Another Funk Rebuild

It’s only been a couple of months since Funk Coalition’s latest rebuild. If you’re counting, that’s three major rebuilds in about three seasons, starting with the pre-draft acquisition of Rajon Rondo in 2012. Apparently, building a winning team around Rondo is difficult. Very difficult.

With their lone 2015 win coming against fellow undefeated Fob Stars, GM Jon saw the need to reshape their roster yet again. High draft picks Dante Exum and Marcus Smart had yet to see much return and a roster full of guards weren’t able to rank well in any of the traditional guard categories. In fact, Funk’s team is last or near last in FT%, 3PT, and PTS. So, with a pair of trades, Jon went all in on guards who can’t shoot, while trading away all of his top scorers and essentially punting PTS. Will it work? Hard to say, but this roster suddenly got a lot more cohesive in its flaws.

• ID#47: Funk Coalition trade Al Jefferson, Amare Stoudemire, 2016 RD2 to Jedi Knights for Michael Carter-Williams and DeAndre Jordan
• ID#48: Funk Coalition trade Derrick Rose to Silent Crows for Ricky Rubio

With the additions of Michael Carter-Williams and Ricky Rubio, Funk should now have the AST and STL to surround Rondo in the backcourt. None of the three guards can shoot for percentage or range, but that’s alright I guess. Who needs to space the floor anyway!? Also, all three possess awful FT% for professional basketball players, highlighted by Rondo’s 31.6 FT% this season. What Rondo, MCW, and Rubio can do is post near triple doubles, providing Funk with a plethora of AST/REB/STL.

The new-look frontcourt will now feature the twin defensive towers of Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan, who's averaging 9.5 PTS, 13.4 REB, 2.4 BLK, 1.0 STL, and 70.7 FG%. They’re essentially the same player, with high FG%, awful FT%, outstanding REB/BLK, and quick hands for bigs. Also, neither can be expected to average more than about ten points per game, especially with Drummond slumping in an expected breakout year. Josh Smith is still the third big here, and he has brought awful percentages but a nice smattering of REB, AST, and a combined 3.0 STL/BLK. Basically, Funk has decided to torpedo every category they were bad at and double down on all the counting stats.

It’s hard to say if this strategy is better than the last (failing) one, but Funk now has the a team that sort of makes sense on paper. Also, let’s not overlook the snazzy pickup of Dennis Schroder, aka the German Rondo. Since this SlamNation trade last week, Rondo has found himself moved to the Mavericks, which means that the heart and soul of Funk isn’t even a Celtic anymore. Argggh!

Note: At the end of the day, Funk moved Dwight Howard, Tony Parker, a 2015 RD2 (Jose Calderon) for Ricky Rubio and Marcus Smart. Worth it? Considering Dwight is having a great year and the still perfect piece alongside Rondo and this team build? Also, Funk says good bye to Al, again!

For Jedi Knights, this was their second big trade in a season that has seen them step up their activity. (Although, they still rank last in “moves,” and haven’t made any FA pickups yet.) Losing last year’s Rookie of the Year will be tough, but MCW’s awful FG% was weighing this team down. The top two Jedi picks from the 2013 draft, Carter-Williams and Jimmy Butler, are now both gone.

Al Jefferson has been slow to become the 20-10 machine he’s always been, but his sterling percentages and offensive output fits in very nicely with Jedi's recent focus on increased offense. Losing DeAndre Jordan’s defensive stats hurt, but this team wasn’t beating anyone on the boards or protecting the rim anyway.

And Amare Stoudemire returns to the fold, two years after being acquired for a number of picks — the result was Stoudemire for 2013 Michael Kidd-Gilchrist and 2014 John Henson. Jefferson, Stoudemire, and a suddenly enticing Mason Plumlee will anchor the new look frontline while balancing out Deron Williams, Monta Ellis, and the wing combo of Chandler Parsons, Wes Matthews, and Arron Afflalo. There’s still a lot of work to be done to make the 2-8 Jedi Knights competitive, but at least the effort is showing. Now to work that free agent wire Lum!

Defending champ Silent Crows hit a quick “yes” to the Rose for Rubio swap, exchanging a still injured Rubio for Rose’s offensive output. Rose has been in and out of the lineup but two months into the season, he’s getting steadier and steadier, averaging 19.4 PTS, 5.0 AST, 1.5 3PT, on 45.7 FG%. If Rose continues his successful comeback from injury, Lucas could have just added another piece to his title defense while jettisoning an equally risky injured player in Rubio.

Currently the Crows are 5-3 and ranked second in FG%, REB, and PTS, with their only bad category being STLs. They are well positioned to be a top team again, even as Carmelo Anthony and Blake Griffin have yet to hit their full stride. Silent Crow's 2015 draft yielded key rotation pieces in Joe Johnson, Patrick Beverly, Tyson Chandler, Danny Green, and even free agent pickup Marreese Speights. That's preeeeetty impressive.

Let the mega-trade season begin! Who's next?

The Force Awakens

After vowing to better manage his team this season, Lum has made good on his promise, throwing his team into 2015's first blockbuster. With a roster full of interesting parts, it was high time GM Lum started to shape his pieces into a cohesive unit. Toward that end, Lum moved rising star Jimmy Butler and the still injured David Lee to Sour Snails in exchange for Monta Ellis and Wesley Matthews. That immediately upgrades the offense, as Ellis and Matthews combine to average 37.3 PTS. The new backcourt will give this second-to-last ranked offense an infusion, and give greatly improve their 3PT shooting to the tune of 3.9 3PT per game.

The new look Jedi will have a bounce back Deron Williams, a returned from injury Michael Carter-Williams, plus Ellis and Mathews on board. Not to mention there’s Arron Afflalo and Chandler Parsons for the swing positions. The frontcourt seems to be a bit soft with Thaddeus Young playing power forward next to DeAndre Jordan, but it’s not like David Lee was providing anything this season. We like the new run-and-gun Jedi, and well, let’s see if they can pick up a few extra wins this year!

As for Sour Snails, this is their third move of the season, after shipping off extra keepers Tyreke Evans and Trevor Ariza for draft picks — both of whom are having excellent seasons. We already knew that this backcourt was crowded with talent, and consolidating Ellis and Matthews into an up and coming All-Star like Jimmy Butler is exactly the type of move Trieu has consistently executed. Butler has taken over the main offensive duties in Chicago and is averaging 21.0 PTS, 5.7 REB, 1.5 STL, and 48.7 FG% in a long awaited breakout year. He’s not a 3PT threat, but the top ranked Snails hardly need anything in that category. And when David Lee comes back, he’ll add additional scoring, and most importantly, rebounding to help out DeMarcus Cousins. Lee should be an upgrade, or at least a nice complement, to Taj Gibson and Ed Davis. All in all, a trade that looks like a winner for both sides!

• ID#47: Jedi Knights trade Jimmy Butler and David Lee to Fob Stars for Monta Ellis and Wesley Matthews.

Russell Conference: Voltron Division

For most of the past five seasons, Voltron has sent only one representative to the playoffs. Last season was the first time they had to double digit winners, as both So Buckets and Super Ninja (now Fighting Dragons) made it to the post-season. This year, Voltron will be out to close the gap between them and fellow Russell Conference division mates, the ultra-competitive Thundercats. [2014 Preview]

#4: MoRRie’s Pogiboys (6-13, 8-10-1)
Three franchises have yet to sniff the playoffs. Unfortunately, Pogiboys is one of them. After two years of stellar drafts, netting Anthony Davis and Victor Oladipo, this team should be finally able to climb out of the gutter. Right? On the surface, Pogiboys looks like a perfectly balanced team with three nice guards (Oladipo, Mike Conley, Brandon Jennings) to pair with three good big men (Davis, Roy Hibbert, Brook Lopez). The problem is, injuries tend to strike this team hard. Last year it was Davis and Lopez, and Hibbert might as well have been injured. This year it’s already Oladipo with at least one month out. It’s been a very slow rebuild for Pogiboy and the fan base is starting to get restless...

Coming on board this season? More youth! With the sixth overall pick, Alvin opted for Elfrid Payton’s Basquiat-like locks. Payton is being touted as a R.O.Y. candidate and here’s hoping he lives up to that promise. Third rounder Gorgui Dieng is looking like a potential beast, and he should slot right in among the other bigs on this roster. Alec Burks will have another year of experience under his belt and Draymond Green can contribute in many categories, given the playing time. Rookie fifth rounder James Ennis is a long shot but Pogiboys clearly is into upside potential. Note: Last seaon’s pre-draft trade of Brook Lopez turned out to cost 2014 Patrick Beverly and 2015 D.J. Augustin, not bad? Here’s hoping Pogiboys gets a full season of health on their way to a competitive season!

