Finals Preview: 2017

0 comments
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #2 Young Gunn's (14-5)
Well well, here we go, Brother Bowl II! After a hard fought last couple of weeks — including one giant upset — we have Trieu and Thien facing off again. We last saw this matchup two years ago in 2015, with Trieu emerging from the week with the first of his back-to-back titles. Now it’s up to Thien to play for the safety of the league and stop his older brother from a threepeat!

But first, how did we get here? Well, for starters, Sour Snails had a pretty easy path to the Finals, even with Kevin Durant done for the season. He made short work of Fob Stars in RD1 and then dunked on Fat Jubas pretty easily with an incredibly efficient RD2 performance — behind 27.3 PTS, 7.0 REB, 10.8 AST, 2.3 STL, and 54.7 FG% from Jimmy Butler. Wowza! As for Thien, he was faced up with division rival So Buckets in his conference finals — after beating Team Spade by 1 STL in RD1 — and after a back and forth week, polished Josh off with nice outburst of 3PT and slightly lower TOs. Shout out to So Buckets though, who did the dirty work of dismembering top Russell seed Chunky Monkeys in RD1, using an incredible Kyrie Irving versus LeBron James matchup to pull out the tight win. But the upset magic faded out as this week wore on and So Buckets’ Finals dream ended.

So what are Young Gunn’s chances of taking down Sour Snails? Well, sadly, we’d have to say it’ll have to take an incredible upset for Thien to take his first championship. From what we can tell, they are likely going to lose both %s and STL/BLK. The good news is, they have the edge in 3PT and maybe PTS, and will have to fight hard in AST and TO to make this an even matchup. A lot will ride on DeMarcus Cousins’ health, as he could miss a game or two. But let’s not forget that this is one of the rare teams with enough firepower in the backcourt to keep up with Steph and Jimmy, as John Wall and Damian Lillard are both top guard options. Add in the firepower of Gary Harris and Jordan Clarkson and there’s a chance Young Gunn’s can match up against the three-headed monster of Curry, Butler, and Mike Conley.

Where Thien will really have to shine is with his big men though, as Cousins and Julius Randle are all he’s got going against Brook Lopez, Nerlens Noel, and Gorgui Dieng. On paper that’s an edge for Young Gunn’s but again, a lot will ride on Cousins. What Sour Snails has is versatility and depth on its side, with additional pieces like Avery Bradley, Richaun Holmes, and Tim Hardaway. It’s likely Al-Farouq Aminu and Jordan Crawford will both have to have great weeks for Thien to have a shot. And we really wish they had another piece inserted for the injured Rudy Gay, but it’s hard to wish for better health when Snails is down Durant and Dion Waiters.

In short, we’re projecting a 5-4 win for Snails, but a win in REB or STL could maybe garner us the upset all of SlamNation is waiting. We won’t mince words here, all the other fifteen SlamNation owners are rooting for Young Gunn’s, and hoping for a major upset!

Toilet Bowl Preview: 2017

0 comments
#1 Swamp Dragons (10-9) vs #1 Squirtle Squad (8-11)
Well, this is interesting, we haven’t had the top Toilet Bowl seeds advance to the Toilet Bowl finals since 2014, when Chunky Monkeys and Fat Jubas made it to the end game, but both the #1 and #2 two picks were slated for Chunky’s anyway. Aside from that, we’ve never had a meaningful Toilet Bowl finals that featured the best two losers. So, we’re looking at the best Toilet Bowl matchup ever! Yes!

And to be honest, this Toilet Bowl has been pretty drama free, unless you count a paper upset in RD1 by Team Cameltoe over Funk Coalition. Yeah, Squirtles survived a late surge by Buffy this past Sunday but Swamp Dragons had no problems dispatching Snack Bears and then Cameltoe on the way to Eddie’s first Toilet Bowl finals — in three tries. And actually, this is Squirtle Squad’s first Toilet Bowl finals too, after getting upended in RD2 in his past three attempts (2010, 2011, 2016). That’s gotta be exciting news for both teams as this 2017-8 NBA draft is largely seen as a two man pay day, with Markelle Fultz and Lonzo Ball earmarked as franchise changers.

So it's likely this could be the last Toilet Bowl both franchises see in awhile, as Squirtles and Swampies are more often in the post-season than not, and with a huge upgrade at the point guard position for both coming up, they could be on the verge of ascending into contender status. Let’s see who might win this matchup and get the right to choose between Fultz and Ball!

