Green with Envy

Yesterday, a terrible tragedy occured, one involving new Boston Celtics' point guard Sebastien Telfair. No, we're not talking about him getting his $50,000 chain getting snatched, or the subsequent shooting-related (guns, not baskets) accusation lowered at him. We're talking about Alvin picking Telfair near the bottom of the ninth. The crime was approximately committed around 5:48pm EST, approximately. This bold move, unmistakably a declaration of metaphorical rochambo, sent shockwaves through the Funk household. Much cursing and swearing was undertaken before a calm settled in. "I'll just take one of his guys...!"

Then, in an obviously coordinated move to further mess up the Funk Coalition's funk, the Celtics' other point guard of the future, RaJON Rondo, was stolen by Trieu in the tenth -- a mere three hours after Telfair was kidnapped. Can we say "conspiracy?"

Both players were crushed by the idea of suiting up for a non-Funk Coalition affiliated team. Telfair and Rondo had their morale destroyed and their will to play basketball might be dashed beyond repair. Telfair and Rondo said, in unison, that they would not so much as touch a basketball all season if that's what it took be to waived or traded to the Coalition.

In an inspiring show of solidarity, other non-Funk affiliated Celtics Paul Pierce and Wally Szerbiak have also declared themselves unwilling to play this season. In a statement released by Funk Coalition owner Jon, he acknowledged that it would be a great idea if Pierce, Telfair, and Rondo sit the year out. However, he did add that, "Wally can play all he wants, that guy sucks. By playing he'll actually help me more than if he were on my team. Play on Wally!"

To sum up the general mood around these parts...

"Grab ya glocks, when you see Tupac
Call the cops, when you see Tupac, uhh
Who shot me, but ya punks didn't finish
Now ya bout to feel the wrath of a menace
n*****, I hit em' up..."

But in the spirit of peace, co-existence, league unity, and of doing no violence upon any man, we'll settle this one on the court. Trieu, Alvin...that's right, we're gonna take it...we're gonna take it to the streets!