#5: Inept Henchmen (6-12-1)
Last year’s first three dispersal draft picks, Derrick Rose, Dirk Nowitzki, and Eric Gordon are already gone. Traded for essentially Dwight Howard, Tony Parker, Jeff Green, and Derrick Favors. Not a bad haul for a player that didn’t play all season, an injury prone shooter, and a slowly declining superstar in Dallas. Those four new faces will have Kenneth Faried and Andrew Bogut alongside them as they push to make Henchmen a team to fear in a soft division. Previous ownership blitzed toward a title in 2011 under the “Human Amoebas” moniker, but it’s been loss after loss since then. New owner Trevor has already equaled the win totals from 2012-13 with his six win 2014 debut season.

The new look Henchmen are decidedly front court heavy, with Howard, Bogut, Favors, and Faried. Thus they used the draft to scoop up Jose Calderon, Kyle Korver, rookie Nik Stauskas, and Rodney Stuckey, who could lead Indiana in scoring this year by default. (The trade for Dwight Howard meant that Inept moved their 2015 RD1, which turned out to be Marcus Smart.) Everyone is high on scorer T.J. Warren, even if it takes him awhile to get healthy and minutes. Last rounder Tony Wroten actually could start because he’ll have plenty of shots and opportunity in Philadelphia as they purse another tanking season. Overall, this team is looking much better after one year of new ownership than at any point before, and fans are excited that the team now seems to have a direction and a vision. And again, best logo in the game!

#10: Fighting Dragons (10-8-1, 9-9-1)
On paper, Fighting Dragons has had a lot of success. Two division titles, three playoff appearances, no losing seasons, and even a Toilet Bowl win in 2010. But somehow it all means that they’ve been mostly slightly above middle of the pack. At no point have they been true championship contenders, as they’ve never even been to the Conference Finals. Good but not great, is that enough? One thing for sure, GM Thien has been very active in looking for solutions, and his coaching has driven his team to many victories that maybe they wouldn’t have had on talent alone. Now, with his two point guard attack, John Wall and mid-season trade acquisition Damian Lillard, full engaged and ready for a full season together, Fighting Dragons might better be called “Double Dragons.”

Wall and Lillard both had outstanding seasons last year. And Brandon Knight was quietly superb last year too. Old man Dwayne Wade will be counted on for a lot, but he’s only playing 70% of the Heat’s games now, and it’s clear that he’s no longer this team’s go-to guy. After a few draft day trades, Thien emerged with Trevor Ariza and Tyreke Evans as keepers, which represent an upgrade over likely keepers Robin Lopez and Khris Middleton. The Dragons haven’t drafted high in quite some time, so they must be ecstatic to have Julius Randle drop to them at #12 overall. Besides being a Laker, Randle will likely be able to contribute immediately as he’s said to be one of the most NBA ready prospects from this draft class. New center Steven Adams will take over Kendrick Perkins’ starting gig in OKC, while Omer Asik will contribute stiff interior defense. It’s a shame Nick Young will be out for a few weeks because this team could use some more outside shooting. There was talk that Evan Turner could start at point guard this season, but instead he’ll probably serve as an intriguing boom/bust type from the bench. Fighting Dragons are likely always going to be a threat for a division title, but they’ll need to step up their game one notch to finally be contenders.

#12: So Buckets (11-8, 10-9)
Despite an injury plagued season, So Buckets fought back from a rough early season to capture their second straight division title. We asked the question if Buckets were true championship contenders last year, and while they were upset in the playoffs, they are clearly trending upwards while continually gathering new talent. Andre Iguodala, Evan Turner, and Moe Harkless have been replaced by NBA All-Star DeMar DeRozan, Nikola Pekovic, and Jared “Kevin Love-lite” Sullinger. Kyrie Irving is still the franchise here, and while his scoring may take a dip, his FG% and AST will certainly go up with his new glamour teammates. Pau Gasol is in nice new red digs, and there’s no way Larry Sanders plays as poorly as he did last year. So yeah, this team is looking young while at the same time experienced.

And how about Josh's draft? We love the grab for Joel Embiid at the bottom of round one. Embiid represents potential star quality that wouldn’t normally be available so far down. Even if he doesn’t hit the court until next year, Embiid is a value pick worth of stashing. And second rounder Josh McRoberts is going to get every shot he can chuck out in Miami. After that, the bench gets a little iffier. Iguodala makes a return, and if expectations for a non-scorer are in line, he’s still a useable piece. Rudy Gobert is a mystery but maybe he could put some nice BLK numbers up. And here’s value if you like it: Ben McLemore, last year’s #1 overall SlamNation pick, scooped up in the fifth round. And as an unabashed Iman Shumpert believer, I can safely say that he’ll tease and then be hurt very soon. So Buckets is looking to make the leap to championship status, and if a few things break right, this could be the year they finally do it.

Russell Conference: Thundercats Division

Last year added another powerhouse to an already ultra-competitive division. Thundercats has traditionally been a tough place to reign, but NJ All-Stars has made it look frighteningly easy recently. Now, another Thundercats challenger just added the #1 and #2 overall picks for added spice. [2014 Preview]

#2: Funk Coalition (5-14, 8-9-2)
In a division of heavy hitters, Funk has sunk to the bottom. Dirty fact: Funk has never had a winning season, not one. In a division that semi-regularly sends three teams to the playoffs, that’s very embarassing. After jettisoning tons of parts just two years ago, GM Jon is on a trading roll again. The ultra-big lineup featuring Dwight Howard didn’t gel correctly, and now it’s onto a more guard heavy attack. Of course, those guards are Derrick Rose, Rajon Rondo, and Eric Gordon, who have about a ten percent chance of all staying healthy. The front line is still rock solid with Al Jefferson, Andre Drummond, and the infuriating Josh Smith, but that backcourt could implode in a hurry. After last season’s disastrous season, all remnants of Funk’s original core left the building with Tony Parker.

The good news is that new guards are coming! Dante Exum and Marcus Smart were #3 and #7 overall, and while both may take a while to season, they could be doing it from on the court as Rose, Rondo, or Gordon will inevitably get hurt.  DeMarre Carroll will serve as a wing off the bench, alongside sixth rounder Wesley Johnson. Another rookie, Aaron Gordon will sit the pine, next to low upside big men Kyle O’Quinn and Miles Plumlee. Most of this season’s success will hinge on Rose and Rondo’s return, as well as one of the rookies emerging. In such a hotly contested division, that may still not be enough to acquire a winning record. Sigh.

#8: Chunky Monkeys (9-10, 11-7-1)
It’s hard to be a happier fantasy basketball owner than Evan. I mean, all his evil machinations worked out and he not only won the Toilet Bowl but he also WON the Toilet Bowl with Fat Jubas’ pick too. This is the fastest rebuilding plan I’ve ever seen, right? While Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker aren’t LeBron, it’s clear they’ll have plenty of chances with their new franchises as the number one guys. Monkeys already feature James Harden, Goran Dragic, Jrue Holiday, and Jeff Teague as a wonderful guard unit, so when Wiggins and Parker get into the flow, they’ll just add to all that greatness.

The only thing keeping this team from challenging for a division title now is a frontcourt capable of getting these guys some rebounds and rim protection. Marc Gasol is the most well rounded center in fantasy but he’s not a big volume guy in any category. He could be slightly miscast on this team. Sixth keeper Terrence Jones could get more minutes this season but he’s not a frontline player by any means. So the hunt is on for someone who can anchor the defense and keep this from being a small ball lineup. (Or should Evan return to his small ball ways?) Thus the three headed center poo poo platter of Henry Sims, John Henson, and Timofey Mozgov. Someone has to rotate in with Gasol and Jones, so one of these guys better be the solution. Toronto’s James Johnson is around too, to do…I don’t really know what, since I have no idea who he is. Really, with such a good backcourt, as well as the two prize rookies, Monkeys don't really need to look into contending right now. Rather, they can just sit back like Daenerys and watch their future All-Stars grow, while plotting how to bolster that front line before they unleash dragonfire on everyone.

