP versus FUNK, it should be another battle of big versus small as FUNK will try to steal this game against Nikola Jokic and crew. The only thing making this exciting might be a side bet between SWMP and FUNK? What say you fans of SWMP?!

Toilet Bowl Recap & RD2 Matchups

9 MELO vs 13 SPDE

The dream of Chet Holmgren and Victor Wembanyama is still alive as Tyler Herro delivered exactly what was needed for SPDE to take a nail-biter against BUFF—winning STL and TO by just one each. Who needs Kawhi?!?

MELO will face a much tougher matchup for them this week, after wiping FOBS with relative ease in round one of the Toilet Bowl. With the career renaissance of James Wiseman in full effect, MELO would love to add a top pick to their rebuilding cache, even as they’ve already secured a top-four pick in next year’s draft.

10 CHMK vs 11 SQSQ

CHMK went through a stress-filled Sunday as well, as they were down pretty big to TRUO, who had maxed out their roster on Saturday. CHMK snuck out the victory by a mere two AST, with Bam Adebayo and Jalen Williams contributing five each. Whew!

Now CHMK will face off against SQSQ, who had an easy win versus ABCX—who maxed out at twenty-one games. As noted before, LeBron James and Began Bogdanovic are both hurt, so for SQSQ to secure a Toilet Bowl finals, they’ll really need Giannis Anteokounmpo and Jrue Holiday to come up big versus CHMK’s deep and healthy roster.

Toilet Bowl Consolation

12 BUFF vs 16 FOBS

After such a narrow loss, BUFF can still aim for the fifth pick in next year’s draft, as they should be the strongest team left in the TB consolation bracket. Damian Lillard might put up a fight but FOBS is looking a little defeated at this point.

14 ABCX vs 15 TRUO

Does ABCX field a full roster here against TRUO? Or do they hand a free win over? TRUO came this close to taking out CHMK so we have to favor them in this matchup, especially as ABCX is down all their major players.

Playoff Teams: 2023

#1 KSKT (16-4)

Even without the services of Cade Cunningham for most of the year—and Zion Williamson playing half his games at best—KSKT had a tremendous year, taking the regular season wins crown for the first time, finishing above 0.500 for also the first time, and by a landslide!

It seemed like everyone had a banner year on this team, from Tyrese Haliburton leading the way to the Kristaps Porzingis resurgence. KSKT rode a heavy volume of 3PT to the top-ranked offense in SlamNation and had a midseason stretch where they won ten games in a row. Now it’s time to see how far this young team can go. GM Matt has done a tremendous job creating a roster that is not only in win-now position but possibly win-forever?!

#2 SCRM (15-4-1)

After starting off the season with ten wins in a row, SCRM was in the driver’s seat for the regular season crown. However, Jordan decided to take a gamble midseason, trading for Karl-Anthony Towns and hoping for a higher playoff upside. Unfortunately that did cost them a few short term wins—with KAT still slated to be out—and they finished with the second seed instead.

Still, this team is one of the title favorites, as Anthony Davis is back and playing—as is Gordon Hayward—and SCRM looks poised to chase down a title behind Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, DeMar DeRozan, James Harden, and a deep deep roster. It was a great year for third-season franchises and it would be quite something if SCRM and KSKT faced off in the Finals!

#3 SOUR (14-6)

Usually when Trieu is this close to a title, he makes a huge all-in play for a championship. With no mega-trade coming before the deadline this season, SOUR is still well positioned to re-take their position atop the league after going 7-2 over the back half of the season—with six of those wins in a row.

De’Aaron Fox has restored himself as one of the NBA’s bright stars and Pascal Siakam and Jimmy Butler are both healthy and ready to play. There’s some question about Jerami Grant’s immediate availability but he should return soon. And oh yeah, Steph Curry is back to action, and that might spell doom for anyone facing SOUR…

#4 ILCN (13-7)

Continuing his penchant for excellent drafting, Frank unearthed both Paolo Banchero and Walker Kessler as rookies this season, leading to a team that is fully stocked and stacked. And don’t look now, but Zach Collins is actually playing quite well!