We think Swamp has the an advantage across most of the categories but FG%, 3PT, STL, BLK, and TOs are too tough to call. It’s likely Eddie’s team will take PTS and REB but no sure thing either. It’s possible Squirtles is a little underpowered right now, as his young team has already done its job getting to the final game, but Giannis Antetokounmpo can do anything so an upset isn’t out of the question. With Nicola Vucevic and rookies Marquese Chriss and Caris LeVert coming on, Giannis could have some extra help. Then again, we haven’t seen a loaded Toilet Bowl team like Swamp Dragons in awhile. I mean, they have a winning record for one, and they boast Paul George, Jusuf Nurkic, Andrew Wiggins, and a slew of other impressive pieces. We said they were the heavy favorites coming into the Toilet Bowl — even sans Jabari Parker — and we’re sticking to that story.

We’re thinking Swamps will take this game but Squirtles have an outside chance of finally pulling an upset of his own. Best luck to both teams!

RD1 Previews: 2017

0 comments
Russell Conference
#1 Chunky Monkeys (18-1) vs #4 So Buckets (11-8)
After ripping through the regular season and earning their first "most regular season wins" honor, Chunky Monkeys is poised to roll into the post-season and capture their first title. Despite declining to turn the injured Kyle Lowry into some playoff contributors, this is still the best team on paper. MVP candidates James Harden and LeBron James are flanked by a bevy of awesome talent, and with the surprising Seth Curry — 18.0 PTS, 2.8 3PT, 53.4 FG% over his last month — stepping in as the starter alongside Harden, Evan’s team is ready to rock. Who can stop them? Well, there’s the back-to-back champs in the other conference but if Monkeys can handle their business for the next few weeks, we’re looking at a juggernaut of a title matchup. Let’s hope Evan’s recent two week trip to New Zealand was an early celebration for his first SlamNation championship!

After two seasons out of the playoffs, So Buckets is back in contention and will need every ounce of their composure to knock off a heavy favorite. A three week swoon in WK13-15 is over and Buckets is 3-1 heading into the post-season. They’re going to need a heavy dose of Kyrie Irving, DeMar DeRozan, and early season trade acquisition CJ McCollum to pull off an upset but that stellar backcourt has Rudy Gobert and rookie sensation Dario Saric peaking at just the right time. It’s a shame Joel Embiid won’t be around to test Monkeys but that doesn’t mean miracles can’t happen. Let’s see if Josh can pilot his underdogs to a stunning first round victory!

#2 Young Gunn's (14-5) #3 Team Spade (12-7) 
After securing his second straight Voltron title and fourth straight post-season appearance, Thien’s team is looking for more this year. They’ve been a little erratic to end the season — losing to two Toilet Bowl teams — but John Wall, Damian Lillard, and DeMarcus Cousins form a formidable trio to face off against any foe. There were rumors that the injured Rudy Gay was on the block for playoff assets but that didn’t come to pass, and now Julius Randle will be counted on to really step up over the next few weeks. Regular season wins are now old hat for Young Gunn’s and they’ll have to advance far into the playoffs to call this season a success. We believe!

After an erratic start to the year, last year's Thundercats division winner Spade slowly gained steam, going 9-2 over the last three months to cement their contender status. Of course, sources report that owner Randall all but conceded his title hopes when Kevin Love went down but now it looks like Love may return soon, although he won’t be eligible for postseason play as he’s currently on IR. With the additional news that Eric Bledsoe has been shut down for the season, it looks like Spade will have to pack up their bags and live to contend next year, despite the MVP season put forth by Kawhi Leonard. It’s unlikely last year’s Finals participant will return to the big game again but anything can happen, can’t it?!

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1) vs #4 Fob Stars (9-10)
Our defending two-time champs, and undisputed best SlamNation franchise ever, reshaped four of their keepers heading down the homestretch and then was sideswiped by new acquisition Kevin Durant’s injury. Was it a sign of things to come when Sour Snails tied their last regular season game? Or do they still have enough firepower to advance to a proper title defense? While we can’t count out any team led by Steph Curry, Jimmy Butler, and the rest of this deep crew, it’s hard to see Trieu waltzing to a three-peat without Durant. Then again, until someone takes out the champs, nothing’s off the table! There seems to be some upset potential here as Curry and Butler are shooting 40.7 FG% and 37.4 FG% over their past month of games, so maybe SlamNation’s resident king is on the verge of taking a playoff loss? Note: Snails are 70-4-2 over their past four seasons…

Of course, the upset won’t likely happen in the first round as it was revealed this week that Coach Jimmy didn’t even realize the playoffs had started until mid-week. For the Fob Stars, returning to the playoffs again was an achievement — even with a sub-0.500 record — but going in mentally unprepared against Snails is not a good sign. The mid-season trade that brought in DeAndre Jordan and Ricky Rubio has paid dividends, especially with Rubio averaging 14.0 PTS, 11.2 AST, 1.9 STL, 44.4 FG% over the past month, but what else can the supporting cast do to help Kemba Walker pull off a miraculous win? We’re gonna go ahead and say “nothing."