#13: Spade (12-7, 9-8-2)
There’s a strong argument to be made that Spade has been the most successful franchise in SlamNation history. They’ve got the second best winning percentage overall, never had a losing season, and also captured a title before dropping the mic and exiting as 100 Acre Pooh Bears, stage left. After the dispersal draft last year, one that totally reloaded a defending champion, it looked like new owner Randall was going to repeat easily. Fortunately for the rest of us, injuries hit hard. Like really hard. I think at half this team was on the mend, usually all at once. Despite all that turbulence, Spade still managed to sneak out a playoff win, and now they’re back and fully healthy.

Kevin Love is here. Al Horford is here. Eric Bledsoe is here. Kawhi Leonard is already day-to-day, but what a NBA Finals he had. Kobe Bryant is back. And the iron man on the team last year, Paul Millsap, is coming off a fantastic season. This is on the only team that held over all six keepers from the previous year, and why not? Outside of maybe Sour Snails, what roster boasts such well balanced talent across the board? Spade also drafted Arron Afflalo’s career year last season. So, with all these guys back, is Randall pushing for a title? In a word: YES! His draft was all veterans with David West, Paul Pierce, Ersan Ilyasova, J.R. Smith, Anderson Verajao, and Nene Hilario. Yup, the youngest guy there is probably Earl Joseph Smith III. Team Spade can see their championship window and  they’re aiming straight for it. We love this attitude and despite being fearful of their dominance last year, now we’re subtly hoping for a Clash of the Titans type battle with the next team on our list...

#15: NJ All-Stars (14-5, 15-4)
NJ All-Stars has ruled Thundercats, and by extension Russell Conference, for two years straight. Arguably three, since in 2012 they had an eight win record, same as two other teams in Thundercats. Then they showed everyone up by going to the Finals in Eddie’s rookie season. Now, they are at a bit of the crossroads. After last year’s all-in trade for Joakim Noah yielded a crushing Finals upset, can these All-Stars recover mentally in time to push their way up the mountain top again? Oh wait, before any of that, we can’t dismiss Paul George’s horrific leg injury. George is out for the year and he may never come back! Okay, he will, but that break was awful. Without George playing mini-LeBron, it’ll be tough for LBJ to push this squad into championship status. Then again, maybe Lance Stephenson can elevate himself to second fiddle, and Kyle Lowry did solidify himself as a prime time point guard. Plus, Reggie Jackson will get a lot of run without Kevin Durant Around. Compared to last season’s keepers, Stephenson, Jackson, and Noah are still a huge upgrade on Spencer Hawes, Jose Calderon, and Ryan Anderson.

For the draft, All-Stars lost a pick due to the Noah acquisition — which cost them Nerlens Noel, Ryan Anderson, this year’s RD2, Andrea Bargnani — and tagged Tobias Harris, Matt Barnes, and rookie K.J. McDaniels to play small forward. Dion Waiters and C.J. Miles will give this team the shooting it needs, but there doesn’t seem to be anybody else to play alongside Noah. So it looks like it’ll be small ball with LeBron at power forward and a whole bunch of wings alongside. Will that be enough to return to the Finals? Will that be enough to fend off Spade? We’re excited to find out!

Chamberlain Conference: Transformers Division

For the first time in a few years, we’re rolling into the season with the same sixteen owners. Great job to us! We’ve got an intriguing NBA season coming up following an off-season of extreme upheaval. Will SlamNation be similarly upended? Let’s find out, starting with the Transformers Division. [2014 Preview]
Header formatting: #2015DraftPickPosition: TeamName (2014SeasonRecord, 2013SeasonRecord)

#3: LA Buffy (5-14, 13-6)
One year after racking up the most wins in the division and getting all the way to the Finals, Buffy found themselves as the only non-playoff team in Transformers after collapsing to only five wins in 2014. The good news is that Buffy tends to bounce back after down seasons. When they hit five wins two years ago, they came back strong with thirteen wins the next season. So, if past performance holds true, Buffy is headed toward a major bounceback season.

Buffy's keeper core switched out Raymond Felton for Tristan Thompson while retaining the front line of Tim Duncan, Chris Bosh, and Carlos Boozer. The point guard situation is still waiting for a star — something they’ve been missing since Baron Davis was good — but for now Jeremy Lin and Jameer Nelson will be tasked with holding down the fort. Both Lin and Boozer find themselves on Roger’s hometown Lakers, so that should add an extra burst of excitement. Roger will also be closely watching Heat games, as Bosh’s numbers are sure to go up with LeBron gone. Plus with his 2015 first round pick, Roger took LBJ replacement Luol Deng. The rest of Buffy’s draft featured George Hill and Kendall Marshall to slot in the backcourt, Bosnian gunner Mirza Teletovic, and O.J. Mayo, hoping to have a bounceback season himself. We wouldn’t be surprised to see Buffy swing back into contention because it’s happened before and as we know, history always repeats itself.

#9: Squirtle Squad (10-9, 12-6)
Brian’s team has four winning seasons in a row but nary a post-season moment to show for it. During their last two playoff appearances, they’ve been bounced by lower ranked teams in the first round. Ouch. This time out, Squirtles isn’t just looking for regular season success, but a post-season run worthy of their dedicated fan base. That fan base won’t have to suffer the on-and-off headaches of former face of the franchise Deron Williams anymore. Williams has been cast aside and replaced by the friendly mug of Giannis Antetokounmpo. While the Greek Freak may not be a fantasy star yet, his time is clearly coming. He’s a new addition to the keeper core, along with Kelly Olynk, who flashed intriguing scoring potential during his rookie year.

Serge Ibaka and Ty Lawson are the vets on this team now, and they have rising forces Bradley Beal and Nikola Vucevic beside them to form a young and upcoming core. In fact, GM Brian seems headed for a rebuild as he drafted young across the board — excepting RD1.11 pick Darren Collison, the Kings’ new starting point guard and RD6.4 semi-retread D.J. Augustin. With the additions of Jordan Hill (the bounty from last year’s Greg Monroe trade), Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Zach LaVine, Noah Vonleh, Otto Porter Jr., and Jusuf Nurkic, Squirtles are rolling the dice on talent before proven production. That worked out great last year with Antetokounmpo, and at least a few of this draft classes' young guys should break out for Squirtles as they restock and push toward true championship contention at the same time.

#11: Half Man Half ImAsian (11-8, 7-10)
Let’s not bury the lead: Half Man Half Im Asian nation is in mourning right now. Reigning NBA MVP Kevin Durant will be out at least a few weeks, if not half a season. Without Durant to power this team, can it survive in the toughest division in SlamNation? Well, LaMarcus Aldridge had a career year last season, as did new keeper Amir Johnson. Mario Chalmers will see an uptick across the board since The King has left his building. And J.J. Redick could replace some of Durant’s shooting, but there’s really nobody to draw opposing defenses’ attention away from Aldridge.

Half Man also didn’t have a first round pick this year, due to the Greg Monroe acquisition from last season. And last year's #1 overall, Ben McLemore, didn't even make the keeper cut. They did pick up new Clippers big man Spencer Hawes, as well as breakout candidate Tim Hardaway Jr., but we think Terrance Ross and Anthony Morrow — both just 3PT bombers basically — might have been different selections had Durant’s injury happened earlier in the draft. Sixth round pick Samuel Dalembert can bring in a few BLK, which could be helpful as Half Man Half Season of No Durant is going to head into the season depending more on its defense than offense, as they bide time waiting for KD’s return.

#16: Silent Crows (13-6, 6-13)
If there’s a better Cinderella story than this one, we don’t know what it is. Sure, we’ve seen worst to first finishes before — in fact it’s a bit of a SlamNation pattern — but as highlighted at the end of last season, Silent Crows’ run through the playoffs was like David slaying multiple Goliaths. What can they do for an encore? Well, their keepers heading into 2015 are way better than it was a year ago. How about Dirk Nowitzki and Jamal Crawford in for Derrick Favors and Jeff Teague? The additions of Dirk Diggler and Crawford supercharged Silent Crows’ offense to championship level. With Ricky Rubio distributing to Carmelo Anthony, Blake Griffin, Nowitzki, and Crawford, this team gave every opponent defensive nightmares — and post-season losses. Keeper Enes Kanter is still awaiting a true breakout year, and maybe it won’t happen, but on this team all he has to do is grab rebounds and keep quiet.