After starting the season off 10-3, ILCN has stumbled a bit in recent weeks, and the mysterious injury to Luka Doncic may make it hard for them to truly contend. However, this team has it all on both offense and defense and in their sixth season in SlamNation—with two Toilet Bowl appearances that somehow needed them the best play from each class both times—ILCN will be looking like a playoff powerhouse for years to come.

#5 FJUB (12-7-1)

Don’t look now but FJUB is secretly one of the hottest teams heading into the playoffs, having won five of their last seven games. In that span they’ve taken out SCRM, SOUR, and SBUK, which portends well for their championship hopes.

A pre-deadline trade brought in Terry Rozier and that should juice FJUB’s low-ranked offense. The defense will still be there—albeit minus Myles Turner—as Brook Lopez has been quietly the third best center in the league according to ESPN. Third best!?! FJUB will be looking to beat teams behind their fine defense and efficiency, but they’ll need Chris Paul to stay healthy to challenge for assists. Let’s go Jubas!

#6 SWMP (12-8)

Another constant contender that has been quietly surging along, SWMP started the season off 5-1 and then finished it with five straight wins—in the middle was a 0-5 January swoon. They are clearly peaking at the right time.

We’re all familiar with this roster, with likely three-time NBA MVP Nikola Jokic leading the way and Paul George and Zach LaVine both healthy and blazing away on the court.  SWMP completely dominates in four categories—AST, REB, STL, FG%—and are just a hair below the other top combined ODE teams. While this version of SWMP is a little less fearsome than in past years, counting them out as contenders would be a mistake, as they’ve made two of the last four Finals.

#7 FUNK (12-8)

After squandering a 4-1 start, FUNK was staring at being on the playoff bubble. Then GM Jon made three trades in one day--transforming his team fully toward offense—and finished up the regular season with five wins in seven games. While possibly not top-tier—they did lose to SCRM and SOUR during this span—FUNK has a puncher’s chance of a title run.

Due to being severely lacking on defense, FUNK will be looking to shoot their way deeper into the playoffs. The almost all Celtics and Hawks-led roster—this team has Jayson Tatum, Al Horford, Derrick White, Trae Young, Dejounte Murray, and John Collins--is one of the healthier teams heading into the playoffs, which could give them an edge. “Light the dream!”

#8 SBUK (12-8)

Our defending champs just snuck into the playoffs, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be able to mount a proper title defense. They are tied with KSKST and SCRM for top combined ODE and are actually better balanced than both of those top contenders. Aside from a lack of 3PT shooting, this team exhibits no real weaknesses.

SBUK has been somewhat erratic all season, never pulling off more than three wins in a row—or losing more than once back-to-back. They’ll also unfortunately be missing their backcourt of Jalen Brunson and Kyrie Irving for a few games, which puts a heavy burden on Joel Embiid and Rudy Gobert. There is a world where SBUK can upset KSKT—they did it in WK15—but even a few games from Brunson and Irving are probably needed to pull that off. Best of luck!

Toilet Bowl Teams: 2023

#9 MELO (10-10)

While they watch their fellow three-year owners ascend to the top of the league, MELO is treading water, 0.500 for the first time in their short history—after a 11-5 debut season and a 3-17 campaign last year. They managed a four game win streak in the middle of this past season but petered out with a 1-5 showing at the end. Finishing just outside the playoffs means MELO will have a shot at a top pick next season—just not one of the top two—although they’ll have their work cut out for them.

It’s likely Kevin Durant and Andrew Wiggins will both be out for the duration of the fantasy playoffs. The good news is that 2021 RD1.2 pick James Wiseman has been unleashed in his new Detroit home, and Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen both ascended to new heights. With likely Sixth Man of the Year Malcolm Brogdon also on-board—along with Nikola Vucevic and Kevin Porter Jr.—MELO should still be able to put up a Toilet Bowl challenge as one of the favorites. All those missed Games Played this season will have to be turned around for that to happen though. Jack, get your team on the court!

#10 CHMK (8-12)

It’s been seven years since CHMK dipped below 0.500 but here we are, a second straight season in the Toilet Bowl for this former champion—they did win the TB last year. With a five game losing streak to start the season, CHMK pretty much played chalk the rest of the way, alternating between wins and losses.