#2 Another Bad Creation (9-10) vs #3 Fat Jubas (13-5-1)
I’m not sure we’ve ever had a sub-0.500 division winner before but ABC has somehow managed to take the Transformers crown — making two in a row — with a measly nine wins. That earns them a higher seed due to our playoff matrix but they’re definitely the underdogs in this matchup. Then again, what is logic to Russell Westbrook, he of the 36.4 PTS, 11.2 REB, 11.2 AST, 2.9 3PT, 2.0 STL over his past month of games?! After trading away long-time franchise cornerstone Kevin Durant, GM Oliver has to be giddy to have acquired a healthy Westbrook in return. And it looks like second banana LaMarcus Aldridge will return to the court after a heart scare, and this well balanced squad could pull it all together for an “upset.” Nobody wants to see Westbrook go home so soon after his spectacular season so we’ll hope he can single-handedly power ABC to a playoff victory, which would be their first since 2011.

If there’s a team with a realistic shot at taking down Sour Snails and heading to the Finals, it’s Fat Jubas. They already tied them in WK19 and payback is necessary after getting bounced by Snails in Jubas’ last three playoff appearances — and four post-season losses to them overall. Eric’s team is riding a 4-0-1 streak to end the season and if they can pull off a paper upset of ABC, they’ll be on their way to another shot at the defending champs. But in order for them to take Trieu down, Chris Paul will have to play out of his mind, while receiving support from Gordon Hayward, high scoring Harrison Barnes, and maybe Phoenix surprises TJ Warren and rookie Tyler Ulis, both of whom will be given a lot of minutes down the stretch. Eric made two trades this season — for Pau Gasol and Myles Turner — and the payoff from their added depth begins now.

Note: This year's Chamberlain Conference post-season teams are exactly the same as last year's, down to the same seed slots!

Toilet Bowl RD1: 2017

0 comments
Chamberlain Conference
#1 Squirtle Squad (8-11) vs #4 Jedi Knights (0-18-1)
Two straight years out of the playoffs and nothing to show for it. Squirtles improved on their three win season last year but still find themselves in the Toilet Bowl. Of course, they were also only one win away from a division title, as the almighty Transformers division took a nosedive this season. A top finish in the Toilet Bowl would be huge for Brian this season, as they could add another transformative piece next to Giannis Antetokounmpo, who had a true breakout superstar season. If things go well, a young led rebuild quick catapult Squirtle Squad right back into the post-season next year.

As for Jedi Knights, we’re here to report that they’ve officially hit a nadir: a winless season. A SlamNation first, and let's hope only. But hey, at least they got a tie! But really, after a one-win season in 2016, we thought Jedis would step it up a little. Instead they’ve fallen further into disarray and feature a roster that is basically devoid of talent. Unless you think Kris Dunn or Emmanuel Mudiay are just reeeaaally late bloomers… We wish we could say that Chris could revive his franchise’s sad state of affairs this season but we think he’s headed for another Toilet Bowl loss, and another #3 overall draft pick. Where’s the Pistons’ Isiah Thomas, should this moribund franchise hire a former local legend to right the ship?! Oh wait, maybe not Isiah. Dumars? Oh wait. Bill Laimbeer?

#2 LA Buffy (7-11-1) vs #3 Sager's Suits and Ties (4-15)
It’s now been four long years out of the post-season for Buffy but it’s likely they’ve found some hope heading into another Toilet Bowl. Isaiah Thomas has been an offensive monster, Khris Middleton is back and playing well post-injury, and the Toilet Bowl field should be weak enough for Roger to have a good shot at another high draft pick. With back-to-back top two picks, Buffy could be well on their way to playoff contention again.