Last year’s draft class returned little to no value for Lucas, with only Nick Young and Jordan Hill contributing, and only 50+ games combined at that. This year’s draft class seems, on paper, to be the perfect lineup for a spirited championship defense. For example, there’s no doubting that first rounder Joe Johnson is still capable of putting up good numbers across the board. Defensive pest Patrick Beverley just doubled his playing time in Houston while Tyson Chandler reunites with Dirk and is the defensive backbone that Kanter isn’t. Wilson Chandler and Danny Green will add shooting on the wing, and if a pinch of rebounding is needed, last overall pick Reggie Evans is on hand. What’s not to like here? Could we be staring at our first repeat champion?!

Chamberlain Conference: Silverhawks Division

Two teams in this division sport 0.756 and 0.605 regular season winning percentages over the past five seasons. The other two teams win at 0.329 and 0.217 clips. And we’re worried about the increasing income disparity in America? How about the win disparity in Silverhawks! [2014 Preview]

#1: Jedi Knights (5-14, 3-14-2)
Here’s where Jedi has picked in all the drafts since we reset the league in 2010: 3, 1, 2, 2, 1. (Of course Jedi haven’t actually picked overall #1 or 2, since they’ve never made a Toilet Bowl finals yet.) We could go on and on about the futility of this team in recent years, but let’s talk about the positives. Absentee owner Lum has re-dedicated himself to his squad and if this story turns out anything like the Cavaliers, there will be an inexplicable happy ending at the end of this bumbling mess. I mean, there’s a lot of talent on this team. Even with literally no management, Jedi managed five wins last season. Their 2014 draft yielded Michael Carter-Williams and Jimmy Butler, two new quality keepers. Center DeAndre Jordan became a fantasy stud while Thaddeus Young and Chandler Parsons are both poised to continue building on their excellent seasons. And there’s always David Lee, chugging along with his nightly double doubles. Dare we say it? We like this team!

It’s a bit odd that GM Lum opted for a broken down Deron Williams at #3 overall in the draft, instead of dipping into a historically deep rookie class, but maybe Williams can finally stay healthy. Aaron Afflalo was a fantasy surprise last season and he should continue his ascent in upon his return to Denver. Sophomore Mason Plumlee is the only big man in Brooklyn capable of staying healthy so he should get lots of minutes. Avery Bradley will likely be pushed into a starting role early, as MCW recovers from injury. The bench will feature Brandan Wright and Boris Diaw, who are both capable of spot starts. For a historically awful team, Jedi has picked up a handful of talent over the years. Now for a management team that will lead them into respectability!

#6: Fob Stars (8-11, 9-9)
Silverhawks’ traditional other punching bag, Fob Stars, can show Jedi exactly how going from zero to “not totally sucking” anymore can be done. After an excruciating one win season in 2012, Fob Stars have put up two very respectable seasons since. They’ll be pushing for their first playoff appearance this year, behind a revamped keeper core. Last year, Fobs were rolling in with the likes of Lou Williams, Dion Waiters, and Gerald Henderson as keepers. Now, after an outstanding 2014 draft, as well as a high value end of the year trade, Fobs will have Kemba Walker and Trey Burke in the backcourt along wth Zach Randolph, Marcin Gortat, and delayed rookie Nerlens Noel. Ryan Anderson’s return to full health could be an issue, but there’s no doubting that Anderson can space the floor perfectly for this group.

And it looks like GM Jimmy knows that what his team needs is an infusion of shooting. Rookie Doug McDermott isn’t nicknamed “McBuckets” for nothing. Also picked up along the way was Kevin Martin and Andrea Bargnani (another part of the Joakim Noah deal) for their shooting prowess. Khris Middleton is an underrated add-on, and he’ll probably get into the rotation. Harrison Barnes hasn’t flashed anything in over a year, and I literally know nothing about Bojan Bogdanovic, except how to carefully Google-spell his name. Sixth rounder Marcus Morris isn't as good as his brother, but he can contribute a 3PT or two. We are excited to see Fob Stars push for a post-season appearance, and even more excited to see how many combined BLK/STL Nerlens Noel can put up. Cheers to a former league doormat for successfully making the turn into competitive alley!

#7: Fat Jubas (9-10, 10-9)
Eric’s team suffered their first losing season after four straight post-season appearances, two division titles, and a championship. Last year at this time, GM Eric went on a trading spree, landing Chris Paul. Well, the price tag came back on those moves and here’s the final cost for that monster acquisition: Marc Gasol, Jeff Teague, and Jabari Parker for CP3, C.J. McCollum last year, and this year’s RD2 which turned out to be Robin Lopez. Hum, was Paul worth that? Let the debates rage!

Regardless, the revamp from a Steve Nash and Kevin Garnett led championship team is complete. Gordon Hayward and Nicolas Batum are the lone holdovers from that 2012 season, and they have CP3 to lead them. Jonas Valanciunas didn’t quite break out last year but he’s again on the verge. New keeper Markieff Morris emerged as a versatile contributor while surprise sixth keeper Danilo Gallinari will bring what he always does to a team: stretch shooting. The draft brought in Isaiah Thomas and Jarrett Jack to round out the backcourt alongside Paul. (The Isaiah of last year would be great, however, Thomas' minutes will be heavily reduced in Phoenix.) Rookie Rodney Hood will more likely back up Hayward, but fellow rookie Nikola Mirotic might carve out some time on a deep Bulls frontcourt. It seems like Jubas is going run-and-gun this year, as they spread the floor with Gallinari and Channing Frye, while letting CP3 find the best wide open options. Can Jubas fend off up-and-coming Fob Stars for another season, or will the price they paid for Paul prove to have been a bit too heavy?

#14: Sour Snails (17-2, 14-5)
What do you get for the team that has far and away the best regular season winning percentage in the league? How about a ward against upsets? Since winning their lone championship in 2010, Snails have been upset by much lower seeds in each successive season -- except for the one year they won the Toilet Bowl. That’s an ugly pattern. Last year saw them lose to eventual champion Silent Crows (then Eron, Joven and Chandler) after a thrilling seventeen win campaign. I almost don’t even want to talk about how stacked Snails on paper. The point guards are Steph Curry, Russell Westbrook, and Monta Ellis. Steph and Westie and Monta!? Who can keep up with these three? Klay Thompson is around to add an overdose of additional 3PT. Rudy Gay replaced Damian Lillard via mid-season trade, while DeMarcus Cousins anchors the front court basically all by himself. Which is pretty much enough, almost. And keep in mind that last year, the Snails had Trevor Ariza and Tyreke Evans on-board too (both have since been traded pre-draft for low end picks). Gross right?

Somehow Trieu saw the need for more 3PT and took Wesley Matthews with his first rounder this year before turning his attention to the frontcourt with Taj Gibson and JaVale McGee. One of these two will need to help Cousins a bit on the boards. Michael Kidd-Gilchrest and his revamped jumper will be coming off the bench, perhaps teaming up with a svelte Anthony Bennett. Rookie Shabazz Napier is even waiting in the wings in case mop up duties are called for, which could be very possible as the Snails run roughshod over the league again while aiming for that elusive second title.

2015 Schedule

I messed up the 2014 schedule a tad, so someone please spot check me. Otherwise we're good to go with our weighted schedule! Good luck to the last place teams aka me!

Draft Order 2015

2015 DRAFT ORDER

1. Jedi Knights (5-14)
2. Funk Coalition (5-14)
3. LA Buffy (5-14)
4. Morrie’s Pogiboys (6-13)
5. Inept Henchmen (6-12-1)
6. Fob Stars (8-11)
7. Fat Jubas (9-10)
8. Chunky Monkeys (9-10)
9. Squirtle Squad (10-9)
10. Fighting Dragons  (10-8-1)
11. Half Man Half ImAsian (11-8)
12. So Buckets (11-8)
13. Spade (12-7)
14. Sour Snails (17-2)
15. NJ All Stars (14-5) *Runner-up
16. The Silent Crows (13-6) *Champion

Toilet Bowl winner: Chunky Monkeys
Toilet Bowl runner-up: Fat Jubas

Tie breakers:

• 5-14: Jedi Knights had worst H2H winning % between three teams, and then Funk lost to Buffy in a secondary tie-break using Most Categories won.
• 9-10: Fat Jubas lost H2H versus Chunky Monkeys
• 11-8: Half Man Half ImAsian lost H2H to So Buckets in WK11

2015 Keepers

The Magic Hour

It would be hard to say that this was the biggest upset of SlamNation’s playoff runs, as we’ve had #3 and #4 seeds come through to take it all. However, this playoff run for #2 seeded Eron, Joven, and Chandler sure had the feel of an epic story as they took down two heavily favored teams on their way to a championship. Heck, before this, this franchise had never even won a single playoff game despite being in the post-season two previous times. On top of that, owner Chris was coming off a 6-13 rookie season last year, and didn’t seem to have the pieces ready to contend yet. I’m getting ready to lay on the superlatives for this stunning victory because Chris and his magical team really deserve it.