The great news is that CHMK has some real undeniable strengths as a team, ranking first overall in REB and third in BLK and FG%. The big man lineup of Bam Adebayo, second-overall NBA blocks leader Nic Claxton, and early season trade acquisition Evan Mobley—plus Robert Williams III, even if he didn’t make many appearances this year—is unparalleled for youth, production, and talent.

And there’s a lot of pieces elsewhere as well, with Desmond Bane and Jordan Poole providing scoring while rookies Jabari Smith Jr. and Jalen Williams are coming on late. Heck, the real life Kevin Durant trade even made Mikal Bridges a scoring sensation, unleashing him as an offensive powerhouse since his arrival in Brooklyn. That’s an eight deep roster full of goodies, and CHMK can look forward to securing another high draft pick in 2024. Yowza!

#11 SQSQ (7-13)

This was not the season SQSQ was expecting. After two back-to-back regular season wins titles, SQSQ slid down the standings, to their second worst season as a franchise. The bottom dropped out fast after a 3-3 start, as SQSQ went 1-10 after that—including dropping six in a row. So what’s next for SQSQ? With Giannis Antetokounmpo and LeBron James powering them, SQSQ will be looking for a playoff spot next season but the looming Toilet Bowl is going to have to be fought with almost half the roster injured.

Giannis and Jrue Holiday will have to do a lot of work to get SQSQ a high draft pick next year. On the brighter side, sophomore Jonathan Kuminga is still showing good flashes and rookies Jeremy Sochan and Tari Eason have been contributors for their respective NBA teams. SQSQ may face a crossroad this coming off-season—have we seen the last of LeBron on SQSQ?—but having Victor Wembanyama vs Scoot Henderson would be a nice way to salvage a lost year.

#12 BUFF (7-13)

It’s the return of the Klay! Maybe Thompson can’t play defense anymore but he’s all the way back as a scorer. BUFF has always been light on defense anyway, and maybe leaning fully into an offensive mindset will bring them back to the playoffs. This will be the ninth season BUFF has been in the Toilet Bowl and it’s time for them to get out. A decade, Roger, a decade!

The trio of Anthony Edwards, Domantas Sabonis, and Brandon Ingram are a very good core to build around, and despite the injuries to Collin Sexton and Steven Adams—also, RIP Ben Simmons—BUFF might have enough to get into the Toilet Bowl finals. Adding Wembanyama would be a huge boon to the rebuild process as this team is severely lacing a rim protector. Go look at our RD1 previews for why karma is also on BUFF’s side for this Toilet Bowl.

#13 SPDE (7-13)

A lackadaisical first half of the season saw SPDE start off with zero wins in six contests, but since then they’ve been playing more or less 0.500 ball—with an injection of Games Played at midseason. In recent weeks they’ve beaten both MELO and CHMK, who are the top two seeds for the Toilet Bowl.

Having gambled during this year’s draft on RD1.2 Chet Holmgren, SPDE is clearly facing a full rebuild behind Devin Booker and Co. Actually, the rebuild is already well on its way, as Josh Giddey, Tyler Herro, and Tyrese Maxey—dare we point out Markelle Fultz as well?—are getting better each season. A now-healthy Kawhi Leonard could easily power SPDE to a Toilet Bowl title and one of the top picks in the draft. SPDE could be another one of our “how did they get so good so fast” turnaround stories soon.

#14 ABCX (6-14)

With a nine game losing streak to their names—tied for most this year—ABCX was doomed to the Toilet Bowl from the start. To their credit, ABCX did win out their last three matchups, but after snapping a two year playoff drought last season, ABCX will be fighting in the Toilet Bowl once again.

And while Ja Morant’s current status as a troubled superstar may not affect fantasy things next season, it is a blight on ABCX’s fine reputation as an upstanding franchise. The next generation backcourt of Morant and LaMelo Ball—injured plagued all season—is still here, but the rest of the roster is up for debate. Rookie Bennedict Mathurin was a find but everyone else here has likely seen better days, from Russell Westbrook to Harrison Barnes to even Kelly Oubre Jr. on down.

Securing even one win in the Toilet Bowl could be a huge boon to the franchise, but that’ll be a tall order with Morant, Ball, and Mathurin all out.