Welp, it wasn’t an easy season for rookie owner Matt but at least he finished up his first season in SlamNation with a 2-2 record, including beating two eventual playoff teams. That’s progress! Can Sager’s Suits and Ties follow up their late season surge with a Toilet Bowl win or two? It’s quite possible we’re looking at a Chamberlain dark horse here, as this team still boasts a strong trio of Draymond Green, Blake Griffin, and Bradley Beal. If this roster can stay healthy for a month, we’re looking at a powerful squad. And if Sager can get a top pick this season, it would completely turn around how successful their inaugural year was. Let’s hope it happens!

Russell Conference
#1 Swamp Dragons (10-9) vs #4 Snack Bears (4-15)
Rumor has it that the ten-win Dragons took a tank job in their last week to fall into the Toilet Bowl — for the third consecutive time, after going the last two seasons with ten wins total. Denying all allegations and promising only wins the rest of the way, GM Eddie has done a masterful job going from “the team that traded away LeBron” to “intriguing team on the rise.” If the Swampies don’t get into the playoffs next year behind Nikola Jokic and crew, our league is launching an investigation. But seriously, this team is the clear Russell Conference favorite to get into the Toilet Bowl finals, even with Jabari Parker on injured reserve. Between Jokic, Paul George, Andrew Wiggins, Dennis Schroder, rejuvenated Jusuf Nurkic, possible R.O.Y. Malcolm Brogdon, Robert Covington, Reggie Jackson, plus two “who the hell are they!?” guys in Alan Williams and Willy Hernangomez playing well, we don’t see anyone stopping this Toilet Bowl juggernaut.

Although, if you want to slay juggernauts, Snack Bears is the team! Brandon’s brand of big ball has already dealt Chunky Monkeys their lone loss in WK16 — plus beat Swamp Dragons the weak prior — and there’s that fearsome frontline trio of Andre Drummond, Dwight Howard, and Kristaps Porzingiz to contend with. What Snack Bears lack in balance they make up for in solid strengths, and with the roster fully finally healthy, Snack could be set to surprise in their first Toilet Bowl appearance after last year's surprise playoff appearance as a rookie owner. After joining in on a mega-deal midseason designed to get them into the Toilet Bowl finals, this is the week for Brandon to show what his redesigned team is capable of.

#2 Funk Coalition (7-12) vs #3 Team Cameltoe (7-12)
A few team altering trades this season hasn’t exactly moved Funk’s W-L record, as they stumbled down the stretch winning only one game out of their last five. But hey, Funk Coalition has been in this position before, entering the Toilet Bowl weak as a kitten but then surging to eventual victory — twice in a row. Of course, Jon reshaped his roster to no longer play big ball and that now leaves his Karl-Anthony Towns-led team to contend against traditional matchups. Can the hot-and-cold play of Klay Thompson, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, and D’Angelo Russell sustain another Toilet Bowl drive? We have our doubts. Oh where art thou 2017 #1 draft pick Ben Simmons?!

Ready to capitalize on a paper upset would be Team Cameltoe, featuring our other rookie owner, Felipe. Of course, Cameltoe has also slid into the Toilet Bowl by going 1-5 down the stretch, but now they’re mostly healthy and is coming off a huge mid-season trade of their own -- acquiring Hassan Whiteside and Darren Collison. There’s plenty of offense on this team with Anthony Davis, Carmelo Anthony, Eric Gordon, Derrick Rose, and even Wilson Chandler around. With Elfrid Payton suddenly throwing triple-doubles like he's Rondo-lite, Cameltoe may be the nominal underdog in this matchup but more rightfully the favored team to advance.

Playoff & Toilet Bowl Seedings: 2017

0 comments
PLAYOFFS
  *= division winner
Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (17-1-1)*
#2 Another Bad Creation (9-10)*
#3 Fat Jubas (13-5-1)
#4 Fob Stars (9-10)

Russell Conference
#1 Chunky Monkeys (18-1)*
#2 Young Gunn's (14-5)*
#3 Team Spade (12-7)
#4 So Buckets (11-8)


TOILET BOWL
Chamberlain Conference
#1 Squirtle Squad (8-11)
#2 LA Buffy (7-11-1)
#3 Sager's Suits and Ties (4-15)
#4 Jedi Knights (0-18-1)

Russell Conference
#1 Swamp Dragons (10-9)
#2 Funk Coalition (7-12)
#3 Team Cameltoe (7-12)
#4 Snack Bears (4-15)


Tie-Breakers
  • Funk Coalition vs Team Cameltoe: Funk won H2H matchup versus Cameltoe in WK10.

Final Standings 2017

0 comments