Recall, it was only two off-seasons ago that Chris took over a struggling 2005 NBA All Stars franchise and then proceeded to revamp it so completely that it went from a team of old fogeys -- Jason Kidd, Jason Richardson, Antawn Jamison, Manu Ginobili for keepers anyone? -- to a David capable of knocking off two Goliaths. Through a series of trades, GM Chris completely revamped his roster and built it around Carmelo Anthony and Blake Griffin. Then he added a key veteran piece mid-season, Dirk Nowitzki, and went for the gold. And we have to say, the strategy worked completely!

Let’s review who Eron, Joven, and Chandler were facing off against, after their dispatching of division foe Half Man Half ImAsian in round one. First up was Chamberlain Conference juggernaut Sour Snails, who EJC took down last week with a barrage of 3PT. Then they had to face the Russell Conference number one seeded NJ All-Stars, fresh off an all-in trade of their own.

The final victory was 7-2-0, but it was a matchup that had fans on the edge of their seats all week long. While EJC mostly held the category lead -- sometimes going up 8-1-0 -- NJ All-Stars were never too far behind. It seemed like every category was up for grabs and with a heavy slate of Sunday games for both teams, a comeback victory for All-Stars was not out of the question. As it happened, All-Stars lost by a handful in each category, with 2 STL or 2 BLK being the closest. However, this win was no fluke, as EJC proved to be the better team all-around. I mean, they took out All-Stars at their strength, even winning 3PT against them, which seemed impossible beforehand. Dirk Nowitzki dropped 13 3PT himself, while Jordan Crawford did his best Jamal Crawford impersonation with 8 3PT of his own.

So many heroes for EJC! How about Carmelo Anthony, best known for his scoring and sometimes knocked for an underrated fantasy game. For title week, Melo added 11 STL, clearly outpacing his season average. Heck, EJC even sat Ricky Rubio for a game, thinking to preserve his team's FG%. Rubio returned to drop 31 dimes in his three games, which proved crucial in a tight AST matchup. And then there was Blake Griffin, who missed Monday’s game to injury but fought back valiantly for three outings, including a triple double on Thursday, and an eye-popping 8 BLK for a non-rim protector!

On the season, EJC only had one statistical strength, as they ranked third in PTS. Other than that, they were pretty average in FG%, REB, AST, STL, 3PT, and even week in the other categories. Their worst category, BLK, was mitigated by the fact that their final opponent was just as weak in that category. Overall, it really was kismet, as EJC pulled everything together to turn in the most thrilling playoff run we've seen, well, maybe last year.

Sure, we’ve seen other upsets before, but this one was powered by a team that nobody was looking at all season as EJC kept winning under the shadow of more glamorous teams. Eventually they upended two of the more intimidating teams that SlamNation had ever seen. (And they did it without much injury loss by their opponent, which has often been the key to an upset.) In the end, EJC won nine of their last ten games, grabbed the first ring for Transformers division, and now Chris will take his rightful place among the SlamNation legends. Huge congratulations to a wild ride and a thrilling victory!

Unfortunately, in every upset tale there’s a "should’ve would’ve didn’t" winner. In this case, it’s NJ All-Stars. This is Eddie’s second Finals appearance in his mere three years as an owner. And while he’s obviously had many sterling seasons, he keeps getting upset. Last year it was eventual champion 100 Acre Wood Pooh Bears (now Spade) and this time by EJC. All signs pre-playoffs pointed to an epic confrontation between All-Stars and Sour Snails, but that narrative was smashed to bits.

When Eddie saw Snails go down, he must have felt confident, as there were four games each of LeBron James, Paul George, Joakim Noah, and Lance Stephenson lined up for him. That should have been plenty right? Yes, his team lost Kyle Lowry for the week, but EJC had their own injuries to Griffin and Crawford. Or maybe it was NJ All-Star's three less games played, although might not have mattered since he needed to recover more than one category. LeBron had a monster week with 30.3 PTS, 6.0 REB, 6.8 AST, 1.8 3PT/STL, and 55.1 FG% as he tried to will All-Stars to victory, but somehow Eddie's team still came up a little short. Sorry, maybe the third Finals is the charm?

Last thing: I wanted to take a quick look at EJC’s team construction, to highlight how they seemed to have bucked normal quick turnaround convention, and how far they've come. (Also, does their improbable run remind you of the 2011 Dallas Mavericks championship or what?) First, the trades. In his first off-season, before Chris had even played a game, he flipped Dwight Howard for Carmelo and Blake. This past off-season, he moved Jeff Teague for Jeff Green, a move that we questioned since point guards are usually fantasy gold. Then EJC acquired Dirk and Jamal Crawford in exchange for Green and Derrick Favors, greatly upping his offensive firepower at the expense of more balance. There’s no question this move allowed EJC to compete with the high powered Snails and NJ All-Stars.

And how about this: not one player from EJC’s 2014 draft stuck around long enough to be used in the playoffs for Chris (D- grade for RD1 selection Cody Zeller). The supporting cast of Devin Harris, Matt Barnes, Jordan Crawford, and Caron Butler were all free agent pickups, and none of them flashy names. Also, the only homegrown keeper talent has been Enes Kanter, who has been flashing signs, but was far from his breakout season, even though he contributed 12.8 PTS and 9.5 REB during championship week. All in all, EJC’s team proves that it’s not about the biggest stars or the best players, but team identity and making the right moves matter. A dash of good fortune also helps, but as Chris has proven, the bold moves of a champion is the key to victory!

2014 Toilet Bowl: Split the Pot

Well, it’s not like there was much suspense heading into this Toilet Bowl. Evan had the win locked up, so it was just a matter of whether Chunky Monkeys or Fat Jubas would enter the record books. Fittingly, the game ended in a 4-4-1 tie! It was a gallant gesture by Eric to play manage his team so well and give Evan two high picks for the loaded 2015 NBA draft. After a 2014 off-season that featured a slightly weaker keeper lot, we’re pretty sure Monkeys’ 2016 keepers will be significantly upgraded.

Analysts weren’t sure if either team was going to be trying since the outcome was predetermined. Jubas led most of the week but as Sunday rolled around, Monkeys took a bit of a lead and then somehow, it all came out to break even. To be honest, I doubt much of SlamNation was watching this matchup (I know I wasn't), as the outcome was meaningless and the Finals matchup was so riveting. However, I suspect there was some nice moments here, such as James Harden throwing up 30.8 PTS, 7.0 AST, 5.0 REB, 2.5 STL, 2.8 3PT. Pretty good for a glorified pickup game.

This also marks the first Toilet Bowl where two #1 seeds both advanced to the finals, as there’s traditionally always an upset team that makes it to the end. The real congrats came after last week for Evan’s trade foresight, Toilet Bowl run, and sterling future, but it doesn’t hurt to say “congrats” once again! Also, did we not call it during our pre-season preview? "Tanking (but won't admit it). With two first round picks next year, Monkeys are likely fighting for a loaded draft class." Perfectly executed plan all season GM Evan!

2014 Finals Previews

FINALS PREVIEW
#1 NJ All-Stars (14-5) vs #2 Eron, Joven and Chandler (13-6)
Our Russell Conference favorites cruised to the Finals despite facing off against a potentially dangerous Spade team. NJ All-Stars dominated just about every category as they got a full slate of games from their big guns, plus three great games from recent acquisition Joakim Noah. By midweek, it was clear Spade was headed toward a loss despite their best efforts. LeBron James averaged 25.0 PTS, 7.8 REB, 6.0 AST on 55.4 FG% to lead the rout, but Paul George’s continued slump might be troubling -- George has shot less than forty percent in eight of his last nine games. This will be Eddie's second Finals appearance, after reaching the 2012 Finals as the underdog they'll be the heavy favorites this time out.