#15 TRUO (4-15-1)

Another franchise that has seen better days, TRUO is now facing four straight years out of the playoffs and they just racked up their worst winning percentage over a regular season since their debut year in 2021. Also sporting a nine game losing streak this season, TRUO didn’t finish strong either, dropping five straight to end the year.

We’re hoping this is TRUO’s nadir as a franchise and actually there is quite a bit of intriguing talent on this team. Jalen Green has found his footing, RJ Barrett as well (at least statistically), and Wendell Carter Jr. emerged as a steady force in the middle. Sophomore Scottie Barnes started off slow but has turned it up as of late. Add in Cole Anthony, Christian Wood, sweet shooting rookie Keegan Murray, and TRUO might have something.

A resurgent Julius Randle will have to lead the youth into a Toilet Bowl that TRUO should be desperate to win. The roster is fully healthy and playing at its absolute best, so the chance to win a franchise-altering talent like Wembanyama or Scoot is now!

#16 FOBS (3-16-1)

Nine game losing streak? FOBS has one too! All of those losses piled up amidst nine Games Played violations—adding up to more than hundred less games than top GP-ranked ILCN had this season. It’s like FOBS only played a sixteen game season this year, assuming the average GP for a week was 23.75 games.

FOBS was less than competitive this season, and it’s almost a miracle they won three games—against CHMK, BUFF, SPDE. There is some good news however. Franchise cornerstone Damian Lillard returned to action with a vengeance, putting up a career season. Jamal Murray also came back this year, and resumed his high scoring ways. Young pieces like Keldon Johnson, rookie Jaden Ivey, and Jarrett Allen are still here, and FOBS and some useful role players like Kevin Huerter, Saddiq Bey, and sophomore Jalen Suggs floating around.

Despite all that, the end of the line has come for FOBS, as Jimmy is stepping down after this Toilet Bowl. Can FOBS make one last run at a top pick? No team needs it more than this one, otherwise Lillard will have to go it alone for yet anther season. Note: New incoming owner Victor will have his pick of the litter of FOBS’ roster and the non-keepers for 2024.

While we’re here, let’s add on a eulogy for the FOBS franchise. Over fourteen seasons, FOBS accrued a 94-157-9 regular season record, which translates to a 0.375 winning percentage, which was bottom-seven of all time, and definitely the worst out of all the long-termed owners. (If you’re curious, we’ve had twenty-nine owners so far, with the Victor about to become our thirtieth.)

FOBS’ best season was 2020, when they put up a 12-7 record—they had a one-win season in 2012. That twelve-win 2020 season started a spurt of five playoff appearances but FOBS only ever made it out of the first round once—in 2018, an upset win over FJUB. But FOBS did make it to two Toilet Bowl finals--2011 and 2015.

Their initial 2011 keeper roster—not accounting for 2010 when SlamNation reset into its current iteration looked like this: Chris Bosh, Chauncey Billups, Rashard Lewis, Emeka Okafor, Zach Randolph, Lou Williams. Their longest tenured starting five would look like this: Kemba Walker, Zach Randolph, Jamal Murray (6 keeper seasons), Damian Lillard, Ryan Anderson (4).

GM Jimmy made a grand total of eight trades over their almost decade and a half. And through luck or a dash of incompetence, Ernie Grunfeld—sorry, Jimmy—never unearthed a Grade-A superstar in sixteen first round picks—seventeen if you count Chris Bosh. Maybe not even a semi-superstar actually. Here’s the list of all their RD1 draft picks:

• 2010: Chris Bosh
• 2011: Evan Turner
• 2012: Michael Beasley (R), Nick Young
• 2013: Dion Waiters
• 2014: Trey Burke (R)
• 2015: Doug McDermott (R)
• 2016: D’Angelo Russell (R)
• 2017: Jamal Murray (R)
• 2018: Rodney Hood
• 2019: Jonathan Isaac
• 2020: Rui Hachimura (R)
• 2021: Obi Toppin (R)
• 2022: Jalen Suggs (R), Buddy Hield
• 2023: Jaden Ivey (R), Jalen Smith

And all their RD2 ones as well…. In sum, are we saying FOBS was the least successful franchise in SlamNation history? Gulp, no no we’re not. Okay maybe. As one of the nine remaining original SlamNation owners however, we bid Jimmy a sad goodbye, and we thank him for his time with us. It’s been a long time my friend, and we hope to see you on the real basketball courts one day.