Over in the other conference finals, it was a whirlwind of a week as underdogs EJC jumped out to a huge early lead and then never relinquished it. Sour Snails tried to make a furious comeback on Sunday, and almost succeeded, but ultimately fell by 2 3PT, 7 REB, or 2 BLK. This was eerily similar to their upset last year by Buffy, also in the Chamberlain Conference finals, where Sour Snails was bounced by 2 3PT, 3 BLK, or 4 TOs. In retrospect, it looks like a missed game by Russell Westbrook might have been the difference this week, or even the half game missed by DeMarcus Cousins. For EJC, it was Carmelo Anthony and Jamal Crawford combining for 21 threes (out of 30 team total) that really pushed them to an unexpected victory. I mean, Sour Snails was ranked #2 in 3PT while EJC was just league average this season. Like we say, "That's why they play the game!"

So now we have NJ All-Stars versus Eron, Joven and Chandler for the championship. Short of a similar 3PT misfire, All-Stars will likely dominate in 3PT, while taking STL and probably REB. EJC has become an offensive juggernaut recently though, with the midseasons additions of Dirk Nowitzki and Jamal Crawford, and can match All-Stars in PTS. Lucas’ team will have a clear edge in TOs, while also possibly an edge in both percentage categories too. The hotly contested categories will then be BLK and PTS, where the two teams are very evenly matched. Also, it seems like both teams will have a full slate of games for their stars, although EJC is staring at minor injuries to Blake Griffin and Jamal Crawford, which will cause both to miss at least one game each. If there's a time for Carmelo to prove that he's better than LeBron, this is the week!


TOILET BOWL FINALS PREVIEW
#1 Chunky Monkeys (9-10) vs #1 Fat Jubas (9-10)
Well, well, this Toilet Bowl finals is really a victory lap for GM Evan and the entire Chunky Monkeys organization. They’ve secured the #1 and #2 overall picks next year, since they own Fat Jubas’ 2015 pick from the Chris Paul trade. So it looks like Evan’s most difficult decision will be figuring out which two super freshmen to lead his team into the next decade. Who’s jealous?

Fat Jubas swatted aside Fob Stars, who came out very flat after a great previous week. Jimmy’s team collapsed under pressure as they missed Isaiah Thomas all week. While Dion Waiters did his best to step in, Jubas had five games worth of Nicolas Batum, Chris Paul’s usual domination, and nice weeks by Jonas Valanciunas and Markieff Morris to shut the door on a potential upset.

On the other side of the bracket, Evan had to sweat out his victory as Inept Henchmen put up a vicious fight despite injuries to his big men, Dwight Howard and Andre Bogut. In turn, the week came down to an assists battle. (Technically, Henchmen were fighting for Funk Coalition’s selection, due to the Dwight exchange. A victory would have given Funk two of the top three overall picks next season.) Despite a Herculean assists effort by Jarrett Jack early Sunday -- to compensate for Tony Parker’s entire off week -- Monkeys took the win as his team spread the ball around more successfully. The unexpected savior for Evan turned out to be gunner Wesley Matthews, who dropped five dimes in his late Sunday game. Will Evan and Eric even play out the Toilet Bowl Finals? Or will they just kick back and watch Andrew Wiggins, Joel Embiid, Jabari Parker, and Dante Exum declare for the NBA draft?

RD2 Previews: 2014

Chamberlain Conference
#1 Sour Snails (17-2) vs #2 Eron, Joven and Chandler (13-6)
As expected, Trieu’s team cruised through this matchup, losing only the TO category. Trevor Ariza contributed heavily, with four games worth of 13.0 PTS, 6.3 REB, 2.3 STL, 2.0 STL on 48.3 FG%. Squirtle Squad tried to put up a fight but this matchup was basically over with before the weekend games. The only downer for Sour Snails is that they’ll be without the full time services of Russell Westbrook, who will miss, at least, the tail end of all back-to-backs for the stretch run.

In contrast to the earlier game, the matchup between EJC and Half Man Half ImAsian was a tug-of-war all week long. The two teams took turns taking the lead from each other and it wasn’t until Sunday that the game was finally decided. As predicted, the injury to LaMarcus Aldridge really hurt Oliver’s team, and they ended up losing by a mere 3 REB, 9 PTS, and was tied in BLKs. A healthy Aldridge could have changed that equation of course. Ricky Rubio shot 56.7 FG% on his way to 13.0 PTS, 10.7 AST, 2.3 STL. He’ll be a key player for this conference quarter finals as the hotly contested categories should be 3PT, AST, STL, and BLK against Sour Snails. Can Carmelo, Blake, and Dirk can keep up with Sour Snails explosive roster? We’ll see!

Russell Conference
#1 NJ All-Stars (14-5) vs #3 Spade (12-7)
Featuring a non-upset of an upset, Spade wiped the floor with So Buckets despite being lower ranked. Already without the services of Kyrie Irving, Buckets suffered additional injuries to Andre Iguodala and Nikola Pekovic, plus Pau Gasol had to be taken to the hospital during the second half of Sunday’s game, perhaps nauseous from his team’s impending defeat. Spade basically got an extra week for Eric Bledsoe to round into shape, while watching Kevin Love put in three games of 30.0 PTS per.

Top ranked NJ All-Stars had a slightly tougher go of it during their matchup against Fighting Dragons, who featured a feisty John Wall (20.3 PTS, 10.0 AST, 2.3 STL/3PT in four games). LeBron James missed a game but Lance Stephenson did his best LBJ impression with 19.0 PTS, 6.3 REB, 1.3 3PT on 53.8 FG% for the week. Eddie’s top five guys all had four game weeks this matchup, so maybe the schedule thins out next week. New addition Joakim Noah contributed 15.3 PTS, 10.3 REB, 5.3 AST, 2.3 BLK, 2.0 STL during his three games with All-Stars. Those numbers will come in handy versus a Spade team that is super competitive with All-Stars on AST, STL, BLK. Game of the week right here guys!

TOILET BOWL
#1 Fat Jubas (9-10) vs #2 Fob Stars (8-11)
Astonishingly, first ranked Jubas almost lost to an undermanned and undermanaged Jedi Knights squad. Lum’s team hasn’t been touched since late November, and they were running seven players, with O.J. Mayo out for most of the week’s matchups. It was basically six on eleven, with Eric trotting out just about his whole roster for this unexpected dog fight. Going into Sunday’s games, Jubas was actually down in categories. As it was, they still ended up barely narrowly edging Jedi in PTS, STL, BLK, TO.  Would Jimmy Butler’s 15.8 PTS, 4.5 REB, 3.3 AST, 2.5 AST, 1.8 3PT off the bench have made a difference? I guess we’ll never know! Markieff Morris paced Jubas with 15.5 PTS, 7.5 REB, 1.0 STL in his four games, and the hope is that CP3 will play more than two games in next week’s crucial matchup.

As for Fob Stars, they did well in advancing past Buffy, despite having their depth sapped by the trade of Joakim Noah. Still, Jimmy’s squad managed to put up a ton of PTS, REB, AST, 3PT and are looking good heading into the next round. Marcin Gortat has been playing very well, with six double-doubles in his last seven games, and even averaged 16.0 PTS last week. If Isaiah Thomas’ injury doesn’t linger, and Fob Stars can steal the REB crown, they should have a good chance to pull off an upset. Note: None of the four teams remaining in the Toilet Bowl have ever been to the TB Finals, so it should be extra motivation for them.

#1 Chunky Monkeys (9-10) vs #2 Inept Henchmen (6-12-1)
There isn’t much to say about Monkeys’ 8-1 trashing of an undermanned Funk Coalition team. Funk only won REB, and even lost TO due to playing three more games. Coach Evan added insult to injury by only playing seven guys, as Luol Deng missed most of the week, to no real ill effect. Quite a few big scoring games were had this past week for Monkeys, including Terrence Jones’ 30 points from Monday, Jeff Teague’s 34 points on Tuesday, and then a pedestrian 37 points from James Harden on Saturday. This team is peaking at the right time and only a slight lack of depth -- resulting from Deng's injury -- could torpedo Evan’s dream scenario of getting both the #1 and #2 overall draft slots.

Their opponent, the rejuvenated Inept Henchmen, made a huge trade before the deadline but surprisingly, it wasn’t Dwight Howard who won the week for them, but their newly assembled backcourt. In fact, Howard was a surprise scratch from all his games during the week and it was up to newcomers Tony Parker and Avery Bradley -- combining for 45.2 PTS per game -- to help the team jump out to an easy win over MoRRie’s Pogiboys. Kenneth Faried has been balling lately, averaging 17.8 PTS, 9.2 REB, 1.2 STL, 1.0 BLK during his past nine games. Trevor’s team will be faced with a very tough matchup this week, as they try to take out a team that overmatches them in almost every category. "And may the odds be ever in your favor!"

Toilet Bowl 2014: Russell Conference

Matchups:

• #1 Chunky Monkeys (9-10) vs #4 Funk Coalition (5-14)
• #2 Inept Henchmen (6-12-1) vs #3 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (6-13)

#1 Chunky Monkeys (9-10)
The Monkeys went 11-7-1 last year and advanced a round into the postseason before getting upended by the eventual champs. This year, with rebuilding on his mind, Evan jettisoned Chris Paul and set his sights on a quick restructure. The last time the Monkeys hit the Toilet Bowl was 2011 and they don’t plan on being back anytime soon. With two high possible draft picks, Chunky Monkeys definitely has incentive to see himself -- and Fat Jubas -- take an extended trip into Losertown. They are peaking at just the right time too, as they’ve won five of their last six games.

As outlined in a previous article, the Monkeys are very close to being the perfectly balanced team. The emergence of Goran Dragic really helped alleviate the loss of CP3, and while Jeff Teague and Jrue Holiday both had their ups and downs, they are fantastic complementary point guard options. With James Harden at shooting guard and Wesley Matthews at small forward (he leads the team in GP), this team is high octane and offense first. If only they could arm the frontline similarly. While center Marc Gasol has had a horrible injury inflicted season, he’s been rounding into shape. His absence allowed 2014 RD6 pick Taj Gibson and free agent pickup Terence Jones to blossom and although neither are likely to be keepers, they will be counted on to keep the Monkeys competitive on the boards and blocks for the stretch run. And what a stretch run it could be as Evan has both top-seeded teams in the Toilet Bowl playing for his future. If Monkeys can get #1 and #2 overall picks for a loaded 2015 draft, they'll have a supernova bright future.

MVP: The Slovenian Dragon! Goran Dragic averaged 20.6 PTS, 6.2 AST, 1.3 STL, 1.6 3PT on 51.0 FG% to break out as a top five point guard.
LVP: Nobody. The rare team that didn’t really suffer many disappointments, unless you count injuries to Gasol and Holiday. Even Luol Deng’s decline as a 2014 RD1 pick wasn’t too painful as he still managed 16.5 PTS and 6.0 REB.

#2 Inept Henchmen (6-12-1)
It was a rough adjustment for Trevor in his first season in SlamNation. Franchise cornerstone Derrick Rose was lost for the year early on and played ten games total. Dispersal pick and keeper Gerald Wallace proved that he was indeed over the hill. Inept Henchmen also had their 2014 RD1 and RD3 traded away by the previous administration. (That outgoing management went 1-17-1 last year, the worst record in the history of SlamNation.) It took awhile for Trevor to clear out the bad mojo as he stumbled to an early 2-7 record. However, despite a very tough second half schedule that included only three under 0.500 opponents, Henchmen emerged an encouraging 4-5-1. This scrappy team never gave up and during the last week of the regular season, they even took out division rival MoRRie's Pogiboys to gain the higher seed for their rematch in the first week of the Toilet Bowl. This six win season already represents the second best regular season record in the history of the franchise. Not bad!

The iron man for Henchmen turned out, ironically, to be previously injured plagued shooting guard Eric Gordon. Gordon averaged 15.6 PTS, 3.2 AST, 1.2 STL, and 1.6 3PT to lead the team in GP. Right behind him in GP was Jamal Crawford and Kenneth Faried, which speaks volumes about how the overall season went. GM Trevor was quick to make moves though, as a mid-season trade exchanged Dirk Nowitzki and Crawford for Jeff Green, Derrick Favors, and Darren Collison. That shifted the focus of the season on rebuilding, and gave the team a clear direction. Late breaking news: Inept Henchmen acquire Dwight Howard for his Toilet Bowl stretch run, unloading the corpse of Derrick Rose. Wow! What was once a three man future backcourt of Rose, Gordon, Green will now be Tony Parker, spare guards, and a huge front line of Howard, Favors, Kenneth Faried, and Andrew Bogut. Howard and Bogut will form a very solid defensive backbone. Sidenote: Bogut stayed healthy for the most part, and contributed a solid 10.1 REB and 1.9 BLK. Trevor’s squad faces an uphill battle but if it’s the journey that makes a champion, he’s off to a good start.

MVP: The new medical staff, as they managed to get 57 games from Gordon and 52 from Bogut. What about Derrick Rose you say? Well, miracles can't happen in threes. At least now he's gone.
LVP: Kevin Garnett, the 2014 RD1 pick only gave the team 29 games played and 6.7 PTS/REB before being traded last week.

#3 MoRRie’s Pogiboys (6-13)
Incredibly, Alvin’s team is in the Toilet Bowl for another season, even after recent hauls that included high draft picks Anthony Davis and Victor Oladipo. Pogiboys haven’t been in the playoffs since the 2010 reset year and their fans are growing very impatient. They stumbled out of the gates this year 1-5 and never recovered, and limped to the finish line on a four game losing streak. New acquisition Brook Lopez only played fifteen games for this team, and Anthony Davis lost quite a few games to injury too. That often left Roy Hibbert as the lone man in the middle, and while Hibbert led the team in GP, his 11.3 PTS, 7.3 REB, 46.3 FG% must be disappointing, even with his 2.4 BLK accounted for.

The good news is that Oladipo looks like the real deal, likely the best of an underwhelming draft class. John Henson was a nice find on the front line too, with his 1.9 BLK, but he’ll likely have to be sacrificed during keeper cuts. Same with young side pieces like Alec Burks and Miles Plumlee. This team did have trouble shooting all season, from the field and the line. Brandon Jennings' 37.8 FG% helped Pogiboys rank dead last in that category -- along with J.R. Smith’s 39.5% -- but Jennings did quietly average 16.4 PTS, 7.9 AST, 1.9 3PT, and 1.4 STL to compensate. And then there’s Mike Conley, who has matured into a solid all-around point guard who contributes evenly across all categories. With a core that’s balanced between three nice guards and three big centers, this team should be way better. Perhaps adding another high draft pick will finally elevate them into the postseason. Wait, what am I saying, Alvin should let someone else hit the Toilet Bowl finals for once!

MVP: Anthony Davis emerged as a top five fantasy player with 20.6 PTS, 10.2 REB, 1.4 STL, 2.9 BLK, 51.9 FG%, and 77.8 FT%.
LVP: Otto Porter Jr., 2014 RD2 pick and total rookie bust. How about 8.8 minutes a game to the tune of 1.6 PTS and 1.3 REB? He's also inexplicably still on the roster.

#4 Funk Coalition (5-14)
A league leading seven game losing streak between WK4-10 doomed this team to the Toilet Bowl. A team heavy on big men sunk like the Detroit Pistons with an unbalanced scheme and roster. Amid allegations of tanking, GM Jon was forced to admit that he was actually trying to win some games early on. A horrific draft unfolded like this, in order: Anthony Bennett, Iman Shumpert, Andrei Kirilenko, Avery Bradley, Kevin Seraphin, Jared Dudley, Thomas Robinson. Only one semi-useful piece emerged from that pile of crap -- a just returned from injury Avery Bradley -- and the team was mismanaged all season long. The good news is that Al Jefferson is playing out of his mind with 21.3 PTS, 10.3 REB, 1.1 BLK, 1.0 STL, and 50.5 FG% despite being on the trade block all season. Second year man-child Andre Drummond is a bigger Dennis Rodman, and Dwight Howard has returned to almost full Dwightian glory. [Edit: Although Mr. Howard is now out of town.]

For most of the season, the backcourt was a complete mess as Rajon Rondo was hurt most of the year and Tony Parker had been dinged up often. An imposing front line had no spacing to work with as Funk ranked last in 3PT and third-to-last in PTS. Small forward Josh Smith is on his way to one of the worst NBA shooting seasons ever. And while J-Clank's all around game is still there, his putrid 41.8 FG% really hurts. When DeJuan Blair and Shumpert have received lots of GP for your team, that's not good. Late season adds like Louis Williams and Khris Middleton gave this team some spark but Funk limp into the Toilet Bowl on a three game losing streak -- and with Drummond hurt. A last minute desperation move to reassemble the 2008 Celtics will hopefully help them upend their way to a top pick.