Post-Season RD1: 2023

Injuries are going to play a big role in the postseason--seemingly more than any other year. A huge number of superstars are ailing and the field is prety wide open for anyone to take the title--or the Toilet Bowl. Let's take a look at round one!

PLAYOFFS Round 1

#1 KSKT (16-4) vs #8 SBUK (12-8)

Last season saw KSKT go 0.500 in Matt’s second year in SlamNation and then boom, explosion! With the best regular season record in 2023—taking over from Dad’s SQSQ team by the way—KSKT now gets a first round matchup against the defending champs, SBUK!

It should be a battle for the ages as both teams have a league leading combined ODE of seventeen, with KSKT ranked first in offense and eighth in defense and efficiency. On the other side, SBUK sports a 6/6/5 in their ODE so this match should come down to who can play the better defense.

Even without Zion Williamson and Cade Cunningham, KSKT has been rampaging, but with Tyrese Haliburton day to day, the window for an upset could be open. Unfortunately, SBUK is dealing with injuries to Jalen Brunson, Kyrie Irving, and Rudy Gobert as well, so it’s again to take a monster Joel Embiid effort for SBUK to muster up a title defense.

#2 SCRM (15-4-1) vs #7 FUNK (12-8)

After a mega-deal that included nine players back in January, the idea was that SCRM would trade some present day production for a playoff run featuring Anthony Davis and Karl-Anthony Towns. Instead, our second seed will now play FUNK, the team that has half his former players in Dejounte Murray, OG Anunoby, and Derrick White—plus the addition of PJ Washington via Terry Rozier.

Looking to fend off FUNK will be the trio of Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, DeMar DeRozan, and James Harden, along with the now healthy Davis. It’s going to be defense versus offense as SCRM and FUNK have diametrically opposite teams, but all of it could just come down to who can score more. [Editor: Sorry for the KAT dump, I swear it wasn’t by design!]

#3 SOUR (14-6) vs #6 SWMP (12-8)

Quietly lurking in the shadows all season has been SOUR, who finished just outside of taking the Chamberlain Conference away from SCRM. Letting Trieu sneak up on a title is never a good idea and it’ll be up to SWMP to stop this championship threatening menace.

SWMP find themselves in the bottom half of the playoff teams for the first time in five seasons—much of it could be attributed to a January stretch when they racked up three GP violations—but Nikola Jokic is a fearsome competitor. The bad news is that Khris Middleton and Alperen Sengun could possibly miss some games, which could be balanced out by SOUR’s Jerami Grant missing some time as well.

SOUR took care of SWMP pretty handily in a WK14 matchup but with these two heavyweights, anything could happen!

#4 ILCN (13-7) vs #5 FJUB (12-7-1)

Injuries will play a big part for ILCN in this first week of the playoffs as well. This dark horse contender will have to make do with—at least—one missed game apiece from Luka Doncic and Donovan Mitchell. Even a deep roster that includes dueling fantasy Rookie of the Years in Paolo Banchero and Walker Kessler might not make up for ILCN missing out on his offensive engines.

For FJUB, they are dealing with a missing Myles Turner but everyone is relatively healthy, and the pre-trade deadline move for Terry Rozier (at the cost of PJ Washington) should give the backcourt some added oomph.

Both of these teams have terrific numbers but with the top two scorers missing from ILCN’s top-two ranked offense, this could be a pretty even matchup across the board. We’re going to need some brilliant individual performances from either team to tip the scales!

TOILET BOWL Round 1

#9 MELO (10-10) vs #16 FOBS (3-16-1)

With FOBS ownership already slated to transition out next year, this will be a last hurrah for owner Jimmy—after fourteen seasons! As much as we’d like to see a Toilet Bowl win for incoming owner Victor to build on, with eight weeks worth of Games Played violations, the fantasy gods will not be kind to FOBS. Indeed, they are already staring at Damian Lillard, rookie Jaden Ivey, and Jarrett Allen missing at least one game each. Who’s left to power the potential upset? Jamal Murray and um, Rui Hachimura?

MELO hasn’t exactly been a Games Played star either, as they’ve racked up five violations this season—third behind FOBS and SPDE. They are dealing with some major injuries themselves, with Kevin Durant, Andrew Wiggins, and Norman Powell all out. So actually, this matchup could be somewhat even! However, here’s betting that Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen are enough to power MELO one step further in the Toilet Bowl.

#10 CHMK (8-12) vs #15 TRUO (4-15-1)

With a youth focused roster that is hitting its stride at just the right time—have you seen Evan Mobley and Jabari Smith Jr. lately?—CHMK could be the heavy favorites for a Toilet Bowl win. However, finishing as one of the top-two Toilet Bowl seeds will take them out of Wembayama or Scoot contention. Still, an overall third pick in next year’s draft would be a nice prize for them. Everyone here is healthy—minus Robert Williams III—and rookie sensation Jalen Williams has been an absolute beast recently.

As for TRUO, they are turning toward youth themselves, with Jalen Green, Scottie Barnes, and rookie Keegan Murray all looking good so far this season. The big question here is if the Julius Randle-led TRUO has the firepower to punch through CHMK’s second-ranked defense. If not, TRUO will have to hope that CHMK takes it all, elevating them to a possible higher pick behind the “SWMP Rule.”

#11 SQSQ (7-13) vs #14 ABCX (6-14)

There’s a world where SQSQ threatens to grab the top pick next season, but with LeBron James out of the rotation—along with Bojan Bogdanovic—it’ll be tough avoiding an upset. Then again, ABCX is also down their big star, and not just one but two! LaMelo Ball just had season ending surgery and Ja Morant has been exposed as a less than shining star, and could be out for the duration of the postseason.

If it’s down to Team Giannis versus Team Russell Westbrook, we may have to go with Giannis on this one. Both of these teams ranked very low in combined ODE—fifteenth and sixteenth actually—so this is going to be a slap fight to see who advances. Either way, both of these owners deserve an injection of fresh talent for their rosters, and we hope one of them can go the distance!

#12 BUFF (7-13) vs #13 SPDE (7-13)

Injury plagued and rarely at full strength this season, BUFF made the ultimate positive chemistry move by not pulling their players in WK20 in a tight game against KSKT—with a possible #10 seed, and thus a lost chance at a top-two 2024 pick. That is the kind of competitiveness we love to see and if there is any justice in the world, BUFF will secure the number one overall pick. They’ll have to do it amidst injuries to Kyle Kuzma, Collin Sexton, Steven Adams, and the corpse of Ben Simmons, but karma can go a long way in the Toilet Bowl.

As for SPDE, they tempted those same fantasy gods themselves by racking up six Games Played violations in their first twelve weeks of action. However, after refocusing, they avoided any more GP demerits. That means they should be at least even on the karma ledger—“TJ hates quitters!”—and they’ll be taking a healthy Kawhi Leonard and Devin Booker into the Toilet Bowl, giving them a pretty decent chance to surprise people and take it all. Imagine a Chet Holmgren and Wembayama pairing on SPDE next season!?!

Power Ranking 2023

 

Trades 2023: Funkyfied

It was a slow year for trades, very slow in fact. Aside from the huge James Harden deal back in the beginning of the season and a late November swap between SOUR and TRUO, it’s been mostly quiet aside from a flurry of activity from FUNK to end the season.

In early January, FUNK sent a 2024 RD3 to CHMK for Trey Murphy III and CHMK’s 2024 RD4—essentially a draft position swap—and then followed that up by sending a 2024 RD5 to KSKT for Al Horford. But FUNK wasn’t done that day, as a mega-blockbuster was on the way.

After many offers and almost-dones, FUNK traded away Karl-Anthony Towns, their first overall pick from 2016. The deal with SCRM ended up involving nine players, with Towns, DeMar DeRozan, Mike Conley, Tyus Jones, Tim Hardaway Jr. being exchanged for Dejounte Murray, OG Anunoby, Terry Rozier, and Derrick White.

For FUNK, this will translate to a huge bump in 3PT, and some depth to make a playoff push. For SCRM, it’s championship or bust, and with the likely pairing of Anthony Davis and Towns for the postseason, Jordan will have the best big man duo in the league as he pushes hard for a championship.

Next season: more trades!!!