MVP: A tie between Al Jefferson and Dwight Howard, the latter who bounced back with 18.7 PTS, 12.4 REB, 1.8 BLK, and 58.5 FG% this season. Both are having outstanding years and are arguably top three centers. Along with Drummond, this frontline is headed to the Hall of Fame!
LVP: Anthony Bennet, who else? It’s not even just that he was the worst #1 pick in NBA history, but he was kept on the roster all the way until the last week of the regular season. Sorry Alvin, for making fun of you about Otto...

Toilet Bowl 2014: Chamberlain Conference

Matchups:

• #1 Fat Jubas (9-10) vs #4 Jedi Knights (5-13)
• #2 Fob Stars (8-11) vs #3 LA Buffy (5-14)

#1 Fat Jubas (9-10)
Heading into the last week of the regular season, Eric worked desperately to get into the playoffs. Facing off against regular season wins leader Sour Snails was an uphill battle and despite a few last minute moves, Jubas fell just a bit short. They are out of the playoffs for the first time in their history, and ended the season with only two wins in their last seven games after scooting out to a 4-0 record to open the season. Now the question is: What are they playing for? Their 2014 RD1 is already in the hands of Chunky Monkeys so at this point they are playing for pride and no tangible reward. Will Eric do his best to improve his draft position, as he’s clearly one of the favorites to make the Toilet Bowl, or will he just stop caring and end his season?

This was only Jubas’ first losing season during the five year new cycle so it’s hard to call this year a disappointment, especially as GM Eric rebuilt his aging 2012 championship team on the fly. Their off-season included three trades in one day as they netted Chris Paul. Despite notching only 48 GP, Paul helped Fat Jubas rank first in AST and fourth in STL. Eric also moved up in the 2014 draft to snatch up David West in RD2, and West ended up being a steadying influence as he had the second most GP for Jubas. Eric also worked the wire constantly, and successes include getting Kendall Marshall and Markieff Morris during hot streaks. Of course, he also cut bait on Tyreke Evans (not to mention Marshall) before Evans started going buck crazy late in the year. I’m sure Jubas would love to have a high pick this year to add to a core of Paul, Gordon Hayward, and Nicolas Batum. Alas, they’ll have to add quality pieces another way.

MVP: Nicolas Batum. Led Jubas in GP and while some of his stats went down, he still put up a very well rounded line of 13.0 PTS, 7.2 REB, 5.1 AST, 1.7 3PT, 0.9 STL, 0.7 BLK, with fine percentages.
LVP: Jonas Valanciunas. A case could be made that CP3’s missed games caused Jubas’ to miss the playoffs but injuries can’t be helped. Valanciunas was supposed to help replace Marc Gasol in the middle but he ended up averaging a very pedestrian 10.4 PTS, 8.5 REB, and 0.9 BLK, albeit on 51.8 FG%.

#2 Fob Stars (8-11) 
Jimmy was a #1 seed for the Toilet Bowl last season but missed out on a top pick. Still, they emerged with Trey Burke at #8 overall, which turned out to be quite the value selection. With a draft that also yielded third rounder Isaiah Thomas and second rounder Marcin Gortat, Fob Stars rivaled Jedi Knights for best 2014 selections. Of course, none of that prevented them from another season in the doldrums. After limping out 0-5 to start the season, Fob got a three game winning streak going but was streaky the rest of the way. Still, that’s not horrible as they were just a few games out of playoff contention.

There’s actually some talent depth on the roster now, as GM Jimmy has slowly been picking up young guards -- remember when we semi-mocked Gerald Henderson as their sixth keeper. With the emergence of Thomas and the promise of Burke, Kemba Walker is an ideal third guard with 17.9 PTS, 5.7 AST, 1.2 STL, 1.4 3PT. Sure, his 40.5 FG% hurts but his other numbers are valuable. The big question is what to do with Dion Waiters, who clearly has talent but hasn’t reached any semblance of consistency or maturity. Joakim Noah was a revelation this season as he stayed healthy and has even emerged as a low end NBA MVP candidate. Noah is averaging 12.2 PTS, 11.3 REB, 1.5 BLK, 1.1 STL, and an incredible 4.9 AST. [Edit: And now Noah's gone for the Toilet Bowl run!] And let’s not sleep on Zach Randolph, who is aging but still tossing up 17.1 PTS and 10.3 REB nightly. Add up those two with Gortat’s 12.8 PTS, 9.2 RB, 1.5 BLK -- plus leading Fob Stars in GP -- and these three are a frontline that outshines most of the competition.

MVP: Joakim Noah and Isaiah Thomas for co-MVP as both were instrumental in giving this fan base some stability and hope for the future.
LVP: Dion Waiters with his erratic 14.5 PTS and 1.2 3PT on 42.6 FG%.

#3 LA Buffy (5-14)
This is just getting ridiculous. How many first to worst to first flip flops can one team achieve? Since our restart in 2010, Buffy has gone from worst to first, first to worst, and then back again in alternating seasons. Seriously, in 2010 they went 8-10 and were dead last in Transformers division. The next year they roared back to 13-6 and a division title. Then they yoyo-ed back to 5-7 before making the Finals in 2013 on the heels of another 13-6 campaign. Now they are back at the bottom of Transformers. What is going on! Is this the final death blow for Buffy, as they have lost their last seven games and their roster is maybe, just maybe, finally aging out of contention.

Of their top six GP players, only Tristan Thompson is on the right side of thirty years old -- he’s twenty two and averaged 12.1 PTS, 9.5 REB. Joe Johnson, Tim Duncan, Carlos Boozer, and Jameer Nelson are all long in the tooth veterans. Chris Bosh is turning thirty this month too. Heck, Raymond Felton and Vince Carter suited up for over 50+ combined games for this team. When does Roger hit the reset button? More intriguingly, is there a chance Gerald Green becomes a keeper?! He’s averaging 22.7 PTS, 4.9 REB, 1.1 STL, and an eye popping 3.2 3PT in the last month. He’s gotta have more of a future than Joe Slow right? Buffy desperately needs an injection of young talent and this is the draft year to make that happen. We’re hoping the old guys can drag a nice high pick out of the muck this year as we’d like to see Buffy continue their worst to first ascents year after year.

MVP: The indomitable Tim Duncan. Even with only 29.6 minutes a game, Duncan averaged 15.3 PTS, 10.0 REB, 1.9 BLK, and improved his FT% to 72.9%. He’s never going to stop throwing up numbers is he?
LVP: Nobody really, it seemed like everyone played to par. The team is simply aging in slow motion. Maybe Jeremy Lin was a minor disappointment as he moved down to 12.3 PTS, 4.1 AST, and 0.9 STL. But really, no LVP, aside from Father Time.

#4 Jedi Knights (5-14)
It’s hard to say if Jedi had the greatest season ever or if they are rightfully headed to another Toilet Bowl. Despite not making a single pickup all year, despite not having made a single roster move since late November, despite playing most weeks at a severe GP disadvantage, Lum’s team still managed to have its most regular season wins ever. Sure, Jedi had a 1-6 stretch mid-season, and they’ll finish the 2014 campaign with five straight losses, but this will still be their most successful year ever.

I mean, DeAndre Jordan finally learned how to rebound and had a career year. Thaddeus Young also had a career year with 17.6 PTS, 5.1 REB, 2.2 STL, and 1.0 3PT. Chandler Parsons, another career year. Michael Carter-Williams, likely Rookie of the Year. See all the good stuff that happened here? Heck, David Lee returned from injury to get his customary 18.5 PTS and 9.6 REB. Plus, Lum had likely the best 2014 draft with MCW, Jimmy Butler, and the surprising success of RD3 selection DeMarre Carroll. Of course, Butler and Carroll have only played a total of twelve (!) games for Jedi Knights, as it’s questionable if Lum has looked at his team since late last year. I mean, P.J. Tucker and O.J. Mayo playing for a combined 99 games so far? C’mon! While Jedi have never had much success in the Toilet Bowl, they could maybe unseat a demotivated and slumping Fat Jubas with just with a few tweaks. Will it happen? We’ll find out when the lineups are submitted. For now, marvel at the team that achieved with no management on duty!

MVP: DeAndre Jordan led this team in GP and averaged 10.2 PTS, 14.0 REB, and 2.4 BLK. Plus he shot 66.3 FG%, leading the NBA in that category -- excluding players who scored less than double digit points.
LVP: Coach/GM/absentee owner Lum for leaving his boys without a leader.